


So Much Better

by Linisen



Series: So Much Better [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reality TV, Singer AU, Singer/Songwriters, Slow Burn, So Much Better AU, Sort Of, Tattooed Yuuri Katsuki, they're all singers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-21 06:21:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 112,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linisen/pseuds/Linisen
Summary: “It’s actually something good,” Phichit protests, which is a very Phichit thing to say and it only makes Yuuri’s frown deepen. “Stop looking at me like that!” he laughs, and it causes Yuuri to drop his frown and laugh too. Phichit takes a sip of his coffee when his laugh dies down, and when he looks back at Yuuri he seems less frazzled. “They called me this morning from Channel Four, about you being on So Much Better.”Yuuri blinks and looks over at Phichit in shock. Of everything he thought Phichit might say, being invited to the award winning music tv-show was never one of them. “What?” he asks, putting his cup down to look straight at Phichit, who smiles warmly.___________________Yuuri gets invited to participate in a reality show dedicated to seven artists living together for little over a week to celebrate each other's music. He's not sure if he's going to accept at first, but after finding inspiration in one of the artists' songs he decides to do it. He's excited about it, until the final set up list is announced, revealing Yuuri's long time idol and crush Victor Nikiforov to be one of the artists as well. Victor, who's lyrics Yuuri has tattooed all over his skin.
Relationships: Celestino Cialdini/Okukawa Minako, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Leo de la Iglesia/Ji Guang-Hong
Series: So Much Better [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835266
Comments: 813
Kudos: 767
Collections: Favorite YOI Fics





	1. Alone isn't Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and welcome to this multichapter singer/songwriter fic!  
> I've been low key working on this fic for a year I think, so I really hope you'll enjoy it, I'm very excited to share it with you. 
> 
> This is based of a TV show that we have in Sweden (and I know there ares om other countries in Europe who has it too) were seven singer/duo's live together for little over a week, to perform covers of each others songs in thier own style. It's done in a - celebrate how awsome you are - typ of way, were all the artist have their own day were they decide the food, activity and the others perform for them. If you want to know more you can check out this [wikipedia page](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%A5_mycket_b%C3%A4ttre). 
> 
> Each chapter will come with a playlist, but this first one comes with two - one for the chapter and one for the songs that inspired Yuuri's tattos. If you want to know how I envisoned them there is a google docx you can check out. I hope you enjoy!  
> This will update every Sunday and has been batead by the [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi)
> 
> [Yuuri's Tattoos](https://docs.google.com/document/d/17LOg0qzJlw2sEsSYZOecW1C-AR4sp0Vp5TgHZ-hXAh4/edit?usp=sharing)  
> [Playlist that inspired the tattoos](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3uZcepFSA7a0b5ighxByYi)  
> [Chapter 1 playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/279duAjStcq5IWQkYcLflE)

_I know, You came to talk_ _  
_ _I listen now we walk together alone,_ _  
_ _I'm trying hard to understand_ _  
_ _Will you lend me your hand? To hold, to hold, to hold_ _  
_ _Just for a little while longer, Until I'm stronger_

Yuuri lets the melody wash over him, the words written during the night falling from his lips as he reads from the worn notebook. He hasn’t slept since yesterday morning, not with this melody, these lyrics haunting him. The piano keys feel known under his skin, and the melody flows through his mind and body, out into his inked fingers as they move.   
_  
_ _'Cause I know,_ _  
_ _Alone isn't lonely_ _  
_ _Alone isn't lonely_

He can’t remember when he last ate - maybe last night, before Phichit left? He knows he’s hungry but the melody in his mind takes priority. It always has. The song demands to be played, and Yuuri complies. It feels like his mind eases as he sings, as the keys fall under the weight of his fingers. He’s not sure he’ll ever play this song again. Maybe he’ll record it. It doesn’t really matter. 

_Maybe if I start over again, I can find any place in my own case_ _  
_ _You say you can't breathe this air, But you can have mine_ _  
_ _Take mine, take mine, take mine,_ _  
_ _I'll do anything for you to shine_

The small studio feels as much like home as the small apartment he has just a few blocks north. Maybe even more. His guitar is here, and the piano he and Phichit hauled across town and paid far too much to have tuned. They painted the walls, they carried in the mixing table. It’s theirs in every way. Yuuri’s broken down in here, laughed, danced, created. It’s truly where he feels like he belongs. 

_'Cause I know_ _  
_ _Alone isn't lonely_ _  
_ _Alone isn't lonely_

Yuuri’s startled out of his singing by Phichit tapping the window by the mixing desk, holding up two brown bags and a large cup of what Yuuri knows is green tea, even if he can’t see through the white container. Phichit wiggles the breakfast as well as his eyebrows, and Yuuri lets his fingers slide off the piano, leaving his notebook open on the music rack as he stands. The carpeted floor feels soft as he walks across it, and Yuuri opens the door to the soundbox and continues out into the small lounge. It’s not much, just a small grey-painted room with a couple of couches and a coffee table, walls covered with posters of artists and bands. Yuuri’s eaten most of his meals at this table the last two years, back bent uncomfortably as he leans over, Phichit and who ever might join them doing the same. There’s a small kitchenette along one wall with a sink, stove and a fridge, meaning they have everything they could need to basically live in the studio. 

Phichit has made himself comfortable on one of the couches, the lime green one they got from the old woman who lives down the street, who felt bad they only had wooden chairs to sit on. She said she had planned to get rid of it and was just happy that someone wanted to carry it out for her. Yuuri’s not sure that was the entire truth, but she was too sweet to challenge on it. 

“Working on something new?” Phichit asks as Yuuri sits down on the other couch, the one Phichit’s sister bought for them when she came to visit. It’s a deep blue color, in stark contrast to the green one. They’re both perfect for sleeping on, even if they are mismatched in color. 

“Yeah, something that just wouldn't let me rest last night,” Yuuri answers, accepting the sandwich Phichit hands him from the bag. It’s from the cart outside of the community college a few blocks down; the bread is slightly soggy but the cheese tastes alright. 

“I guessed you didn’t go home,” Phichit laughs, sipping his latte that without a doubt has some sort of grossly sweet topping. Yuuri shudders at the mere thought and sips his bitter matcha. It’s not the same as home, but it’s an okay substitute. “Something good?”

“Not sure,” Yuuri admits. He rarely feels confident in his works, having no idea what might work or not. Most of the time he’s surprised anyone likes to listen to his music at all, and yet a few of his songs have over twenty million hits on Spotify. It’s a mystery. “It just... felt like it needed to be played.”

“Okay, cool,” Phichit says and then falls quiet. Yuuri looks at him suspiciously. His best friend, producer and manager is rarely quiet unless Yuuri has specifically asked him to be. He glances over at him, seeing Phichit fiddle with his cup nervously. Yuuri puts his own down, feeling nerves spark in his system. Something is definitely up. 

“What is it?” he asks, and Phichit looks at him with big eyes. Yuuri can see him pull on a mask of innocence. 

“What is what?” he asks, and Yuuri gives him a knowing look. They’ve known each other long enough to notice things like this, having roomed together in college and then set out on this crazy escapade together. Phichit can smell a mile away when Yuuri’s panic is rising, and when he’s getting hungry enough to turn into a monster. Yuuri can always tell when Phichit is hiding something. They look at each other for a while, a staring contest Yuuri know he's going to win, since he’s right. Phichit glares back for a moment, and then falls back against the couch with a sigh, pulling out his phone. “Fine, fine,” he relents. “There is something.”

“Is it ‘I signed you up for pole dancing classes for your birthday’ bad or ‘I booked you for five gigs without telling you’ bad?” Yuuri asks, raising one eyebrow. He’s not truly worried, he knows Phichit wouldn’t do anything to actually hurt him, but he sometimes has some strange ideas of what Yuuri _‘needs’_.

“It’s actually something good,” Phichit protests, which is a very Phichit thing to say and it only makes Yuuri’s frown deepen. “Stop looking at me like that!” he laughs, and it causes Yuuri to drop his frown and laugh too. Phichit takes a sip of his coffee when his laugh dies down, and when he looks back at Yuuri he seems less frazzled. “They called me this morning from Channel Four, about you being on _So Much Better_.” 

Yuuri blinks and looks over at Phichit in shock. Of everything he thought Phichit might say, being invited to the award winning music tv-show was never one of them. “What?” he asks, putting his cup down to look straight at Phichit, who smiles warmly. 

“Yeah, they were really cool. One of the producers, Morooka, he was really excited about you joining,” Phichit answers, but Yuuri’s still having trouble processing what his best friend just said to take it in. 

So Much Better is a musical TV-show named after the artist Cao Bin’s song _So Much Better_ , referring to the lyrics - _so much better when we are together._ Cao Bin died tragically and far too young, and as an homage to his legacy of collaboration and making covers of other artists’ songs and turning them into his own, Channel 4 started the show. 

Every summer, a group of seven artists are invited to a mansion on a small island off the east coast. They will live together there for a little over a week, performing covers of each other's songs, remaking them in their own style. It’s done as a means to celebrate each other and music, and only the most esteemed and famous singers are asked to join. Something Yuuri most definitely isn't. “What?” Yuuri repeats, and Phichit rolls his eyes. 

“Yuuri! Can we have this conversation without you thinking you don’t deserve to be there? Like, can we try?” Phichit says, eyes pleading. Yuuri lets out a long sigh. He really, really can’t see why they would want Yuuri to go. Yuuri, who only has two albums which have had minor success. It’s not like he’s Victor Nikiforov, most streamed artist of the decade, but he can try to put that aside. If they’ve asked Phichit for him to join, it’s not really Yuuri’s thing to judge, whatever he thinks. 

“Okay, I’ll try,” Yuuri agrees, reaching for his cup of tea again. He’ll need something to calm his racing mind. 

“Good,” Phichit says, picking his phone up from the table. “I asked them to send me the specifics so I can read it to you.” Yuuri nods, trying not to let his mind run away with him. He can hear them out at least.

“ _Hi Phichit, here’s the information you requested_ ,” Phichit mumble reads, continuing for a few sentences before he finds what he’s looking for. “Here! ‘ _We would love for Yuuri to come join the show. It will air this fall but will be recorded during the summer. There are 10 days of shooting, including the days the artists come and leave, which will span between the 19th and the 28th of June. The artists will be provided with their own room and bathroom and an open kitchen will be accessible at the mansion. Meals will be provided for lunch and dinner, which is when the artist will perform their chosen cover’_ , well this we know,” Phichit says and Yuuri nods. Most of the information sent is known to anyone who’s seen the show. 

Seven artists with one day each, where the artist chooses the food, the activity and the others perform a cover each of their songs. There’s been five seasons since it’s started, and the idea is for the artist to share some personal stories during the day designated to them. Yuuri’s stomach turns. If he decides to do it, he'll be expected to reveal things about himself, much more than he usually does in interviews or on the social media account Phichit runs for him. 

“‘ _The songs will be picked on a first come, first served basis as soon as the final list of artists has been set. This means that the artists all need to give consent to all of their songs being sung and recorded by another artist’,_ ” Phichit continues and then looks up from his phone, placing it on the table. “There’s more legal stuff after that, but it seems like the jist of it. What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Yuuri says, leaning back to look up at the ceiling. He’s asked the white panels many questions over the two and a half years they’ve had this studio. They never really give any answers. “I just- Do I even have enough material for that?”

“Apparently they think so, if they invited you? I think Leo only had two albums when he was on it,” Phichit says, and Yuuri nods. That might be the case. Their friend Leo de la Iglesia was on the show two seasons ago, and Yuuri knows he said it was an amazing experience. “I think the question is, would you be okay with someone else using the words you’ve written and turn it into something else?”

Yuuri lets out a sigh and continues to look up at the ceiling. How would he feel about that? Music and lyrics can be interpreted in so many ways, and another artist would probably make something very different out of Yuuri’s works than he did. Still, music is meant to touch people and be enjoyed. If his music can do that in another version, what’s the harm in that?

“I might be,” Yuuri says slowly. “I’ll have to think about it some more.”

“Okay, that’s valid,” Phichit agrees. “The second question is, how do you feel about singing someone else's songs? Since it’s been an issue before.”

“I think it might be okay if I can choose,” Yuuri muses. “The problem then was they wanted me to do very specific things with no choice in the matter.”

“I know, but this will still not be your words,” Phichit argues. “You might not even get the song you want if someone else picks it first.”

“I do sing two songs regularly written by someone else,” Yuuri points out with a smile, and Phichit rolls his eyes but smiles back too. Yuuri can see him rub his neck sheepishly, where the tattoo they both have sits. 

“That’s different!” he argues, and now it’s Yuuri’s turn to roll his eyes. “One is written by the great platonic love of your life,” he points to himself then, which Yuuri can agree with. “And the other by the only man you’ve ever truly loved.” 

Yuuri can feel a blush creep up on his face, and he bites the inside of his cheek. “Shut up,” he says, causing Phichit to laugh even more. “It’s not like that.” 

“Mhm,” Phichit answers knowingly, looking pointedly at the three Victor Nikiforov posters decorating the walls of the small space. “Are you going to tell the posters of the love of your life that? Or all the ink on your skin?” 

“I just admire his lyrics and musicality,” Yuuri shoots back, wishing the blood rushing to his cheeks would stop giving his obvious crush away. He doesn’t know why he keeps feeding these excuses to his best friend. He’s already admitted how attractive he finds Victor, how much he admires him and after far too many drinks one night, disclosed how much he would love for him to bang him, or the other way around, Yuuri’s not picky. Phichit knows far too much to ever be fooled.

“Sure Yuuri, whatever helps you sleep at night,” his best friend teases. 

“Shut up I said, you’re supposed to help me make sense out of this,” Yuuri points out. “Can I even go? Don’t I have any shows?” The summer is usually the most booked period for shows domestically. Yuuri’s just spent three months touring Europe with his second album, playing at minor venues and being the opening act for some of the bigger names in the countries he’s visited. 

“Nope,” Phichit says, having picked up his phone again, probably to check the gig schedule. “You have the Way Out West festival on the 30th, and then the next gig is ‘Music for Love’ on the 5th that Leo hosts, as well as the Avene Amusement Park on the 6th.” 

“So it’s before the summer schedule really picks up?” Yuuri confirms.   
“Yeah, so timewise it would work. You can work on your covers from now till mid June, and then you have to hand in the music for their band to learn it,” Phichit says, probably having switched back to the email. “That would give you four months to create six pieces.”

“That’s manageable, as long as I find something that inspires me I suppose,” Yuuri muses. “It all depends on who will be joining too.”

“Do you want to know who’s been confirmed so far?” Phichit asks teasingly. 

“They gave you that? I thought they revealed all of the artists during the same week?” Yuuri asks, taking another bite of his sandwich. His nervous stomach has settled a bit as they’ve talked about it, and the hunger he was feeling before makes itself known in the absence of his nerves.   
“To the public and press, yes, but I might have managed to convince Morooka to give us the names of the artists that have agreed now, to help convince you. He seemed very accomodating in terms of getting you to join,” Phichit says with a smile. “You want to hear who they are? We are of course sworn to secrecy.”   
“Yeah okay, shoot,” Yuuri agrees, taking another sip of his tea. He has a vague understanding of who’s been on the show before and therefore wouldn't be going now. Still, there are so many talented artists, it could be any of them. Phichit beams and scrolls down to find the list. 

“Oh!” He says immediately smile even brighter. “Minako Okukawa is the first one.” 

“Oh really?” Yuuri laughs. Minako is known for her soulful jazz songs that have been played in countless piano bars and weddings. She’s also Yuuri’s godmother and the one who bought him his first keyboard. “That’s a coincidence.”

“Right?” Phichit agrees. “So that’s someone we know.”

“Yeah, and I think I could make something out of her music,” Yuuri says, mind already spinning with melodies he grew up with, song lyrics she sang to him when she visited. Yeah, he could probably do something from her repertoire without it being too forced. 

“Okay, so the next person is Chris Giacometti- oh Yuuri he’s so hot!” Phichit exclaims and Yuuri groans. Jazz he can do, the sex on stage that Chris offers, not so much. 

“I could never pull off one of his songs,” Yuuri argues. He can’t even imagine himself singing half of Chris’ lyrics, filled with insinuations and in some cases out right descriptions of the act. Yuuri is no virgin, but that doesn’t mean he can pull off that type of expression.   
“Aaaw come on Yuuri, I’d love to hear you sing _Joystick_ ,” Phichit teases, and if he wasn’t holding a cup of coffee Yuuri would chuck one of the throw pillows at him. _“_ _Baby, grab a hold of the joystick, take control of the motion, I can feel it when you ahh ahh,_ ” Phichit sings and moans, off key and horribly low, wicked grin on his face. Yuuri does pick up the pillow then, and Phichit shrieks, covering his face with his hands. Yuuri puts it down with a huff, but he can’t help but laugh. 

“See, I could never!” Yuuri points out again, laughter still clinging to his voice. Chris is known for sexual performances, videos and songs. Yuuri can’t even imagine stepping up to sing something like that in front of the artist who’s been dubbed the music world's hottest bachelor several years in a row. 

“I don’t know, you’re pretty good at losing clothes and grinding on things after a few glasses of champagne,” Phichit says. 

“I’m never drinking again.” It’s true. Yuuri is such a slutty drunk. He always seems to lose his pants after four cocktails or five glasses of wine. Luckily he hasn't ended up in any unknown men’s beds, Phichit is always there to make sure he gets home in one piece. He stopped drinking publicly when people started recognizing him, and now he only drinks at the studio or with friends. 

“I think you could pull some of Chris’ songs off though. How about _Love_ ? Or _Siren Song_?” Phichit suggests, pulling up Spotify to start the first of the songs. It’s a more electronic beat than Yuuri works with, but that’s the point of the show, to challenge yourself and to turn the song into something new. Yuuri tries to imagine it, what he could do with the musical arrangement, how it might sound on a simple piano, or with some saxophones. He closes his eyes, fingers soon starting to tap in time with the beat. He lets the song play out, and opens his eyes to look at Phichit again. His friend has a knowing look on his face. Yuuri says nothing about it. He still hasn't decided, even if he’s feeling inspiration course through his veins. 

“Who else?” he asks and Phichit turns off the new song that’s started playing to go back to the email. 

“The other two confirmed are Ji - oh that’s cool- and Sara&Mila. I haven’t met them, have you?” Phichit asks. 

“No I’ve never met them. Ji? Really?” Yuuri asks. Ji is one of the few artist friends Yuuri has. He’s more of Phichit’s friend, but he’s guest-starred at a show that Ji’s boyfriend Leo de la Iglesia organizes every summer. Leo is a rapper, while Ji makes pop. They met a few years ago when Leo needed back up singers for his new album, before Ji had a career of his own. Sara&Mila is a duo who make electro pop, and Yuuri knows their second single went platinum. He’s never met them personally, but has heard their music several times. Yuuko usually plays it when he visits her at the café. 

“Yeah!” Phichit exclaims. “That a very solid gang so far. With you that would make five, so two are missing.” Yuuri nods in agreement. That is a very good set up, and as far as rumours go in the artist world Sara and Mila, as well as Chris, are good people. Yuuri’s never heard anything too vicious about them, except the general gossip that floats around about all of them. 

“It would be great to have some people I know there too, so it wouldn’t all be big shots I’ve never talked to,” Yuuri agrees. He’s not someone who usually enjoys living in cramped spaces with people, friends or not, but ten days with Ji and Minako is something he could actually enjoy. He only hopes Chris isn’t as handsy as Leo says he is. 

“I think so too!” Phichit agrees. “As far as having people you might be comfortable with there I think you can’t do much better. There is of course going to be two more, probably someone older, and the last one could be anyone. You’ll just have to hope for someone who makes good music you can get inspired by.” 

“I think you’re right,” Yuuri says. He leans back against the couch again, looking over at his friend with a thoughtful expression. “So, there's only the big question left.” 

“It doesn’t have to be-,” Phichit starts, but Yuuri shakes his head.

“You know it does,” He says, and Phichit frowns and purses his lips slightly. Yuuri matches his expression. 

“You can still choose though, you don’t have to share something about yourself or the songs that you’re not comfortable with,” Phichit points out. 

“Is that fair? For everyone else to come in there and be open, and for me not to be?” Yuuri asks. He doesn’t want to be rude or ungrateful, but there are certain things he’d rather not let the entire world know. He knows he chose to work with music and that some of his privacy will be compromised, but that doesn’t mean Yuuri’s comfortable sharing everything with everyone. It’s not so much that he wants to hide anything or is ashamed of something either. He’d just like to keep some of himself just to the people closest to him. 

“I’m sure everyone comes with some limitations in front of the cameras,” Phichit says. “These are all professionals who have worked several years in the industry. I’m sure they all have things they don’t share with the public.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Yuuri agrees, tapping his fingers restlessly. Being chosen to participate in _So Much Better_ is a great honour, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to go. Still, he’s not sure how much he’ll be able to contribute to the group, both as a performer and a person. “I’ll think about it.” 

“Good!” Phichit says, seeming surprised. Maybe that went better than he expected. “Are you going to play me your new song now?”

________________________________________________________________________

The decision gnaws at Yuuri’s mind for the coming days. He weighs the options back and forth, worrying about the prospect of being filmed almost 24/7 for ten days. Yuuri doesn't think he’s particularly interesting, so maybe the cameras would stay away from him anyway. He considers reaching out to Ji to discuss it, but he doesn’t really want to push his own worries onto the other singer. Phichit has to listen to his ramblings and anxiety driven ideas, he’s proclaimed himself Yuuri’s best friend and manager, but that doesn’t mean Yuuri can do so with someone else. 

After spending a good fourteen hours at the studio working on _Alone isn’t lonely,_ Yuuri comes home to a bare and empty apartment. He sets down the bag of food on the counter but decides to eat it later. His hands are aching after spending so long playing, and he’s longing to sink into a hot bath and try to clear his mind. He starts his favorite playlist on his phone, and it instantly connects to the bluetooth speakers he got from Mari for Chrismas. 

He sinks into the hot water, leaning his head back against the edge. It stings his skin in a familiar way, and Yuuri enjoys how the warmth seeps into his muscles and joints. The well-known melody echoes from the tile walls and Yuuri closes his eyes and tries to focus on the lyrics. 

_And I'll hold on to the words you spoke of_

_Anchored down in the throat, love_

_And I'm captain of this sinking boat now_

_With just one armband to carry me home_

Victor’s voice is soothing, and Yuuri loves how it washes over him, calms his nerves in a way few other things do. His music has been his constant companion for a decade now. Yuuri can still remember the first time he heard one of Victor’s songs from the radio in his sister’s room, how time seemed to slow, and then Yuuri was sinking into it. Afterwards he scrambled to write down the name of the song and artist. He used to take his bicycle to the record store and stand for hours with the headphones over his ears and just listen. The next time he had a birthday he only wished for Victor’s record, and when he got it he played it until the entire Katsuki family could sing every song.

“I’ve heard this so many times I could sing it backwards by now,” Mari groaned, but Yuuri didn’t care. He simply sat down at the keyboard Minako had gotten him three years earlier, and played. 

Yuuri smiles at the memory, and absentmindedly he touches his right side across his ribs, where Victor’s lyrics are branded into Yuuri’s skin. 

_Your eyes, your lips, your mouth_

_Your thighs, your back, you drive me wild_

_Tonight, the fact is I…_

Yuuri has over fifteen tattoos, and all but one was inspired by Victor’s lyrics and songs. They’ve made such an impact on him that he felt the need to wear them, have them etched into his skin. He had just turned eighteen when he stepped into the tattoo parlour and asked for the first set of lyrics to be imprinted on the skin under his left chest muscles. It just escalated from there. 

Winding English roses from the knuckles of his right hand up to his shoulder, meeting the starry sky across his shoulders and down his back. The black birds taking flight across his right hip up to meet the lyrics from _shirtsleeve_ . The three polaroids running down the outer side of his left arm, portraying his childhood home, his family, his childhood dog Vicchan. The _‘give me love_ ’ on the inside of his bicep. The kiss mark right above his left collarbone, the lego pieces on his inner left arm. It’s all Victor’s songs, his lyrics, his words. Yuuri’s proud to wear them, to have the music that’s gotten him out of his own head so many times displayed on him. Words that have comforted him, brought him out of panic attacks, made him dance, made him sing, made him feel when nothing else does. 

Yuuri sighs and looks up at the ceiling as the song changes to the next one, mouthing along.   
  


_Another day another life_

_Passes by just like mine_

_It's not complicated_

Victor’s never been on _So Much Better_. Yuuri’s not sure why, but he assumes he’s been asked. He’s one of the country’s most famous performers, and for the production to have never approached him seems unlikely. Victor is a very busy artist of course, and with the summer being tour season maybe he’s just never had the time? Yuuri knows he has a full concert schedule most summers. He’s been to most of the tours after all. 

_Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?_

_Float down_

_Like autumn leaves_

_Hush now_

_Close your eyes before the sleep_

_And you're miles away_

_And yesterday you were here with me_

The starry sky on Yuuri’s back is an homage to this chorus. He wonders if he should get another tattoo soon- maybe on his outer left arm where it’s still blank. Victor hasn’t released a full studio album in a few years. There’s been two collaborative EPs, and Yuuri’s enjoyed them, but it’s not the same. Not that the other artists aren’t talented, there’s just been something missing from them that Yuuri found in Victor’s other songs. He lets out a breath and sinks down into the tub, soaking his hair and face. The music becomes muffled, and Yuuri takes a moment to enjoy the warmth before he pushes up again, pushing his wet hair back from his face. As he emerges, another song starts. 

_Tell me that you'll turn down the man_

_Who asks for your hand_

_'Cause you're waiting for me_

__________________________________________________________________________

Phichit said Morooka had given him a week to decide, and on the fifth day Yuuri decides to visit Yuuko at the café. It’s on the other side of town, and Yuuri takes the bus, hoodie pulled over his head, glasses on his nose. Like this he could be anyone. He doesn’t get recognized a lot, but it happens. He never knows what to say when it does, which means it mostly gets awkward. He keeps his headphones on, and just for fun he starts Minako’s first album. 

_I waited 'til I saw the sun_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I left you by the house of fun_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

Yuuri lets the jazzy tones wash over him as his commute takes him to The Ice Castle, and he lets his phone continue to play the rest of the songs on the album. It’s not his favorite from her, but it’s a good one. Could Yuuri do it justice? How would he change it if he were to try? Maybe something more dancy? Or put more emphasis on the lyrics, push out the meaning, tweak it a bit? He hasn’t made up his mind when he reaches his stop, but he realises either way he should probably call Minako so she can yell at him for never calling. 

The café is warm and smells like coffee and sweets. It’s mid morning and the office workers and college students have long since left, but it’s not yet time for the lunch rush. There’s just a few guests sitting around the tables, some curled up with textbooks, others chatting. Yuuko’s behind the counter, and she lights up as soon as he sees him. Yuuri pushes the hood off his head and arranges his headphones around his neck before he fixes his glasses that have slipped down on his nose. 

“Yuuri!” she exclaims and he smiles and walks over, sitting down on a high chair by the counter. “I’m so glad to see you. What do you want?”

“Hi Yuuko,” Yurui says, pulling out his wallet. “Tea? Whichever blend you recommend.” 

“Sure, on the house,” she says, like she always does, and Yuuri stuffs the tip jar with more bills than ten teas could cost when she turns her back to make it for him. 

“Thank you,” he says, settling down as he watches her work. They’ve known each other ever since they were kids; neighbours who used to walk to school together every day. Yuuri helped carry the furniture in here when she started it three years ago, just when he had gotten out of his contract with the record company. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” she says as she hands over the cup, pulling up her own stool to sit opposite him. “It’s been busy. I’m considering hiring another employee.”

“That might be good. You’ll be able to maybe take a vacation then,” Yuuri points out. He can’t remember the last time she had a day off. 

“Yeah that would be nice! Go to the beach during the day, or maybe just sleep in. Don’t get me wrong, Hikaru and Ketty are both great, but with both of them doing part time studying, I feel like I’m here every day anyway.” 

“You deserve a day off,” Yuuri says . Yuuko gives him a soft smile and nods. 

“So sweet to me,” she says and leans over to pinch his cheek. Yuuri shrieks and swats her away, causing her to laugh. Another customer comes in, so Yuuri gets a moment to rub his cheek as she tends to them. There's a song playing over the speakers, and as Yuuko’s wrapping up scones to-go Yuuri’s mind strays to it. The beat is electric, but the pace slower than it usually is in songs like this. He recognizes the voice of the singers, but he’s not sure who it is. 

_I wear a smile, you ride the frown_ _  
_ _Always do my best to get you upside down_ _  
_ _When you're throwing shade, I rearrange the clouds_ _  
_ _Got my head up but we're going south_

A smile spreads on Yuuri’s face without him even thinking about it. He’s pulled into a memory of a song sent to his email, the melody his, the lyrics someone else's. The vocals had been terrible, but Yuuri had always known that Phichit’s skills were not in his voice. The lyrics had nested itself into his chest, and for the first time in months he felt like he wanted to sing again, to create, to perform. 

_Let me be the rose to tint your glass_ _  
_ _Spray-paint the lawn to get a greener grass_

Yuuri finds himself nodding along as the song grows, the lyrics feeling more and more fitting. Yuuri never wrote a response to the song Phichit made for him. The song that pulled him out of the darkest places he’s ever been in. A song that turned into a gold selling single. 

_I'll be your brightsider, 'cause all I wanna do is make you feel a little better_ _  
_ _I'll be your cheerleader, with no allowance, baby, I'll be on the bleachers_ _  
_ _Get up, get up tonight_ _  
_ _I will be the one to show you your brightside_

“What's new with you?” Yuuko asks as she comes back with a smile on her face, picking up the conversation from before. Yuuri tries to shift his focus back to her, but the song continues and he can’t help but to continue listening to it. 

“Not much I- Yuuko who is this?” he asks, gesturing to the speakers. Yuuko quirks an eyebrow in question before realisations hit her.

“Oh the song? It’s Sara&Mila. It’s their new single _Brightside_ ,” Yuuko says with a smile. “Isn’t it great? I don’t think it’s as good as _On Your Side_ but I’ve been listening to it all morning.”

Yuuri lets out a slow breath, a new idea forming. The song is good, but with another slower beat, bringing it down a little, maybe more bass? His mind starts racing, an answer to the song his best friend wrote so many years ago. 

“I-” he starts, standing up as he feels the rushing feeling of having to create burn in his veins. Yuuko looks at him in surprise.

“Yuuri?” she says with a worried expression. He shakes his head, opening and closing his mouth a few times. 

“I have to go,” he finally manages. “I’ll be back another day. I just…”

Yuurko’s frown exchanges for a smile. It’s not the first time Yuuri’s dropped everything in front of her, the burning need to create overwhelming his senses and his focus. 

“Go!” she laughs. “Make something great.” 

Yuuri smiles gratefully and shrugs on the hood. He’s barely made it out of the café before his phone is in his hand, the second contact in his favourite list on his phone already dialed.

 _“I’m sexyyyy and I knooow iiitt,_ ” Phichit sings, just like he does every time Yuuri calls. It’s been like this ever since that dreadful night Yuuri chugged down an entire bottle of champagne and changed his personal ringtone on Phichit’s phone to Chris’ huge hit. Yuuri’s still not sure if it’s a gag-song or if Chris was serious when making it, since it’s so different from his others. He guesses he’ll have the chance to ask now. 

“Tell Morooka I’ll do it,” Yuuri says in a rush as he hurries to the bus stop. “Tell them I’ll do it if I can have Sara&Mila’s _Brightside_.”

 _“Really?”_ Phichit squeals in excitement, and Yuuri can barely hold back his smile. “Okay. Okay. Yuuri that’s great. Okay, I’ll call now!” The line goes dead and Yuuri lets out a slow breath. No turning back now. 

________________________________________________________________________

It’s been almost three weeks since Yuuri signed all the papers to participate when the final list comes. Yuuri’s done two performances since, and all his other time has been spent in the studio trying to work out his versions of the other artists’ songs. He’s almost done with _Brightside_ , and for now he’s letting it rest as he listens though Chris’ entire body of work. He’s spent three days just doing that, narrowing the selection down each time. He’s currently trying to decide between two, when Phichit comes storming into the studio and jumps up to sit on the piano. Yuuri stays in his position on the ground, laying like a starfish on the carpeted floor. 

“It’s here!” Phichit exclaims, and Yuuri reaches for his phone to lower the sound, before he looks up at his best friend who's basically bouncing on the piano. Yuuri really hopes he doesn’t fall off and break something. He can still feel the muscle he pulled when he had to carry Phichit to the ER after he broke his foot go-karting. 

“What’s here?” Yuuri asks. He never really knows with Phichit. It could be anything from dinner to the information that they’ve confirmed celestial life. 

“The final list for _So Much Better_ ,” Phichit says, and that does get Yuuri’s attention. He turns off the music completely but stays laying down. 

“Did you read it?” Yuuri asks but Phichit shakes his head, holding up his phone, probably containing the email with the information.   
“I wanted us to check it out together. Ready?” Phichit asks with a grin. Yuuri nods. He feels oddly nervous, which is strange. It doesn’t matter that much, unless it’s someone he knows to be horrible, which he doubts. With Yuuri being fairly unknown it should be two bigger names, probably known in the music industry for years. 

“As I’ll ever be,” Yuuri confirms. 

“Okay, so the first is Celestino Cialdini,” Phichit reads. “That might be a challenge with all the 80’s influences but you could probably find something of his. I mean he’s done both bands and duets, as well as some solo things right?” 

“I haven’t listened to him much, except what was played on the radio as I grew up,” Yuuri confesses. ”I’ll have to look into it. Nothing comes to mind immediately.”

“Yeah I’m sure-,” Phichit starts but cuts himself off. “OH MY GOD,” he gasps loudly, and Yuuri looks up at him, heart racing in his chest. 

“What?” he asks, feeling nerves prickle under his skin, anxiety pooling in his gut. Has something happened? Phichit looks at him with wide eyes, blinking once. 

“It’s Victor,” he says. Yuuri’s world seems to slow down, heart pounding hard against his ribcage. “The last artist is Victor Nikiforov.” 


	2. A Man May Court A Pretty Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I'm so incredibly happy that you all enjoyed the first chapter and introduction to this verse. I hope you'll enjoy the contination just as much. 
> 
> Here's another playlist, which is very short this time. The first song is in Swedish, but it's how I imagine the intro sounding. The lyrcs have been translated by me, but orignially written by Ted Gärdestad. The first song Yuuri sings in the chapter is the second track on the playlist, but 05.50 into the song. 
> 
> [Chapter 2 playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2nnxjkcndgBjUCDG1gbghs?si=FVzRCUznQtCN4pjm8RGwCA)
> 
> Beta done by the amazing [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi) <3\. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and to enjoy each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

Yuuri tries to not look like he’s uncomfortable, even though he is in fact, extremely uncomfortable. He’s in the car on his way to the mansion that will serve as his home for the next ten days, and there is a very large camera pointed right at him as he sits in the back of the sleek car that picked him up at the airport. They strapped on a mic on him, and ever since they started driving Yuuri’s senses have been on high alert as the camera man, Takeshi, keeps asking him questions. Yuuri squirms and looks at him, trying to figure out how to answer questions such as: _how did you feel when you were asked to join?_ _How are you feeling about sharing the house with the other artists?_

After finding out that Victor is joining the show as well, Yuuri had desperately tried to figure a way out of it, anxiety gripping his throat tightly as he scrambled for air. There was no use really, he had signed the papers, the announcement had gone out. Yuuri just had to face the fact that he was going to spend ten days in a house with his biggest crush and idol, covered in tattoos serenading him. It made Yuuri’s stomach turn, wondering if Victor will feel sick, and think Yuuri is some sort of freaky fan. Maybe he is.

Yuuri had gone out the next day and bought several long-sleeved high-collared shirts that he made sure covered as much of his body as possible. Phichit had snickered the entire time but helped. Yuuri should give him a raise for putting up with all his shit. 

“Is there anyone you’re particularly excited to meet?” Takeshi asks, and Yuuri tries very hard to not blush. He fidgets with the sleeve of his long black sweater as he looks out the window, before looking back at the camera. 

“Minako is my Godmother, but I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be nice to catch up,” Yuuri answers and Takesi looks relieved that Yuuri is speaking at all. Poor guy, it can’t be easy with Yuuri in the car to try to pull answers from him. He just doesn't know what to say. “And me and Ji have done some events together. I saw him not too long ago when performing at a mutual friend's birthday party.” Phichit’s birthday celebration was always a packed event, and Yuuri, Ji and Leo had a tradition they always upkept, something he was not going to disclose at this moment. 

“And the others?” Takeshi asks. “Do you know any of them? Listen to their music?”

“I-uhm,” Yuuri says, feeling himself close up again. He needs to say something, he doesn’t want to seem rude. “I had heard music from all of them before, to various degrees. One of my closest friends always plays me Sara&Mila when I visit her, and the others I’ve heard on the radio and such.”

“Anyone you’ve listened more to yourself? Before the research for the show?” Takeshi presses. Yuuri fidgets even more with his sweater, as if Takeshi can see through it and see all the ink etsed into Yuuri’s skin.

“I guess Victor mostly,” Yuuri admits. There’s really no use in hiding that. He’s not going to be able to hide it for the entire stay. He’s even toured with one of Victor’s songs. Of course someone is going to ask. “I’ve listened to his music a lot.” 

“Are you excited to see him then?” Takeshi asks, and Yuuri feels sick again. 

“That’s one word for it.” 

* * *

[A view of a sleek black car driving up a gravel path towards a large white building with lush gardens, overflowing with flora. An electric beat plays, and when the car stops two women step out of the car. One of them has bright red hair and a denim jacket with a black high waisted skirt that billows down to below her knee, and a black and white tube top that shows off a bit of her stomach. She smiles brightly, red painted lips parting as she turns towards the other woman. 

Mila Babachiva: It’s gorgeous Sara!

The other woman comes around the car and beams, looking up towards the house. Her long dark hair is hanging loosely around her shoulders all the way down her back, and her white lacy dress hugs her form perfectly. 

Sara Crispino: It is. Even moreso in person. [she turns back towards the camera] are we first to arrive? [laughter] does that mean that we get to pick rooms first?

The camera shows them stepping into the house before the shot and the music cuts out.]

* * *

The mansion is a large three storey white building with green windows and a black roof, surrounded by well-kept gardens of overflowing rose-bushes and lush flower beds of pink and purple. Yuuri feels like he sticks out like a sore thumb as he exits the car, black jacket, hair slicked back and ripped black jeans. Someone grabs his bag for him, telling him that it’ll be in his room and that he should greet those who have already arrived. Yuuri’s stomach drops but he nods. Better to get it over with. He can only hope that it’s not just Victor there, because Yuuri has no idea what he will do then. 

The stone steps echoes under his shoes, and he walks in through the open green double doors into a large hallway. The floor is grey stone, and a slight chill sets into his skin as he walks across it. There’s grey stone staircases on both sides of the hallway, leading up to the second floor. Between them there’s a large opening into the next room, and since Yuuri can hear chattering he walks towards the lighter space. The room he enters is bathed in sunlight. It’s white and airy, and the entire far wall is made out of windows. There’s a group of armchairs and one of couches, as well as a grand piano. Yuuri recognizes it immediately. It’s one of the rooms most showed on the show. He also recognizes the three occupants of the room, if he excludes the second cameraman of the day. Takeshi stayed outside to film the incoming guests, and Yuuri’s glad there’s currently only one at a time. 

“Yuuri!” Ji greets, and Yuuri smiles as his friend walks away from Sara and Mila to him, wrapping his arms around his neck in a quick hug. “How was the flight?” Ji’s hair is soft pink, and his nose is decorated with a black ring. He’s in a soft looking sweater that’s too big to be his own, but fitted jeans. He looks relaxed and happy. Yuuri wishes he could project such an aura instead of the ball of anxiety he knows he looks like. 

“It was alright,” Yuuri says with a nod. “For you? Did Leo drive you to the ferry like you said when we last met?”

“He did,” Ji says with a sigh, placing a hand over his heart. “I have no idea how I’m going to survive without him for ten days Yuuri! And for our anniversary too! But I’ll do my best.” 

Yuuri chuckles, Ji and Leo are an adorable couple that always seem to have each other in mind. Luckily, Yuuri knows Ji won’t have to wait the entire ten days, but that is a surprise. “Do you know Mila and Sara?” 

“I don’t,” Yuuri says, trying for an easy smile as he reaches his hand out towards the duo who’ve approached them. “Hi. I’m Yuuri.”

“Oh, we know,” Mila says with a knowing smile, looking back at Sara who looks a little less devious but also smiles. “We were at your show in Rome in November.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri says, very surprised. He can see the cameraman step closer and squirms. “I didn’t know you were there at the time.” 

“We were visiting my family,” Sara says with a smile, taking Yuuri’s hand and shaking it. “We had heard of you before but that was the first time we saw you live. You were amazing.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri says again, dumbly. It feels like his tongue is too thick in his mouth, and he’s not sure how to act. “Thank you. It was one of your songs that convinced me to come here.”

“Really?” Sara’s eyes sparkle. “That’s wonderful. We were so glad to see you join.”

“Have you looked around yet?” Ji asks towards Sara and Mila, and Yuuri is so incredibly glad for the interruption. “I just got here so I haven’t had a chance yet.” 

“Yes, we checked out where everyone is staying, and scoped out our rooms and the kitchen,” Mila says, and Sara laughs softly.

“We’re all on the second floor except Yuuri and Victor who are on the top floor,” Sara fills in chipperly, and Yuuri feels his stomach drop again. Him and Victor sharing a floor. Great. That’s perfect. He tries to take a calming breath. It’s probably nothing. This is a huge building. For all Yuuri knows their rooms are probably in different wings. 

“Cool,” Ji says and then turns to Yuuri. “Want to check it out?” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri agrees, and while Sara and Mila stay behind in the salon Yuuri and Ji climb the stairs to the second floor. A cameraman follows them up, one Yuuri hadn’t even noticed was in the room, as he’d been standing further away by one of the doors. Two long hallways stretch out in opposite directions. The walls are white, and the wooden floorboards stretch down the hallways of dark green doors. Something is written on the doors, and they take the left corridor first. The first door is decorated with a signs with Chris’ name, followed by Minako, and Celestino. 

“This was Leo’s room,” Ji says as he points to the door with Minako’s name on it. “He said it overlooks the forest we saw when we drove in.” 

At the end of the hallway there’s an open space with large windows overlooking the sea. It’s filled with greenery, and nestled in it sits a small couch and two chairs, one of which is a rocking chair. It’s a calm and very pretty environment, especially with the sun high in the sky and the waves crashing against the rocky cliffs leading up to the grass around the mansion. From here, Yuuri can see the smaller building on the edge of the cliffside where they’ll be having all their meals and performing their songs.

“It’s so beautiful,” Ji says and Yuuri can only nod in agreement. “Leo said it was much prettier in person than on TV. I barely believed him, but I guess he was right.” 

The corridor to the right of the stairs looks similar, but the green doors have signs with Sara, Mila, and Ji’s names instead. Ji opens his door,babbling excitedly , letting Yuuri in. It has large windows at the end of it, letting in the warm summer light. It’s painted in a soft purple color, and in the hallway off it there’s photos of the artists that have slept in the room in previous seasons. Yuuri recognizes almost all of them. 

The hallway opens to a room containing a large wardrobe, a huge plush bed, and a desk. It’s all in dark walnut, and it gives the room a warm and cozy feeling, even if it’s big. 

“I love it,” Ji says and Yuuri can’t help but smile.

“It fits you,” he agrees, and Ji laughs as he falls backwards onto the bed. “I’ll continue up I think.”

“Okay, I think I’ll unpack real quick,” Ji answers, looking over Yuuri’s shoulder at the cameraman. “If that’s okay?” He gets a thumbs up, and then jumps off the bed and heads for his bags. Yuuri leaves him and continues down the hallway, finding a large wooden staircase at the end off it. 

“How was it meeting Mila and Sara?” the cameraman asks, and Yuuri shrugs as they ascend.

“It was good. They seem like nice people,” he answers, glancing back down before he looks up just as they reach the top of the stairs. Yuuri has to stop for a moment, taking the space in, before he walks forward towards the glass walls of the balcony that greets them. At one wall stands a piano, dark wood and polished perfectly. Behind it stands a deep blue lounge which overlooks the sea if you rest against the arm rest, or the piano if you lean against the backrest. It’s a gorgeous space, it feels secluded in the vast mansion. Yuuri’s fingers twitch. He’s been low key anxious all day, and he’s longing to play it out. He doubts this is the time to do so. 

“You can play if you want to,” the cameraman supplies. Yuuri looks back at him with wide eyes, and the cameraman nods in agreement and with an encouraging smile. Yuuri can’t hold back then, sitting down on the stool, opening the lid, and placing his fingers on the keys.

* * *

  
  


[A pink convertible races down the road, fields of overflowing yellow flowers surrounding it. There are two young men in the front seat, one with blond curls and a dark undercut, round sunglasses on his nose. He taps his fingers on the side of the car from the passenger seat. In the driver's seat there’s a man in his early thirties, silver fringe moving in the wind. He has black sunglasses and a practiced smile on his lips. The car slows, and then turns into the gaveled path towards the white mansion.]

* * *

  
  


Yuuri sighs after having played the song thrice, stretching his neck to either side once. He cracks his fingers, straightens his shoulders, and plays again. 

_ Of all the money that e'er I had, I spent it in good company _ _   
_ _ And of all the harm that e'er I've done, Alas it was to none but me _ _   
_ _ And all I've done for want of wit, To memory now I can't recall _ _   
_ _ So fill to me the parting glass  _ _   
_ _ Goodnight and joy be with you all _

It’s a song Minako taught him to play when he was little, a song he knows how to play in any tempo, on any instrument he knows. He could wake up in the middle of the night to sing it perfectly. It’s a comfort, something he plays when his own words fail him, and he just needs to play, play, play. It’s one of the few songs he uses to calm his anxiety that isn’t Victor’s. 

_ And of all the comrades that e'er I had, They are sorry for my going away _ _   
_ _ And all the sweethearts that e'er I had, They would wish me one more day to stay _ _   
_ _ But since it calls unto my lot, That I should rise and you should not _ _   
_ _ I'll gently rise and I'll softly call  _ _   
_ _ Goodnight and joy be with you all _

It feels like a warm blanket wrapping around him as he sings, losing himself in the feeling of the cool piano keys that warm under his fingers. The words feel sure on his tongue, much more than any words he’s said today. Hopefully he’ll be able to relax like this during the performances. He can feel the strain of being watched by the cameras already seeping into his bones, and it hasn’t even been a day yet. Luckily, the cameraman had left after Yuuri had played the song once and a half, clearly dubbing it more interesting to go film something else. Yuuri breathes in, and sings. 

_ A man may drink and not be drunk  _ _   
_ _ A man may fight and not be slain _ _   
_ _ A man may court a pretty boy  _ _   
_ _ And perhaps be welcomed back again _

He can’t help but smile at his own changed lyrics before he continues, drawing a breath in, and then someone starts singing next to him. 

_ But since it has so ordered been  _ _   
_ _ By a time to rise and a time to fall _ _   
_ _ Come fill to me the parting glass  _ _   
_ _ Good night and joy be with you all _

It’s pure muscle-memory that ensures that Yuuri continues playing as his heart stops in his chest. At the top of the stairs stands Victor Nikiforov, and his tone of voice is clear and pure. It wraps around Yuuri’s heart as it always has. Victor looks like the very picture of a world famous singer, in his fitted dark slacks and light blue button up, making his azure eyes seem even bluer. His silver hair falls perfectly, and Yuuri has such a great view from here of his sharp cheekbones and jaw, his pink full lips, his wide shoulders but sculpted waist. He looks straight at Yuuri as he sings, and he takes slow careful steps towards him. 

_   
_ _ Come fill to me the parting glass  _ _   
_ _ Good night and joy be with you all _ _   
_ _ Good night and joy be with you all _

Yuuri’s heart kicks into gear again, racing in his chest as Victor places a hand on the piano, singing out the last of the lyrics. He leans on the piano then, and Yuuri rips his eyes from him to look at his hands as he finishes the melody and lets it ring out into the space that’s only shared between them. 

Yuuri has no idea what to say. He has to say something, but he can’t think of what. He’s admired Victor for so long, knows every lyric to every song, every note on every album. Panic starts crawling up Yuuri’s throat. What is he ever going to talk to Victor about? What could Yuuri possibly say that would be meaningful? He’s just a second from starting playing again, just to avoid saying anything, when Victor speaks. 

“Hi Yuuri.”

Yuuri’s heart stutters again and he looks into those deep blue eyes. Victor smiles, one of those charming ones Yuuri’s seen a hundred times in magazines, in videos and on stage. 

“H-hi.”

“That was lovely,” Victor says, and something crosses his expression, something vulnerable and raw, Yuuri thinks, but it’s gone in a second. Maybe he imagined it. “It’s good to finally meet you. I’m a big fan.” He reaches his hand out, as if for Yuuri to take it.

Yuuri can’t process this. This must be a dream, some silly fantasy his mind has conjured up. Not even his daydreams are like this. He usually just imagines Victor having heard one of his songs and enjoyed it, not to proclaim himself a fan. Yuuri hurries to push down his sleeves that he rolled up slightly to play. 

“I-uhm,” Yuuri stutters and stands, the scraping of the stool sounding too loud. Yuuri winces. “Me too. I mean-. Nice to meet you too.” Victor’s hand is warm in his, but Yuuri can clearly feel the calloused spots where the guitar strings have dug into his fingers, a sharp contrast to the otherwise smooth skin of his hand. Victor smiles charmingly, and Yuuri feels so out of his depth that he’d rather turn back time so he would never, ever have to experience this moment again. He has no idea what to say, no idea how to function. 

“It looks like we have this floor to ourselves,” Victor says after squeezing Yuuri’s hand one more time. It’s not painful or challenging, just a soft pressure. “Have you checked out the rooms yet?” 

“No, I got distracted by the piano,” Yuuri admits as Victor's hand slides out of his. Victor’s gaze becomes fond, and Yuuri’s stomach flips. God how pathetic is he. Victor looks down at the piano, and his left hand brushes away some dust. 

“I can relate to that,” he says, voice low and tender. Yuuri wonders how much time Victor has spent with his fingers on the keys, emotions bleeding out like open wounds. Does it feel like that for him too, like it does for Yuuri? “I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”

“You didn’t,” Yuuri hurries to say, even though he sort of did. “I had played it a few times already.” 

“If you say so,” Victor says. There’s something different about his expression now from when Yuuri spotted him by the piano. It seems more open somehow, less guarded. Yuuri’s sure he’s never seen it before. “Will you play me something more?” 

“I-”

“YUURI!” Minako’s voice calls, loud and echoing through the walls of the mansion. It startles them both. Yuuri’s always been surprised by the sheer power of her voice, since she’s so small. “Get down here so I can hug you!”

Victor looks over at Yuuri with wide eyes for a moment, and then Yuuri can see his expression change, more collected, less raw. Yuuri recognizes him more now. This is the Victor he’s seen on posters, Instagram posts and YouTube videos. It suddenly feels strange. “Some other time maybe?” Victor asks. “Because it seems like it’ll be better if you get down there.” 

“Y-yeah,” Yuuri agrees, not really sure to what. Playing for Victor again? He could. He will have to, of course. Tomorrow it’ll be Celestino’s day and Yuuri is to play during lunch, and Victor will be sitting there just like the rest of them. Or did he mean like this, just them?

“I’m going to check out my room,” Victor informs him, already taking a few steps back from Yuuri. “You go hug her.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips. “I’ll see you soon.”

Minako is tapping her foot at the bottom of the stairs on the first floor when Yuuri reaches it, slightly winded after jogging down. She looks stern in her light turtleneck and blue and white striped skirt, which reaches down to her brown leather shoes. Her brows are furrowed and mouth slightly pinched, but Yuuri can see how her lips twitch upwards. Maybe she missed him too. 

“What took you so long?” she asks, wrapping her arms around his shoulders to pull him in. He still finds it weird that he’s taller than her now, and that when he wraps his arms around her waist she feels so tiny. He can still remember looking up at her when they sat next to each other on the piano stool and she taught him scales. “Did you get lost? I know you’re not used to houses this big.”

“I found a piano,” Yuuri admits when he pulls back. That puts a smile on her face and she pinches his cheek, hard. Yuuri swats her away. Sometimes he wonders if Yuuko is some sort of physical embodiment of Minako in his life, making sure to pinch his cheek when she can’t do it herself. 

“Good boy,” she praises, linking her arm in his to lead him back into the salon. The cameras Yuuri didn’t even notice were there follow them. He lets out a soft sigh. How is he going to get used to this? “Have you met everyone?” 

Yuuri has definitely not, he realises as they step into the room. While he was upstairs it seems Chris and Celestino had arrived as well, and they’re standing by the windows talking to Sara and Mila. Celestino looks just like Yuuri always imagined he would tall, with broad shoulders, and long dark hair in a luscious ponytail. He’s in dark jeans and a concert t-shirt, a black suit jacket Yuuri assumes is his hanging over one of the couches’ armrests. His laugh is boisterous, and it echoes between the walls of the room. He takes up a lot of space, both in the room and as a personality. Yuuri instantly feels a bit intimidated. It’s Celestino who spots them first, and his eyes light up when he looks at Minako and Yuuri, breaking away from the group. 

“You found him!” he says with a wide grin, zeroing in on Yuuri. “Minako always gushes about you when I meet her. You would think you were her own flesh and blood.” Celestino offers his hand and Yuuri has to let go of Minako to take it. Celestino’s handshake is a tad too hard, and fast. 

“He practically is,” she sighs, and brushes away something on Yuuri’s shoulder. “I raised him in music, he’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to a child. I would have raised him to not be such a hider though, and to make sure he called more often.” 

“Minako...” Yuuri starts, but Celestino laughs and cuts him off.

“She’s a tough one this one,” Celestino says, and there’s something warm in his gaze when he looks at Minako. “I’ve never seen a woman make so many men flee with just one look and a raised eyebrow.” Yuuri can imagine. He too feels himself straighten his posture at one glance from her, as well as apologize profoundly for not having called. It’s a gift she has. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Minako says, shooting Celestino a sharp look that makes him laugh again and raise his hands in defeat. “He knows far more than is good for him.”

“Yuuri!” an unfamiliar voice calls, and Yuuri turns his head to see Chris come towards him with a wide smile. Something tells Yuuri that Leo was not at all wrong in how gropey Chris is, and that he’s about to find out just how much. Chris reaches him, and with a good grab of Yuuri’s shoulders brings him in to kiss both of his cheeks. Yuuri feels himself go rigid, hands splayed up as a means to protect himself somewhat. Chris is beaming when he pulls back, and Yuuri leans slightly away, trying to create distance. He’s never been one for physical contact, especially with people he doesn’t know. “How wonderful to finally meet everyone! I think I’ve met almost all the others before, but you-,” he pokes Yuuri’s nose then, making Yuuri go momentarily cross eyed. “Are new.” 

“Yes?” Yuuri says, unsure how to answer that. “Nice to meet you too.” Chris snickers and turns to Minako. 

“I can’t believe you’ve hidden him from us,” he says and Minako gasps. 

“I have not hidden him! He’s been hiding from me too, in that dingy studio way out in the middle of nowhere-”

“It’s not dingy!” Yuuri protest. Minako gives him The Stare, but Yuuri stares back. He loves that studio and will have no one maligning it thank you very much. He’d rather record a hundred albums there than at Major League Gramophone who tried to force him into being something he’s not, and never will be. Minkao sighs but relents, looking back at Celestino and Chris. 

“See what I have to deal with?” she says with a smile. Celestino laughs, and Chris fans himself. 

“So determined,” he says, looking at Yuuri and winking. “Hot.” 

Oh God, Yuuri’s not surviving this. It’s too much. He’s going to get too overwhelmed, panic, and Phichit is going to have to make the 14 hour drive in his old Toyota to come get him. All these people are giving him a headache, and just moments ago Victor Nikiforov sang to what Yuuri was playing.

“Hello everyone,” someone calls by the door, and they all turn. Yuuri recognizes his voice from talking to him on the phone. The man in slacks and a dark green button up shirt must be Morooka. He’s smiling widely as he looks them over. There’s a bald man next to him in red square glasses. “Where do we have Ji and Victor?” 

“They’re upstairs,” Sara says chipperly. They’ve walked closer to the others too. The man next to Morooka nods, and then he turns and walks out, presumably to get Ji and Victor. Yuuri looks around to see the cameramen have lowered their cameras, and he lets out a sigh, feeling his shoulders drop slightly. 

“We’ll take a break,” Takeshi says to Morooka who nods and smiles, gesturing for artists towards the couches. 

“We’ll just wait for the others and when everyone is here we’ll go over some information,” Morooka says. They sit down, and Yuuri takes an armchair as they settle in. It doesn’t take long before Ji and Victor join them too, along with the man who was with Morooka when he came in. Morooka smiles warmy at them, putting his hands together. 

“Welcome officially to Ericsberg Castle,“ he says gesturing to the house. “I’m Morooka, and I’m the one who’s been in touch with most of you before you came here. This is Joseph, and we are both producers of the show,” he says, gesturing to the man standing next to him, who gives a small wave and lopsided smile. “We are so excited about this season, and about all of you joining the  _ So Much Better  _ family. I’m sure all of you have made wonderful versions of each other's songs and I can’t wait to hear them.”

Yuuri squirms, he’s still nervous about performing someone else's song in front of them. What if they hate it? 

“We just wanted to welcome you personally. One of us will be here during the shooting hours, which will be between eight am till the last performance during dinner. After that the cameramen go to bed and so will we, giving you some rest from the spotlight. We know these days are intense, and that to have cameras present all the time is hard.”

“So there will be no shooting after dinner at all?” Celestino asks, and Morooka nods. 

“That’s correct. During the morning there will be one, possibly two camera crews moving around, filming what you’re doing, eating breakfast, hanging out, preparing your performances. This means they won’t be filming all of you all the time. If you need time to yourself, you are free to tell them so, just know that’s not something we’d want you to do your entire stay. We don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but we still want the viewers to get to know you. You all have the schedule with which artist hosts which day. One the last day we’ll shoot the into and then you’ll be free to leave.” 

“So the camera crew won’t go into our rooms?” Mila asks and both Joseph and Morooka nod. 

“Only if you invite them. They might ask to come in and for you to show your clothes or for an interview, but you can always decline. Some don’t mind having the camera team in their room for a short interview, but they are never allowed in if you haven't agreed.”

“That’s good to know,” Sara says. The others hum in agreement. Yuuri lets out a sigh of relief. He has seen footage from the bedrooms in previous seasons, but as he thinks of it he can only remember sequences such as the one Morooka just explained, interviews and showing stage clothes. 

“Yes,” Joseph agrees. “You will make breakfast yourselves, and the kitchen is open to do so. Lunch will then be served at one pm, when three of you will also have your performances. You’ve already been given the schedule for when you are going to perform, be it at lunch or dinner, and in which spot.”

Yuuri has the second spot during lunch tomorrow during Celestino’s day. He then has the first spot during dinner for Sara and Mila’s day, and then it rotates. He’s very happy that he’s not performing first tomorrow, and he’s relieved to have it done during lunch so he might be able to relax during dinner.

“After lunch you will be participating in the activity the artist of the day has chosen, and that will be a surprise for you all till you get there. You have all been given packing lists that should keep you covered.”

“Who is it that’s chosen something that requires us to dress warmly?” Chris sighs dramatically, and the other’s laugh. “It’s summer, I want to show some skin.”

“Someone else has asked for bathing suits though,” Sara points out. 

“Yes bless them, whoever you are,” Chris says, and they all laugh again. Yuuri can’t help but glance over at Victor, quickly averting his eyes when their gazes meet. 

“After the activity there will be a break for about two hours, and during that time there will be no filming either. You’re free to do what you want, but you all should be ready to meet down here in the salon at seven,” Morooka says. Yuuri nods, this is the same information he was given though Phichit, only now with the addition of the camera crew’s schedule. He’s happy they won’t be in the house 24/7. 

“Dinner spans from seven till nine, approximately, and then we turn the cameras off. You’re free to stay out in the lake house or come back up here and hang out, or go to bed. We know these days are long and that a lot of emotions can be shared and surface, and we put no pressure on you to participate in anything except lunch, the activity, and dinner,” Joseph says.

“And the lunches and dinners will be what we requested? The recipes you asked us to provide?” Minako asks. She gives Yuuri a knowing look and he feels himself blush. Of course she knows what he chose. He can’t begin to figure out what she asked the kitchen to make. She’s always enjoyed all of Yuuri’s mother's cooking, but other then that Yuuri’s pretty sure he’s mostly seen her with a whisky in her hand. She’s never drunk, but Yuuri has definitely seen her tipsy. 

“Yes, the meals you chose for your day will be served. It’s for you all to get to know each other better, as well as the viewers,” Josehp says. “Do you have any more questions?”

“Can we refuse an activity we aren’t comfortable with?” Ji asks. “I’m not saying I’m planning to, but I know how crazy Chris is.” Ji looks over at Chris with a smirk, and Chris answers by gasping and placing his hand against his forehead. 

“Ji you make me sound like a pervert,” he whines, and Ji giggles. Yuuri can hear Victor chuckle, and it makes something resonate in his chest. He doesn’t dare look over there again for the risk of getting caught, but it’s a very lovely sound. 

“We hope you will all show each other respect and try the activities, but if you’re not up to doing something we still want you to come with. Usually we can find something else you can do, even if you’re not actively participating,” Morooka says diplomatically. Yuuri guesses he’s had this conversation with some of the previous artists. 

“Are we allowed to use the pool?” Chris asks, making the room erupt into laughter. “Oh come on, it was a valid question,” Chris laughs too. Minako shakes her head, and Yuuri can’t help but smile. It’s a warm group, it seems. 

“You’re allowed to use all the facilities in the house and on the property, except in the Friberg Villa where we, the band, and the camera crew stay. There’s a swimming pool, a jacuzzi and sauna, as well as a gym. If you want to practice before your performances you can do so in the lake house or in your room, or where inspiration strikes. The gardens are beautiful and you can wander around them as much as you’d like,” Jospeh answers. 

There are a few more questions, but Yuuri has none. He asked all his before he signed the papers. It seems filming is done for today too, and the footage taped of them as they arrived at and looked around the house will be used in the first of the nine episodes. Morooka and Joseph leave them to get to know each other, after telling them dinner will be served at six in the dining room next to the salon in the opposite direction of the kitchen. 

Yuuri decides to take his leave with the excuse he never got to see his room, and he pushes up the two flights of stairs to get to the third floor. He fights the urge to go back to the piano and takes a left, finding his and Victor’s rooms facing each other. He takes a deep breath. He can only hope he doesn’t snore. Phichit says he doesn't, but Yuuri’s not sure if he trusts him. It would be terribly embarrassing if he kept Victor up all night with snoring.

Yuuri’s room is all in dark colors, which is a stark contrast to the rest of the house. The walls are dark blue, the details in white and gold. There are large windows that overlook the gardens, and there’s heavy curtains hanging down on the sides of them. There’s a fireplace in white to the right of the door with two armchairs in front of it. At the end of the room there’s a large white four-poster bed, overlooking the view. There’s a bathroom sits to the left of the door, with smooth grey tile on the walls and floor. There’s a large shower with a rain shower head, a wide sink with a mirror in front of it, and a toilet in white porcelain. It’s all very beautifully decorated. 

Yuuri exits the bathroom and heads for his bags, picking up his stage clothes to hang them on the rack provided, hanging his other clothes for the week behind them. He unpacks his charger and his toiletries, before he flops down on the bed, taking a deep breath. It smells like a detergent different from his own, but it’s soft, and the sheets are smooth. He considers napping, but there’s a risk he’ll fall asleep and miss dinner, and he doesn't want to be rude. Instead, he reaches for his phone and calls Phichit, who has been spamming him with notifications ever since Yuuri stopped answering when the cameras started rolling. 

“ _ I’m sexyyyy and I knooow iiitt,”  _ Phichit sings, and the familiarity of it washes over Yuuri like a balm for his soul. He closes his eyes and smiles, sinking deeper into the mattress. 

“Hi Peach,” Yuuri answers. “How are you?”

_ “Oh you know, Arthur really liked the new food I got the babies but Anita doesn’t seem impressed. I might-” _ Phichit starts slowly, cutting himself off before he starts rambling.  _ “Yuuri how do you think I'm going? I’m barely holding it together with anticipation!” _ Yuuri laughs at the change of pace. Phichit, always such a drama queen. Yuuri feels happy to know that even if he’s in some sort of weird universe where Victor can be right there next to him, talking and singing, some things are still the same. 

“Sorry, I just got a moment to myself,” Yuuri admits and Phichit hums in understanding. 

_ “Have you met everyone?” _ he asks. 

“Yeah everyone’s arrived and I’ve looked around the house. They gave us some information and now I’m just, hiding in my room till dinner to catch my breath,” Yuuri says, opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling. “Minako was disappointed I hadn’t called her, Celestino is too tall, and Chris kissed my cheeks.”

_ “Have you met Victor?” _ Phichit asks in a rush, and Yuuri knows it’s the question he’s wanted to ask ever since he picked up the phone. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I have,” Yuuri admits. His stomach fills with butterflies. Victor’s gaze had been so intense, and then there had been that slip in expression that Yuuri still can’t place. 

_ “Aaand?” _ Phichit presses. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Yuuri admits. 

_ “How did it happen?” _ asks Phichit, giving Yuuri room to be guided into talking about it. He does this excessively when Yuuri closes up, giving him concrete questions to answer. 

“I’d found a piano and was playing, he came and he sang,” Yuuri says. He can still remember the weight of Victor’s hand in his, the softness of his skin, the calluses on his fingers. 

_ “He sang to you?”  _ Phichit repeats.

“Yes.”

_ “Yuuriiii! What kind of teenage romance novel are you living?” _ Phichit giggles, and Yuuri does too. It’s so weird, and funny and strange, the whole thing.  _ “How was he?” _

“I’m not sure yet,” Yuuri answers truthfully. In many ways, Victor was just how he had imagined him, but then there was that flicker of something else. “I’ll let you know if I figure it out.”

_ “Okay,” _ Phichit says, and his voice has gone soft.  _ “Be careful okay? I know he’s someone you’ve looked up to for a long time but… don’t let him hurt you.” _

“Why would he hurt me?” Yuuri asks, frowning. He’s not even sure why Victor would want to spend more time with him than necessary, but apparently he’s a fan. Yuuri’s still not gotten over the fact that Victor said that. He always imagined the conversation being the other way around.

_ “I know you don’t believe me when I say you have a natural sex appeal Yuuri,”  _ Phichit says, and Yuuri sighs. _ “And I just.. He has a bit of a reputation.”  _

Yuuri knows of course, about all the rumors going around about Victor. About the love affairs that the gossip magazines plant on their covers but never confirm, of the ‘heartbreaker’ label he’s been given. Yuuri’s seen countless interviews in different shows where Victor is asked about his lovelife only to smoothly wink and say ‘no comment’. Yuuri’s always wondered. Many of Victor’s songs are about love, heartbreak, and loneliness, and Yuuri’s mind has always been spinning with questions. Is it real life experiences, or a mix of emotions and observations made into a song? Still, the idea of Victor being interested in him seems foreign, even if Yuuri has entertained that possibility in his fantasies. 

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about Peach,” Yuuri replies. “Worry about me being awkward and saying something rude without meaning to instead.” Phichit snickers. 

_ “If Christopher Giacometti says something about being lonely, give him my phone number,”  _ Phichit jokes, and it brings a smile to Yuuri’s face.

Dinner is a pleasant and light-hearted affair. Many of the artists know each other from before, even if Minako and Victor have never met, and Ji had only greeted Celestino during a festival in the beginning of his career. They talk about other artists they know, and the ones that have been on the show before. It’s nice, even if Yuuri doesn’t talk much. He’s sitting between Ji and Minako, mostly by accident, but partly because he was too scared to sit down on the side where Victor could sit next to him. The food is a lovely fish and potato dish with white wine sauce. If this is the quality of the food they’ll be serving all week then Yuuri’s looking forward to it. After they finish some hang back to talk more, while Yuuri excuses himself and says goodnight. He’s halfway up the stairs when he hears someone else's steps echo behind him. 

“Yuuri,” Victor calls, and Yuuri slows as he reaches the top of the stairs, letting Victor catch up to him. His stomach fills with butterflies, but Victor has an easy smile on his face. 

“Are you going to bed?” he asks. Yuuri nods.

“I was planning on maybe playing some video games,” he admits. He’s not really tired yet, he’s just having a hard time finding his place in this new social environment and he’d rather play PS Vita than stay down there and not know what to do. 

“Oh,” Victor says, casting his eyes away. He looks disappointed. Yuuri’s heart races. He doesn’t know why Victor would be disappointed or upset about that, but he instantly resents himself for putting that expression on his face. 

“Why? Are you going to bed?” he hurries to ask, feeling his face turn scarlet at the question. He didn’t mean anything by it, Victor had asked the same question just seconds ago but coming from Yuuri’s mouth is suddenly sound like an invitation. 

“I was just thinking that…” Victor starts, looking back up at Yuuri. That unguarded look is back, and it makes Yuuri’s heart leap in his chest. “Maybe you could play something more for me?”

“Now?” Yuuri asks, confused. He’s not sure why Victor is doing this, but he’s too scared to ask why. 

“If you’d like,” Victor counters, biting his lip as he looks at Yuuri. 

“Do you want me to?” Yuuri asks in clarification, because this all still seems unreal.

“Yes, definitely,” Victor states and then he smiles, bright and beautiful. Yuuri’s pretty sure he would agree to most things Victor asked, if he looks like that.

“Okay.”

They settle in by the piano, and Victor sits down on the blue lounge behind Yuuri. It feels known, to sit on the stool. It’s not so known to look into Victor’s eyes as he leans forward, gaze so focused Yuuri feels pinned under it. 

“What do you want me to play?” Yuuri asks as he leans forward too, like iron drawn to a magnet. His mind is racing. Victor must have heard most of his songs by now, if he’s gone through the artists’ repertoires like Yuuri has. Yuuri’s other go-to music to play would be Victor’s, but that seems very weird. 

“I don’t know, something important to you?” Victor suggests as he leans back against the lounge. “Something you feel like playing.“

Yuuri thinks for a moment, and then it dawns on him. It feels so clear now, what he would like to play, but hasn’t done in years. It’s not his anymore, he’s told himself, even if was his tears and sweat that went into creating it. He turns towards the piano, stretches his neck and places his fingers on the keys. One deep breath, and then he closes his eyes and starts. 

_ Lonely little dream this dream, Sleepy future passed unseen _ _   
_ _ Trying hard to get beneath, The skin you're underneath _

_ That undiscovered heartbeat, Takes me down my easy street _ _   
_ _ Puppets hanging from the strings, Rip them off like angel wings _

Yuuri’s heart hurts. It feels like he’s bleeding into his chest. This song is so much of him, so much of all his raw emotions growing up, trying to figure himself out. He put everything he had into this song, and then it slipped through his fingers. 

_ Born and raised in rain _ _   
_ _ Made me feel this way _ _   
_ _ Twenty passed, forever started yesterday _ _   
_ _ I will call you shame when she knows my name _ _   
_ _ Who is braver, this won't save him _

Memories flash before his eyes, of writing it, performing it, of being approached by the talent scout after a college recital. How hopeful he had been when he came to the label to play it that first time. How they took it and crumbled it into dust. 

_ Pull me out before I drown, In this shallow part of town _ _   
_ _ Tired eyes and dirty minds _ _   
_ _ Chasing what we left behind _

‘Too dark’, ‘too emotional’, ‘not the vibe we want for you’. How they wanted to strip Yuuri blank and build him up to something new, something manageable and pliable and theirs. Yuuri didn’t want to be theirs. Couldn’t they see that he’s made out of stone? That if they chipped pieces away Yuuri would crack and crumble into nothing. 

_ Born and raised in rain _ _   
_ _ Made me feel this way _ _   
_ _ Twenty passed, forever started yesterday _ _   
_ _ I will call you shame when she knows my name _ _   
_ _ Who is braver, this won't save him _

_ Who is alone and made of stone _ _   
_ _ Ah ah ah ooh _

He’s missed this. He’s missed this melody so much. It always fits perfectly into his hands, surrounds him like a warm blanket, guarding him from everything outside of it. The pain in his chest has lessened, but it’s still there, working alongside his heartbeat. 

_ Born and raised in rain _ _   
_ _ Made me feel this way _ _   
_ _ Ah ah ah ooh _ _   
_ _ Ah ah ah ooh _ _   
_ _ Ah ah ah ahh _

Yuuri simply breathes when the melody ends, and he plays the notes carefully, letting it ring out in the small space. He opens his eyes, feeling the world come crashing back around him. He’s scared to turn around and meet Victor’s gaze, unsure of what he’ll find there. 

“I’ve never heard that one before,” Victor says, and Yuuri turns to face him, moving his legs to the other side of the stool. Victor looks intrigued, and his expression is so open again. It makes Yuuri’s heart ache, but he’s not sure why. 

“That’s because it’s not mine anymore,” Yuuri admits and looks down at his hand, letting his right trace the patterns the ink forms over his left fingers. 

“Why?” Victor asks. It’s soft and tentative, almost careful. Yuuri looks back up at him. 

“They took it. MLG, when I broke the contract,” Yuuri answers. Not many know that he had a contract at all. That Yuuri was scouted and signed that piece of paper. That Phichit’s lawyer mother was the only reason he was able to get out of it in one piece.

“Oh,” Victor says, eyes growing wide in surprise. He blinks and straightens. Yuuri wonders what he’s thinking, if the way he views him has changed now. 

“I haven’t played it since,” he confesses. “I’ve missed it.” It’s too raw and revealing, but the words tumble out of Yuuri anyway. Maybe it’s the song that’s made him too emotional. Maybe it’s the expression on Victor’s face. 

“Thank you for playing it for me,” Victor says with a soft smile on his face, and Yuuri feels a shiver run down his spine. 

Yuuri lets out a sigh as his head hits the pillow. A bubbly feeling is traveling up his skin, making it tingle. The butterflies that erupted when Victor asked him to play again are still there, even if they seem calmer now. It’s like a pleasant buzz, and without thinking about it he breaks into a grin. He places a hand over his mouth to contain the giggle that leaves it, rolling to his side. Tomorrow is a new day, filled with performances, a secret activity and more time with the other artists. More time with Victor. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week: Celestino's day, 80's music, and the boys getting closer.
> 
> Want to read it now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	3. Listen to Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celestino's day, 80's music, a competition and a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> So glad so many of you are enjoying this! I hope you like this 80's music inspired chapter! A reader said the music shuffled for them on Spotify so here's a written playlist of the songs performed: 
> 
> Carrie - Europe  
> Listen to Your Heart - Roxette  
> Rock the Night - Europe  
> It Must Have Been Love - Roxette  
> Does Your Mother Know - Abba  
> Heart and Soul - Jacques Legrand
> 
> Here's the link to the chapter [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/56vBAVvHuZuksxqpWh9HHU?si=lvvKZUiTTyaAvWveljiN8w)
> 
> This story was beta read by the amazing [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi)

[A 80’s rock song starts as a flight film of the mansion comes into frame. It’s green and lush in the gardens, and the sun is high in the sky. The scene cuts to one of the bedrooms, showing a smiling Celestino who’s pulling on an old leather jacket. The music fades. 

Celestino: I lived in this during the ‘Live Now’ tour (he strokes the jacket absentmindedly) This baby has seen far too much (laughter). There’s a cut, and now he’s sitting in one of the armchairs in the room. The camera frames him closer and he’s smiling widely, leaning forward slightly. He’s taken off the jacket and is left in a worn out concert T-shirt, the print too faded to make out. 

Celestino: Today it’s my day. It’s the first day and I’m a bit nervous about what to expect (boisterous laughter) nah, I’m sure It’ll be great! Everyone was really great yesterday when we got here. I’m excited to see what songs have been picked and what everyone does with them. 

Voice from off camera: anyone’s interpretation in particular you’re looking forward to?

A soft expression crosses Celestino’s face and he nods, looking straight into the camera. He rubs his hands together. 

Celestino: I mean… I can’t say I haven’t thought about Minako Okukawa singing one of my songs for a long time (soft chuckle). Don’t tell her but I might have had a crush on her when I just started out. (clears his throat). Strictly professional of course. 

There’s another cut and now Celestino’s standing again, fixing his ponytail in the full length mirror before he looks back into the camera. 

Celestino: Alright. Let’s go down and see who’s up!

The camera cuts to black as another 80’s song starts, this one by a duo, male and female voices. A photo of Celestino as a child, around five years old replaces the black, his long dark hair spilling over his shoulders as he holds a guitar. The music fades.

Female voiceover: Celestino Cialdini was born in 1965. During his teenage years (change in image to a photo of 16 year old Celestino on stage with a group of students) he played in several different bands until he met the members that would later create the famous 80’s rock band SPEAK (several album covers from the band SPEAK are shown). The band had great success with singles such as  _ Carrie, Any Way You Want It  _ and  _ Rock the Night _ . In 1989 the band split due to Celestino moving on to join Satsuki Muramoto in making music. The duo created the soundtracks to several popular movies at the end of the 80’s and early 90’s. Their most famous releases  _ Dressed for Success, It Must Have Been Love, _ and  _ Listen to Your Heart _ all selling platinum. In 1995 the duo split and Celestino has since made music on his own, with popular singles such as  _ Does Your Mother Know _ and  _ Easy Love. _ ] 

  
  


As strange as it is to wake in a new bed in an unknown house, Yuuri finds himself more rested than he expected. He decides to go through his usual yoga workout, instrumental music on low on the portable speakers he packed. It always settles him a bit, and the routine makes it feel less daunting that this day and all the ones to come will differ so much from his usual schedule. He takes a quick shower before he dresses casually, but still stylishly. According to Phichit he was not allowed to bring any of his sweats or hoodies since he was going to be filmed the entire time. He puts his lenses in, but leaves his hair unstyled for now, and after a quick look to make sure that most of his tattoos have been covered he heads down. 

The sun is shining through the windows as he makes his way to the bottom floor, and it feels almost as if the house is bathing in the morning sun as Yuuri enters the salon. There’s a cameraman waiting for him, fastening a mic to his shirt. Apparently this will be the procedure for the entire week. If they are in the common area, mic on - in their rooms, off. They get to remove them completely at the end of the day. Yuuri can hear voices from the kitchen and he takes a breath before he walks towards it. The door is open, so even before he enters he sees Mila moving around, and he can recognize Sara and Ji’s voices as they softly sing along to the radio. Yuuri can’t help but smile, and as he enters they all turn to him and smile. There’s a cameraman in one of the corners, and Yuuri tries not to look at him. 

“Morning Yuuri!” Sara greets. “Tea or coffee?”

“Tea,” Yuuri answers with a smile. Mila stands next to the coffeemaker and kettle, and it only takes a moment before Yuuri has a cup of green tea in his hands. He wraps his fingers around it tightly to revel in the heat, sipping the scalding liquid. “Thank you.”

“No trouble,” Mila says and leans back against the counter. Ji is standing by the stove flipping pancakes, and Sara is slicing fruit. The radio is playing the big summer hit, and Ji hums along with it as he places a pancake on a plate. 

“How did you sleep Yuuri?” Ji asks as he looks up. His pink hair is a bit messy and he’s in a crop top and tights. Yuuri is insanely jealous of the comfortable wear. He walks further into the room and jumps up to sit on one of the benches.

“Good. Really good actually,” Yuuri answers as he takes another sip. The pancakes smell amazing, and Yuuri’s stomach suddenly feels so empty. “How about you?”

“Me too. It’s always a bit weird the first night but I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow so I must have been exhausted,” Ji says as he pours more pancake batter into the pan. 

“Yeah I woke up way too early,” Mila says with a chuckle. “It seems like it’s us youngsters that are holding down the fort in the mornings, who would have guessed.” They all chuckle. Celestino had complained about the laziness of the youth yesterday, after a few glasses of wine. It seems he wasn’t completely right in that regard. 

“Yeah, we’ll see when the oldies decide to show up,” Sara giggles, looking to the side as Chris appears in the door. He leans against the doorframe, easy smile on his face. He’s only in a robe that’s barely tied, and pyjama pants. Yuuri averts his eyes and curses his friend. He could totally have brought those ratty old sweatpants. 

“Am I one of the oldies?” Chris asks, mock gasping as he places a hand on his forehead. “Sara you wound me.” 

“You’re up aren’t you?” Sara says, passing the cup of coffee Mila hands over to her to Chris. Chris nods. “Not old then.” 

“Victor is probably up too,” Chris says with a yawn, and Yuuri feels his heart flip in his chest. He remembers Victor’s gaze from last night. The bright blue, intent, intrigued, yet soft and so present. “He’s a morning person and likes to jog.”

“No one  _ likes _ to jog,” Mila says with a huff. “It’s all lies.” 

“You just say that because you haven’t worked out in years!” Sara shoots back and Mila sticks out her tongue and pokes Sara in the side, making her yelp. 

“Don’t call me out like that,” Mila laughs, and so does the rest of the singers in the room. 

“How about you Yuuri? Just dance for you still?” Ji asks. Yuuri feels everyone's attention shift to him, and he looks down into his cup, letting his thumb trace the edge. 

“Yeah mostly dance,” Yuuri agrees. He and Ji have excessive knowledge of each others’ dancing abilities. They get to collab on that once every year after all. “Yoga every morning though, and then dance a few times a week.”

“I didn’t know you danced,” Chris says as he studies Yuuri, who squirms under the attention. “You are a deep mystery it seems.”    
“Not really,” Yuuri says, taking a sip of his tea. “Minako insisted on me learning two things - dance and piano - so I did.” 

“What kind of dance?” Sara asks, and Ji gives him a smirk as Yuuri blushes. Luckily he doesn’t have to answer, since Celestino walks into the kitchen with another cameraman, talking as he walks. There’s a flurry of movement and talking, and Yuuri glances up at the clock, seeing it’s almost time for him to rehearse with the band. He grabs a sandwich on his way out, greeting Minako who’s just stepping into the kitchen as Yuuri exits the chaos.

“Already leaving?” she asks. She’s already fully dressed with her hair pulled back into a tight bun. 

“I have the early slot with the band,” Yuuri says and she nods and gives him a small smile.

“Okay. I’m excited to see you perform. It’s been so long,” she says, a nostalgic look on her face. “I remember when you would play for me for hours when you were little, asking if you could just play one more thing.”

“Minako,” Yuuri sighs, drawing the O out. She chuckles and Yuuri shakes his head. She’s always been like a less protective, little more annoying older sister than Mari is. “Don’t go around telling people that. There are cameras in here.”

“You might be embarrassed,” she singsongs. “But I think It’s cute. Some of my fondest memories.” Yuuri has to smile then too, and she smiles back. “Now go rehearse so you’ll knock them off their seats. 

Yuuri leaves her then, heading up to his room to grab his notebook before he hurries back down, eating his sandwich as he goes. As he exits the house he meets Victor, who most definitely looks like he’s just come from a jog. His tight training clothes cling to his body, and sweat beads on his forehead. His cheeks are lightly blushed and Yuuri has no idea how someone can look so good even after just having been for a run. 

“Yuuri,” Victor says with a wide grin, pulling an earbud from his ear. He’s panting slightly, as if he’s just slowed down. “Going out?”

“I’m meeting the band,” Yuuri explains, stopping on the stone steps as Victor ascends them. “You been running?”

“Yes! The weather was so nice I couldn’t resist,” Victor says, smile unguarded. “It’s so pretty around here. I saw gorgeous flowery fields when I ran, and a small waterfall about five kilometers south.”

“I can imagine,” Yuuri says. The nature here truly is beautiful. “The rest are in the kitchen making breakfast.” 

“Okay, I’ll go up and shower and join them. Good luck with the band,” Victor beams and then they head their separate ways. Yuuri’s heart beats a bit harder as he makes his way down the perfectly formed stone path to the lakehouse. Victor had looked so good. Who looks so good after working out? Yuuri most certainly does not. He tries to shake the images from his head. He needs to focus on his rehearsal. 

The band is already there waiting for him when he arrives, and Yuuri greets them all by turn. He’s never worked with a band before, except when he was in college, but he knows to treat musicians with respect. Minako and his mother had taught him as much. The band is a lively group, Yuuri realises instantly they’re very used to this set up. Yuuri recognizes most of them from previous seasons and they easily guide Yuuri into how they usually do the rehearsals. It feels a bit stiff the first time they play the song, but they give Yuuri three opportunities to work through it and after that Yuuri feels much better. The band is on a tight schedule, and Yuuri thanks them repeatedly when he sees Sara and Mila tap on the door. He exchanges easy smiles with them as he exits the lakehouse to head up to the main building again. He feels happy with how the rehearsal went, and he’s glad he got along so well with the band. 

He grabs a cup of tea and heads up without really meeting anyone, guessing they’re probably all rehearsing or off doing something else. There’s a balcony in his room at the far end, in front of the bed. Yuuri puts his notebook down and walks over to open the doors. The warm summer air hits him, and he places his cup on the small table only to turn back in. He opens his guitar case and pulls out the instrument. He settles down in one of the two wicker chairs, feet up on the table next to the cup. His hands move to the strings absentmindedly, and he plays them without thought as the sun shines down on his face. In a while he’ll have to go in and get dressed. He’s performing second during lunch today and he needs to be ready. This will be their first performances, and the first time Yuuri sings in front of Victor. The song is important for another reason as well, and Yuuri really doesn't want to mess it up. He stops playing to pick up his cup of tea to take a sip, before he leans back, closes his eyes and continues to play. 

  
  
  
  


[The intro melody plays as a shot of the group of artists walking from the main building towards the lakehouse is shown. The sun is high in the sky and they pass low hanging branches from willow trees as they walk. Celestino is leading them, Victor, Chris and him walking next to each other in the front. Celestino is wearing a suit jacket over his concert tee, while Chris is dressed for a performance. He’s in makeup, eyeliner and mascara accenting his eyes. He wears a purple leather jacket with frills hanging from the arms and down the back. He’s otherwise clad entirely in white. Behind them walks Sara, Ji and Mila. The girls are in long flowy dresses, while Ji’s in a dark blue jacket over a pink shirt that matches his hair. In the back walks Yuuri and Minako. Yuuri wears a shiny green faux-leather jacket with wide lapels. It’s open to show a tight black long-sleeve tee, as well as a pair of black jeans. His hair is slicked back. 

They’re all talking as they walk, no audio from the conversation picked up. Celestino opens the door for them, and the artists all smile as they walk through the glass doors of the building to settle down at a table set for eight. Celestino sits down on the chair at the end of the table overlooking the small performance area. Behind a small stone wall instruments can be seen, where the band will be standing as the artists perform. 

Celestino: Welcome to my day! (He opens his arms in a wide gesture, and the singers sit.) I’m sure this will be a great experience for all of us. 

Sara: this looks delicious (looks down at the plate already in front of her). What is it?

Celestino: It’s a pasta dish I make at home a lot. It’s one of my favourites.]

  
  
  


The pasta tastes great, and the feeling of a full stomach settles Yuuri’s nerves slightly. He knows he won’t be the first to take the stage, which is a slight relief. He’s always nervous about performing, but this scene is so intimate, and it’s right in front of the person who made the song. Whatever relationship Yuuri might have with it, Celestino probably has a very different one. 

At the start of the dinner a montage of clips from Celestino’s career is shown, and that sparks a conversation about how Celestino met the other members of SPEAK. He shares a few stories from their tours that has the table laughing. Chris has heard some rumors about the band, some of which Celestino confirms, and others he laughs loudly at. Spirits are high when Ji taps his knife against his glass, the conversation dying quickly. 

“So you’re first then,” Celestino says with a wide grin, leaning forward towards Ji who’s at the end of the table to his right. Celestino rubs his hands together. 

“Yes,” Ji says with an equally wide smile. If he’s nervous, it doesn’t show. “I - like many of us around this table - have grown up listening to your music. I recognized most of your songs when going through your albums, and many were because my parents were big fans of yours as I was growing up.”

“Now I feel old,” Celestino and he looks over at MInako who huffs but smiles. 

“Speak for yourself,” she shoots back with a smile, and the table laughs at their bantering. They seem to be doing a lot of that. Yuuri had never known them to be so close, but then again Minako’s never talked much about her life as an artist. They’ve talked about the music, never the business. 

“Anyway,” Ji says with a smile, a slight blush on his face now. “Me and my sisters used to sing this song in the car a lot. It’s one of your most famous singles with SPEAK, and I hope you’ll enjoy it.” 

“Which is it then?” Celestino asks with a gin. 

“ _ Carrie _ ,” Ji says with a matching one, and Celestino gasps and claps his hands together once. 

“No? Really? That’s so unexpected!” Celestino exclaims. “I’m so excited to hear it.” 

The cameras cut then, and Ji is placed in the front, his radio mic detached so he can use the one in front instead. Celestino is taken outside to talk about the song and what he thinks Ji might make of it. This will be shown before the song itself when the program airs. Yuuri’s glad he still has many days till it’s his turn. He’s not sure what he’ll say about people choosing his songs and having their own stories for them. He guesses he’ll just have to see. Victor’s sitting across from him, and he leans over as the others talk. Yuuri leans forward to meet him. 

“I picked this one orignially but it was already taken,” Victor whispers, and Yuuri’s eyebrows raise. It wasn’t what he would expect Victor to pick, but then again he hasn’t thought too much about what Victor might be making his own interpretations of. He’s decided to fully ignore the thoughts about which of Yuuri’s songs he’s going to do, because Yuuri fears he might self-combust if he does. 

“Do you like it best out of his songs?” Yuuri asks but Victor shakes his head. 

“No, but it’s Yakov favorite. Don’t tell anyone though, he’d kill me,” Victor laughs, and Yuuri can’t help but smile back. He has a hard time imagining Victor’s manager Yakov Feltsman singing along to this, but then again he has a hard time imagining him singing at all. “He used to have hair as long as Celestino and loved to headbang with it.”

Yuuri can’t help but laugh then, the mental image of Yakov with a ponytail a bit too much. Victor grins proudly. “Why would you tell me that? I can never unimagine it,” Yuuri says as he chuckles. Victor scrunches up his nose. 

“Well how do you think I feel? Having seen photos of it and all,” Victor counters. Yuuri giggles. 

“What are you two laughing about?” Chris interrupts, and Yuuri straightens, only now realizing how far in he’s been leaning. Victor doesn’t lean back, instead he looks over at Chris who’s sitting next to him with a sly grin. 

“Secret,” he says, and that causes Chris to gasp. He looks like he’s just about to argue when Celestino comes back and they all straighten. Yuuri looks over at Ji who’s standing ready on the small stage, the overhead lighting now turned on as the light above the table is dimmed. 

The camera crew positions themselves. One in the back, one in the front, and one that’s focused on the singers still sitting at the table, undoubtedly to catch their reactions. Ji takes a deep breath, and then the band starts playing. 

Gone is the 80’s synth, replaced by a simple guitar and bass. Ji sways, the tempo of the song still slow and mellow. 

_ When light goes down, I see no reason _

_ For you to cry. We've been through this before _ _  
_ _ In every time, in every season, _ _  
_ _ God knows I've tried _ _  
_ _ So please don't ask for more. _

_ Can't you see it in my eyes _ _  
_ _ This might be our last goodbye _ _  
_ _ Carrie, Carrie, things they change my friend _ _  
_ _ Carrie, Carrie, maybe we'll meet again _

The song rings out softy, and in an instant Celestino is up on his feet clapping, moving towards the front of the table. Ji meets him, a relieved smile on his face. 

“That was so good!” Celestino says. “You really breathed some new life into it.” 

“I’m glad,” Ji says, and then Celestino wraps his arms around him and lifts Ji a few inches off the floor. Ji yelps but then laughs. “It was fun. I’ve been looking forward to doing it.” They move towards their own places at the table, both still smiling. 

“It was really good Ji,” Mila says as they sit, and Ji beams at her. 

“Thank you.”

“Did you all write it?” Chris asks, turning to Celestino. The older man rubs his chin in thought, leaning back against his chair. Yuuri’s never written with anyone before, all his lyrics have been his own, except for the song Phichit wrote for him.

“Mostly me and Gerald, I think,” Celestino muses. “The others might have chimed in with some notes about one word or another, but he and I wrote most of our lyrics, while we worked on the music together with the entire band.”

“Was there ever a ‘Carrie’?” Sara asks, but Celestino shakes his head immediately. 

“No, it was never a specific person… we were young when we wrote it but I think it was about a few breakups we had before that, both me and Gerald,” Celestino answers, reaching for his glass of water to take a sip. “It was before we had our breakthrough and we knew the album needed a slow song, so me and Gerald went down to a pub and had a couple of beers and wrote it,” Celestino laughs. 

They talk for a while more about the band and how they used to create their music, and Yuuri listens attentively, so much that he almost forgets that he’s supposed to perform. He feels butterflies fill his stomach as he remembers, and he sits up a bit straighter, tapping his glass when there’s a lull in the conversation. He feels everyone’s gazes move to him, but Yuuri tries to ignore it, focusing solely on Celestino. 

“Hi,” Yuuri starts dumbly, and Celestino laughs with causes Yuuri to blush from slight embarrassment. “I uhm… like Ji I grew up to your music, and now I know that it was more present in my life than I first realised.”

Celestino raises his eyebrows, placing both his hands and forearms on the table. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri says, licking his lips nervously. “I must admit that I didn’t know how close your and Satsuki Muramoto’s collaboration was, and the song I picked was one I thought she had done alone, until I started going through the portfolio they sent us.” Yuuri had been shocked to see it there, a song he had heard so many times, and had so many fond memories from when he grew up. 

“Oh I hoped you would pick that,” Minako says, and Celestino’s gaze sharpens as he looks to her and then back to Yuuri. 

“Now I’m intrigued,” he says. 

“The song I’ve chosen is my parents’ song. It’s a bit strange of a song to have as a couple, since it’s not a happy one. I don’t know all the details behind it, and I’m sure Minako knows more,” Yuuri says, looking back at her with a smile, one she returns. “But eveytime this would play they would get this look in their eyes, something very tender and loving. When I saw I could pick it I couldn't resist,” Yuuri admits, and Celestino smiles widely as he nods. “So I’ve picked  _ Listen to Your Heart _ .”

“That’s brilliant,” Celestino says. “We worked so hard on that one. I can’t believe it’s someone’s song. Are they still together?” 

“They are,” Yurui confirms. “I had to call and ask if it was okay that I told this story and my mom thought it was very sweet. “

“Have you played it for them?” Celestino asks but Yuuri shakes his head. 

“No I- it’s yours, you wrote it. I wanted you to hear it first, before I play it for them,” Yuuri admits, Celestino nods in understanding.

He stands on shaky legs as Celestino is ushered out. Yuuri helps carry the small piano to the stage area with the help of the band. They place a mic in front of it, taking off the one attached to Yuuri’s shirt. He stretches his head left and right and rolls his shoulders, letting his fingers rest against the keys of the piano. It doesn’t take long for Celestino to come back and then the overhead lights come on again. Yuuri closes his eyes, and then he lets his fingers press down. He’s made it acoustic, only the piano and strings, the eighties synth exchanged for violins. 

_ I know there's something in the wake of your smile. _

_ I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea. _

_ You've built a love but that love falls apart. _

_ Your little piece of heaven turns too dark. _

Yuuri can still see it so vividly, his mother’s eyes gazing around the room, as if a magnet pulled towards another. His father’s steps quickening to get back into the kitchen faster. The soft smile they both share when the song comes on the radio.

_ Listen to your heart, When he's calling for you. _

_ Listen to your heart, There's nothing else you can do. _

_ I don't know where you're going, And I don't know why, _

_ But listen to your heart _

_ Before you tell him goodbye. _

Yuuri’s never asked them, but he guesses it has something to do with his mother’s parents not approving of her relationship with his father. It’s nothing anyone’s told him, it’s more of a feeling, of puzzle pieces fitting together. His grandparents on his mother's side doesn’t visit, and Minako once said they were too conservative for their own good. 

_ Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile. _

_ The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea. _

_ They're swept away and nothing is what it seems, _

_ The feeling of belonging to your dreams. _

Perhaps they tried to pull them apart. Perhaps Yuuri’s mother listened for a while. Perhaps this song woke her up and brought her back to Toshiya, determined to be together even if the world was working against them. Maybe Minako helped her realize what she knew all along, that being with Toshiya was more important than her family's pride. Minako had already started touring then, but if she came back and talked to Yuuri’s mother about it, made her follow her heart, Yuuri’s forever grateful. 

_ Listen to your heart _

_ When he's calling for you. _

_ Listen to your heart _

_ There's nothing else you can do. _

_ I don't know where you're going _

_ And I don't know why, _

_ But listen to your heart _

_ Before you tell him goodbye. _

_ And there are voices _

_ That want to be heard. _

_ So much to mention _

_ But you can't find the words. _

_ The scent of magic, _

_ The beauty that's been _

_ When love was wilder than the wind. _

Yuuri sings with everything he has, and even though the song is sad, the melody echoing the melancholy of the lyrics, he can’t help but smile, thinking of his parents dancing in the kitchen. He has so many warm memories of them, their love so visible to anyone who sees them. They’re a perfect team, helping each other, supporting each other, loving each other. Yuuri hopes to one day find someone who looks at him like his father looks at his mother. 

_ Listen to your heart _

_ Take a listen _

_ When he's calling for you _

_ Listen to your heart _

_ Take a listen _

_ There's nothing else you can do. _

_ I don't know where you're going _

_ And I don't know why, _

_ But listen to your heart _

_ Before _

Yuuri doesn’t look up at the others as he plays, he’s too involved with the story, and with nerves. It’s a bit too close to home, revealing himself like this already on the first day. Yuuri didn’t realise so many of the songs would become personal for him too, even if he hadn’t written them. He sings out as best he can, hoping Celestino will like it, hoping his parents will too when they see this. 

_ Listen to your heart _

_ Take a listen _

_ When he's calling for you _

_ Listen to your heart _

_ Take a listen _

_ There's nothing else you can do. _

_ I don't know where you're going _

_ And I don't know why, _

_ But listen to your heart _

_ Before you tell him goodbye. _

He plays the melody again, once with the violins and once on just the piano, before he lets his fingers fall away from the keys, takes a deep breath, and looks up. The first person’s gaze he meets Minako’s, eyes wet with tears. His heart clenches and he can see her blinking rapidly so tears won’t spill over. She smiles, softer than he’s used to, and his heart clenches again. 

“Wow!” Celestino says, and Yuuri snaps out of it, looking up at the man who’d co-written the song. He takes another breath before he stands, turning towards the band to give them a quick thanks before turning so he can meet Celestino on the side of the table. He too gets a warm hug, one Yuuri tries to return. He’s not really used to physical contact like this, but he doesn’t want to be rude. “That was beautiful. I think you had almost everyone in tears.” 

“What?” Yuuri says as he steps back, looking down at the others sitting at the table. Sara is wiping her eyes and so is Chris. His stomach drops. He can’t help but look at Victor then, and see his eyes wet just like Minako’s, filled with unshed tears. “Oh.”

When seated again Celestino starts explaining how he and Satsuki met and how their collaboration came to be. Yuuri notices Minako grow quiet next to him, but he’s not sure if it’s because of something being said or the song he just performed. He wonders if he should ask her later. 

It’s not too long before Chris announces that he’s going to be performing  _ Rock the Night, _ another one of SPEAK’s hits. This version is upbeat and modern, and it brings all of the participants to dance while they’re seated. It’s a great way to end the lunch.

“Wow,” Celestino says, arm around Chris shoulders when the performance is done. “I think that was the perfect warm up for what we're doing next.” He grins, and Yuuri’s pretty sure that’s a bad thing. 

“I’m nervous now,” Minako says next to him, and Celestino laughs. “I don’t trust him.”

“You know too much,” Celestino shoots back. “It’s nothing bad at all. We’re going to see who is the fastest driver out of us.”

“What?” Mila asks. 

“I don’t have a licence,” Ji points out, making Sara and Chris giggle. 

“Not needed!” Celestino treasures with a wide grin. “We’re going go-karting!” 

  
  
  
  


[The original version of  _ Rock the Night _ plays as a clip in slow motion shows Ji, Chris, Sara and Mila walking towards the camera from a garage. They’re all in black and red racecar suits, and Sara’s hair blows dramatically in the wind. They all have helmets under their arms, and as they get closer Chris looks straight into the camera, and winks.]

Yuuri’s looking out over the small cars, feeling the competitiveness start rising in his chest. He’s always been like this, pushing to win. He wouldn’t say he’s a sore loser, but he does like to do his best and win. He’s not sure that’s a side he wants to display for the world on national TV. It’s different when he’s at home playing board games with Phichit and Yuuko and they’re ganging up on him. Yuuri looks over at the group. They’re all in their racecar suits listening to the manager go over the rules. Yuuri had been lucky enough to be able to just pull the suit over his regular clothes. He’s still anxious about Victor seeing his tattoos. 

The information finishes, and then they’re guided towards the karts. Victor, who’s been standing on the other side of the group, moves to walk next to him. Yuuri’s heart starts racing. He wonders if he’ll get used to having Victor close during this week, or if he’ll develop a heart condition. 

“Excited?” Victor asks with an easy smile. Yuuri tries not to glance at the camera that’s very obviously filming them. He looks at Victor instead, and feels himself be sucked into the natural beauty of him. It’s hard to look away from Victor, Yuuri’s realised. Even more so in person. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri half agrees. “It's been awhile since I’ve done this.”

“Me too! I hope I don’t drive off the track,” Victor laughs, and Yuuri smiles. How does Victor make it so easy to be around him? “Are you good?”

“I’m alright I think,” Yuuri says, feeling that competitiveness come back.”How about you?” 

“I think I’m going to kick your ass,” Victor says smugly, but with a cheekiness Yuuri never knew he could have. Yuuri feels his jaw drop as his stomach fills with butterflies. Victor bites his lip in a manner that’s far too hot. Still, Yuuri’s competitiveness rises even more, and he hears himself answer:

“Oh, you’re on.”

Victor beams. They’ve come to a stop next to the karts, and are handed helmets. He steps a bit closer to Yuuri, whispering so only he can hear. “Wanna make a bet?” Yuuri, who is being reckless and silly and far too smitten for his own good, nods in agreement. “What do you want to bet?” 

Yuuri’s heart races. They’ll have to get into the karts soon, or the others will start wondering what they’re doing. He can’t give into all his fanboy fantasies, and he can’t make a fool out of himself either. 

“If I win,” he starts, licking his lips. “You have to play for me after dinner tonight.” Victor's eyes light up and he smiles again, prompting Yuuri to continue. “And If you win, you get to decide what I play.” 

“Deal,” Victor says with a grin, extending his hand. Yuuri takes it and shakes once, feeling adrenaline start to rush through his veins. 

Celestino is definitely superior when it comes to go-karting, which Yuuri can live with, since it’s his day. Yuuri tries his best though, and when he’s on the podium in second place being given a box of candy as a prize, he can’t help but smirk at Victor who’s on the ground in front of them. Victor came in fourth, after Mila who turned out to be sort of reckless and completely mad on the go-kart track. Victor raises his hands in defeat and smiles, and Yuuri’s stomach fills with butterflies again. He tries not to think too hard about the fact that he’s going to get a private show by Victor later that night, because he’s not sure his nerves could handle it. 

  
  


_ [Dressed for Success _ plays as the group of singers move from the mansion to the lakehouse for dinner. Mila and Sara are dressed in matching white lace dresses - Mila’s long and flowing, Sara’s short with a full circle skirt. They’re walking in front with Victor who’s in a white shirt, dark pants and a dark pink suit jacket. Behind them walks Celestino, in a full suit this time. He has his arm around Minako’s shoulders, who’s in a long black dress and with a leather jacket over her shoulders. It looks a size too big. In the back walks Yuuri, Chris and Ji, more casually dressed then the ones walking in front of them but still looking good. Mila opens the door for them to enter, and it seems like the group is a little more comfortable around each other than they were walking to lunch.]

“Welcome to dinner!” Celestino says, standing behind his chair at the end of the table. A bowl of red soup have been placed by each person's place on the table, and a glass of white wine has been poured for each of them. “This is minestrone soup, and it’s what we’ll start with before the main course. Please take a seat.”

Yuuri’s between Chris and Minako this time, and as they sit he falls into easy conversation with them. Across from him sits Ji, Mila and Sara to Ji’s left, and Victor next to Celestino on Ji’s right. The conversations revolve around the go-karting, and Minako is still pouting about coming last when the soup has been eaten and Victor taps his glass. Yuuri’s stomach flips slightly. It feels surreal that he’s going to get to see this. He’s seen Victor live five times before this, but it’s all been in large arenas or stadiums, except that one time he accidently saw him play at a bar. Yuuri feels chills travel up his arms from the memory, and he has to take a sip of water to clear his mind, looking over at Victor who’s looking at Celestino. 

“Oh boy,” Celestino says. “What are you going to do?”

“It wasn’t easy,” Victor admits, and he’s wearing that perfect smile again. Celestino nods. “You have so many really timeless classics, but after some consideration, I've decided to do  _ It Must Have Been Love.”  _

“Oh,” Celestino says, genuinely surprised. Yuuri can’t say the same. The arrangement of the classic that was the lead track of the late 80’s blockbuster might not be what one associates with Victor, but the lyrics very much are. “That’s going to be interesting.” 

“I hope so,” Victor smiles, and stands up. Yuuri’s gaze follows him as he moves to the stage, while Celestino is ushered out for the interview.  _ It Must Have Been Love _ is such a heartbreaking song. Yuuri wonders if there’s a reason Victor picked this song. His heart clenches. It’s not like Victor hasn’t written sad love songs before, Yuuri just can’t imagine who would leave someone like him. 

When the lights dim this time it’s almost dark out, and it makes the focus on Victor so much greater than it had been for the performances during lunch. Victor receives a guitar from one of the band members, but other than that they seem to be standing still, not getting ready to join Victor. It seems he’ll be doing this himself then. Yuuri’s not really surprised by that either. Victor’s known for entertaining whole stadiums with just his voice and his guitar. 

_ Lay a whisper on my pillow, Leave the winter on the ground  _ _  
_ _ I wake up lonely, this air of silence, In the bedroom and all around  _ _  
_ _ Touch me now, I close my eyes  _ _  
_ _ And dream away _

Victor is such a natural performer. Yuuri’s never been able to look away from him. It's the same now, as he looks straight at them and sings. Yuuri’s heart pounds in his chest at the stripped down version, just Victor, the guitar and his voice. It hits so much closer like this, and even though Yuuri can’t relate the words to either of his two failed relationships, the expression on Victor face still makes his heart ache in his chest.

_ It must have been love, But it's over now  _ _  
_ _ It must have been good, But I lost it somehow  _ _  
_ _ It must have been love, But it's over now  _ _  
_ _ From the moment we touched, Till the time had run out  _

Yuuri’s fingers twitch, and he longs to hold Victor, which is probably creepy. There’s just something so hauntingly painful in his gaze. Is it an act? Is this old memories resurfacing? Or did Victor just come from a breakup, heart still aching for that other person? Yuuri’s not sure if he wants to know. Victor’s eyes fall closed, and when he opens them again he looks at Yuuri for a moment. The world stops. Yuuri’s breath catches. 

_ Make believing. We're together  _ _  
_ _ That I'm sheltered, By your heart  _ _  
_ _ But in and outside, I turn to water  _ _  
_ _ Like a teardrop, In your palm  _ _  
_ _ And it's a hard, Winter's day  _ _  
_ _ I dream away _

The song continues, and Yuuri hangs on each of Victor’s breaths, entranced. He’s always like this, like he’s pulled by a magnet to Victor’s performance. Phichit says that he becomes bewitched when Victor’s on stage, like Yuuri’s world shrinks to that one man and one guitar. Yuuri’s never been able to deny it. 

When the final notes fade away, Yuuri’s all but trembling. 

_ It must have been love  _

_ But it's over now  _

_ Now  _

Victor lets out a breath when he’s done, and Yuuri’s not sure if he’s the first one to clap or if someone else is, but his palms sting as he applauds the performance. It was just as intense as he imagined. Celestino and Victor embrace, before the technicians work quickly to strap Victor’s mic back on. Praise is given all around the table, and Victor smiles, charming, practised. Yuuri’s not sure how he’s noticing it now, how the expression Victor gives is slightly stiff. Victor looks over at him, and Yuuri’s heart starts beating in his throat. They don’t say anything, Yuuri doesn’t get the chance, before Celestino starts telling them how he and Satsuki wrote the song. 

“It was the last thing we wrote together,” he admits. “She had just met a new man and he was jealous of all the time she spent with me.”

“Wait,” Chris says with wide eyes. “Weren’t you a couple?”

“No,” Celestino says, and Yuuri can see from the corner of his eye how Minako’s head snaps up in surprise. “We were good colleagues and friends but never more than that. We never dissuaded the press though, because the idea of us being a couple was good for business.”

“You weren’t together?” Minako asks again, and Celestino frowns as he looks at her. There seems to always be something soft in his eyes when he looks at Minako, something he saves for her, at least in this group. “Never?”

“No,” Celestino says as he shakes his head. “I told you this.”

“She told me otherwise,” Minako presses, and Celestino’s eyes grow wide. Yuuri can hear someone gasp, and as he looks over he can see Sara with her hand over her mouth. This it truly some gossip it seems. “She told me-” Minako cuts herself off, eyes darting around the room as if realizing where they are, and how many are watching. She straightens and Celestino looks so surprised. Minako averts her eyes, and silence hangs heavy over the table for a moment. 

“You ready for the main course?” Joseph asks from the side, breaking the silence. They all seem to breathe a sigh of relief after that, and soon a mushroom risotto is placed in front of them. It tastes heavenly, and luckily both Celestino and Minako seem to find their footing fairly quickly. Yuuri’s just finished when someone across the table taps their glass, and he looks up to see Mila beaming, Sara looking slightly nervous but excited next to her. 

“Alright, so it’s our turn now,” Mila says. She glances back at Sara who smiles back at her. “We did listen through all of your songs separately, but we had this one song we had discussed before we even started that, and after we had gone through your music we were both set on doing  _ Faithfully _ ,” Mila says, and Celestino smiles and nods. 

“I had a feeling,” he says knowingly, and Sara giggles. 

“You were right then,” she says. “We both really love it, so we’re excited to perform it.”

“Go on then, I’m excited to hear it,” Celestino says. 

The girls settle in, facing each other. The music is much less rock and more pop, electronic drums and soft guitar, no piano, no synths. Mila starts, and as she does Sara is fully turned to her, focus solely on her. Her voice is raspy, grip on the mic tight. 

_ Highway run, Into the midnight sun _ _  
_ _ Wheels go round and round _ _  
_ _ You're on my mind _

Sara continues, singing straight to Mila. It’s like the rest of them aren’t even there. Yuuri’s never seen them live before, so he’s not sure if this is something they usually do. Sara’s voice is clearer, and they compliment each other well he thinks. 

_ Restless hearts. Sleep alone tonight _ _  
_ _ Sending all my love _ _  
_ _ Along the wire _

Mila takes over again, and something slightly painful crosses her expression as she sings about love on tour, of being apart, of being an unconventional family. Is she missing someone? Is there someone waiting for her, someone who can’t follow when she leaves on tour?

_ They say that the road, Ain't no place to start a family _ _  
_ _ Right down the line, It's been you and me _ _  
_ _ And lovin' a music man, Ain't always what it's supposed to be _ _  
_ _ Oh girl you stand by me _

They both take turns to sing, and as they approach the final chorus Mila reaches out to grab Sara’s hand. They hold hands tightly between them, and even more so now than before it seems like they’re in their own world, and the occupants by the table aren’t even there. Sara smiles softly, and Mila returns it, even as the final lyrics echoes against the walls of the lakehouse. 

_ I'm forever yours, faithfully _

After applause and cheers, the girls sit down, and they look slightly more relaxed. Yuuri can relate. He too felt like a stone had been lifted from his shoulders after the performance. A dessert is presented, pecan and caramel gelato, and Yuuri is very glad for the cup of tea he receives alongside it. Most of the other singers drink coffee, and they banter him a little for never having learned to drink it. Chris wonders how he keeps awake, and Yuuri explains that he’s always been a night owl, and how he’s never needed coffee to pull all nighters writing. This leads to a big discussion about when they are all most creative, one Minako interrupts as Chris starts making innuendos at how he usually feels most inspired after spending some time in bed - not sleeping.

“So before this becomes to R-rated and they have to cut it all out,” she says with a smile towards Chris, who raises his wine glass in a cheers before he tips back the last of it. Minako answers by shaking her head before she turns to Celestino. “I guess it’s my turn now.”

Celestino nods and he looks excited, squirming slightly in his chair as he smiles. “Okay, let’s have it then.”

“We’ve known each other for a while you and I,” Minako says, and Celestino answers with a nod. “And I thought that this song could be fun to perform for you. You’ll just have to take it for what it is.” 

“That sounds ominous,” Celestino laughs and Minako winks. Yuuri’s never seen her wink in his entire life. She had come up to his room right before Yuuri was about to head down for dinner, asking if Yuuri had a leather jacket with him. Yuuri had three in fact, but Minako had gone straight for the black biker jacket. It was slightly big on her, but it looked alright. He wonders now why she had come up last minute to ask for it, just like he had when they were standing in his room. He guesses he’ll just have to wait and see. 

  
  


[Close up of Celestino standing outside. The lakehouse can be seen behind him. There are fire baskets lit behind him, but it’s only he who’s in focus. He’s beaming, but unlike the other interviews he’s moving around more, almost a bit nervous.

Celestino: I’m really excited to see what she’s picked, especially since she didn’t say. It’s getting hard to guess too. I mean I’ve written a lot of songs but many of the most famous have already been performed (he glances back, and a slight blush paints his cheeks). It’ll be an honor to have her perform one of my songs.]

  
  


The rock music starts, and Yuuri’s eyes grow wide as he realises which song she’s picked. Minako’s grabbing the mic stand, smirk on her lips as she looks over the table. Yuuri’s only ever seen her perform jazz, so to realise she’s the one who’s changed the music the least of all of them surprises him. The leather jacket makes much more sense now. He glances back at Celestino, whose mouth is wide open in shock. Yuuri can relate. 

_ You're so hot, teasing me, So you're blue _

_ But I can't take a chance, On a kid like you _

_ It's something I couldn't do _

Minako has a look in her eyes that Yuuri’s never seen before. She’s always felt natural on stage, but there is a confidence radiating off her as she sways her hips. Chris wolf whistles, and Sara and Mila are already cheering too. Celestino looks like he’s been struck by lightning. 

_ There's that look in your eyes, I can read in your face _

_ That your feelings, Are driving you wild _

_ Oh, but boy, you're only a child _

Minako’s voice fits surprisingly well with the arrangement, and her focus is solely on Celestino as she sings. Yuuri feels like his mind is moving in slow motion as the world races, as if he’s already figured something out but it has yet to hit him. Minako smiles, and Celestino does too. 

Oh. 

_ Well I can dance with you honey, If you think it's funny _

_ But does your mother know, That you're out? _

_ And I can chat with you baby, Flirt a little maybe _

_ Does your mother know, That you're out? _

_ I can see what you want _

_ But you seem pretty young _

_ To be searching for that kind of fun _

_ So maybe I'm not the one _

For as long as Yuuri can remember Minako’s been alone. She’s never brought anyone with her to his parents, and she’s never talked about anyone later when their contact grew closer as Yuuri started performing. Could this be the reason? Celestino was known to be a playboy in the 80s and 90s. He’s had at least two marriages, and Yuuri’s sure he’s had more than one celebrity relationship outside of that. Did something happen between them? Or maybe it was the one that got away? 

_ Now you're so cute, I like your style _

_ And I know what you mean, When you give me _

_ A flash of that smile _

Minako looks like she’s enjoying herself, and by the end of the song Yuuri’s almost completely sure she’s flirting with Celestino who looks thrilled. He’s dancing along with her, even if he keeps seated. Most of the table is dancing too. Minako puts everything into the last chorus, and then takes a few more dance steps, before the song ends completely. 

_ Well, I can dance with you honey, If you think it's funny _

_ But does your mother know, That you're out? _

_ And I can chat with you baby, Flirt a little maybe _

_ Does your mother know, That you're out? _

“ _ Wow _ !” Celestino exclaims, on his feet in a second to wrap her in an embrace. Yuuri can’t hear what they’re saying, but he does hold her for a bit longer then he did the others, and when they part the touches linger, as if they don’t want to let go. Celestino wraps the night up by thanking them, still standing next to Minako. The camera crew take down their cameras, and then there’s a flurry of movement to take the mics off. 

“You think they’re dating?” Ji asks as they make their way back to the main building. Sara and Mila are walking with Victor and Chris in front, Celestino and Minako just in front of them. Yuuri keep looking at the small distance between them, wondering if he’s reading too much into this. He looks over at Ji in surprise, wondering if he’s been seeing the same things as Yuuri

“Celestino and Minako?” he asks to confirm. Ji turns to him with a frown.

“No! Sara and Mila,” he corrects. Oh. Yuuri looks beyond the pair in front of them towards the duo. They’re deep in conversation with Victor and Chris. Yuuri can’t say he’s thought about it at all. He says as much, and Ji nods thoughtfully. 

“Maybe?” 

“I just… that song they did was so intense, and it was almost like we weren’t there,” he says. Yuuri nods in agreement. He had thought about that too. 

“Why hide it though?” he asks. It must be terrible, spending so much time together as they do with working together and hiding being in love. Ji shrugs. 

“I don’t know. Maybe we’ll find out?” he suggest. Yuuri nods. His gaze falls back to Minako and Celestino again, wondering if the distance between them doesn’t seem to have shrunk even more. 

  
  


Victor approaches Yuuri almost as soon as they get into the house, and even though Minako gave him a curious look Yuuri had ignored it. He climbed all the stairs next to Victor towards the piano, excitement drumming in his veins. 

When there, Victor turns, a slight smirk on his lips. 

“You look sneaky,” Yuuri comments, wondering when he suddenly felt he could be that informal with Victor. He’s just about to recoil when Victor’s smile grows wider, slight blush coloring his cheeks. “Are you trying to get out of our bet?”

“I might be,” he admits as he walks towards the piano. Warmth blooms in Yuuri’s chest. “Or more like, a compromise.” 

“What’s to compromise?” Yuuri teases. “I beat you.”

“But you didn’t win,” Victor point out, sitting down on the stool and opening the lid of the piano. He looks over at Yuuri, who’s still standing next to the stairs. 

“True... where are you going with this?” he asks as he walks closer. Victor looks up at him, biting his lips slightly. He looks like he’s considering for a moment. 

“Do you know  _ Heart and Soul _ ?” Victor asks, and Yuuri almost snorts. The wine must have made him slightly tipsy. 

“I think almost everyone who can play piano knows  _ Heart and Soul,”  _ Yuuri remarks. Minako had taught him it when he was seven, and even though it’s been a long time since he played it he’s pretty sure he still has it in his muscle memory. Victor smiles, and then moves over on the stool. 

“Play it with me then?” Victor says, and Yuuri’s smile drops off his face in shock as his stomach flips. The stool isn’t big, but it could fit both of them. Yuuri looks at him for a moment, and Victor waits. Yuuri’s heart races, but he sits down next to Victor anyway. It’s tight, and they have to sit with their tighs pressed together, but Victor doesn’t seem to mind. He smiles as he looks over at Yuuri, and this close, Yuuri can see the freckles on his nose. 

“Alright,” he says looking Yuuri straight in the eye. “Ready?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week: Mila&Sara's day, a painful performance and Yuuri sings the song that brought him to the show. 
> 
> Want to read it today? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	4. I'm Your Greatest Masterpiece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mila and Sara's day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 4 playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1m4C08V1tot8vpQFy6ItNK?si=tofN4PgSSTSij7WhGXImMA)
> 
> **Chapter playlist**  
>  Emergency - Icona Pop  
> They're Building Walls Around Us - Icona Pop  
> You Ruin Me - The Veronicas  
> Brightside - Icona Pop  
> I Love It - Icona Pop  
> On Your Side - The Veronicas
> 
> I hope you enjoy Mila and Sara's Day! Beta done by the truly lovely [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi)

[A video clip from a smartphone. The house is dark, only dimly lit lanterns on the wall illuminating the space. The camera shows Ji in the hallway where most of the singers sleep. He looks straight into the lense, placing his index finger against his lips and making a soft  _ shhh _ sound. He gestures for them to follow, and then carefully starts moving towards the end of the corridor. As they come closer to the stairs, a rushed version of  _ Heart and Soul _ played as a duet on the piano is heard. The pace of the melody quickens, and soon it becomes impossible for the ones playing to continue. A burst of laughter erupts as the melody falls away, two voices giggling and gasping. Ji smiles up at the stairs before he looks down at the camera again, forming his hands into a heart in front of his chest.]

* * *

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and to enjoy each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

[The scene shows the mansion’s kitchen, where Sara and Mila are moving around making breakfast. They work seamlessly, answering questions as well as interacting with each other as they cook. 

A voice from off screen: what are you doing?

Mila: we travel a lot in our careers, and even though we used to indulge in sleeping in and eating crap, we realised that didn’t really work in the long run.

Sara: we have about 250 days of touring every year, so we’ve had to form our own routines around that to stay healthy (she looks over at Mila, and they exchange a look, clearly sharing something unsaid. They both look away with small tender smiles. Sara looks back into the camera). We love what we do, but traveling that much can be exhausting. Having healthy routines helps. 

Mila: like a decent breakfast. We thought we would make sure everyone gets something good and healthy in them before the day starts. 

Voice from off camera: what are you excited about today?

Mila: I’m really excited to hear all the interpretations. We had so much fun working on ours. I can barely imagine how something we’ve written is going to sound performed by Minako for example.

Sara: I’m excited about our activity. I’m also really looking forward to Yuuri’s performance, since he said our song was the one that made him decide to come. He’s such an amazing and emotional performer with such deep lyrics. It feels like such an honor to have him feel inspired by something we made. 

Sara beams, looking to the side of the camera. The image cuts to another angle, showing Yuuri and Victor in the doorway of the kitchen. Victor smiles widely, much more so then the cameras have caught before. Yuuri’s cheeks are deep red.

Victor: I agree!

Yuuri Katsuki shrieks.]

* * *

[A photo of a significantly younger Sara and Mila with their arms around each other’s shoulders and smiling into the camera is shown as  _ On Your Side _ plays. They look to be in their early teens, Mila’s red hair long while Sara’s is only just below her shoulders. It’s summer, and they’re in shorts at a beach. 

A female voiceover: The duo Mila&Sara came to be from two friends realising they shared a joy of music. Already in junior high the girls recognized themselves as soulmates, a hashtag frequently used by the duo, for their love of performing and making music. They both attended Youth Records in high school (The photo changes to two separate ones, one of Sara with a band, the other of Mila singing next to a black haired boy around the same age. They look to be in their late teens). During high school they worked with different artist configurations separately, but after graduating they came together to create the duo they are famous for today. (A new photo, one of Mila and Sara on stage, viewed from the back as they look out over a sea of people) They were quickly recognised and signed, and since then they have produced several platinum selling singles, such as their debut single  _ Emergency _ , their follow up  _ We Got That Cool, _ and  _ On Your Side _ . They have reached international acclaim and received awards in several countries for their music.]

* * *

Yuuri cannot deal with praise like that this early in the morning. He really, really needs to have some sort of tea in him before dealing with talented people like Sara Crispino saying far too nice things about things he’s created. Mila looks far too amused as she hands him a cup of green tea, and Sara snickers. 

“Do you need help?” Yuuri asks, but both Mila and Sara decline. Victor looks into Yuuri’s cup, raising his eyebrows in surprise. 

“So it really is tea?” Victor asks. He looks up at Yuuri who nods, cradling the cup as if it contains the life force he needs to survive. Sometimes it feels like it. “I assumed you were a coffee person before coming here.”

“Why?” Yuuri asks, realising he almost sounds offended. Ugh, why does he have to be so grouchy in the morning? Victor only smiles, walking over to the kettle himself to pour tea into a cup. 

“I don’t know. I guess it’s the tattoos. They give a coffee and cigarette type of vibe,” he says, leaning back against the counter. Yuuri’s stomach drops slightly, and he tugs at his sleeve as if it would be able to hide the fact that Victor has already realised Yuuri’s inked up and down his arms. He stands next to him and leans back too, watching the girls work. 

“Sorry to not fit the stereotype,” Yuuri says, taking a sip of the warm liquid. It’s perfect. He lets his eyes slide close to relax into the warmth of it.

“Not at all,” Victor answers and Yuuri looks up at him. He’s dimly aware of Celestino and Minako entering the kitchen, interacting with Mila and Sara. He doesn’t look at them though, too lost in the blue of Victor’s eyes. Yuuri’s always admired him, but the more time they spend together the more something else settles in his chest, different from admiration. Victor seems to be so much more than Yuuri expected. “I like being surprised.”

“Oh,” Yuuri answers, not at all sure if that is a good or bad thing. Victor’s looking at him, his intense gaze making Yuuri feel breathless. Then he blinks, and Yuuri can visibly see him retreat, charming smile replacing the vulnerability that was just there. It makes Yuuri’s heart clench painfully, and he’s not really sure why. Why does Victor do this, pull back? Why does he wear this mask? Yuuri looks away, suddenly uncomfortable. 

“Morning,” Minako says as she settles on his other side, nodding towards Victor who tips his cup towards her. Yuuri smiles and she clinks their cups together, hers containing coffee. “You went up early last night.”

“Yeah,” Yuuri says, not sure if he should explain more. He and Victor haven’t really said it’s a secret they’ve spent the last two nights playing music for each other. How they spent last night pressed together on the piano stool, repeatedly playing  _ Heart and Soul  _ until it was perfect. It had turned into a contest then, seeing how fast they could play it before losing the rhythm. Victor had laughed joyously, and Yuuri’s heart had soared in his chest. How tender Victor’s smile had been when they said goodnight and headed into their separate rooms. How long Yuuri had stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the racing of his heart truly meant. “Did you stay up late?” he asks instead of explaining. Minako’s cheeks color slightly, and she clears her throat. Strange. 

“Uhm,” she says, and Yuuri sees her eyes dart to the other side of the room. “Not too late, no. I went up not long after you. I think Sara, Mila, Ji and Chris stayed up though.”

“Not Celestino?” Victor asks, and when Yuuri looks back at him he has a smirk on his lips. Has Victor noticed the same thing as Yuuri did yesterday? He frowns and looks over at Celestino. He’s in jeans and a new concert tee, long hair out of its usual ponytail and hanging freely. Yuuri doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary at first, but then, just as he’s about to turn away and look back at Minako he sees it. A dark mark peeks out from underneath his t-shirt collar, clearly hickey. Yuuri’s jaw drops and he looks over at MInako with wide eyes. 

“ _ Minako _ ,” he gasps, and her cheeks darken even more as she tries to hide behind her cup.

“What?” she says, looking not at all as innocent as she thinks. 

“That hickey is very visible,” Yuuri whispers. Victor giggles next to him, and Minako’s eyes grow wide. 

“Shhh,” she hisses between clenched teeth, eyes darting to the camera before she looks over at Celestino. She bites her lip as she looks back at them, and Victor’s snickering next to Yuuri while Yuuri’s still trying to pick his jaw off the floor. 

“Really?” he wheezes. Minako rolls her eyes but then she smirks.

“You won’t tell anyone will you?” she asks, batting her eyelashes. Yuuri cannot believe this. 

“This is like when Mari tried to coax me into helping her hide all her delinquencies,” Yuuri points out. Minako’s smirks stays firmly in place. 

“I’ve always liked that about her,” Minako says and Yuuri sighs, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at Victor, who is having far too much fun with this. 

“I really don’t think it matters if we say something, with how visible that mark is,” Victor points out with a chuckle. He looks up at the clock. “I need to get to the band anyway.” 

“First slot today?” Yuuri asks. Victor nods and gives him a small smile, but it’s much more guarded than it was before. Yuuri wonders what he did wrong. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” he says before he puts his cup into the sink, greeting Chris who’s just come into the kitchen as he exits it. Chris is in the same half-open robe today, chest on display. Sara gives him an offhand comment about exhibtionism. 

“Don’t be like that darling, this is a G-rated show after all. Morning everyone,” Chris laughs. He looks around the room as they all greet him, and Yuuri can see the exact moment he too, sees it, eyes growing wide and a sly grin on his face. “ _ Celestino is that a hickey? _ ” 

* * *

[Close up of Minako, framed from the waist up. She’s sitting outside, greenery and some white flowers behind her. A light breeze blows through her hair. 

Voice off camera: what do you know about Celestino’s hickey?

She looks straight into the camera, not a single muscle twitching. She almost looks bored. 

Minako: what hickey?

Cut to Celestino, sitting in a similar setting. There’s a soft blush on his face, and he has a lopsided grin. Peeking out from under his shirt collar is a dark mark. 

Voice from off camera: What do you have there?

Celestino glances down, and even if he obviously can’t see the mark himself he seems to know it’s there. His blush has darkened as he looks up. 

Celestino: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Another cut and this time it's Yuuri who’s sitting there looking slightly uncomfortable. He squirms in his seat, eyes darting between the camera and the one holding it.

Voice off camera: What do you know about Celestino’s hickey?

Yuuri’s eyes grow wide in shock, and then he’s hiding his face in his hands with a groan. 

Yuuri: Oh my God!

The frame cuts again, and this time Chris is sitting there with a wide grin on his face. 

Voice off camera: Have you heard anything about the mark on Celestino’s neck?

Chris’ smile grows even wider and he wiggles his eyebrows. 

Chris: Oh they totally f***ed. ]

* * *

Yuuri goes through roughly the same motions as he did yesterday. He practices with the band, which goes well. They do a few run-throughs, but this is the one Yuuri knows best. He worked on it for several nights before he came to Ericsberg, until he felt it was perfect. He couldn't work on it when Phichit was in the studio, which his friend had found strange, but Yuuri had fairly easily been able to ignore his questions. He had showed his friend all the others, but he was still nervous about this one. He’ll have to make sure to watch the episode with Phichit when it airs. 

He uses the rest of the morning to play some guitar on the balcony instead, enjoying the solitude. Without meaning to his mind wanders to Victor and the different sides of him. His cool, charming public persona. The one Yuuri’s always known. It had seemed so genuine, but now as he’s spent a few days with Victor it seems it hadn’t been. More and more Victor’s mask cracks, especially when they’re alone. Victor becomes goofy, smile heart shaped and laugh unrestricted. Why? Why is he hiding, when every new side Yuuri sees is so much more intriguing. And above all, why is he letting Yuuri in? 

He plucks the strings of his guitar, a melody that isn’t really anything on loop. He can’t figure it out. There’s something missing. Something he doesn’t know yet, maybe. Phichit has been messaging all day yesterday and this morning asking how it’s going, but Yuuri’s been dodging him. He knows he should answer but it feels strange. The more time he spends with Victor the more he feels the urge to hold what he’s thinking to himself. Not because he doesn’t trust Phichit, but because he’s not sure if Victor would want him to share. 

* * *

[The camera pans over a small private beach, _ We Got That Cool _ playing. The water's fairly still, soft waves crashing against the white sandy beach. The sky is blue, only a few stray clouds slowly drifting across it. On four lounge chairs placed in the sand sits Mila, Sara, Ji and Minako. There’s two parasols shielding them from the sun. Mila and Minako seem to simply be resting, while Sara and Ji play cards.]

* * *

“Welcome to lunch!” Sara and Mila exclaim with their arms stretched out, laughing. The group has made their way from the house to the lakehouse once again. Mila and Sara are standing at the end of the table behind their chairs with wide smiles. Sara’s in a white embroidered crop top with high waist flares. She has a hairpin in her hair, and several rings on her fingers. Mila’s wearing a green dress with black patterns on the front of it. They both look like they would be ready for a performance even if Yuuri knows they aren’t. Today they’re in the spotlight, but not on stage. It’s already become easier to see who might perform and who might have theirs in the evening. Yuuri can’t be sure of course, but the ones he guesses might be taking the stage are more dressed up, ready for the spotlight. Yuuri himself is in much more casual clothes now than he plans to be during dinner. Chris however looks like he’s ready to perform, as does Minako. Yuuri thinks that it might be Victor or Celestino who’s the third, since he’s fairly sure Ji’s not dressed for a performance. 

“Please sit,” Mila urges, and they all do, curiously looking down at the food. Vibrant colours of vegetables decorate the plate, grilled salmon and a cold sauce. Yuuri’s stomach grumbles. 

“This is basically what it looks like,” Sara says, gesturing to the plate. “Summer salad with grilled salmon and basil sour cream sauce.”

“We hope you enjoy it,” Mila says. 

The large screen currently standing on the small stage starts, and a soft laugh comes from both Mila and Sara. It shows several photos of them growing up, a voiceover explaining how they meet. Mila&Sara’s first single  _ Emergency  _ is played, and then a clip of them performing it is shown. After that follows several clips of them in different arenas, performing different songs. Yuuri feels almost dizzy with how many people are jumping and singing along to the lyrics as Sara and Mila move across the stage. During the tour in Europe Yuuri had been on some big stages, but nothing like this. When the clips end a crew member moves the screen from out of view, and the attention turns to the other side of the table, where the duo is seated.    
“That felt strange,” Sara laughs. 

“So you’ve grown up together?” Minako asks, and both of the girls nod in agreement. “What was that like?”

“I mean,” Sara starts. “I’ve always been so grateful to have Mila in my life. Being the kind of person who strives for the kind of career we have isn’t always easy. You get teased a lot.”

Several people around the table hum in agreement, and Yuuri finds himself nodding as well. He wouldn’t say he had been bullied, but it was lonely, and some most definitely called him crazy for wanting to work with music. 

“It was really nice to have someone else who had the same focus as you, even if we haven’t always done music together, like in high school we were paired with others, but we still always had each other,” Mila agrees. She looks at Sara and they both smile. 

“It’s good when you lose focus or faith as well, the other is there to pull you up,” Sara says. 

“I agree with that,” Celestino says. “As much fun as it can be to make music on your own and to feel like this is truly mine, doing it together with a group or in a duo has another type of charm. Perhaps even more so when performing.” 

“But just because you’re the face of the song doesn’t mean you’ve made it all on your own,” Ji points out. “I might have written a lot of my lyrics but it’s always been a team effort, even if the team might change from album to album.” 

“I think the difference for us is that Mila is always my closest confidante, and she’s always been there,” Sara says. “Even if others come in and make the music, it’s always us that’s the core team. It’s what’s most important.” They exchange another look, and Yuuri glances over at Ji who looks at him pointedly, mouthing  _ Dating  _ exaggeratedly. Yuuri can’t help but smile. Maybe he’s right. 

“It was such a good support to have, especially when we released  _ Emergency _ . We were both nervous wrecks, because everyone at the record company believed in us so much, and we both worried we weren’t enough,” Mila admits. 

“You didn’t have much to worry about,” Victor points out. Mila and Sara both nod. They’re signed with the same record company that Victor’s always been with, so he might have seen more of their journey than the rest of them.

“Yeah, but at the same time I felt like we got so lucky. I love what we do so much, I can’t believe we have the privilege to do things like this,” Sara says. A knife taps against a glass, and it brings them all out of their conversation. They turn towards the end of the table, seeing Chris holding up his glass.

“Speaking of  _ Emergency _ ,” he says and both Sara and Mila gasp loudly. 

“Noooooo,” Mila says and Sara laughs. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Chris confirms with a wide grin. “It’s such a fun song, I couldn’t not pick it.”

“You’re going to do it amazingly, oh my god,” Sara says excitedly. 

There is the now known flurry of Mila and Sara stepping out to do an interview while Chris gets ready. He’s in a simple tight black t-shirt and tight black jeans today, winged eyeliner and glittering eyeshadow.

“This song fits him perfectly,” Yuuri says as he turns to his left where Victor’s sitting. Victor nods in agreement. 

“He’s always liked this song,” Victor says. “We’ve danced far too much to it.” 

Yuuri wonders how much Chris and Victor hang out. He knows they’re friends, he’s seen as much on Instagram, and they did arrive together. It feels strange to ask though, since Victor so clearly pulled back from him this morning. 

“I can imagine you’ll be dancing to this new version as well then,” Yuuri settles for, and Victor looks from Chris to him with a small smile and a nod. Sara and Mila come back inside and settle down, and the lights over the table dim. 

_ So you wanna party? So you wanna dance? _ _   
_ _ You better know someone, then find someone of our friends _ _   
_ _ You wanna get higher? Shake that ass _ _   
_ _ Spinning 'round and 'round, and 'round and 'round like that _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I put a little twist in my hips (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Kiss on my lips (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Ice on my wrist 'cause I'm hot and I'm dancing (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Caught that romancin' (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Cancel your plans and (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Girls hide your mans, 'cause I'm hot and I'm dancing (Here we go) _

Chris’ arrangement includes heavier bass, and Yuuri finds himself swaying along with the performance. He can imagine this being played in clubs, bodies moving to the beat. Ji as well as Mila and Sara are all dancing in their seats. Celestino drums along with his fingers on the table. 

_ This is emergency (Wooh ooh ooh) _ _   
_ _ Call an ambulance, come rescue me (Wooh ooh ooh) _ _   
_ _ Everybody in this bitch (Wooh ooh ooh) _ _   
_ _ If you wanna get up, get down like this _

_ Hallelujah, oh mercy me _

_   
_ _ Confess your sins and get down on your knees _ _   
_ _ And I'll be good to you if you're good to me _ _   
_ _ And we can go on and on and on and on _ _   
_ _ On and on and on and on _

Chris’ body language on stage has always been suggestive, and even if  _ Rock the Night _ the day before was a more straightforward rock performance, this feels like it could have been a song on any of Chris’ albums. He sways his hips, hands caressing up his sides and down his chest. 

_ I put a little twist in my hips (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Kiss on my lips (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Ice on my wrist 'cause I'm hot and I'm dancing (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Caught that romancin' (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Cancel your plans and (Here we go) _ _   
_ _ Girls hide your mans, 'cause I'm hot and I'm dancing (Here we go) _

From the corner of his eye Yuuri sees Mila standing, pulling Sara with her. They raise their hands and sing along as they dance. Yuuri can’t help but smile, and soon he’s standing to join them, alongside the other participants. Chris smiles widely as the performance continues, and Yuuri feels some of the uneasiness that’s been lodged in his chest loosen as Victor hip bumps him. 

_ This is emergency (Wooh ooh ooh) _ _   
_ _ Call an ambulance, come rescue me (Wooh ooh ooh) _

_ Everybody in this bitch (Wooh ooh ooh) _

_ If you wanna get up, get down like this _

_ This is emergency _

_ Call an ambulance, come rescue me _

_ Everybody in this bitch _

_ If you wanna get up, get down like this _

“Wow!” Sara exclaims when the last notes ring out, and she’s already half running around the table to grab Chris in a tight hug. Mila is quick to join, and as soon as Sara lets go she gathers Chris in her arms. “So good. So, so good!”

“It really was! I couldn't sit still,” Mila laughs. Chris laughs too as they move to their seats.

“I’m really glad I got to do it. It’s always been one of my favourites and I loved being able to dance to it now as well,” he says.   
“So amazing!” Sara says and then squeals, dancing a bit in her chair. “Thank you.”   
  


The conversation moves on to how they wrote  _ Emergency _ , and as they continue to eat the conversation continues to their three albums and how they have grown while making them.    
“Do you think you would write the songs you wrote for your first album today?” Victor asks, and Mila and Sara share a look.    
“I’m not sure,” Sara says after a moment. “It’s not that I don’t love them or aren’t proud of them, because I am. I just think we’ve grown a lot since then.”

“I agree,” Mila says. “We were just kids when we wrote the first album, and not that we’re old now, but I think both of us have a wider world perspective now then we did when we started out.” 

“Music can have such an impact,” Sara continues. “With the last album we really had things we wanted to say about injustice and how cruel the world can be.”

“I can relate to that,” Yuuri agrees, and Sara’s eyes are warm and a bit sad when they meet his. “The need to write about how you wish for a better world, or to try to grasp the reality around us.”

“Yeah-” Sara starts, but another clinking of glass cuts her off. Yuuri meets Minako’s eyes from across the table and then she looks over at Sara and Mila. Yuuri does too, seeing the duo lean forward in anticipation. 

“Oh my god it’s happening,” Mila says, and all of them around the table laugh. 

“I’ve actually chosen something from your latest album, so this felt like a good place to cut in,” Minako starts. “This song has a very strong message for me, and hearing you talk about it sort of affirms that. It’s written as a love song, but when listening to it, I felt it had more of a world critique than it first suggests.” There's a slight pause, and even Yuuri feels like he’s on the edge of his seat. 

“Is it  _ They’re Building Walls Around Us Now _ ?” Sara asks, and Minako nods. “Oh wow.” 

“That, yeah I would agree with that,” Mila says. “When we were writing it we were just talking about how much of the world closes off, how nations build walls to exclude and to create rifts, and how hurtful it all seemed.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Minako says. Sara lets out another slow breath before she stands. Mila follows her out, and Minako goes to change mics and get ready for the performance, and is all set as the girls come back. There’s the soft cymbals of jazz, a guitar, and a saxophone. This is Minako at her best, as she is most known. Yuuri leans back and feels memories of her playing wash over him, even though he’s never heard her do this song before. 

_ Sorry baby, sadly, I gave up, I know _

_ I was out of options with nowhere left to go _

_ I was much too young back then baby, just a kid _

_ It just seemed I stayed that way no matter what I did _

_ Oh let’s say it _

_ They’re building walls around us now _

_ Oh let’s say it _

_ They’re building walls around us now _

With the new context, the lyrics hit Yuuri in a new way. He hadn't thought about it when he heard the song before, how political it could be interpreted with viewing it another way. He glances back at Sara and Mila, both of whom have their eyes glued to the stage. He wonders if people realise the depths of them, or simply assume they are a pair of party girls, making music to prompt people to move to the beat. 

_ Oh let’s say it _

_ They’re building walls around us now _

_ Oh let’s say it _

_ They’re building walls around us now _

_ It seems that I fell out of luck into the _

_ Outstretched arms of fuck up, I know _

_ It seems that I fell out of luck into the _

_ Outstretched arms of fuck up, I know _

Minako ends the song standing tall, chest heaving slightly and expression serious. They all clap, and Sara and Mila take a moment to give her a standing ovation before they move over to each give her a hug. 

“That was lovely,” Celestino says as she sits down next to him, and Minako smiles in response. 

“Yeah Minako, that was amazing,” Ji agrees. 

“Thank you,” Minako says with a slight bow of her head. “It was a joy to work with.”

“I can’t believe Minako Okukawa did one of our songs,” Mila sighs and looks at Sara who giggles. “I can die happy now.”

“You’re so silly,” Sara says, but there’s a fond look in her eye. “Thank you though, Minako. It was so good.”

“To singing what we believe in,” Chris says, raising his glass in a toast. They all echo it. Yuuri glances over at Victor, who looks deep in contemplation. He wonders what he’s thinking. 

“Who did you work with for the last album?” Ji asks, and the conversation continues on from there, everyone except Yuuri sharing who they have worked with. Yuuri doesn’t really have much to add. The only time he tried to work with someone it fell apart, except the few stray musicians that have been brought in to record for his albums. Many have worked with the same people and they all have similar stories. Neither Minako or Ji asks Yuuri about it, since they know, but Chris and Mila try to coax him into the conversation. Victor shares some of his experiences but doesn’t ask for Yuuri’s. Maybe Yuuri really did do something to make him upset, or maybe he’s just not interested in Yuuri. A sinking feeling fills him. Being under Victor’s attention had felt so warm and bright, and now Yuuri misses it. 

After a few minutes of conversation and sharing silly stories of strange producers and musicians, Victor taps his knife against his glass. Yuuri’s heart jumps and he looks over. Victor’s expression has changed to a calm and collected smile. Mila and Sara smile back. 

“I can’t believe this,” Mila says. “All the songs you’ve helped us with since we started... have you chosen one of those?” Victor chuckles, but something about it seems hollow. Uneasiness settles in Yuuri’s stomach again. 

“It’s not,” Victor says. “But it is one from your latest album.” 

“Ah! We both lost our bet then!” Sara exclaims, and looks out over the table. “I had bet Victor would do  _ I Love It _ , and Mila was sure he was going to pick  _ We Got The World _ , both from our first album.”

“I guess you were wrong then,” Victor laughs. “I’ve decided to do  _ You Ruin Me _ .” 

“Oh,” Mila says, laughter dying in her throat. An emotion Yuuri can’t place crosses her face. “I would never have expected that.”

“I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway. I’ve changed some of the lyrics but I think you’ll still be able to recognize it,” Victor says with an easy smile, and they both nod. “Ready?”

Yuuri’s heart is racing as he tries to remember if he’s heard the song Victor’s doing. He didn’t go through Sara and Mila’s albums like he did with the others, since he knew what he wanted to do when he joined the show. He can’t seem to bring forward which it is. Perhaps it’s not a single. Victor gets ready, and when Mila and Sara come back from the interview he starts playing on his guitar. 

_ Job well done, Standing ovation _

_ Yeah you got what you wanted, I guess you won _

_ And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like we do _

_ Even I could've told you, I’m never done _

_ 'Cause you play me like a symphony _

_ Play till my fingers bleed _

_ I'm your greatest masterpiece _

_ You ruin me _

_ Later when the curtain’s drawn _

_ And no one's there for me back home _

_ Don't cry to me you played it wrong _

_ You ruin me _

_ I know you thought, That I wouldn't notice _

_ You were acting so strange, I'm not that dumb _

_ And in the end I hope it was worth it _

_ I don't care if you loved me, it made me numb _

' _ Cause you play me like a symphony _

_ Play till my fingers bleed _

_ I'm your greatest masterpiece _

_ You ruin me _

_ Play me when the card's drawn _

_ And no one's there for me back home _

_ Don't cry to me you played it wrong _

_ You ruin me _

_ I’m that song I wouldn't sing _

_ Just a broken melody _

_ You're killing me _

_ You play me like a symphony _

_ Play till my fingers bleed _

_ I'm your greatest masterpiece _

_ You ruin me _

_ And later when the curtains drawn _

_ And no one's there for you back home _

_ Don't cry to me you played it wrong _

_ You ruin me _

Yuuri’s chest is burning with pain, and he has to suck in breaths to get oxygen back into his system. Victor had looked broken as he sang. Yuuri has seen him emotional, performing on stage with all the emotion a song needs. This was different, this was so incredibly different. The hollow yet painful look in Victor’s eyes had felt so real Yuuri could touch it. He had looked at Yuuri, straight at Yuuri, and all Yuuri wanted was to rush up there and wrap him in his arms and hold tight. Who had hurt Victor so much, for him to look like a shattered mirror? 

Victor’s eyes had fallen at the end of the song, but when he looks up the broken look is replaced by an easy smile again. They all clap, and Yuuri looks around to see them all smiling back. 

“That was amazing,” Sara says as she stands, Mila following her. They both embrace Victor with easy smiles, and it all feels wrong. “You are such a performer, you made me feel so much.” 

Yuuri’s so sure it wasn’t a performance. Yuuri’s seen more of Victor’s shows than he should probably admit, and even if Victor is an excellent performer, this was more, this was something different, something so very different. 

“Yes, you are so good at portraying emotions,” Celestino says, and Minako nods along. There’s a ringing in Yuuri’s ears, and it makes his focus zero in on Victor’s expression, how it suddenly looks so hollow, even if he’s smiling. 

“Truly. What good acting skills,” Ji agrees. 

Wrong, wrong, wrong, echoes in Yuuri’s mind, and he can’t stop himself. Victor pulls out his own chair, and Yuuri turns and wraps his arms around Victor’s shoulders. Yuuri rarely seeks physical contact, but he can’t stop himself now. This is so very out of character for him but he feels like he has to. There’s a moment of nothing, and Yuuri lets out a breath he’s not sure how long he’s been holding. 

“I’m so sorry someone made you feel that way,” he whispers. Victor goes stiff in his embrace, and Yuuri’s heart hammers against his ribcage. It feels like the moment goes on forever, but then Victor wraps his arms around Yuuri’s waist for a moment, one firm squeeze. 

“Thank you.”

It’s so very quiet, Yuuri’s not even sure he truly hears it himself. He nods anyway, and then he pulls away and sits down, looking down at his plate. The table has grown quiet, but Yuuri doesn’t dare to look up at them. The realisation of what he just did crashes over him like a wave, and he feels anxiety lock tight over his heart. He doesn’t dare look up at Victor, not sure what he would find there. Did he go too far? Was he out of line? Was he wrong? 

Chris seems to be the one who finds his footing first, bringing up a subject they had discussed earlier during dinner. The rest of the singers seem grateful for the relief of the awkward atmosphere that had settled over the table, and it’s not too long until Sara and Mila thank them for their performances and announce the lunch to be over.

“Alright,” Sara says with a smile, looking over at Mila. “When we were deciding what we were going to do with our activity, we decided that something where we got to work together with each other could be fun!”

“So we’ve booked us an escape room!” Mila announces with a smile. 

“Oh you really thought cramming us together even more would be healthy?” Minako jokes. 

“Yeah Sara, if you wanted to be locked in with me all you had to do was ask,” Chris chimes in, laughter in his voice.

“Hey!” Mila calls, pointing a finger at Chris who wiggles his eyebrows. “I got my eye on you Giacometti.”

That causes the group to laugh, and Yuuri can see some of the cameramen chuckling as they turn off the cameras, recording for lunch over. 

* * *

[Fast paced clips of the group working in two different escape rooms while the original version of  _ They’re Building Walls Around Us Now _ plays. Minako, Sara, Ji and Victor work in a room that looks like a wine cellar and then in an office. There’s a lot of head scratching, some fumbling with folders and Victor trying to pull at everything, with varied results. Another clip shows Sara laying on the floor, working out a code that can only be seen on the roof while Ji holds a mirror to a lamp from the second room.

The other group, consisting of Yuuri, Celestino, Mila and Chris, work in a series of rooms reminiscent of  _ Alice in Wonderland _ . They are all wearing bunny ears. A clip shows Mila painting bunny noses and whiskers on them before they head in. Yuuri twitches his nose when she’s done, and Chris coos, eyes glittering before he throws the camera a kiss. The first room only has a large table in it, then there’s a clip of Yuuri crawling through a tunnel that’s both crooked and small, another of Chris trying to puzzle together teacups in a shaky tower. Various clips of all four of them holding different sizes of keys. 

There's a cut to the first group as they cheer for having finished their room. They all look relieved and happy as they make their way back to the first room. 

Sara: and with fifteen minutes to spare!

Minako: It was hard. I think we did good.

Ji: yeah, no chance the others beat us.

Victor: No, we must have managed to get it done before them.

The door opens, and on a couch facing them sits the other team, still in their bunny ears and make up. The first group bursts out laughing.]

* * *

Yuuri’s so incredibly nervous as they settle down for dinner. This song means a lot to him, even more so than the one the day before, and Yuuri knows that the performance tomorrow will be even worse. He tries very hard not to think about that, to focus on today and to make this performance as good as he can. He owes it to the people it’s for after all. 

They all sit, Yuuri’s at the far end of the table this time, Chris across from him and Celestino on his right. Chris is more casually dressed tonight, even if he’s still in eyeliner. Celestino’s in a white v-necked shirt, which doesn't hide the hickey at all, and a black blazer, which seems to be his go-to performance clothes. 

Ji, Minako and Victor look much more relaxed than the other threet, and Yuuri’s glad that he’s not the only one that becomes nervous by this set up. It feels slightly better than yesterday in a sense, but in another it’s much worse, especially with what Sara said during breakfast. 

Mila presents the appetizer, which consists of two thin crust pizzas, sliced for them to share. They’re absolutely delicious. Yuuri takes one of each, trying not to let his heart race away. He’s first tonight, and a part of him wishes they would all finish eating so he can just get it over with. 

They are all in good spirits after the afternoon’s activity, and it’s starting to show that they're getting to know each other, banter breaking out as they talk. After Chris has made another not so bad but still very lewd joke, Yuuri cuts them off by tapping his knife against his glass. He feels sweat start to pearl in his palms, but still he faces the duo, giving them a soft smile.

“I’m so excited about this,” Sara says, looking straight at him. “I’m so excited to know what you picked.”

“Yeah,” Yuuri says, licking his lips. “I don’t think it’s what anyone would expect of me, but then again most of your music isn’t what I usually do.” He laughs softly, and so do the other singers. 

“Okay, now I’m even more intrigued,” Mila says. “What are you singing Yuuri?”

“I decided to choose  _ Brightside _ , and I don’t have too much to say about it except that it’s for my best friend and manager Phichit Chulanont.” 

From the corner of his eye Yuuri can see Ji break out into a smile, and he can’t help but look over at him and nod. 

“Oh!” Mila exclaims. “Yeah that wasn’t what I expected.” Sara shakes her head in agreement. “Wow.” 

“Yeah I don’t want to be like that but I wasn’t expecting something so…,” Sara trails off, waving her hand as if in explanation. Yuuri has a guess what she’s going for. 

“Bright?” he supplies, and she lets out an embarrassed laugh.

“Yeah? Sorry,” she says and Yuuri shakes his head. “You ready to show us?” Yuuri nods in agreement and walks up to the stage to get ready while Sara and Mila walk out to do the interview. He takes a deep breath, and he tries to think of everything that Phichit has done for him. It’s easy to let the avalanche of memories wash over him as the lights dim. He strums the strings of his guitar, and looks up at the duo at the far end of the table.

_ I wear a frown, you ride the smile _

_ Always do your best to get me upside down _

_ When I’m throwing shade, you rearrange the clouds _

_ Got my head up but we're going south _

_ Let you’re the rose to tint my glass _

_ Spray-painted the lawn to get a greener grass _

_ You're my brightsider, 'cause all you wanna do is make me feel a little better _

_ You’re my cheerleader, with no allowance, baby, you’re on the bleachers _

Flipping the lyrics felt more appropriate, because that’s their whole thing, isn’t it? Yuuri worries, agonises, feels the weight of the world smother him. He lets his mind run away with him, locks himself in a room or the studio to write and compose, and lets darkness surround him. Phichit pulls him out every time he notices. 

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ To show me my brightside _

First day of college, a bright-eyed boy flopped down next to Yuuri, proclaiming he was going to become a music producer and that he needed a roommate. Yuuri has no idea why he picked him, but Yuuri was living in an overpriced motel and all his apartment scouting had come up too pricey. The decision had been easy, and it’s the best Yuuri’s made to date. 

_ When the nightmares came, you woke me up _

_ Your give me Lucky Charms and a sunny-side-up _

_ When my streak runs out, you win me more _

_ You’re my four-leaf clover and a unicorn _

When Yuuri’s life crumbled under the weight of the record company, when darkness surrounded him, when he felt he lost everything when he broke the contract, Phichit had pulled him straight out of it. Yuuri smiles as he sings, remembering the file sent to his email a little over two years ago. 

_ Let you’re the rose to tint my glass _

_ Spray-painted the lawn to get a greener grass _

_ You're my brightsider, 'cause all you wanna do is make me feel a little better _

_ You’re my cheerleader, with no allowance, baby, you’re on the bleachers _

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ To show me my brightside _

It’s more than the fact that Phichit is a ray of sunshine. Even if Phichit doesn’t always know how to deal with Yuuri’s anxiety and how he sometimes makes it worse, he’s always patient, he’s always kind. He’s never condescending. He makes Yuuri’s life better by not treating him like he’s made out of glass. 

_ When I'm down here _

_ It can only get better _

_ See it all clear _

_ Well, at least we're together _

_ Laying under the stars _

_ Thinking 'bout who we are _

_ Claiming 'bout all that we are gonna be _

_ Laying under the stars _

_ I know that it's dark _

_ But you show me the brightside _

They built this career together. Even if Yuuri’s the one who gets to stand here and perform, Phichit has worked just as hard for Yuuri to come here. Supporting each other through college, through the darkest days, building the studio, releasing the first single that then just took off. They built this brand that is Yuuri, and Yuuri will be thankful for it always. 

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ Get up, get up tonight _

_ You will be the one to show me my brightside _

_ To show me my brightside _

The song ends, and Yuuri plays the melody on the guitar one more round, just because it’s fun. He can’t help but let the smile that’s been growing during the song spread all through his body and fill him with joy. Sara and Mila have been smiling through it too, and it’s only when the song ends he dares to look away from them to the rest of the table. They all clap, and Ji looks almost teary eyed. Yuuri ducks his head when he sees it. Out of those here, Ji is the only one who knows how much Phichit has meant to Yuuri. 

“You were amazing!” Mila says as she embraces him after Yuuri’s managed to untangle from the guitar. “I wasn’t expecting you to pull off happy so well but you truly did.”

“I loved that  _ da, da didi da _ , thing you added,” Sara says as she pulls back from their hug, mimicking the bridge Yuuri added after the chorus. 

“So is Phichit more than a friend?” Mila asks and wiggles her eyebrows as she sits. Yuuri shakes his head immediately. 

“No, we’re only friends, we’ve always only been friends,” Yuuri says. “But he’s meant so much to me. I really wanted to do something to let him know how much. So thank you for letting me borrow this.”

“That’s so great,” Mila says. “It’s so important to have supportive people around you, especially in an industry as harsh as this.”

“Yeah it can be so tough and it’s nice to have someone to lean on when you feel like you can’t do it anymore,” Sara agrees. 

“Is that what the song is about?” Ji asks. Mila looks over at Sara who looks back, and it’s almost as if they’re having a silent conversation, or maybe there’s something in Sara’s eyes that convinces Mila that it’s okay to share.

“I actually wrote it for Sara,” Mila says, licking her lips nervously. “She.. after the second tour…”

“After the second tour,” Sara starts, continuing where Mila seems to be struggling. “I had a really hard time. I loved performing but all the restlessness, the late nights, the feeling of not having a home, it all really got to me. I got depressed, or at least I found it hard to see the joy in things, to appreciate everything.”

“I hated seeing her like that,” Mila says, and her gaze doesn't stray from Sara. “I tried to write something that would make her smile, that would remind her of how much I care for her, and how I’m always here for her.” Sara’s gaze is tender as she looks back at Mila, and okay Yuuri might be getting on board with Ji’s suspicion now too. 

“A song doesn’t change everything,” Sara says as she looks away from Mila to look at the rest of them. “But it made me feel safe, knowing she was there. We made some changes to our life and routines after that and I’m better now.”

“But that’s where it comes from,” Mila says, looking back at Yuuri with a smile. “It was so pretty. Thank you.”

They serve a beef stew for the main course, and it’s deep and rich in flavour. When everyone’s eaten Celestino performs  _ I Love It _ , Mila& Sara’s biggest hit so far, and the duo share a story about accepting an award where the announcer kept thinking Mila was Sara and vice versa. Chris remembers having seen it and soon they’re all laughing about it while all three of them reenact the scene. Yuuri feels someone looking at him and glances over at Victor, who is looking straight at him. His gaze linger for a moment before he averts it, and Yuuri’s stomach fills with butterflies. They haven’t really talked since Yuuri decided to embrace him, and his anxiety has been making his mind turn about it ever since. Luckily they’ve been busy, but Yuuri’s pretty sure he’s going to have to take an Oxazepam before bed to calm down enough to sleep.

Dessert is waffles, which makes most of them give the girls questioning glances. Victor even asks why waffles, but Sara gives a dismissive answer, and they all seem to drop the topic then. 

Ji does a lovely, fun and dancey version of  _ On Your Side _ , and once again they all stand up to dance along as he sings. Mila and Sara end the night still standing, glasses raised in toast as they thank them all. Yuuri thinks he sees Mila’s hand on Sara’s lower back, but he’s not sure. 

He hurries inside when they’re done, and he’s halfway up the second stairs when he hears someone following him, pace quick. He’s just made it up when Victor calls for him, and Yuuri cannot not stop. His heart races, ready to apologize, to say he knew he was out of line. 

“Yuuri,” Victor says again when he reaches the top, a little breathless. The apology is right on the tip of Yuuri’s tongue. “Could I… would you mind if…” Victor trails off, sucking his lower lip into his mouth before releasing it slowly from between his teeth. He shakes his head, as if dismissing an idea. He smiles instead, and it’s that unguarded one, the one that makes Yuuri’s heart flip. “Would you like to practice  _ Heart and Soul _ again?”

Yuuri feels almost completely certain that wasn’t what Victor was going to ask, but he’ll gladly take it if this means Victor isn’t furious with him for stepping out of line. 

“Of course,” Yuuri agrees, turning to walk towards the piano. He can’t stop himself, he has to say something. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable at lunch, it wasn't my intention...I don’t know-”   
“Oh don’t apologize,” Victor says and Yuuri sits down heavily on the stool, Victor joining him. “Please just... I’m really grateful for it.”

“You are?” Yuuri asks, feeling like this doesn’t make sense, like there’s puzzle pieces missing. 

“Yes,” Victor confirms, a soft smile on his lips. He looks over at Yuuri, and he looks much more relaxed now, even if there’s still a stiffness in his shoulders. “Shall we play?”

* * *

[Female voiceover: Next week it’s Victor Nikiforov’s day. ( _ Photograph _ starts playing in the background). A clip is shown of Victor smiling and waving into the camera. 

Victor: Morning, today it’s my day. It feels a bit like it’s my birthday, with the songs being the gifts (laughter). I’m looking forward to seeing what they’ve all made. 

Clip of Chris in a glittery crop top dancing and jumping as he sings, no audio from the performances playing. It cuts to a clip of Ji sitting on a stool singing, both him and Victor smiling softly. The camera cuts again, and this time it’s Yuuri standing up and holding a mic attached to a mic stand. It’s dark around him, a spotlight illuminating just him. He has his hair slicked back, but this is the first time the audience sees him in glasses. He’s wearing a black three piece suit that fits him perfectly. His gaze is dark, and it looks like he’s looking straight at Victor as he sings. Victor’s eyes are wide, and there’s a dark blush on his cheeks. The screen goes black.

Female voiceover: See you next week.]

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week: Victor's day, boys being smitten fools and an intense performance from Yuuri. 
> 
> Want to read the next chapter now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20). 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	5. Give Me Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My, My, My, Give Me ....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks as alway to the lovely [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi) for helping me beta. You're a life saver. 
> 
> Are you ready? I don't think you are.... 
> 
> [Chapter playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2oIqP6tVnqKIoLCDUwYTIN)  
> Chapter playlist order:  
> I See Fire - Ed Sheeran  
> I Don't Care - Ed Sheeran & Justin Beiber  
> Shape of You -Ed Sheeran  
> Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran  
> Hearts Don't Break Around Here - Ed Sheeran  
> Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

[A phone is shown on screen displaying a brown poodle that’s looking quizzically into the camera. She tilts her head left, then right, and then she boofs, wiggling her tail. A voice laughs off camera, and the shot widens to show Victor holding his phone, smiling softly as he looks at his dog. 

Victor: Okay Makka, darling girl, I have to go. Be nice to Yuri now okay?

An angry voice from the phone speakers: If she chases Potya one more time I’m kicking her out!

A deeper, more leveled voice, also from the phone speakers: No we’re not. 

Victor: (laughter) Thank you Otabek!

The call disconnects as grumbles can be heard, and Victor looks up into the camera, giving a charming smile while flipping his bangs out of his eyes. 

Victor: brothers (shrugs his shoulder).]

* * *

  
  


[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

  
  


Yuuri stares up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all. He’s yet to get out of the bed, even as the clock ticks on. He has to get up soon. He has an early slot with the band today again, and he really, really needs to practice. He knows the song, and has been able to sing the lyrics by heart long before he was asked to be part of the show. It’s the performance he’s worried about, and even then not so much the performance itself, but who will be seeing it. 

Yuuri sighs and rolls over in the soft bed, closing his eyes. He tries to visualize it, standing on that stage in his black tight jeans that Phichit claims makes his ass look amazing, the asymmetrical black jacket. He’s decided not to have an instrument while performing today, just him and his singing. It feels so scary, having nowhere to hide. It’ll be him facing Victor with nothing between them. Victor watching him as he plays one of his songs, his words. Yuuri’s heart flutters. 

He had been fearing this day since the announcement came, scared to not be enough, to be worthy of performing something Victor’s created. It doesn’t seem to matter that Victor’s  _ Kiss Me _ has been on his regular setlist ever since he started doing live shows. This is different. This is so much more. Still, since being informed of Victor joining the show as well, things have changed. It feels strange that so much has happened in just a few days. Now Yuuri knows Victor, or at least parts of him. He still feels like Victor is guarded sometimes, pulls back and hides behind the mask. He doesn’t do it when they’re alone, and that Victor is so beautiful it makes Yuuri breathless. 

Why does he let Yuuri in? What makes him pull back? Who hurt him? 

Maybe one of those questions answers another. If someone hurt Victor deeply, perhaps that’s why he pulls back, perhaps that’s why he hides. It still doesn't explain why Yuuri is the exception to the rule. 

He gropes around the sheets for his phone, pulling it out from under his pillow. He should call Phichit, but he’s running out of time to get ready. Yuuri sighs. He’ll have to do it later. With a groan he pushes himself up and slips out from under the covers. 

* * *

  
  


[The camera shows an attic room with high but sloping ceilings. It’s painted in light colors, and there’s two armchairs, one deep purple and one cerise shown in frame. Victor is sitting in the purple one, wearing a soft black sweater and slacks. His hair is perfectly styled, and he leans forward slightly, blue eyes sparkling. He smiles charmingly as he looks into the camera. 

Victor: Morning, today it’s my day. It feels a bit like it’s my birthday, with the songs being the gifts (laughter). I’m looking forward to seeing what they’ve all made. 

Voice from off camera: any songs you’re hoping to see performed today?

Victor: (looks thoughtful as he leans back) I would enjoy seeing some of my older songs, since I don’t think many have heard them. I have my favourites of my own work too of course, but I’m looking forward to seeing who will have picked what, and why.

Voice from off camera: are you looking forward to the activity? 

Victor’s eyes light up, sparkling. A smirk curls on his lips. 

Victor: Yes, I’m looking forward to all the bruises it’ll cause everyone (laughter).]

* * *

[A home video of Victor is shown, long silver hair cascading down his shoulders. He’s standing at a street corner playing, blue eyes intense as he sings.  _ Thinking out Loud _ plays in the background. The video cuts to Victor’s first album covers, long silver hair up in a ponytail, looking straight into the camera. 

Female voice over: Victor NIkiforov is one of the most famous singer/songwriters of our time. He’s the most streamed artist of the decade, and he’s won countless awards (several clips of Victor accepting awards are shown in quick succession) for his lyrical music and on point lyrics. He’s moved an entire world to the point where he’s sold out arena after arena (the clips change to photos from arenas from all over the world, filled with fans singing along with Victor’s music) as he takes the stage with just his guitar. All of his albums have sold platinum, and includes songs such as  _ The A team, Thinking out Loud, Shape of You _ and  _ Castle on the Hill _ . Recently he’s made two collection albums with other artists, merging his style with others (photos of Victor next to other artists he’s made music with the past two years are shown, one of them being Ji). Victor continues to woo and touch millions with his songs, surprising his audience with each new take he brings into his music.] 

* * *

Yuuri’s just come back to the mansion from his rehearsal with the band when he runs into Victor. He’s sitting alone in the salon looking out through the large panorama windows, gaze far away. Yuuri wonders if he should say something, but since Victor seems deep in thought he decides against it, turning towards the kitchen. He’s just about to step through the door when Victor seems to notice him.

“Morning Yuuri,” he greets, and Yuuri turns to face him. Victor’s turned in the armchair, soft smile on his lips. Yuuri’s heart does a flip in his chest, remembering last night. They had played  _ Heart and Soul _ again. It had been slow, and as they played Yuuri had felt something grow between them, warm and so thick he could almost touch it. They had parted then, and Yuuri had felt like there was so much unsaid and unasked, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually say any of it. Who was he to ask such private things of Victor?

“Morning Victor,” Yuuri answers. “I was just getting some tea and something to eat. I didn’t have any breakfast.” Victor studies him for a moment, licking his lips. He looks almost nervous. Yuuri squirms. 

“Are you…,” Victor starts, and then cuts himself off. He takes another breath, and starts again. “What are you doing now? After getting something to eat?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Yuuri says, relaxing slightly as he shrugs “I might go up to my room and play some guitar. It’s what I’ve been doing the last few days.” 

“Okay. Would you want to go outside into the gardens instead?” Victor asks, and Yuuri feels warmth bloom in his chest. “I’m a bit nervous and I don’t really know what to do with myself today.” 

“Of course,” Yuuri says, words falling unbidden from his lips. “I’ll just grab something and we can go?” 

“I'll join you, we can have a picnic!” Victor suggests, rushing out of the chair like an eager child. Yuuri laughs. That does sound really nice actually. They head into the kitchen together, and after some looking around they find a basket which Victor proceeds to pack far too many things into. Yuuri makes them sandwiches as Victor packs drinks and snacks, and soon they’re walking out into the large garden. Victor directs them towards a bower under a large tree. It almost makes a cave as it hangs over a bench, and as they walk under Yuuri feels as if they are stepping into their own world.

“I found this on the first day,” Victor admits as they settle down on the old bench, a blanket spread on top of it. “It’s like a green room with a view.” Victor reaches behind his back then, and with a practiced move, turns off the mic. “You want me to turn off yours too?”

“Can we do that?” Yuuri asks, as he twists to give Victor access to the receiver fastened in his pants. He can barely feel it, but he hears the soft  _ click  _ as the lever is turned off. He turns back, and Victor gives him a small smirk, shrugging has he picks up the thermos of tea. 

“I’m guessing they’ll just think we’re in our rooms. As long as they’re not filming us it can’t matter,” Victor says, handing a cup of steaming black tea to Yuuri. Yuuri can’t help but smile, feeling as if he’s playing hookie. He wonders if Victor’s learned to do this over the years as such a big celebrity, to find ways to skirt around the rules and find peaceful places for himself.

“I’m afraid I haven’t been much fun to film before lunch,” Yuuri says as he wraps his fingers around the cup, pulling his legs up to curl around his knees on the bench. Victor pours a cup of his own and settles down next to him. 

“I haven’t either. I’ve mostly been here or walking the tracks in the forest, when I didn’t have time with the band,” Victor admits. “I might have been hiding a bit from them.” He chuckles and looks over at Yuuri who bites his lip. 

“I have too, both from them and the others,” Yuuri admits. “I’m just… Scared to be awkward. I feel like I don’t really belong here.” It’s very honest, and Yuuri’s not sure why he feels he can share this with Victor. Maybe it’s because Victor has shown more openness with him than anyone else. 

Victor frowns as he takes a sip of his tea. “Don’t belong here?” he echoes. “Are you serious?”

“I mean…” Yuuri starts, straightening a little as he feels the need to explain himself. “I don’t have that much material, and I don’t have many connections so I don’t really know how they found me in the first place.” 

Victor’s expressions soften, but he still looks puzzled. “You have looked at your spotify streams right? You’re able to support yourself and your manager on your music, as well as the studio?” Yuuri nods, pulling his knees a bit closer as he sips on his tea. “Yuuri that’s amazing. You have no one pulling for you, no big money promoting you or pulling you in the direction they want you to be. You built that all on your own.” Yuuri’s heart starts racing. He can hardly believe Victor Nikiforov has listened to his music still, and for him to hold him in such high regards, it almost makes Yuuri tear up. “And your music is so emotional and real. It touches so many in such a profound way. You definitely deserve to be here.” 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says with a slow breath out, but then it feels like he was being smug. “I have trouble taking praise like that,” he admits. Victor studies him for a moment, brows knitting together in thought, as if he can’t understand why. It’s a bit flattering, but also not uncommon. Most people don’t understand Yuuri, and they don’t really try to either. 

“Why?” he asks softly. It’s not mocking or harsh, more curious, as if Victor has realised this is something that makes Yuuri vulnerable. Yuuri looks at him. He’s always scared to do this. It’s gone well a few times, not so much others. Most of all, his anxiety makes sure talking about it terrifies him. 

“I have anxiety,” he says, looking out over the grass towards the flowerbeds. “It makes… compliments hard to handle. I have a hard time believing them, since I can’t see it that way myself. When it comes to my music I always feel like I’m not good enough, no matter how much I like what I've created, the next day I might throw it out because it’s not right.”

Victor listens, and he doesn’t make any immediate expressions or outbursts. He sits there, tilts his head to the right, and nods as Yuuri speaks. Yuuri wishes he would say something when he finishes, so to break the silence he adds: “It’s not like my two albums sold platinum like yours did.” 

“Yeah well, maybe my career isn’t something to strive for,” Victor chuckles, but it has a hollow tone to it. It feels like the core of everything, somehow it feels monumental and heavy, another piece of all the clues leading to the answer Yuuri doesn’t know yet. Yuuri pauses, breathes in, and jumps.

“Why?” Yuuri asks. Victor looks over at him again, long fingers curled around the cup. 

“In the beginning,” Victor starts, licking his lips and then looks down into the cup. “I had so much to say. It was like all the emotions were bursting out of me, lyrics forming from everything I saw, everything I felt…” Victor quiets, and something painful crosses his expression. Yuuri wants to reach out and touch him, but he doesn’t feel like he’s allowed. He grips the cup tighter. “After a while it was like pieces of me got chipped away. They let me do the first album in a way that I wanted, but as it and my career took off everyone had opinions. It became a race for money instead of music. After a while it didn’t feel like it mattered who I was, or that I was a person at all.” He lets out a shaky breath, jaws clenching. He’s still staring into his cup. The memory of that bar emerges in Yurui’s mind, Victor and his guitar on the makeshift stage in the corner, the lyrics so raw, so open. They had reminded Yuuri’s so much of how open and honest Victor’s early lyrics had been. Yuuri always assumed that Victor simply grew, not that he was muzzled. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri says, not sure what words to use. His mind is still spinning.

“I haven’t told anyone that,” Victor says, his voice softer, smaller. He looks up at Yuuri then, and the pain in his eyes is so visible. “I didn’t sound like as much of a brat as I thought I would.” 

“Why would you think that?” Yuuri asks. He hadn’t thought of it like that at all. 

“I have so much, and it’s not as if I’m not proud of the music I’ve made lately, but I’ve had to fight so hard to have the songs sound like I want them to. In the end it wasn’t worth it. The creativity died, inspiration vanished,” Victor says. “It’s the reason for the two collaboration albums. I feel dried up and I hoped that working with others would spark something.” Victor smiles then, small but genuine. 

“Did it?” Yuuri asks, and Victor’s eyes fall to his lap. 

“No. It was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed almost all the meetings and how the songs came out, but afterwards I was just as hollow.” 

“Is that why you decided to come here?” Yuuri asks, and Victor’s lips quirk up and he looks back at Yuuri. Something sparkles in his eyes then, something that wasn't there a moment ago.    
“Yes and no,” Victor says, smiling. “I hoped it would help, but it wasn’t why I accepted.”

“Okay,” Yuuri says, scared to push for more. Victor’s already shared so much, opened up more then Yuuri could ever have imagined. It seems, when Yuuri opens up, Victor does too. He smiles and thinks back to the past few days, realisation washing over him. “It's what your interpretations have been about so far,” he says, and when he turns to look at Victor he nods and smiles, as if Yuuri just figured his puzzle out. Yuuri’s heart sinks. 

“Yeah, it’s… it’s been good to be able to use someone else's words to portray it. I haven’t been able to write it myself. Sara and Mila’s song was especially easy to simply tweak a little to feel more accurate,” Victor admits, and Yuuri’s heart clenches. “And I guess  _ It Must Have Been Love _ is me feeling like the relationship I’ve had with music is now sort of gone.” 

As a fan of Victor’s music, that particular explanation feels devastating. To think that the person that created all the wonderful music Yuuri has imprinted on his skin feels like he’s lost the love of it. As a person who’s getting to know Victor as something more than a musician, and whose crush has now deepened as he’s seen more of him, Yuuri feels crushed. 

“That’s horrible,” he says and Victor nods, another hollow laugh leaving his throat. 

“That’s what I mean by it might be better to have your own studio in the middle of nowhere, your career building slowly. Even if it feels like you’re not doing it for real. Too much of the industry is fake, and everyone is terrified to show themselves as vulnerable, to show who they are.” 

Yuuri feels his stomach sink. Isn't that what he’s been doing too? He’s deliberately hid all of his tattoos from Victor, made sure not to show too much, to expose his deep admiration. He looks down into his cup that’s now empty. Victor looks over, and he frowns, reaching for the thermos. “You want more?” 

Yuuri nods, even if he feels like he should run and hide. Victor pours another cup into Yuuri’s cup and then tops off his own, before pulling the basket closer. He picks up the sandwiches and hands one to Yuuri, grabbing one for himself. 

“Thank you for listening, Yuuri,” he says with a soft smile. He reaches out, and his thumb caresses over Yuuri's cheek. It’s over in a second, but the warmth lingers on Yuuri’s skin as if Victor tattooed it there. “And thank you for telling me too, about the anxiety.” 

“Yeah, you too,” Yuuri says, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needs to make it right, to make it up to Victor. He just doesn’t know how yet. Instead, he changes the subject. “Are you nervous about lunch?” 

“A little,” Victor admits, biting into his sandwich, a soft moan leaving his mouth. “This is so good Yuuri.” Yuuri blushes and bites into his own, so not to say anything stupid, and to draw his attention away from Victor’s mouth. “I’m mostly excited. Are you going to tell me what you’re singing?” he says teasingly, and Yuuri feels a smile curl on his lips.

“No, I think I’ll let it be a surprise,” he admits. Victor’s smile widens. 

“I love surprises.”

* * *

[ _ Shape of You _ plays as the group of singers moves from the mansion towards the lakehouse. Victor’s in a grey slacks and a black leather belt with matching shoes, a white button up with rolled up sleeves showing off his fit torso. Yuuri is walking next to him, dressed in jeans and a tight long sleeve tee. They're seemingly engrossed in conversation as they walk slightly ahead of the others down the stone path. Minako’s wearing a fiery red dress, walking next to Chris, who’s in high waisted jeans and a black crop top, and Celestino, who’s in his regular concert t-shirt and jeans. Behind them Ji, Sara and Mila walk, talking to Celestino and Minako who turn every so often to say something to those in the back. Mila and Sara are wearing matching outfits, both in jeans shorts and black tops, Mila’s more fitting with a sweetheart neckline while Sara’s has a flowy higher cut. Ji’s in a new crop top - the word FREE written across his chest. 

Yuuri opens the door for Victor who smiles sweetly at him before walking to his place at the head of the table. The others move to their seats too, and look curiously down at the red, almost purple, soup that’s plated in front of them. 

Victor: Welcome to my day and this lunch. This is borscht, which is something my grandparents used to make all the time when I was growing up, especially in the cold season. I know it’s not really cold outside today (laughter) but I still wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it.

They all sit, and while Mila and Sara seem well accustomed to the dish and dig right in, Celestino looks sceptical. They all start eating, and an array of ‘this is so good’ and ‘wow that’s really tasty’ can be heard around the table. The screen in front of them flickers to life, and Victor puts his spoon down to focus his attention on it fully.]

* * *

  
  


Yuuri can’t help but smile as he watches clips from Victor’s career shown on screen. He recognizes most of them, from music videos, concert videos and documentaries. Yuuri has watched everything about Victor he’s been able to get his hands on after all. He glances back at Victor once in a while, seeing a genuine smile on his lips as he looks. When the small show and tell of Victor’s career is over the screen is removed, and they all turn their attention back toward the guest of honor of the day. 

“It’s so much,” Chris says as he laughs. “I forget how much you’ve accomplished in such a short time.”

“It doesn’t feel short,” Victor admits with a laughter, picking up his spoon again. 

“You’ve been active in the music industry for over a decade, so you must have started early?” Minako asks. Victor nods. 

“Yes, I think, like I’m guessing for most of us, I’ve created music for as long as I can remember. I used to write down songs and perform them for my brother and when I was ten I got my first guitar. I’ve been creating ever since,” Victor explains. 

“So how did you get signed?” Celestino says, still looking like he hasn’t touched much of his soup. Yuuri finds his delicious. He should ask for the recipe later. 

“I sent demos to all the record companies I could think of,” Victor laughs and Celestino joins in. 

“So the old fashioned way,” he counters and Victor nods. 

“Yes I guess that's what you would call it. ARIA called me back and I’ve been with them since,” Victor explains. 

“It’s been quite the career. Is there something you’ve enjoyed more or less?” Ji asks. Yuuri feels his stomach tighten, but Victor looks poised, charming smile on his face. Yuuri squirms uncomfortably. How is it so easy for him to pretend, when Yuuri knows that he feels so strongly about it?

“I’ve been very blessed with such success,” Victor starts, leaning back slightly. “It’s what I hoped for but never dreamed of. Selling out stadiums for several nights is always a rush, and creating music that people enjoy and can relate to is such a fulfilling feeling.” There’s a tap on a glass that cuts him off, and Yuuri turns towards it to see Minako smiling at Victor. 

“Victor,” she starts. “I’ve gone through the quite large number of songs you have, and I recognized so many of them. You’ve truly been remarkable at making your music into treasure played all over the globe.”

“Thank you,” Victor says, smiling charmingly at her. 

“I did however find a song that I hadn't heard much of, that I really enjoyed and therefore picked,” she says, and Victor leans forward slightly, interest sparkling in his eyes. 

“Oh?” he asks and Minako grins.

“Yes. So, I'm going to do  _ I See Fire _ .” 

* * *

[Voice off camera: How do you feel about Minako doing  _ I See Fire _ ?

Victor: I’m very excited. I wasn’t expecting anyone to pick it, since it’s not very well known. I’m looking forward to seeing if she puts a jazz spin on it or if she keeps it more to its original form. 

Voice off camera: can you tell us more about the song?    
Victor: It was originally made for a movie, and it’s the credits song. Since it came just a month before my third album the record label wasn’t that keen on promoting it, which I was disappointed about. I was really proud of it and wanted it to do well. I’m glad she’s doing it now.]

* * *

Yuuri is of course very familiar with this song, even if he knows most aren’t. He’d even been in the movie theater the first time he heard it. Phichit had pulled him out to watch it, and as the end credits started rolling Yuuri had grabbed Phichit’s arm tightly as he stared unseeingly at the screen. They stayed in the theatre for the entire credits, till the song ended, and when they left the cinema personnel had looked at them weirdly.

Minako looks like fire in her dress, and Yuuri now understands why she picked it. He’s a bit surprised that she chose this song, but he guesses it’s because of how dramatic it is. Minako’s always had a preference for dramatics when it comes to music. She smiles at Victor as he sits, and then starts singing before the music starts

_ Oh, misty eye of the mountain below _

_ Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls _

_ And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke _

_ Keep watching over Durin's son _

The drum beat is soft, and the saxophone supporting the bass creates a soft but deep feeling to the song. Yuuri smiles, but can’t stop himself looking over at Victor. His gaze is intense, but he’s still guarded. 

_ If this is to end in fire _

_ Then we should all burn together _

_ Watch the flames climb high into the night _

_ Calling out father oh, stand by and we will _

_ Watch the flames burn on and on the mountain side hey _

_ And if we should die tonight _

_ Then we should all die together _

_ Raise a glass of wine for the last time _

_ Calling out father oh _

_ Prepare as we will _

_ Watch the flames burn on and on the mountain side _

_ Desolation comes upon the sky _

_ Now I see fire, inside the mountain _

_ I see fire, burning the trees _

_ And I see fire, hollowing souls _

_ And I see fire, blood in the breeze _

_ And I hope that you'll remember me _

When the song ends Victor stands and claps, before moving around the table to give Minako a hug. She’s smiling, and Yuuri’s pretty sure she’s proud of this version. She should be. It was a great piece, different from her other songs, but still her. 

“You made that sound like it belonged on an album of yours,” Victor says as he sits back down. “Thank you.” 

“No trouble,” Minako says, waving her hand before she reaches for her glass. “It was a joy to work with. The music is so layered, even though it seems simple. It’s a real testament to your musicality.” 

“Thank you, high praise from such an esteemed artist,” Victor answers and Minako waves dismissively again. 

“Cool down you two,” Celestino says, and Yuuri can’t help but giggle at the annoyed look on his face. When Yuuri looks over at Chris he sees him grin widely. 

“My, if I didn’t know better I’d say you’re jealous,” Chris laughs, and Celestion sputters. Minako grins proudly and pats his shoulder, which immediately softens Celestino’s expression. Yuuri will have to ask her about it the next time they have a moment alone together, how long they’ve been doing this dance. 

“Have you done other movie soundtracks?” Ji asks and Victor shakes his head. 

“No, it’s the only one I’ve written for a film, but several songs have been used in movies and series,” he answers and Ji nods along. “I just didn’t write them specifically for that purpose.”

The conversation drifts to movie music, and it continues on that topic till everyone, even Celestino, has eaten all of their soup. A clinking of glass can be heard and Sara and Mila smile widely as they announce they’re covering the collaboration that Victor and Ji did together. The team brings them both out for the interview, and Yuuri smiles as they come back with wide smiles, Victor’s mask slipping slightly. When he sits back down, it’s back in place. Yuuri lets out a sigh and looks over to the stage. Is there something he could do to make Victor realize that he’s good enough as he is? That the mask only hides the beauty of him from the world? 

The girls smile widely, and then turn towards each other when the music starts, more upbeat and heavy then the original. Sara turns to them and winks, earning shouts of encouragement from both Victor and Minako. Mila raises her mic first. 

_ I'm at a party I don't wanna be at _

_ And I don't ever wear a suit and tie _

_ Wonderin' if I could sneak out the back _

_ Nobody's even lookin' me in my eyes _

_ Then you take my hand _

_ Finish my drink, say, "Shall we dance?" Hell, yeah _

_ You know I love you, did I ever tell you? _

_ You make it better like that _

Sara continues, circling Mila before she turns towards the table, both of them falling into some easier dance steps. Yuuri glances back at Victor who’s smiling widely. He’s seen them grow up in the industry, Yuuri guesses. It must be fun to see them make something of his theirs, even if Yuuri knows Victor has written at least four of their songs. He taps his fingers against the table, swaying to the beat. Yuuri looks back over at the girls, having trouble sitting still, nodding along to the music. 

_ Don't think I fit in at this party _

_ Everyone's got so much to say, yeah _

_ I always feel like I'm nobody, mm _

_ Who wants to fit in anyway? _

The duo take turns throughout the song, singing to each other while still flirting with the audience. Ji and Chris egg them on with whistles and hoots, and Yuuri can't help but join in. The girls smile widely as they approach the final chorus, which they sing together, facing the table. 

_ 'Cause I don't care when I'm with my baby, yeah _

_ All the bad things disappear _

_ Yeah, you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody _

_ I can deal with the bad nights when I'm with my baby, yeah _

_ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh  _

_ 'Cause I don't care as long as you just hold me near _

_ You can take me anywhere _

_ And you're making me feel like I'm loved by somebody _

_ I can deal with the bad nights when I'm with my baby, yeah _

_ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh _

They end with a few more dance steps, and when the music quiets they both laugh joyously, the table giving them loud cheers and enthusiastic applause. Victor gives them a standing ovation too, before he moves to gather them both in a joint hug. 

“Did you like it?” Mila asks as he pulls back, eyes shining. Victor hugs her again, as Sara has moved around the table to hug Ji. “We had so much fun. Thank you.”

“I do,” Victor says as he pulls back, letting Ji give Mila a hug as well. “I hope you perform it many, many times.”

“Oh, we will,” Sara says with a grin, looking over at Ji who nods, an equally wide smile on his face. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself.”

“Please don’t,” Ji says eagerly, and they all laugh. Sara shoulder bumps Mila who bumps her back. They’re cute. If they are a couple they’re a good match. 

The conversation drifts to Victor’s other collaborations, and after a while of discussing the other artists on the two collaborative albums Chris taps his knife against his glass. Victor speaks before Chris even gets a chance. 

“Just go up and do  _ Shape of You _ so I get to see it,” he says with a sly grin on his face. Chris jaw drops for a second, and then he laughs. Victor grins wider. “I’m right aren’t I?”

“I didn’t realise I was that obvious,” Chris says as he stands. “I guess there’s no need to explain myself then. Go out and talk to them and then I’ll knock you off that chair.”

“Can’t wait,” Victor shoot’s back, before he walks out to do the interview. 

* * *

[Voice off camera: How did you know he was going to do  _ Shape of You _ ?

Victor tilts his head to the side and smiles, practiced and charming. Behind him, the willow tree branches blow in the wind. 

Victor: He told me as soon as he heard it. (his voice changes, probably to mimic Chris. It’s not very similar). ‘I’m totally stealing this from you the first chance I get.‘ (his voice changes back) I guess he did.]

* * *

  
  


_ Babe, you know I want your love _

_ Your love was handmade for somebody like me _

_ Come on now, follow my lead _

_ I may be crazy, don't mind me _

_ Say, boy, let's not talk too much _

_ Grab on my waist and put that body on me _

_ Come on now, follow my lead _

_ Come, come on now, follow my lead _

Chris is perfect for the song, and once again Yuuri and the rest of the table find themselves dancing. Chris lures them in, fluttering long eyelashes and cocking his hips as he dances. It’s a perfect club song, just like many of Chris’ songs are. So far, all of the performances have felt so on point. Maybe that’s one of the many musical powers Victor has, being able to create music that fits so many, moves so many. 

_ I'm in love with the shape of you _

_ We push and pull like a magnet do _

_ Although my heart is falling too _

_ I'm in love with your body _

_ Last night you were in my room _

_ And now my bedsheets smell like you _

_ Every day discovering something brand new _

_ I'm in love with your body _

_ Come on, be my baby, come on _

_ Come on, be my baby, come on _

_ I'm in love with your body _

_ Every day discovering something brand new _

_ I'm in love with the shape of you _

Victor does the same for Chris, a standing ovation before he rounds the table to hug him. Chris lifts him off the floor slightly, which makes Victor yelp and then laugh. It’s nice, even if it’s only a moment of surprise and unguarded emotions, before the charming camera smile is back. There has to be something, something Yuuri can do to make it crack. 

“Thank you all so much,” Victor says with a smile as he stands behind his chair. “This has been strange but very fun. I hope you’ve thought so too.” There’s an array of agreeing answers and Victor nods. “Now, I’m going to need you to dress warmly, for around zero degrees celsius, and then meet me at the entrance of the house in twenty minutes.” Yuuri’s stomach flips. What are they doing in the middle of the summer that requires winter wear?

* * *

  
  


[ _ Castle on the Hill _ plays as the tell tale sound of blades gliding across ice mixes with the music. Victor moves effortlessly across the slippery surface, turning to slide backwards for a while, smiling towards the camera. He circles the rink, and when he passes one of the short sides it shows the group of singers with mixed expressions of horror on their faces. 

The shot cuts to Celestino clutching the railing tightly, figures moving behind him. You can’t make out who is who, but you can see two of them holding hands. 

Celestino: I like hockey as much as anyone, but this is just sadistic. Did you see how he flew across the ice?

The shot changes to Chris lifting Sara carefully, but a little wobbly, before putting her down on the ice again. Sara laughs and Minako and Ji clap from where they’re leaning against the boards. 

Minako: I can get by on ice, I skated some in my youth, but it’s been a while. I would never do that (she points to Chris and Sara).

Ji: Sara did a few figure skating competitions as a kid I think, so she’s very comfortable. Victor said he and Chris go down to a rink close to the studio when they get stuck in creating so I guess they do this every now and then. 

The shot changes again, and this time it’s a shot of Mila and Ji trying to skate. It’s wobbly and they keep giggling, even if neither of them fall it’s still close a few times. 

Mila: Don’t pull me down with you! (laughs) Ji I swear!

Ji: Mila don’t let me faaall (laughter).

In the background Victor and Yuuri skate past. Victor’s moving smoothly backwards, glancing over his shoulder every so often so that they don’t hit anyone. He has Yuuri’s hands in his own, and he keeps most of his attention turned towards him. There’s a black beanie covering Yuuri’s hair, and he’s taking somewhat sure steps as Victor leads him across the ice. The camera follows them from a distance but it still picks up the audio, something they seem to be unaware of, or have forgotten. 

Victor: That’s so good Yuuri

Yuuri: Not really. I feel like I’m clinging to you.

Victor’s cheeks are stained red, and it’s hard to know if it’s because of the cold or because he’s making such heart eyes at Yuuri, visible for anyone watching them. 

Victor: I don’t mind at all. Cling all you’d like, or I mean, need.

Yuuri looks at him, cheeks equally red. He nods, and his grip on Victor’s hands seems to tighten. Victor beams. The camera stops following the pair as they pass Ji, who looks straight into the camera. He points after Yuuri and Victor, makes a face as if he just saw something as cute as a puppy, and then forms his gloved hands into a heart. Minako skates up next to him and looks at him curiously. 

Mianko: What are you doing?

Ji startles and slips, falling on his ass.]

* * *

Yuuri’s laying in his bed with his eyes closed, headphones over his ears. He has the instrumental version of what he’s going to sing tonight on repeat, the lyrics only existing in his mind. He still hasn’t made up his mind. He knows he needs to do something, something to bare himself to Victor, to let him know that he can do it too. Something for Yuuri to show how much Victor’s persistence in his integrity has meant to Yuuri. Something like…

Yuuri shoots up from the bed, eyes wide. It’s an insane idea. It might backfire horribly. It means baring far more then Yuuri’s ever had, far more than he has planned to. He looks over at his clothes, calculating. When he steps out of his bed he’s already decided. 

* * *

  
  


[The camera shows Victor in his room, pulling on his light gray suit jacket. He’s smiling charmingly into the camera, running his fingers through his hair. 

Voice off camera: How do you feel the day has gone so far?

Victor: Good! The lunch was very pleasant, and I was happy to see Mila and Sara having chosen the song Ji and I did together. I wasn’t expecting any of the collaborations to get picked. 

Voice off camera: How was ice skating? Were you disappointed in the abilities of the group? 

Victor blushes and looks down. 

Victor: uhm… I really enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun (he looks back up, seemingly finding his composure.) Sara and Chris were beautiful ice dancing, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves (laughter), except Celestino. 

Voice off camera: (laughter) How about Yuuri?

Victor’s cheeks pinken slightly, but his charming and collected smile stays in place as he tilts his head to the side. 

Victor: Yuuri?

Voice off camera: You seemed to be helping him skate. 

Victor: Ah yes, he didn't have much experience so I helped (clears throat). Should we go down?

The camera follows Victor down the stairs towards the salon, and the closer they get the more clearly it picks up the voices of the other singers. Victor steps in and smiles, everyone turning to face him. Celestino’s in a dark red button up and black slacks, hair pulled back into his signature ponytail. Mila and Chris are standing next to him, and greet Victor first. Mila’s in a long dark green dress, and Chris is also in a button up, purple and with pink patterns. Behind them stands the rest of the singers, and Victor makes his way through the group. Both Sara and Minako are in a black dresses. They look put together, but it’s clear they’re not the ones performing tonight. Ji’s wearing ripped light jeans, a t-shirt and a dark pink jacket. Victor reaches Yuuri last, and as he does he freezes, eyes widening and nose and cheeks blushing pink. 

Victor: I didn’t know you wore glasses. 

Yuuri’s hair is slicked back, and his frame is covered by a perfectly fitting black three piece suit. On his nose rests a pair of blue framed glasses. Victor visibly swallows.

Yuuri: Yeah I usually wear contacts on stage. These felt more fitting tonight though. 

Victor: Oh (blush intensifies).]

* * *

Yuuri expected to be a mess. He expected to have had Phichit on speaker for the entire afternoon, talking him down from the brink of an anxiety attack, have one anyway, and then have to perform with Oxazepam in his system. None of that happened. An odd calmness has filled him ever since they came back from ice skating. He had reformed his performance in under an hour, which he never does. He had changed the planned clothes to better match his new idea, something he never does either. He had left his glasses on, in an attempt to feel more like himself. Everything was exactly as Yuuri never did. He should be a nervous ball of anxiety and yet, as he sits listening to Celestino explain why he has decided to do  _ Bloodstream _ , he feels nothing but completely calm. 

“This industry has a way of pushing you towards bad choices,” Celestino says, and Victor nods along. “I got into some things close to what you’ve written in this song and it was such a war getting out of that.”

“I can’t imagine,” Victor says, and Yuuri nods in agreement, even though none of them are looking at him. He knows many artists have drug problems in some shape or form, but he’s kept away from it. It helps when your studio is in the middle of nowhere and no one drags you out to party. 

“So I decided to do this, because it hits close to home,” Celestino continues. Yuuri sees Minako place her hand on his arm for a moment, a sad look in her eyes. Celestino looks down at her with a soft smile, before looking back up at Victor. “Ready?” 

_ I've been spinning now for time _

_ Party goers by my side _

_ I got sinning on my mind _

_ Sipping on red wine _

_ I've been sitting here for ages _

_ Ripping out the pages _

_ How'd I get so faded? _

_ How'd I get so faded? _

_ Oh, no, no, don't leave me lonely now _

_ If you loved me how'd you never learn _

_ Ooh, coloured crimson in my eyes _

_ One or two could free my mind _

_ This is how it ends _

_ I feel the chemicals _

_ Burn in my bloodstream _

_ Fading out again _

_ I feel the chemicals _

_ Burn in my bloodstream _

_ So tell me when it kicks in _

_ Tell me when it kicks in _

It’s a rock version of the song, and Celestino shows that his voice still holds for roaring out the lyrics. At the end of it they’re all on their feet clapping, and Victor embraces him tightly. 

“Thank you,” Victor says as he sits, Minako embracing Celestino too for a moment before they both sit again. Yuuri feels so curious about their history and what they are now, but he’s yet to find a good time to ask. Maybe he’ll try to catch her tomorrow. “That was amazing.”

“Looks like I still got it,” Celestino laughs, and the others join in. 

“This was on the fourth album?” Ji asks, focusing on the main course that was just brought in. Victor nods and puts down his silverware. 

“Yeah, it was the first longer album I did, and I was nervous about if it would hold, if the songs were all good enough,” he admits. “I think I fretted so much over it that I made my manager’s hairline recede, but it’s one of my favorite albums as a whole.”

“Is there a lot of the songs on it that are personal?” Mila asks. Victor’s brows knit together for a moment as he looks down at his plate, before he looks up at her again. 

“I think most of my songs are personal, even if some more than others. Some aren’t self lived, but might be things I’ve seen or tales that have captured me. Some are more personal than others of course.” 

“Okay,” Ji says, leaning forward with a gleam in his eyes. “What is  _ Heart’s Don’t Break Around Here _ about then?”

Yuuri’s heart does a flip in his chest. It’s one of Victor’s more romantic songs, a clear love song. Yuuri’s speculated about those over the years, who they’re about. Victor’s never denied or confirmed any of the gossip that’s gone around about lovers or relationships. A twinge of jealousy has always twisted Yuuri’s gut when he’s seen the magazine covers with rumors of Victor’s love life, but he’s never told anyone. He has no right to feel like that. Victor can date who he wants. Still, he can’t help but listen with rapt attention as Victor’s smile turns soft, leaning forward towards Ji. 

“I wrote it for my brother’s wedding,” he says, and Mila and Sara coo softly. Victor looks at them and grins. “Me and Yura... we didn’t have much support from our parents growing up. He met Otabek in high school, and our parents didn’t feel like Beka was a good fit for Yuri, so he did what he does best - fought back.” Victor smiles fondly, as if remembering all the times his brother has rebelled. “He said nothing, made no fuss, made sure to only spend time with Otabek at school, and then on his eighteenth birthday I accompanied him, with our grandfather and Beka’s entire family, to the courthouse.” 

“That’s so sweet,” Ji says with a fond smile, and Victor smiles back, the most genuine all night. 

“They’re perfect for each other. Beka has a sort of centered calm that centers Yura as well, and I think Yura brings light and life into Otabek’s life. Beka asked me to write them something for their wedding day and  _ Hearts Don’t Break Around Here _ came out of it.”

“Did Yura enjoy it?” Sara asks, and Victor laughs. 

“My brother has a hard shell, but I think he really liked it, yes,” Victor says with that same fond smile on his face. Yuuri knew Victor has a brother, but he rarely mentions him, although when he does it’s always very warm. The answer Victor gives now is very diplomatic, and Yuuri guesses Yura is a person with high integrity who doesn't enjoy the spotlight his brother has brought on them. “Are you going to perform it Ji?”

“Yes,” Ji admits nodding as he bites his lip. “It reminded me so much of how I feel for Leo I just... I couldn't not pick it.” 

“I’m excited, it’s a song that means a lot to me,” Victor says and Yuuri is too. Ji and Leo are Yuuri’s favorite couple after his parents. They’re so very supportive and loving of one another, something he’s had the privilege to see first hand on those occasions they’ve come to the studio, and the annual Phichit birthday party too of course. The song fits them perfectly.

They do the regular shuffle to take Victor out and for Ji to take the stage, this time sitting down on a stool. He grips the mic tightly, and Yuuri leans closer, happy he’s at the end of the table so he can talk to him. 

“It’s perfect for you two,” he says and Ji smiled widely as he nods, one hand coming up to rest against his heart. 

“I miss him so much Yuuri. It’s only been three days. How will I survive?” he laughs and Yuuri smiles. 

“I’m sure you’ll manage, and it’ll feel amazing when you see him again,” Yuuri says. Ji closes his eyes, his smile spreading wide. 

“Yeah,” he says as he opens his eyes. “I think that I’m going to hold on to that as I sing.”

Victor comes back and sits down, and Ji takes a deep breath, and starts. 

_ He is the sweetest thing that I know _

_ You should see the way he holds me when the lights go low _

_ Shakes my soul like a pothole, every time _

_ Took my heart upon a one way trip _

_ Guess he went wandering off with it _

_ Unlike most I know _

_ This one will bring it back whole _

_ Daisies, daisies perched upon your forehead _

_ Oh my baby, lately I know _

_ That every night I'll kiss you you'll say in my ear _

_ Oh we're in love aren't we? _

_ Hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs baby _

_ I feel safe when you're holding me near _

_ Love the way that you conquer your fear _

_ You know hearts don't break around here _

_ Oh yeah yeah yeah  _

_ He is the river flow in Orwell _

_ And tin wind chimes used for doorbells _

_ Fields and trees and his smell, fill my lungs _

_ Spent my summer time beside him _

_ And the rest of the year the same _

_ He is the flint that sparks the lighter _

_ And the fuel that will hold the flame _

_ Oh roses roses laid upon your bed spread _

_ Oh my, hold this, oh this, I know _

_ That every night I'll kiss you you'll say in my ear _

_ Oh we're in love aren't we? _

_ Hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs baby _

_ I feel safe when you're holding me near _

_ Love the way that you conquer your fear _

_ You know hearts don't break around here _

_ Oh yeah yeah yeah _

_ Well I found love in the inside _

_ The arms of a man I know _

_ He is the lighthouse in the night that will safely guide me home _

_ And I'm not scared of passing over _

_ Or the thought of growing old _

_ 'Cause from now until I go _

_ Every night I'll kiss you you'll say in my ear _

_ Oh we're in love aren't we? _

_ Hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs baby _

_ I feel safe when you're holding me near _

_ Love the way that you conquer your fear _

_ You know hearts don't break around here _

_ Oh yeah yeah _

Yuuri feels breathless as Ji finishes, and when he looks at them as the lights in the room go up he’s smiling joyously, his hand having found its way back to cover his heart. He smiles when his eyes meet Ji’s and after Victor has hugged him Yuuri has to as well, squeezing tight.

“You were right,” he says as he moves to sit in his seat. “I feel better now.”

“I’m glad,” Yuuri says with a nod. 

The conversation never really picks up after that, it is as if Victor has a hard time concentrating, eyes repeatedly drifting to Yuuri, as if waiting, daring. He looks a mix of excited and nervous, and perhaps Yuuri should feel intimidated by that, but he doesn’t. He’s still so calm, as if the added attention from Victor all through the day has settled something in him. A craving maybe? A need? Something inside Yuuri seems to call out - watch me, see me, give me more. 

As soon as Yuuri sees him place his desert spoon down he taps his own against his cup of tea. Victor’s eyes snap to him, wide, breath rushing out of him. Yuuri licks his lips, and then he starts. 

“I’ve looked up to you my entire musical career,” he says, keeping his focus on Victor’s eyes. He’d like to pretend it’s just them now, not the cameras, not the other singers. He’s here to show Victor something, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. “It’s meant more to me then I’ll be able to describe to you like this. So I think I’ll just show you.” 

“You won't tell me which it is?” Victor asks, breathlessly, and Yuuri shakes his head, unable to stop his lips from quirking up slightly. 

“No. I think it’ll be a good surprise.”

* * *

[Victor is standing outside of the lakehouse. It’s dark around him, and behind him you can see Yuuri through the large windows getting ready inside the lit house, all else dark. Victor’s fidgeting, a stark contrast to his other interviews that have been calm and collected. 

Voice from off camera: Are you excited about this last performance?

Victor: Yes… I… I’m a bit nervous about what he’s picked, since he didn’t say. 

Voice from off camera: Which song do you think it is?

Victor: I don’t know. I know Yuuri tours with  _ Kiss Me _ so I’m guessing it’s not that… I have no idea, it could be any one of them. 

Voice from off camera: How do you feel about what he said, about looking up to you?

Victor: If I’ve inspired someone as amazing as Yuuri Katsuki I can consider my career a success. 

Voice off camera: That’s quite high praise from a-

Victor: Can we go inside now?] 

* * *

Yuuri takes a deep breath as he grips the mic resting on the mic stand, now free from the clip on mic he wears during the dinners. He sways his body slightly to the music as it starts behind him, the band giving him support. Yuuri hasn’t changed much about the musical arrangement. He didn’t want to. He takes a deep breath through his nose, stops moving, and looks Victor straight in the eye. The rest of the world disappears. 

_ Give me love like her _

_ 'Cause lately I've been waking up alone _

_ Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt _

_ Told you I'd let them go _

_ And that I'll fight my corner _

_ Maybe tonight I'll call ya _

_ After my blood turns into alcohol _

_ No, I just wanna hold ya _

Yuuri tries to push all of his emotions into the song, all the admiration and adoration he’s had a decade to form. It’s more than that too, it’s everything he’s been feeling since Victor surprised him while playing piano on the first day. This thing that's growing between them that Yuuri doesn’t have a name for yet, but wants more of. The Victor that laughs till he snorts, who looks at Yuuri with soft and tender eyes, who holds so much integrity and yet is so vulnerable. Yuuri reaches for the buttons on his suit jacket and opens them, his hands finding their way back to the mic when he’s done. 

_ Give a little time to me or burn this out _

_ We'll play hide and seek to turn this around _

_ All I want is the taste that your lips allow _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

Victor’s eyes are so blue, and Yuuri feels just as captured under them now as he’s always been. He needs to be more now, he needs to push himself so that he can show himself open and honest, come clean about it all. He rolls his shoulders back once, twice. 

The jacket drops to the floor. 

_ Give me love like never before _

_ 'Cause lately I've been craving more _

Yuuri’s not sure if he’s the one begging for Victor to love him, or if this is an answer to Victor’s pleading. He’s not sure if he can call what he’s feeling for Victor love yet, but he’s never met someone he feels so strongly for, or so many things at once. He reaches for the tie around his neck, and in one smooth movement pulls it loose and lets it join the jacket on the floor. 

_ And it's been a while but I still feel the same _

_ Maybe I should let you go _

_ You know I'll fight my corner _

_ And that tonight I'll call ya _

_ After my blood is drowning in alcohol _

_ No I just wanna hold ya _

The buttons on the vest are next, and Yuuri’s now sure Victor's figured out something’s up. His eyes have widened, his mask slipping. He’s still looking directly at Yuuri. He hasn’t stopped since Yuuri started. It’s good, it keeps Yuuri focused too. Like a closed loop. Yuuri’s there to give all he has in this performance to Victor, and he’s glad to have Victor’s attention. He’s going to fight to keep it. 

_ Give a little time to me or burn this out _

_ We'll play hide and seek to turn this around _

_ All I want is the taste that your lips allow _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

Yuuri reaches for the opening in the vest, pulling it off his arms to fall to the floor as well. Victor’s leaning fully forward now, and Yuuri can’t help but smile, a slow small one, before he continues to sing. He’s left in his white shirt now, tucked into the black slacks. His heart is racing, but it’s not anxiety. It’s excitement, and a little bit of fear. 

_ Give a little time to me, or burn this out _

_ We'll play hide and seek to turn this around _

_ All I want is the taste that your lips allow _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My my, my, my, oh give me love _

Yuuri reaches for his left sleeve first, unbuttoning it before he moves to the right. When the arms are open he pulls the shirt from his pants. He starts with the lowest button, and as the choir chants for love Yuuri moves his hands up to bare himself. Victor's eyes flicker from Yuuri’s hands to his face. He looks puzzled, trying to figure out what Yuuri’s doing, or maybe he knows and wonders why. There’s no turning back now. The shirt hangs open and Yuuri grabs the mic stand again, joining the choir in the call. 

_ M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (love me, love me, love me) _

_ M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love) _

_ M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love) _

_ M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love, love me) _

_ M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love) _

Yuuri lets go of the mic, rolls his shoulders and pushes the shirt off fully. As it lands on the floor he spreads his arms wide as he continues to sing, to call out for love, just like the text imprinted on his skin says on the inside of his left bicep. He’s on full display now, everything he’s been trying to hide out in the open. The roses, the lego, the birds and all the lyrics. It’s all there. He sees Victor’s gaze move across his skin, and Yuuri sees the exact moment he  _ sees _ what’s on Yuuri’s skin. He pushes on, sings the last few calls, and hopes. 

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love _

Yuuri hears the music stop. His chest heaves and he clutches at the mic for something to ground him into the moment. Victor’s mouth has fallen open in shock, and he’s still sitting, even if Yuuri’s dimly aware of the others clapping. He can’t look at them, he can’t pry his eyes away from Victor. Was it too much? Did Yuuri miscalculate? Will Victor run from him now?

It feels like slow motion as Victor stands and as he moves around the table Yuuri crouches down for his shirt. He’s just managed to pull it on, buttons still open, when Victor reaches him. Yuuri stills, waiting. 

Victor’s hand is soft as it curls around his cheek, and Yuuri’s heart is hammering harder than it ever has before as Victor’s other hand cups his other cheek, before moving till he’s wrapped them around the back of Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri’s hands come up on instinct, and they curl around Victor’s hips, just as Victor tips his forehead forward and simply rests it against Yuuri’s. They share breaths, and Yuuri’s not sure how long they stand there, with Victor trembling slightly in his arms. 

“Do you need a moment?” someone asks, and when Yuuri looks up he sees Morooka standing next to them. Yuuri swallows and looks at Victor who simply nods, before taking Yuuri’s hand and leading him out into the chilly night air. He can see Victor reach back to flick off his mic as they exit, and he leads Yuuri to the short side of the house, out of sight. Yuuri’s heart is still racing, unsure of what to say now. It’s like he’s out of words, emotions raw and the night chill making him shiver. Victor turns to him when they've rounded the corner, and the moonlight makes his hair look like it’s truly silver. Victor looks at him, fingers lacing together as they simply watch each other. Yuuri doesn't know exactly what makes him speak, but for some reason he does.

“Victor,” he says, partly a question, partly a statement. Victor closes in on him, his hands sliding out of Yuuri’s to cup his cheeks again, Yuuri’s finding their place again on Victor’s hips. He presses close, and Yuuri moves with him until his back hits the wall. He looks up into Victor’s eyes, grey in the pale light. 

“Can I kiss you, Yuuri?” he asks, and Yuuri’s gaze drops to his lips, before they find his eyes again. 

“Yes,” he says, pulling Victor closer by his hips, tilting his head so that their lips meet, warm, tender, trembling. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that happened. 
> 
> Next week: Chris' day! Dancing! More Singing! Yuuri explains that whole bar mess! 
> 
> Want to read the next part now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20).  
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	6. You Searched for a Star but You Found a Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHRIS DAY! ARE YOU ALL READY?
> 
> [Chapter playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6P23GkakwwuzSL0Up4LpCP?si=ZoGJF5TyTkiRW73ZIsuBSg)
> 
> Don't Wanna Be Alone - Simon Curtis  
> Don't Dance - Simon Curtis  
> Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO  
> Love - Simon Curtis  
> Flesh - Simon Curtis  
> Joystick - Simon Curtis  
> Ja e (vierge moderna) - Molly Sandén
> 
> The final song is originally in Swedish, but I've translated it in the chapter. The song is based on a poem that you can read in English [here](https://nordicwomensliterature.net/2011/12/29/i-am-a-law-unto-myself/). It's also originally in Swedish (and one of my favourites). It's slightly rewritten to fit the story, but ever since the first time I heard it I've thought of Victor.
> 
> Beta done by the absolutely lovely [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi)
> 
> On another subject:  
> It's been brought to my attention that calling Guang Hong Ji simply 'Ji' isn't something done in Chinese culture, even if it where to be a stage name (which it is here). A while back there was some confusion and I was lead to believe that Guang Hong's first name was Ji, and that's why I've been using it here from the start, I then decided to make it his stage name for this fic since I had already started posting it. It was borough up this week again and from what I gather it's nothing that anyone should take offence by, and I sincerely hope that's not the case. It was never my intention. I'm going to keep it in the fic for now, but I wanted to apologise if anyone has felt uncomfortable by this. <3

[Chris is walking down the stairs of the mansion, wearing a light, form fitting button up, dark slacks and round glasses. He smiles over his shoulder, giving a wink before he speaks. 

Chris: Today is my day and it’s going to be packed with fun things. Or at least the parts I can control! (laughter). I’m really excited. I know my music differs a lot from what the others do so it’ll be fun to see what they make of it, especially with the lyrics. 

Chris winks at the camera again, and as he does he enters the kitchen. Minako and Celestino are already there, standing a bit closer than one would usually do. Chris beams. 

Chris: Look! It’s my second favorite couple

Minako: what do you mean couple?

Celestino: what do you mean second favorite? 

Chris turns to the camera again and rolls his eyes. He sees something behind the camera, and he beams. 

Chris: (quietly to the camera) here’s one part of my number one.

The camera angle switches, catching Victor walking into the kitchen, still in work out clothes. 

Victor: Good morning! 

An array of greetings come from the other participants, and Chris steps up to the fridge while Victor heads for the kettle near where Minako and Celestino are standing. 

Minako: Sleep well?

Victor: Yes! (he reaches for a cup, pouring tea into it) anyone else up yet?

A knowing expression crosses Minako’s face, and she and Celestion exchange a look. Chris has taken out some yogurt from the fridge and has started collecting fruit to cut. 

Celestino: No, we haven’t seen anyone yet. Looking for someone specific?

Victor shakes his head, impassive expression on his face as he leans back against the counter, fingers wrapped around his cup. 

Victor: No, just asking. 

The camera focuses on Chris again who rolls his eyes, but there’s a soft smile on his face.]

* * *

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

[A shot of a much younger Chris, about twelve, with full blonde hair and curls, stands on a stage with a mic in his hand. It looks like he’s singing, determined look on his face as he stands in front of a small crowd.  _ Superhero _ plays for a moment, before quieting. The shot changes to a magazine cover of Chris now, sitting on a stool, wearing a grey turtleneck and blue slacks. There’s a white cat in his lap that he’s stroking, a soft expression on his face.

Female voice over: Christophé Giacometti has made music since he was a child, but he didn’t find his big break until he was discovered at a talent show at age twenty. Christophé is known for his explicit lyrics, and his music is played on repeat in clubs and on dancefloors. His music videos have been said to be groundbreaking and several have won awards (the shot changes to several shorter clips from Chris’ music videos, showing the singer dancing, singing and moving his body in different states of undress). Chris has four studio albums, including singles such as  _ Joystick, Super Psycho Love _ and  _ Siren Song _ . He’s also had a major hit with the song  _ Sexy and I Know It _ on which he collaborated with Emil Nekola, from which all earnings were donated to advance sexual education.]

* * *

  
  


Last night Victor Nikiforov kissed him. 

Yuuri stares up at the white ceiling of his bedroom, trying to grasp that one sentence. He hasn’t been able to sleep much, his heart still racing in his chest, the places Victor had touched still feeling warm on his skin. 

Last night Victor Nikiforov kissed him. 

It had been the best first kiss of Yuuri’s life. Victor’s touch had felt so right on his skin, his lips soft and warm against Yuuri’s own. Yuuri had felt like he was floating, the tension from performing the song vanishing. The energy drained from him after singing everything he had in his heart out, after baring what he had been trying to hide ever since coming to Ericsberg. Victor’s weight pressing him against the house wall had felt right, like it belonged resting on Yuuri’s own. As if Yuuri was supposed to carry some of it, have him by his side. 

Last night Victor Nikiforov kissed him, and Yuuri had chased his lips, greedy and wanting. Victor had answered, encouraged. They had continued until Yuuri was breathless, and Victor smiled so widely they could hardly continue. The moon was high in the sky, and Victor looked ethereal under the cold light, Yuuri’s heart racing so fast. 

They had to break apart at some point, even if Yuuri didn’t want to. They could stay there, in the cold light of the moon against the wall, not face the world, not face the reality of what had just happened, what Yuuri had revealed, what Victor had just done, what the world would think. 

Last night Victor Nikiforov had kissed him and afterwards they had to go into the lakehouse again, Yuuri’s shirt buttoned, Victor’s hair impeccably fixed, and face the smiles and conclusions of the day. The cameras were turned off, and they were all rid of the mics. Yuuri walked right next to Victor on his way back up to the house, not touching but the space between them had felt electric. They had walked up the stairs, and even though Yuuri wanted to kiss him again, he couldn't. Would he be able to stop, if he did?

Last night Victor Nikiforov kissed him. Yuuri kissed him back, and today he’s doing the only sensible thing anyone can do in such a situation. 

He’s hiding. 

It’s not very hard. Yuuri just stays in his room, staring up at the ceiling, ignoring the way his phone keeps buzzing next to his ear. It might be Phichit, it might be Minako or Ji. It might be his mom. Yuuri doesn’t know. He doesn’t look. If he just stays here, he can hide and just live on that memory, without having to worry about it all crumbling to pieces as soon as reality hits them. Yuuri wants to do it again, he longs for it so much his chest aches with it, but he can’t seem to get out of bed. He can’t seem to walk out that door and face Victor. What would he say, if Yuuri did? What if he pretended as if nothing had happened? What if he laughed about it? What if he too wanted it to happen again?

Yuuri rolls over in bed and groans into the pillow. He has no idea how to deal with this. He is in no way prepared to deal with this. His feelings are too large for his chest, his mind racing too fast to catch the thoughts. Why had Victor done it? Did he like Yuuri too? That is why most people kiss each other, yes? An attraction, a building need, a want. The fluttering feeling in Yuuri’s stomach, the one he feels every time he looks at Victor, does Victor feel it too? Yuuri pushes the thoughts away. No he couldn’t feel the same. But why then? Is he toying with Yuuri? It doesn’t feel like it. Victor has been so open with him, genuine. Why would he turn around and do something like this if it’s not what he feels?

Yuuri had opened up yesterday, and Victor did too, and then Yuuri pushed himself beyond what he thought he could do, bared himself more than he thought he would ever do, to someone who’s meant so much to him, that still means so much to him. Why did Victor kiss him? 

Was it because he was lonely?

The thought hurts, and Yuuri screws his eyes shut tightly, breathing through the stabbing feeling in his heart. Could that be it? Could Victor’s hollowness he described yesterday be why he kissed Yuuri? Yuuri had shown admiration, and deep care and all his weird fanboying traits and Victor… 

Yuuri doesn’t know what to think. He just knows that at the end of the night Victor had lingered, as if more to say, and Yuuri had run to hide.

A sharp knock disturbs Yuuri’s racing mind, and he groans again. He’s not opening the door. There’s another knock, and this time Yuuri actually reaches for his phone, just to check he hasn’t missed the scheduled time he has with the band today. He has the last slot, and upon checking he realises he still has an hour and a half till he needs to be there. Not late then. There’s another sharp knock. 

“Yuuri, I’m going to kick the door in if you don’t open it,” Minako says, and Yuuri rolls onto his back and sighs. She may be strong but she could never actually kick it down. “I know you haven’t eaten yet and if Hiroko finds out she’s going to kill me.” 

Yuuri glances back at the door. He should go open it. He really should. Still, he doesn’t really want to have this conversation with her. In truth, he doesn’t want to have this conversation with anyone at all. 

“It’s not your fault if I don’t eat,” Yuuri calls back. “I’m an adult, I can carry my own shortcomings.”

“She won't see it that way,” she calls, and Yuuri knows it’s true. He sighs again, and then he pushes himself out of bed. He decides not to look in the mirror as he passes, and he only opens the door a small crack, looking out at her with squinting eyes. It’s partly because she’s being so pushy, and partly because he didn’t put on his glasses. Minako’s eyes are sharp when they meet his, and she pushes in without much thought, walking in to position herself in the armchair.

“Morning to you too,” Yuuri grumbles, letting the door fall closed before he follows her. He tracks after, flopping himself in the armchair next to her after collecting his glasses from the nightstand. She looks nice, already dressed and styled for lunch. Her mic is fastened in her dress, but Yuuri doubts it’s on. 

“It’s hardly morning anymore,” she points out in her sharp way. It’s lucky Yuuri has known her since he was little, or he would be convinced she didn’t like him. “Why haven’t you been down yet? Are you sick?” She studies him, as if looking for any signs of illness. Yuuri looks away from her, shaking his head.

“No… I just needed some time,” he says, trying to avoid her gaze. He knows she’s going to ask. It’s not as if she doesn’t know Yuuri’s admired Victor for as long as he’s been aware of his existence. She’s had to listen to countless covers during their piano lessons after all. He’s just not sure what to tell her, about anything really. His mind is mixed up between the admiration he’s always felt for Victor as performer, a musician and a writer, and the crush he’s been feeling growing into something deeper, more real, more like... He hears her let out a sigh, and when he looks back she’s giving him a flat look. It then curls into a smile, sharp, and Yuuri’s already prepared. 

“So… you and Victor,” she comments, seemingly uninterested as she looks down at her nails. Yuuri rolls his eyes.

“So, you and Celestino,” he shoots back with a glare. She might have raised him musically but she can’t come in here and act like a teenager and think Yuuri’s going to take it. She glares back for a moment, but then a very soft smile overtakes her expression, and an equally soft blush colors her cheeks. 

“Yes well… that’s news from several days ago,” she says, but it’s much more gentle than her earlier banter. Yuuri’s racing mind stills and he waits. “I was not expecting it, coming here.”

“But it’s been something that’s been a part of your life for a while?” Yuuri asks, and Minako nods in agreement. She looks contemplative, brows slightly furrowed. “How do you feel about it?”

Yuuri doesn’t need specifics. He doesn’t need to know what they’ve done, what’s been said, what’s been promised. He’s never been one for gossip. Minako seems to consider this, tipping her head back slightly before she turns back to him again, expression relaxed, open, happy. 

“Good. I feel really good about it,” she confirms. “It has been an almost thing many times in my life, and I’ve wanted more but it hasn’t worked out. Sometimes I’ve pushed him away, because I was afraid or thought I was doing the right thing at the time.” 

“He seems to be very much in love with you,” Yuuri points out, because even if Phichit calls him oblivious to things like this... Yuuri isn’t. He sees how Celestino looks at Minako, and how she looks at him back, gazes tender, adoring. 

“I think so,” she agrees with a nod. “That’s what he tells me.” 

“And you believe him,” Yuuri confirms. Minako smiles and nods. She straightens, leaning over towards the chair Yuuri’s in. 

“I don’t have any reason not to,” she says, and something shifts. Yuuri suddenly knows that they’re not talking about Minako and Celestino anymore, they’re talking about him. “So, you and Victor,” Minako confirms the change in topic, and nerves suddenly start crawling up Yuuri’s arms, like an itch. He looks away from her, trying to not let the thoughts that were rushing in his mind before she came take over again. 

“I don’t think there’s such a thing,” Yuuri says flatly, clenching his jaw. It’s easier to push away and not acknowledge, to not hope. Minako sighs, and from the corner of his eye he sees her shake her head. 

“He asked for you this morning,” she says, and Yuuri’s mouth moves before he even thinks. 

“He probably wanted to tell me it was a mistake.” 

It hurts. It hurts so much, these thoughts, the validation his mind places behind them. Like an absolute truth he already knows. 

“So something did happen,” Minako presses, and Yuuri doesn’t want to have this conversation. If he tells her it happened it becomes more real, and then it’s something that Yuuri can truly lose. “Last night?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he says with a shake of his head. They simply sit there for a moment. She’s never been good at handling this side of him, Yuuri knows. He knows she finds it hard, maybe even a nuisance. 

“Have you talked to him about it?” she asks, and Yuuri looks stubbornly down into his lap. Why would he? Why would he expose himself to that conversation when it’ll probably hurt? Hiding is a much better option. Minako sighs. “Look. I know you’re not going to believe me when I say this, but he looks at you like you look at him. Like Mila looks at Sara. Like your parents look at each other.”

“Mila and Sara?” Yuuri asks, and Minako rolls her eyes. 

“Yes. If you stayed down with us one night you might learn a thing or two about the other residents of this house,” she points out, and Yuuri nods. He meets her gaze, and she smiles. “That’s not important. What’s important is that that boy is completely smitten with you, and you are, quite obviously, in love with him.”

Yuuri looks out over the room, not sure what to say. He can hardly imagine Victor being smitten with him. Why? What would be so interesting about Yuuri that someone as amazing at Victor would find him special? 

“Look. Don’t be like me. Don’t let opportunities pass you by. Don’t run away because you’re scared. It might turn out that you’re both just wasting twenty years of your lives.” It sounds painful for her to say, and Yuuri looks over at her again, realizing the topic has shifted back. 

“I’m sorry,” he says and she shakes her head, clearly biting the inside of her cheek. “Is that how you truly feel? Like you’ve wasted time?”

“So much. And it’s painful, Yuuri. Don’t do it,” she confirms. Yuuri nods. He’s not sure he'll be able to face Victor or voice any of his thoughts, but he doesn't want to live with regrets either. 

* * *

[The group of singers are shown moving from the mansion towards the lakehouse for lunch. Chris is dressed in the same outfit that he wore that morning. Next to him walks Minako and Victor. Minako’s in a deep purple dress, while Victor’s wearing a soft looking black t-shirt and jeans. Behind them, Sara and Mila seem to have hooked one arm each onto Yuuri’s, looking incredibly pleased with themselves. They’re both in black turtleneck shirts, a cutout heart on their chests. Yuuri’s in another long sleeve t-shirt, hiding his tattoos once more. At the back, Celestion and Ji seem to be talking, turned in towards each other. 

They enter, and Chris makes sure to seat everyone how he wants them, which is a first for the week. Ji, Minako and Celestino next to him on his left in that order, Mila, Sara, Yuuri and Victor on his right side, in that order. A blush can be seen on both Yuuri and Victor’s face as they bump together when trying to sit. The camera changes angle to Chris, who beams widely. 

Chris: Welcome darlings, to this day of mine. In front of you on your plates is Rusti, a potato dish that I grew up with. I hope you’ll enjoy it!]

* * *

Lunch starts off with a performance from Celestino, doing Chris’  _ Don’t Want to be Alone, _ followed by Minako performing  _ Don’t Dance.  _ They’ve both brought the songs into their usual genres, and none of the participants seem very surprised by their choices. They’re some of the least explicit songs Chris has, and since neither Minako nor Celestino has written explicit lyrics before it’s to be expected. The subject is brought up by Minako after her performance, the food eaten and the participants turned towards Chris once again. They spoke about the start of his career after the introduction was shown, and then which festivals he enjoys playing at the most. Yuuri feels as if he has been sitting on pins and needles the entire meal, so very aware of how close Victor is, how fast and slow his breath is, unable to stop himself from glancing at him as he brings his glass to his mouth to drink. Yuuri’s losing it, truly. 

He still hasn’t talked to Victor, except the several instances they’ve bumped into each other during lunch, both of them apologizing repeatedly. Minako keeps looking at him like he’s a mess, and Yuuri knows that he is. If Victor wasn’t already regretting what happened last night, he surely is now. 

“So how do you deal with that?” Minako asks about the criticism Chris repeatedly gets about his lyrics. Chris shrugs, swirling the water in his glass. 

“I think I’ve stopped paying too much attention to it. In the beginning I spent a lot of time trying to quiet or prove the ones who didn’t like my music wrong. After a while, it got exhausting. I decided to focus on those who like what I do instead,” he answers. Several of the others nod in agreement. Yuuri hasn’t even looked at what people say about him on social media. Phichit manages all of that for him. He’s not sure he could handle all the negative things there surely is about him online. 

“You did turn it around in a fun way though,” Victor says next to Yuuri, and Yuuri looks over at him, feeling butterflies erupt in his stomach. He’s so very pretty, even when he’s wearing that professional mask. 

“That I did,” Chris says with a laugh, and Yuuri sees Mila elbow Sara in the ribs. They exchange smiles, and then Mila taps her glass with her knife. Chris turns his green gaze to them, smirking. “Well, lovely ladies, what do you have in store for us?”

“Clearly there’s been far too few lewd things in this lunch to truly be a tribute to you,” Sara jokes, and the entire table laughs. Chris grins even wider. 

“Yes, and since we’re talking about your amazing accomplishments of giving back, we decided to do the song that’s brought more money into sexual education than any other song ever has,” Mila says. Chris outright laughs, head tipped back and all, before he looks back at them. 

“No way,” he says with a shake of his head. “Really?”

“Well, when you contribute the entire earnings from a song to improve sexual education, it has to be celebrated,” Sara says and Chris nods.

“Emil and I had so much fun with it. It’s different from what I normally do, but I still love it. It’s amazing to do live,” Chris says with a grin, and the girls seem to be growing more and more excited. “So, are you going to say it?”

“Yes,” Mila says. “We’re doing _ I’m Sexy and I Know It _ .” Chris claps, and Yuuri can’t help but roll his eyes even as he smiles, thinking of the silly ringtone Phichit has for him. 

“Bad experience with it?” Victor asks next to him, as Chris heads out for his interview, Sara and Mila getting ready to perform. Yuuri looks over at him, trying and failing to stop his heart from racing. He shakes his head, and swallows.

“No, no, my best friend has it as my ringtone,” he explains, and Victor laughs, soft and sweet. 

“Perfect choice,” Victor says, eyes lingering for a moment before he looks away. Yuuri’s breath draws short, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek. Was that flirting? Is Victor flirting with him?

“He’s just being silly,” Yuuri answers, still trying to catch his breath. “What about you? Any good memories of this?”

Victor scrunches up his nose, and it’s incredibly adorable. “Too many shots at too many parties have been drunk during this song,” he admits, and Yuuri lets out a soft laugh. The tension he’s been feeling lessens, but the jittery feeling stays. 

“Really? So this was the big party song at ARIA?” Yuuri asks and Victor giggles.

“Unofficial theme song, clearly,” he answers, and Yuuri giggles again. How does he do that? How does he make Yuuri relax so easily, when Yuuri’s been on edge all morning. 

Their conversation is cut off by Chris coming back to take his seat, and all of the participants' attention turns towards the stage. Mila and Sara smile widely, and Yuuri’s not sure if they're going to be able to make it through the song without breaking into giggles. The music starts, and the previously catchy guitar bass has been exchanged with a heavier, club baseline. Mila turns to them, while Sara turns away, snapping her hip almost comically in time with the beat. 

_ When I walk on by _

_ Girls be looking like damn she fly _

_ I pimp to the beat _

_ Walking down the street in my new LaFreak, yeah _

_ This is how I roll _

_ Animal print, pants out control _

_ It's Redfoo with the big afro _

_ And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow _

Sara turns, and together they sing the chorus. As they build towards it, they take a few synchronized steps, and Yuuri can see Sara almost bursting out laughing when they turn away from them, to then turn back and look over their shoulders to proclaim their awareness of their sexyness. 

_ Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body _

_ Girl look at that body, I-I, I work out _

_ Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body _

_ Girl look at that body, I-I, I work out _

_ When I walk in the spot (yeah) this is what I see (okay) _

_ Everybody stops and they staring at me _

_ I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it _

_ Show it, show it, show it _

_ I'm sexy and I know it _

_ I'm sexy and I know it _

The song continues, and as they approach the wiggle part they prompt everyone, all of whom are already dancing in their seats, to stand. Chris almost jumps up, and the girls wave him over. Chris dances up, and they all turn to the table to wiggle together. Yuuri can’t help but laugh loudly at the silliness of it all. Beside him, Victor beams. 

_ Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah _

_ Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah _

_ Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah yeah _

_ Do the wiggle, man! _

_ I do the wiggle, man! _

Chris stays with the girls on stage, and they finish the song together, singing all through the last chorus. The rest of them keep standing too, dancing where they stand. Celestino even grabs Minako to dip her, almost drops her, and Ji laughs so much he starts crying. 

_ Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body _

_ Girl look at that body, I-I, I work out _

_ Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body _

_ Girl look at that body,I-I, I work out _

_ I'm sexy and I know it _

The song ends, and they all laugh and cheer as they try to catch their breath. It’s a great way to end lunch, and Yuuri feels much more relaxed now than he did before. He looks over to see all of them smiling as they sit again, Chris hugging Sara and Mila tightly before he makes his way back to his chair. He doesn’t sit though, he rests his forearms on the backrest of the chair, still a bit breathless but smiling. 

“That was so much fun,” he says, beaming over at Sara and Mila.

“Thank you so much, we had fun too,” Mila says and Sara nods. 

“I think we all did,” Yuuri agrees. 

“Good. This was a great transition, because now we’re going to do something that’ll make us all feel very sexy,” Chris says, looking over them with a sly grin. “Pole dancing.”

* * *

[The camera shows a pole dancing studio, light shining in from high windows onto the silver poles and polished wooden floors. The song  _ Joystick  _ is playing from the studio's speakers, and the room is devoid of people except one dancer moving around a pole in front. He’s in a pair of tight shorts that ends mid thigh and a deep purple crop top that shows off his midsection. Chris has a sure grip on the pole as he moves to the music, showing off several different moves before he stops, hanging upside down, and winks.]

* * *

  
  


Yuuri can’t stop himself from pulling out his phone to snap a photo of the studio. He taps out a message to Yuuko, including the photo, saying that he guesses he’ll get to use a different set of skills today. He gets a quick response saying that he should thank her for bringing him to that first class, and he does, feeling a smile spread on his face.

“Texting someone special?” Victor asks, standing next to Yuuri, lower lip sucked into his mouth. There’s a slight crease between his brows. 

“A friend,” Yuuri says. “I thought she’d find it funny to see that we’re pole dancing today.” 

“Really? Does she have experience in it?” Victor asks, and Yuuri nods. He and Yuuko have been going to pole dancing classes twice a week for over two years now. It’s been a good form of exercise, and a new challenge. Yuuri still loves ballet and does it twice a week as well, but it’s good to have someone to drag him out of the studio to see other people than just Phichit. 

“Yeah, she’s great at it,” Yuuri says, and Victor nods, the crease easing slightly. “Have you tried it?” 

“A couple of times,” Victor says with a nod. “Chris has been doing it for as long as I’ve known him so he’s dragged me along a few times. It’s never stuck with me, but I can hold onto the pole for a while.” Yuuri lets out a shaky breath. He cannot copel with the mental image of Victor pole dancing, even though he knows he’ll have to actually deal with it right now. He’s probably going to lose his grip and fall off the pole and look like an idiot. 

“Excited?” Ji asks, having just walked up to them, a knowing look in his eyes. Yuuri smiles and nods. 

“Yeah,” he says, and Victor hums in agreement. Yuuri is excited. He’s almost relieved that he showed all of his tattoos last night, since he would have had a very hard time being fully dressed and dancing. He wishes he had brought one of his actual outfits though, but he guesses what he brought for the description ‘hotpants, shorts, sports bra/crop tops’ will have to do. Chris and the producers are still talking to the studio owner, but Yuuri guesses they’ll start soon. He’s already wearing his dancing clothes under his zipper sweater and sweatpants.

“Have you pole danced before Victor?” Ji asks, and Yuuri only half listens to the answer, the same he gave Yuuri, as he looks around the room. The cameras are being set up in all four corners of the room to get good shots, and it looks like they are almost ready to start shooting. Sara and Mila are just coming into the studio, dressed in dancer hot pants and sports bras. Sara’s hair has been pulled into a bun, and they both look excited to get started. Minako and Celestio are resting by the far wall, and Yuuri suspects that at least Celestino is going to sit this one out. He considers them for a moment, how they look at each other, how they stand a bit closer than strictly friends would, but without touching. Minako smiles easier around Celestino, while he seems more relaxed around her. Is that love? Yuuri muses, frowning slightly. When he looks back at Victor and Ji, Chris has joined them, and he throws his arm over Yuuri’s shoulder with a wide grin, startling Yuuri into a yelp. 

“Don’t worry Yuuri!” he says, and Yuuri guesses he thought Yuuri was frowning at the poles and not his deep crisis about what love is. “Even a wallflower such as yourself can blossom on the pole.”

Yuuri hears Ji snort, and he looks back at Chris, jaw set. The thing is, Yuuri loathes being underestimated. He doesn't have much self confidence, but he does know that he’s better than decent at some things, and this is definitely one of them. 

“I don’t think you need to worry about Yuuri,” Ji says, and Yuuri sees Chris turn to him, and then back to Yuuri with a grin. 

“Oh?” he says, raising an eyebrow. “You know the barre in ballet is not the same as this kind of pole.” Yuuri’s jaw tightens further, and he can’t stop himself, determination coursing through his veins. He knows that Chris is only teasing, that he doesn’t mean to claim Yuuri can’t, but he still can’t stop himself. He shrugs Chris’ arm off and takes a step forward.

“I know,” Yuuri says, turning to pull his zipper sweater off. God, he’s clearly taking his clothes off in front of people too much these days. He throws it to the wall, before he pulls off his sweatpants too. He’s left in a deep blue crop top that shows off his stomach and first two ribs, tight black hotpants ending high on his thigh. He doesn’t dare look at Victor now, as he kicks the pants towards the zipper he just shrugged off. He turns away from them instead, and makes his way to the poles. 

* * *

[Yuuri’s legs are squeezing the pole, stomach towards the floor ar he extends one arm, the other holding the pole behind him. He moves effortlessly, twisting until he’s turned, pole is between his thighs once more. This time, his back is facing the floor. He hooks his left lower leg over the other, grabbing his foot and arching his back toward the floor. The camera angle changes, showing Ji, Chris and Victor with very different expressions. Chris looks shocked but delighted, smiling with eyes wide and jaw dropped. He keeps tugging on Victor’s shirtsleeve. Ji looks smug, almost proud, arms crossed over his chest. Victor looks absolutely stunned, jaw slack, cheeks deep pink. He pulls his hand up over his mouth, eyes still wide as he looks at Yuuri.

Chris: Did you know he could do that?

Ji: Yep. He’s won competitions with it.

Chris: Damn. He’s amazing. Don’t you think so Victor?

Chris turns to Victor, tugging on his sleeve once more. Without turning from Yuuri, Victor’s hand falls from his mouth. 

Victor: Help, I’m dying.]

* * *

“Yuuri,” Victor calls after him, just as Yuuri’s placed his hand on the door handle. He takes a deep breath, and lets his hand slide off the cool metal. When he turns, Victor has caught up to him from the stairs. His breath is coming a bit short, but he’s wearing an easy smile, one of those charming, media ones Yuuri’s growing to feel uncomfortable around. They just look at each other for a moment, not saying anything. Yuuri’s not sure where to start, how to start, if he should say anything at all. “You were amazing today, with the pole dancing. You keep surprising me.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri says, shrugging one shoulder. “I’ve been doing it for a while. I enjoy it. It helps get me out of my own head.”

“That’s good. We can all use that from time to time I believe,” Victor says, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri agrees, and then silence lays heavily between them again. Victor looks at Yuuri, brows furrowed. He takes a breath, and Yuuri hangs on it, heart slowly picking up its pace. The mask Victor’s worn since lunch falls away, and he looks vulnerable, open, scared. 

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday. If the kiss...” he trails off, and Yuuri’s mind screeches to a halt. Uncomfortable? The kiss had made him feel everything but uncomfortable. 

“You didn't,” he answers, and Victor looks up at him, his blue eyes catching Yuuri’s own gaze. He doesn’t like that scared look in Victor eyes, hates that he was the cause of it; he resents that his anxiety and fear causes him to pull back, leaving Victor to think Yuuri regretted it, maybe even made him think he didn’t want it in the first place. 

“Oh,” Victor says, sounding breathless again, just like when he came up the stairs. Yuuri pushes on, because he doesn’t want to be the reason that this falls apart. He can’t stand the idea of Victor thinking that Yuuri’s like all the others, that he doesn’t care about who he really is. Yuuri does. Yuuri wants him exactly as he is. 

“I liked it,” he pushes on, heart hammering hard against his ribcage. He’s turned fully now, back resting against the door. Victor’s stopped fidgeting, giving his entire focus to Yuuri, just like last night. 

“You did?” he asks, taking one step closer to Yuuri before stopping again. It’s as if he needs confirmation that Yuuri really means it. Does Victor’s mind run away from him too, like Yuuri’s does?

“Yes,” Yuuri confirms, and he pushes off the door to take a step closer to Victor. He sees Victor lick his lip, and his gaze falls to it before snapping back up to meet his eyes.

“Could I- Could we do it again?” Victor asks, his voice low as he steps even closer. Yuuri feels adrenaline rush through his veins. It feels more real today, in the soft afternoon light coming from the window further down the hall. Yesterday felt like a dazed dream, this feels like more. 

“Yes,” Yuuri confirms again, and it’s him who closes the final distance between them, hands curling around Victor’s hips. Victor lets out a shaky breath, before his hands land on Yuuri’s chest, moving up until they’re wrapping around his shoulders. They’re so close their noses brush, breath mingling. 

“Now?” Victor askes, but there’s a slight tip up to his lips, as if he’s teasing. Yuuri smiles too, before he tilts his head and leans in while closing his eyes. 

“Yes,” he whispers, before he pushes forward to press his lips to Victor’s. They’re warm, and just as soft as last night. The feel of it makes Yuuri dizzy, and he presses closer, gripping the fabric of Victor’s shirt as he curls his fingers. Victor hums, and the sound makes Yuuri’s heart leap in his chest. He pulls back slightly, just to catch his breath, before he leans in again, opening his mouth just slightly. It’s as if they’re dancing, and Yuuri’s leading, Victor following perfectly by opening up too. The more he gets of Victor the more he wants it seems, and the kiss deepens. Yuuri gasps into Victor’s mouth, breathless, so very breathless. He has to pull back, and when he does he realises they’ve moved, Victor’s back to the wall. He looks up at him, and sees his eyelashes flutter closed against flushed cheeks. A smile curls on Victor’s lips. 

“Yuuri,” he says, placing a soft kiss on his lip, his cheek, his nose, tickling touches that make Yuuri giggle. 

* * *

[The original version of  _ Don’t Dance _ plays as the artists move from the mansion towards the lakehouse. Chris has Minako on his arm, both of them wearing white shirts and black slacks. They’re smiling and talking, looking relaxed in each other's company. Behind them Victor and Yuuri walk, seemingly only having eyes for each other. Yuuri’s hair is slicked back, and he’s without glasses. He’s in sinfully tight jeans, his dark shirt has its sleeves rolled up, showing off his tattoos more casually than he’s done before. Victor’s in a tight back t-shirt and a suit jacket with a gold pattern, black slacks covering his legs. Behind them Celestino and Sara are in deep conversation while Mila and Ji seem to simply walk next to each other quietly. On Ji’s shirt there’s a block text saying ‘Joystick’.

Chris opens the door for the group, and once again he directs the singers as he pleases. Mila and Sara are seated at the head of the table on either side of him. Next to them he places Minako and Celestino facing each other, and then Ji. At the end of the table he seats Yuuri and Victor, and grins widely as he himself takes the head of the table.

Chris: Welcome to dinner. Thank you all for humoring me with my favourite hobby this afternoon, and to Celestino, for being such an excellent DJ. 

Celestino raises his glass with a nod, and Chris grins and nods back.]

Yuuri’s not sure if he should thank Chris, or try to exact vengeance on him for this table placement thing he’s doing. The entire lunch he had been awkwardly bumping into Victor, apologizing numerous times, feeling extremely silly. Now he has an undisturbed view of him across the table, and every time Yuuri looks up from his plate or turns his attention from Chris he’s met with Victor’s gaze. It’s extremely distracting. He can’t seem to stop looking at his lips that were so recently pressed against his own; Victor's breath on his skin, his unguarded smile for Yuuri only. He hadn’t wanted to stop, but in a way he’s happy they had to, just for a chance to clear his mind for a moment. Victor smiles warmly at him, a soft blush on his cheeks. He’s so pretty. Yuuri follows the movement of his tongue when it darts out to wet his lips, transfixed. Victor seems to notice, and he throws Yuuri a look, before he picks up his knife to tap against his glass. The conversation quiets, and Chris turns his full attention towards the end of the table. 

“Well well,” he says, leaning back and bringing his hands up to rest behind his head. “This will be interesting.”

“Don’t be like that,” Victor laughs, and Chris relaxes slightly, smiling back. ”I’ve seen you grow through all of your records, but this last one gave me, personally, a much more personal connection. I know you worked very hard on it, as you’ve done with all of your albums, but I saw how meticulous you were with this one, and how you weighed your words and took your time to create it.” Chris nods, and his usual grin has turned soft. He’s leaning forward now instead. “The song that resonated most with me when preparing for coming here was  _ Love _ , so it’s what I’ve chosen.”

“Oh,” Chris says, he simply looks at Victor for a moment, and then he nods, and if he agrees. “Wow. I can hardly wait.”

“Let’s get it over with then,” Victor jokes with a wink before he stands. Chris is ushered out, and Victor gets handed his guitar, a mic stand placed in front of him. He strums the strings a few times, and then starts plucking them, almost absentmindedly. He looks down at Yuuri, and he smiles crookedly, making Yuuri’s heart flutter. “Are you going to wish me luck?”

“I don’t think you’ve ever needed luck when performing,” Yuuri says and Victor smiles, taking another step towards him. The rest have fallen into conversation with each other as they wait, and once agains it feels like it’s only the two of them. 

“Really? Why?” Victor asks with raised eyebrows. 

“You’re just that good,” Yuuri teases, and Victor scrunches up his nose. “But if you want to-”

“I think I’d want a good luck kiss,” Victor cuts him off, and Yuuri’s breath hitches. ”But I’m alright with receiving it later.” Yuuri doesn’t get a chance to answer, because Chris comes back and sits down, leaving Yuuri with the words stuck on the tip of his tongue. Victor moves away from him, and the lights dim as he starts playing the melody. 

_ So many nights that I wanted _

_ Time after time and I got it _

_ I never want anybody _

_ Just wanna be with a body _

_ Took everything that I needed _

_ Fed on the feeling then beat it _

_ I never want anybody _

_ Just want to be with a body _

Victor’s voice is clear, his fingers moving across the strings, moving as if they were meant to. Yuuri’s always thought so when he's watched Victor. He plays as if it is what he was born to do, like he belongs. His version is a stripped down one, giving the lyrics a deeper meaning. He’s been looking at Chris since he started, but he turns to look at Yuuri as he sings the chorus. Yuuri doubts it’s visible on camera. It’s just a slight twist of his body, but their eyes catch, and Yuuri’s heart races. 

_ You make me wonder if there's more _

_ With you I feel like there's something more _

_ You got me feeling some kind _

_ You got me feeling some kind _

_ Of way, kind of way _

_ I've never been so high _

_ I don't want this feeling _

_ To fade, fade away _

_ Like I wanna be loved _

_ Wanna be loved _

_ Love  _

_ Hold me tight just a little bit _

_ Love  _

_ Hold me tight 'cause I'm feeling it _

_ I wanna feel love _

_ Wanna feel love _

_ Love  _

_ Hold me tight just a little bit _

_ Love  _

_ Hold me tight 'cause I'm feeling it _

Victor alternates between playing for Chris and for the others, but each time the chorus comes he turns back to Yuuri, eyes so genuine, full of life. Yuuri tries to not read too much into it, to think too much about Victor kissing him two days in a row, opening up while they sat together under that arch of leaves, how he looks at Yuuri now and sings about love. 

_ Be loved, love _

_ Feel love, love _

_ Hold me tight just a little bit _

_ Hold me tight 'cause I'm feeling it _

_ Be loved, love _

_ Feel love, love _

_ Hold me tight just a little bit _

_ Hold me tight 'cause I'm feeling it _

“Beautiful,” Chris says as he claps, standing to head over to hug Victor. The production assistant with the blond hair and red streak in his bang takes it, and Victor embraces Chris when he reaches him, wide smile on his face. Yuuri looks away, but he catches Ji’s eye instead. He rolls his eyes, and Yuuri blushes. Ji opens his mouth to say something, but seems to think better of it and closes his mouth. 

“It’s an amazing album,” Sara says as they sit down, and Yuuri looks away from Ji to Chris. 

“Thank you,” he says. “I’m proud of it.”

“It’s different in the sound and lyrics from the others, especially your third album, which was very explicit. What happened between three and four?” Celestino asks. 

“I had teased lyrics a lot with the two first albums, and I had started building a good fanbase,” Chris explains. “I was about to start the third album and I felt this need to push the boundaries as much as I could, as we talked about during lunch. I had already gotten a lot of press about my music being too sexual, and that’s why we did  _ Sexy and I Know it _ , but now I wanted to see what I could create if I didn’t care about anyone else, and just wrote it the way I wanted to.”   
“I enjoy the third album too, it’s got such pure expressions of feeling in it,” Mila says. “It’s such a good explanation and dedication to those feelings.”

“It must have been hard to handle the media though?” Minako asks, tilting her head to the side. Chris shrugs. 

“Yes and no. For the first two albums it was, but with the third I was so prepared for it, and in a way I almost got less grief about it. There was a shock period of a few weeks, but then it cooled down,” Chris explains. “It was such a relief when it did too. Finally I could just be with my music, play it at festivals, concerts. It was one of the most liberating times in my professional career.” 

There’s a slight lull in the conversation, and Yuuri taps his glass, feeling everyone’s eyes turn to him. Chris grins widely, and Yuuri has to fight the urge to shrink under it. He needs confidence now, to pull off this performance that Phichit dared him into doing. 

“Finally,” Chris says with a wide grin. “I’ve been looking forward to this ever since you swung up on that pole.” 

“This is a bit different though,” Yuuri says with a laugh, and Chris simply continues to grin. “I’ve actually picked something from the third album.” 

Chris blinks but the grin stays, and Yuuri squirms slightly. “Do tell, what of out of all the lewdness are you singing about Yuuri?” 

“ _ Flesh _ ,” Yuuri simply answers, and Chris’ jaw drops then, even if he still looks extremely pleased. 

“I never thought I’d see the day,” he laughs, standing immediately. “Let's get this done so I get to see it.” 

Yuuri nods, and as he stands he catches Victor’s gaze following him. There’s a blush on his cheeks, and he shakes his head as Yuuri quirks an eyebrow up. “Are you trying to kill me Yuuri?” he asks, and Yuuri has no idea what he means by that. 

“It’ll probably not be that good,” Yuuri points out, watching as the crew carries forward the piano. Victor shakes his head, and then he leans forward. Yuuri leans into him too, one arm on the table. Victor caresses carefully up an inked rose on Yuuri’s arm, gaze never leaving Yuuri’s. “I’ll think you’ll be amazing,” he whispers. “Will you show me?” 

Yuuri’s heart is racing, but he finds himself nodding. He wants it to be good. He knows he can do it decently. He and Phichit had talked about it, debated back and forth about Yuuri choosing such a bold song but in the end Yuuri wanted to do it. It’s an acoustic version, just his voice and the piano, he wants to show Victor too. He looks at him and nods, and with his heart still racing he pulls away to sit down at the piano. 

He places his hands on the keys, takes a deep breath, and pushes his fingers down.    
  


_ This is not the way into my heart, into my head _

_ Into my brain, into none of the above _

_ This is just my way of unleashing _

_ The feelings deep inside of me _

_ The spark of black that I seem to love _

_ We can get a little crazy just for fun, just for fun _

_ Don't even try to hold it back, just let go _

_ Tie me up and take me over _

_ Till you're done, till I'm done _

_ You got me fiendin' and I'm ready to blow _

_ Push up to my body, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Bite into me harder, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Hold me up against the wall _

_ Give it till I beg, give me some more _

_ Make me bleed, I like it  _

_ Push up to my body, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Hold my hands above my head _

_ And push my face into the bed _

_ 'Cause I'm a screamer, baby make me a mute _

_ You put your hand upon my neck _

_ And feel the pulse beat beat beat beat _

_ It's like a trigger, get me ready to shoot _

_ Wanna wrestle with me baby _

_ Here's a sneak little peek _

_ You can dominate the game 'cause I'm tough _

_ I don't play around that often _

_ When I do, I'm a freak _

_ So you better believe I like it rough _

_ Push up to my body, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Bite into me harder, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Hold me up against the wall _

_ Give it till I beg, give me some more _

_ Make me bleed, I like it  _

_ Push up to my body, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

_ Hold me down and make me scream _

_ Lay me on the floor _

_ Turn me on and take me out _

_ Make me beg for more _

_ Push up to my body, _

_ Sink your teeth into my flesh _

Yuuri ends breathless, and the first person he looks at is Victor, heart pounding. His lip is between his teeth, bitten down, and Yuuri can’t help but wish it was his own, just for a moment. He breaks away from Victor then, because he’s not ready to kiss him on international TV just yet. Chris hugs him tight, claiming it was extremely hot. Yuuri doesn’t know about that, but as he sang he couldn't help but think about Victor’ hands on his body, his mouth on his skin. He needs to slow down, calm down. Luckily it’s getting late, and Ji goes up to perform  _ Joystick _ almost immediately, before they wrap up the dinner with loud cheers. 

Yuuri grabs Victor’s arm lightly on the way back, and as much as he wishes he could lace their fingers together he doesn’t dare to. He’s been wanting to talk to Victor about something, and he feels like tonight might be the time to do it. He feels like Victor needs to know before they move any further, both emotionally or physically.    
“Can I play you something?” he asks, and Victor beams and nods. 

“I’d love you to.” 

* * *

Yuuri leans forward on the piano stool, back turned to the piano itself. Victor’s seated himself on the lounge again, just like that first night. This is different though. That night, Victor had asked Yuuri to share parts of himself, to reveal himself. Tonight Yuuri will do so again, but in many ways he will expose something about Victor too, and he’s not sure how he’ll take it. Victor looks at him, and there’s a softness to his expression, even if he’s shifting slightly, as if trying to contain his nerves. Yuuri is too. His palms are sweaty, his heartbeat hard against his chest. 

“I have something I…” Yuuri starts, looking down at his shoes for a moment, trying to collect himself. “I want to tell you something, but it’s a bit of a story. If you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind at all,” Victor says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I’d very much like to know more about you, Yuuri.”

“I’m not that good with talking, music helps focus my words in a way I can’t seem to when I speak, but I’ll try?” Yuuri says, hoping Victor will understand. He nods slowly, and Yuuri takes a shaky breath. 

“After I lost the record deal with MLG my anxiety spiraled. I- It was a really dark period in my life, and I can’t remember my anxiety ever being so bad as it was then. I felt like the pressure of doing this without anyone from the business was so heavy on me, and I had panic attacks almost daily. I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper, and soon I wouldn’t be able to break away from it. Two things helped pull me out of it, and one of them was your music.”

Yuuri takes a breath, trying to formulate the words in his mind before he says them. He’s scared Victor will feel he lied by not telling him this sooner, that he will pull back and Yuuri will have lost his chance at this, whatever it is they are.

“You had a concert close enough that I could go, and it was such a relief for me to go out and see you again, to sing along to your songs, to dance and shout and feel all those things you always make me feel with your music. It made me feel lighter, but I woke up during the night in the middle of a panic attack, not able to breathe. I remember thinking that if your music, that’s always centered me, couldn’t help then I truly must be a lost cause. I couldn't stand being around myself alone, but my closest friends were all out of town or busy. So I pulled myself together enough to go to the bar a block from my apartment. I ordered a cup of tea, and the bartender looked at me weird, but I wasn’t there to get drunk, I just wanted to not focus on my own thoughts. I think I had been sitting there for about thirty minutes when you came in.”

Yuuri still remembers it so clearly, the way his heart had flipped, and then started racing at the sight of Victor, all alone in a dingy bar in the middle of nowhere. He wasn’t sure it was real at first. 

“You exchanged a few words with the bartender, and I couldn't hear you but I’m guessing you asked if you could play a song,” Yuuri says, and he sees recognition pass through Victor’s eyes. He straightens, eyes wide, scared. 

“You were there?” he asks, and Yuuri feels fear course through his own veins now. He nods, but hurries to continue. 

“I would like to play that song for you now,” he says. Victor blinks and they simply stare at each other for a moment. Yuuri needs his permission. As many times as he’s played it for himself, he needs Victor to say it’s okay that he plays it for  _ him _ . It’s too personal not to. Victor nods slowly and leans back. Yuuri nods too, and without saying anything more he turns to the piano, letting out a breath before he starts playing. 

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am no person, I am a neuter _

_ I am a laughing stripe, of a scarlet sun _

_ I am a child, a page and a bold resolve _

_ I am a net for all greedy fish _

_ I am a toast to the glory of all men _

_ I am all that _

_ You searched for a flower but found a fruit _ _   
_ _ You searched for a spring but found a sea _ _   
_ _ You searched for a star but you found a soul _

_ But it disappoints you _

_ I am a step towards hazard and ruin _

_ I am a leap into freedom and self _

_ I am the whisper of blood in the ear of man _

_ I am all that _

_ You searched for a flower but found a fruit _ _   
_ _ You searched for a spring but found a sea _ _   
_ _ You searched for a star but you found a soul _

_ But it disappoints you _

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am I am, I am a neuter _

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am I am, I am a neuter _

_ I am a flame, searching and brazen _

_ I am water, deep but daring up to the knee _ _   
_ _ I am the soul’s ague, the longing and refusal of the flesh _

_ You searched for a flower but found a fruit _ _   
_ _ You searched for a spring but found a sea _ _   
_ _ You searched for a star but you found a soul _

_ But it disappoints you _

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am I am, I am a neuter _

_ I am I am, I am I am _

_ I am I am, I am a neuter _

Yuuri breathes as he finishes, the notes from the piano hanging in the air. His heart feels just as full as it does each and every time he plays this. There’s something cathartic about it, being able to sing something so raw and exposing. He lets his fingers slide from the keys and then he turns. Victor’s eyes are on him, but they’re so wet, as if tears are threatening to flow over the edge at any moment. Yuuri’s heart stops. 

“Victor,” he starts but Victor lets out a shaky breath, a small smile curning on his lips. Yuuri stares at it, unsure if it’s real.

“How did you know it? I never recorded it,” Victor says, and Yuuri nods because he knows. 

“I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was as if it was stuck in there. I had to write it down, hours later, and then I just played it until it felt right,” Yuuri admits. He’s been living with this song ever since, but he’s never played it when anyone else could hear it. It feels like a secret between them, even if Victor never knew. “I wanted to tell you that I’m not… that I’m not disappointed. That I’ve enjoyed these days more than I can put into words. That getting to know you, to see your soul… it’s made me feel more than I’ve ever felt for anyone before.”

“Yuuri,” Victor breathes, one tear falling down his face. Yuuri wishes he was closer, so he could wipe it off. 

“I hope you’re not mad that I didn’t tell you sooner, that I saw you then,” Yuuri says but Victor shakes his head immediately. He rises and wipes his own cheek, taking sure steps towards Yuuri, until he’s standing between his knees. He leans down, taking Yuuri’s chin in his hand to tip it up. Yuuri follows easily, eagerly even. 

“I’m not,” he whispers, brushing his lips against Yuuri’s, carefully. Yuuri breathes, feeling as if warmth is bursting from the point of impact. “Come to bed with me?”

“I-,” Yuuri feels stunned, mind racing too fast.   
“Not for anything like… I just want to be close to you,” Victor says, and he looks so incredibly vulnerable. 

“Alright,” Yuuri agrees, without even having to consider it. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week: Bedsharing? In one of my fics? Well I've never!   
> Next week: Ji's day! Bathing suits! Secrecy! A surprise performance! 
> 
> Want to read it now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20).
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	7. Boys With Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the loveliest beta [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi) <3.
> 
> Hi!  
> Welcome to Ji's day! So this weeks playlist is a little different since two of the songs have a version of the song in original (as Ji's version would have been) and one cover (as the artist in the chapter performs it). Don't look at me like that about the finally song it'll all be explained! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2GiiQHi4CfWlW241pZsU7Q?si=ns8_ke29TvyipohgWmdtow)
> 
> Hoodie - Hey Violet  
> Like No One's Watching - Molly Sandén  
> Like No One's Watching (Acoustic) - Molly Sandén  
> Clarity - Zedd, Foxes  
> EVERY SINGLE DAY - FELIX SANDMAN  
> Mine - Bazzi  
> Mine - The Mayries  
> BOYS WITH EMOTIONS - FELIX SANDMAN  
> It's Gonna Be Me - *NSYNC

[The camera shows Ji sitting on top of one of the kitchen counters. Sunlight streams in from a window to his right, and he’s wearing pastel pajamas, one knee pulled up to his chest. He has his phone pressed against his ear, and his pink hair shakes as he laughs. His cheeks are slightly flushed, and he looks very happy.

Ji: I think they’ll like it. Yeah. Yeah. Well if you were here I would. 

He laughs, looking into the camera and scrunching up his nose adorably. 

Ji: I wish you were too. Yes it sucks. Mhm. Mmh. Yeah. Okay. I love you too. Kisses.

He puts the phone down on the counter, sighing once before he looks up into the camera as he pulls his leg closer to his chest. 

Ji: Being away from your boyfriend on your anniversary sucks.]

  
  


[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

Waking up in Victor’s arms is warm, and feels safe. Yuuri, who has never truly woken up with anyone other than the occasional college hook-up, expects to be uncomfortable. He expects to feel too warm, and crowded, and to wake up with a crick in his neck that’ll irritate him for the rest of the day. He doesn’t. 

Instead, he wakes under soft covers, curled in towards the warmth of Victor’s body. There’s a hand on his cheek, a thigh between his knees, and soft lips pressed against his forehead. 

It feels lovely. 

Yuuri curls further into Victor, hand coming down from where it’s been resting above his head to find Victor's side and tug carefully at his sleep shirt. Victor follows, and when Yuuri opens his eyes he’s met with that gorgeous blue gaze that always seems to make his heart stop. It does now too, and he lets out a slow breath, the hand curled in Victor’s shirt grabbing tighter on impulse. There’s a smile on Victor’s face, soft but joyous, and he leans forward to press his lips against Yuuri’s own. Yuuri’s eyes fall closed again, and his heart races as he presses his lips to Victor’s, kisses slow and exploratory, growing openmouthed. Victor is so warm, and the kisses are soft yet deep. Yuuri’s so in love with him he’s dizzy with it. 

Yuuri’s hand moves up to Victor’s neck, carding through the hair there. Victor hums and leans further into him, and Yuuri lets him roll them over, landing Yuuri on his back with Victor resting on top of him. He keeps his hands in Victor’s hair, tongues sliding against each other. How did this become Yuuri’s life? How did he end up here? 

Victor breaks away from his lips and Yuuri gasps, sucking air into his lungs. He seems to forget himself when he’s kissing Victor, the world slowing, his focal point becoming single minded. Who needs breathing when he can have Victor’s lips against his own? 

Victor’s lips are soft and wet as they kiss his cheek, his jaw, his chin. The kisses pick up speed, and soon he’s pecking all over Yuuri’s face, causing Yuuri to giggle. He has to grab Victor’s cheeks to stop him, and as he looks up at him he feels like he’s about to burst with all he’s feeling. Good. It’s all too good. 

“Good morning Yuuri,” Victor says with a tender smile. “How did you sleep?” something flickers over his expression, but it’s gone in a second. Yuuri leans up to kiss his lips sweetly, pushing his hands up to caress Victor’s fringe out of his face. “Stop, you’ll show off my massive forehead,” Victor says, shaking his head to try to get out of Yuuri’s grip. Yuuri frowns and leans up again, this time to kiss from Victor’s hairline down to his brow. 

“You have a beautiful forehead,” Yuuri says, putting as much determination into it as he can. Victor’s smile falls, and he just looks at Yuuri for a moment, before he presses down to kiss him again, this time with much more urgency. Yuuri gasps, kissing him back as Victor presses their bodies together. Victor drops to kiss his cheeks again, and his jaw and his nose. 

“Do you know you have a lovely nose? And cheeks, and these lips, Yuuri. I’ve thought way too much about these lips,” Victor says, leaning down to press his own against them softly. He tips his forehead against Yuuri’s, breathing out slowly. “You did sleep alright, right? I didn’t octopus you too much?” Yuuri looks up into his eyes, and Victor looks worried, biting his lower lip as he waits.    
“Not at all,” Yuuri says, hooking his leg around Victor’s thigh to flip them to their sides. His heart is racing, and he’s so scared he’ll say too much, reveal too much and scare Victor away. Still, he can’t stand the look that just crossed Victor’s face. “I felt… really safe.” Victor’s breath hitches, and Yuuri caresses his cheekbone and down to his lower lip. Victor kisses the pad of his thumb, and Yuuri’s stomach flips so hard it almost hurts. 

“You are going to be the death of me,” Victor breathes, pressing closer to Yuuri again, to press their lips together. 

A vibration shoots through Yuuri, a loud blaring sound startling him enough to yelp, grabbing Victor tighter. Victor holds onto him too, and he starts shaking. Yuuri blinks, and then Victor shuffles them around until he can pull his phone out from under his pillow. Yuuri looks up at Victor with wide eyes, realizing that he’s not shaking, he’s holding back laughter. 

“Hey,” Yuuri says, offended, and that seems to break Victor’s resolve. He starts laughing in earnest, and even as Yuuri tries to pout he can’t help but start laughing too, hiding his face into Victor’s chest. Victor holds him tight, pressing another series of kisses to his cheek. 

“It’s just so I’d have a reminder that I have to get up and practice with the band,” Victor says when his laughter has died down, even though it’s still evident in his voice. “I was afraid I’d forget all about time and space here with you.”

How can he say things like that? Does he not understand that Yuuri’s going to combust? 

“You have an early slot?” Yuuri asks as Victor pulls back from him to sit, following as if drawn by a magnet. He stills himself, even if he wishes to climb closer and press himself to Victor’s side. He doesn’t want to take too many liberties. 

“Yeah, second one,” Victor says. He looks over at Yuuri and smiles. “How about you?”

“Fourth, so I have a while,” he admits. “I’ll probably take a shower.”

“Really? You don’t think we’re going swimming today?” Victor asks, stretching his arms over his head. Yuuri frowns. He hadn’t thought about it. “Or do you have an activity planned that involves swimsuits?”

“Maybe,” Yuuri shoots back, a teasing tone in his voice. Victor rolls his eyes playfully, reaching out to trace the bird on Yuuri’s hip where his shirt has ridden up. Yuuri shivers, a longing deep in his core for Victor to touch him more. “Maybe I just wanted to see you without a shirt.” 

Victor laughs, and then he turns to crawl back to Yuuri, pressing his lips against Yuuri’s once more. Yuuri grabs the back of his head softly, loving the way Victor’s lips feel against his own. “Yuuri Katsuki are you flirting with me?” he asks when they break apart, and Yuuri wants to chase his lips as he goes, feels dreadfully cold without him in touching distance. 

“Perhaps,” Yuuri says, having no idea how he became so comfortable with Victor so fast. Victor shakes his head, but he smiles. “No, I did not ask everyone to bring swimsuits, and you’re right in that it’s probably not Minako.”

“Which leaves Ji,” Victor fills in. 

“Which leaves Ji,” Yuuri agrees with a nod. “Okay, shower after the activity then.” 

“I’m excited though, I think this is going to be a fun day,” Victor says, and Yuuri feels a smile curl on his lips, which for once has nothing to do with Victor. 

“Yeah, I think so too,” Yuuri agrees. “I hope the weather will be warm if we’re swimming.”

“I hope so,” Victor says. He looks down at his phone, and a small frown forms between his brows before he looks up at Yuuri again, pouting slightly. “Okay, I need to go. See you later?” he asks as he stands, placing a knee on the bed so he can cup Yuuri’s cheek and bring him in for one more kiss.

“Yes,” Yuuri agrees. “Have a good rehearsal.” 

Victor leaves, and as soon as he does Yuuri pushes himself back into the covers, letting out a joyous squeal. 

  
  


[ _ Clarity _ plays as a photo of a four year old Ji is shown, holding a hairbrush as a mic. The photo changes to a still of Ji on stange, wearing glitter makeup, bright pink hair and a turquoise crop top. He has a microphone in one hand, the other raised above his head.    
Female voiceover: Guang Hong Ji, or stage name Ji, crashed into the musical charts almost three years ago with his hit single  _ Clarity _ . Since then he’s been touring clubs and festivals, releasing three albums in quick succession. He’s known for pushing the boundaries of masculine stereotypes, and his song  _ Boys with Emotions _ sparked a huge debate on social media sites, as well as in high schools and colleges (the photo changes to one of Ji standing with a group of college students, all wearing shirts saying ‘boys with emotions’). Other than that, he’s known for dance hits such as  _ Like No One’s Watching  _ and  _ I Do Me _ .]

“Welcome to lunch!” Ji proclaims, and Yuuri smiles as he sits down next to him, looking down at the array of noodles and vegetables in a dark sauce, smelling of sesame oil, garlic and soy. Yuuri’s mouth waters. “I hope you’ll enjoy this dish, it’s something I make a lot at home or during tours for the crew.”

The screen in front of them flickers to life, and shows clips of Ji’s career, including several of him on stage, a few of him doing interviews about  _ Boys with Emotions, _ and a few photos of he and Leo together. Yuuri knows all of this of course. Ji is one of the few people he considers a friend, even if he’s more Phichit’s than Yuuri’s. Still, he really appreciates him, and all the work he’s done in talking about the macho culture surrounding men. 

“Thank you, it looks delicious,” Mila says as she peers down at her plate. “You cook when you go on tour?” 

“Sometimes, yeah,” Ji answers, digging in. “You’ll know how you basically live on junk food - or have to cram into small trailers to cook - and that it can be so difficult, but I really try to make it a priority. All the fast food really makes my energy level drop, and you can’t have that when you’re performing six nights a week.” They all hum in agreement. Yuuri’s had to eat his fair share of junk food too, even if he and Phichit usually travel lighter and therefore can make sure to find places to stay where they can cook. 

“So, can you tell us a bit about how you stared out?” Sara asks as she digs into the food. 

“I mean it’s similar to all of you I guess. The difference is that I did background singing for a while before they saw some potential in me during a recording,” Ji explains. 

“The record company did?” Chris asks for clarification. Ji blushes and shakes his head. 

“No, the artist I was doing background for really liked my voice, so he asked if I could be brought in for a duet. The record company wouldn’t have it, but he pushed for them to at least listen to me,” Ji looks a bit dazed here, a bright blush on his cheekbones.

“Was it Leo?” Victor asks, and Ji nods.    
“It was. They never did let us do a duet, but they liked me and my songs enough to make an EP.”   
“Which did really well,” Yuuri points out, and Ji smiles. 

“Yes, it did alright,” he laughs. “Leo came on as a producer, and we made a lot of the tracks together. Almost all of them are just me pining hopelessly for him.” 

“Isn’t that it though - our music carries so much of ourselves when we create it,” Yuuri says, and Ji nods in agreement. “Just like how the second one isn’t about pining at all.” 

“No, it’s not,” Ji says. “I think that’s when it truly took off, especially after how big the  _ Boys with Emotions _ discussion became.” There’s a knife tapped against a glass, and Ji looks over towards it, smiling as he locks eyes with Mila. 

“Oooh,” travels across the table, and then many of them break out into giggles. Sara and Mila both grin. 

“So, before we go into the tale of how amazing  _ Boys with Emotions _ is,” she starts, and Ji is all but bouncing in his seat from excitement. “We wanted to perform something from that pining EP you just talked about. “

“Nice,” Ji says, nodding. His energy is infectious, and Yuuri feels himself smiling too. It might also be because his morning was so incredibly fantastic. Yuuri still hasn’t properly processed that this is happening. 

“We decided to choose  _ Hoodie _ ,” Sara announces, and Ji lets out an excited ‘ _ eep!’ _ . 

“Oh that’s amazing. Yeah that’s definitely about Leo. Many people think it’s a break up song, but truly it’s just about me stealing one of his sweaters and then living in it. It was before we were dating so it comes across that way,” Ji explains. “That’s so exciting.”

They do the regular shuffle, and when it’s time to start the song Mila and Sara stand with their backs pressed together, sides to the table. They’re both in crop top hoodies, Sara in high-waisted jeans and Mila in a high-waisted skirt. They’re always uniquely dressed, but still matching. Yuuri wonders again if they’re actually a couple like Minako implied yesterday, and Ji speculated at the beginning of the week.

  
_ You'd probably think I was psychotic _

_ (if you knew) _

_ What I still got in my closet  _

_ (sad but true) _

_ Slip it on over my shoulders _

_ Something I'll never get over _

_ It makes me feel a little bit closer to you _

Sara starts singing, Mila filling in the choir part. They stay turned away from each other, and neither of them look at the table either. The song hasn't changed much in beat or flow, it’s still the same bassline as Ji uses, but with the added depth of two voices instead of one.

_ I can't keep your love _

_ I can't keep your kiss _

_ Gave you everything and all I got was this _

Mila picks up the bridge to the chorus, and Sara lowers her head as she does, still turned away from each other. Sara takes a deep breath when Mila’s done, and then they sing the chorus together, still turned away. 

_ I'm still rocking your hoodie _

_ And chewing on the strings _

_ It makes me think about you _

_ So I wear it when I sleep _

_ I kept the broken zipper _

_ And cigarette burns _

_ Still rocking your hoodie _

_ Baby, even though it hurts _

_ Still rocking your _

Mila continues with the second verse, turning towards the table while Sara keeps turned to the side, singing the choir parts. 

_ I used to put my hand in your pockets _

_ (holding on) _

_ The smell of your cologne is still on it  _

_ (but you're still gone) _

_ Slip it on over my shoulders _

_ Someone I'll never get over _

_ Makes me feel a little bit closer to you _

Sara turns towards the table, and then they continue like that, singing the verses one by one, the choruses together. Their voices match the song and each other well, and Yuuri finds himself nodding along to the beat all through the song. 

_ I'm still rocking your hoodie _

_ And chewing on the strings _

_ It makes me think about you _

_ So I wear it when I sleep _

_ I kept the broken zipper _

_ And cigarette burns _

_ Still rocking your hoodie _

_ Baby, even though it hurts _

_ I'm still rocking your hoodie _

They finish facing each other, and when the music stops they embrace each other first, fast but tight, before turning to Ji who has rushed up to them. The rest of the singers applaud them, and the girls thank them as they sit. They talk for awhile about the difference in making music that’s meant as duets versus solo songs, and then Victor taps his glass. 

“Ji,” Victor starts, and Ji starts bouncing in his seat again, causing them all to laugh. “I’ve decided to do a version of one of the songs from your second release, the one after the EP.”

“Oh,” Ji says, turning to Yuuri. “The ‘I’m so very smitten album’,” he says with a laugh and Yuuri nods in agreement. Ji’s always referred to it like this, even though it has a much more serious name. The album is definitely filled with songs about crushes, falling in love and letting someone in. “Amazing. What are you singing Victor?”

_ “Like No One’s Watching _ ,” Victor answers, and Ji lets out another excited noise. “It’s a wonderful song about opening your heart for someone, giving yourself even though you know you’re not complete. To say - this is me, this is my heart - please take care of it.”

“Yes,” Ji agrees. “That’s exactly it.”

Victor nods, and as Ji stands to head outside Victor’s eyes catch Yuuri’s. He has a small blush on his face, and he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he looks away, mouth turning into a smile. It leaves Yuuri so breathless. Victor can’t just say things like this and then look at Yuuri and expect him to survive. It’s too much for his delicate heart. Does Victor mean it? He picked these songs a long time ago, he couldn’t possibly know what would happen between them then… but Victor had looked intently at him, both last night and just now. Perhaps Yuuri should try to not overthink it too much. He’s enjoying this, and as terrified he is of all that is happening, of getting hurt, he wants it in a way he’s never wanted anything else before. 

Victor smiles toward Yuuri as he starts playing his guitar, and this time Yuuri feels like he doesn’t even try to look at Ji, feels like his eyes are on him the entire time as he sings.    
  


_ Wash off my make-up, _

_ Throw my clothes on the floor. _

_ Drinking straight from the bottle _

_ And unlock the door. _

_ Heart's beating faster, _

_ I can't wait no more _

_ For you-ou you-ou you-ou. _

_ My body is screaming _

_ And my mind's on a trip. _

_ Getting harder to hold back, _

_ Gotta bite my lip. _

_ If there's a limit, _

_ I'm breaking it _

_ For you-ou you-ou you-ou. _

_ I'll dance like no one's watching, _

_ No one's watching, _

_ No one's watching. _

_ Make love like no one's judging, _

_ No one's judging, _

_ No one's judging. _

_ And so imperfectly perfect I give me to you _

_ To you-ou, you-ou, to you. _

_ Leave all the lights on, _

_ Got nothing to hide. _

_ My heart is wide open, so step inside. _

_ Talk to my body, 'cause I'll lose my mind _

_ For you-ou, you-ou, for you. _

_ I'll dance like no one's watching, _

_ No one's watching, _

_ No one's watching. _

_ Make love like no one's judging, _

_ No one's judging, _

_ No one's judging. _

_ And so imperfectly perfect I give me to you _

_ To you-ou, you-ou, to you. _ _   
  
_

_ The way you look at me. _

_ The way you're loving me. _

_ The way you look at me, baby. _

_ Your love has told me to love. _

_ I'll dance like no one's watching, _

_ No one's watching, _

_ No one's watching. _

_ Make love like no one's judging, _

_ No one's judging, _

_ No one's judging. _

_ And so imperfectly perfect I'll give me to you _

_ To you-ou, you-ou, to you. _

Yuuri’s hand twitches as Victor ends, smile wide and joyous. Yuuri has to hold back to not rush up there and kiss him and his pretty lips and wonderful words. Maybe he doesn’t mean all of them, but even if it’s just some, Yuuri will fight hard to keep him feeling that way. 

“Oh wow, that was amazing,” Ji says with a grin as he embraces Victor. When he comes back he pats Yuuri on the shoulder for no apparent reason, but Yuuri suspects he’s started picking up on something going on between them. Ji’s always been perceptive. “Thank you so much for that. You really put your heart into it.”

“I feel very inspired today,” Victor says, and Yuuri chokes on the water he just drank. 

Celestino does a rock version of  _ Clarity  _ after that, and Victor has it absolutely right about the swimming when Ji announces that it is his activity they need the swimwear for, causing Chris to cheer. 

“We’re going paddle surfing!” Ji says with a wide smile “I’ve been doing some different kinds of surfing for a while, and though I wanted you to try kitesurfing, the lack of wind has made it hard to be able to plan for it, so you’re all going to get to try paddle surfing instead.”

“I’ve never tried it,” Chris says with a smile, Celestino, Sara, Mila and Yuuri agreeing. Both Minako and Victor announce that they have tried it before though, and Ji beams. 

“Great, then I’ll trust you to help me take care of the others,” he says as they leave the lakehouse to change, the cameras turned off for now. “You’ll take care of Yuuri, right Victor?” he says over his shoulder, and Yuuri wishes he could kick his shin. He definitely knows something.

“Definitely,” Victor promises. “I’m looking forward to seeing him shirtless again.” 

Yuuri groans, but can’t help but smile as he catches Victor’s eye.

[The sun is high in the sky, and the water is still. The camera pans over the empty beach, showing the long expanse of yellow sand. The song  _ Boys with Emotions _ starts playing, and the camera cuts to the group of singers making their way across the sand towards a pile of surfing boards. They’re all in swimwear, and the sun is high in the sky. 

There’s a fast succession of clips of instructors going through the basics, as well as the singers getting handed boards and paddles. There’s another cut, showing Yuuri and Victor standing on the beach. Behind them Ji is trying to get the other singers up on the boards without having them fall over. Yuuri’s in a pair of deep blue swim shorts that go down to his knees, but his entire torso is bare, showing off his tattoos. Victor’s in a pair of black tight swim shorts, going down half his thigh. There’s a pair of sunglasses resting on his head. He keeps glancing over at Yuuri’s chest and back, as if having trouble looking away from him. There’s a deep blush on his cheeks and nose. Yuuri doesn’t seem to notice the attention Victor is giving his body. The music quiets.

Yuuri: I’m not sure how it’s going to go. I haven’t done any surfing before. I know Ji’s been doing it for a while though. This kind looks more peaceful than kitesurfing or wave surfing, so we’ll see. Hopefully I won’t fall over too many times.   
Voice off camera: How about you Victor? You’ve done this before?

Victor looks up at the camera, blinking a few times, as if reminded that he’s actually being filmed. 

Victor: What?

Voice off camera: Are you going to help Yuuri with the surfing? Since he hasn’t done it before?

Victor: Yes, of course. He most definitely needs some hands on training I feel (turning to Yuuri, poking at his left upper arm). Is that from  _ Photographs _ ? 

Yuuri: Victor!    
Victor: Sorry, I’m just very fascinated with them.

Yuuri: You’re fascinating. 

They both look up, eyes catching. Yuuri looks as if he had not at all intended to say that, cheeks coloring bright red as his eyes grow wide with shock. Victor’s eyes are equally wide, but his mouth soon forms into a heart shaped grin, very different from his usual charming smile.

Victor:  _ Yuuuriii _

Yuuri: Okay, let’s go surfing! 

He turns away from the camera, and Victor hurries to follow, seemingly having forgotten about the camera again. 

There’s another cut, this time showing Ji on top of a board out in the water, paddling with ease. His strokes are sure, and he seems to be balancing without much thought. He looks around at the other singers, smiling fondly before he looks into the camera.   
Ji: I’m glad I decided to go with the less action filled activity. I don’t know if Celestino could have handled the kite (giggles). I think it’s going well! They’re doing really good. 

The camera pans over the group, showing all of them on their boards. Celestino stumbles, and so does Mila, but none of them fall into the water. Chris seems to have taken it upon himself to splash water at everyone he passes, causing water fights to break out. This actually causes Celestino to fall in, trying to get revenge on Minako who’s viciously spraying him with her paddle. At the edge of the group, Victor seems to have abandoned his own board to sit on Yuuri’s, looking up at him as he paddles them around. The focus shifts back to Ji who’s still looking over the group, smiling fondly.

Voice off camera: It seems Yuuri and Victor are growing close.

Ji looks back at the camera, and his brows furrow slightly before an easy smile spreads on his face. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks back at the group, presumably at Yuuri and Victor. 

Ji: Yeah, I’m sure they have a lot in common.

Voice off camera: Why would you say that?

Ji: Sometimes… People who seem different have much more in common than one would think. (He shakes his head as if throwing away a thought). Let’s go soak Chris so he stops terrorizing everyone else.]

“You have very strong arms Yuuri,” Victor comments, and Yuuri has no idea what to say about that. He looks down at him where he’s sitting on Yuuri’s surfboard, cross legged and smiling. He’s so pretty. There are freckles covering his shoulders, and Yuuri wants to trail kisses all over them. It’s a weird impulse, but Yuuri feels it in his soul. 

“It’s all the hauling musical equipment,” Yuuri says, continuing to move slowly in the water. He doesn’t want to risk them tipping over and soaking Victor completely, even if he’s sure he would look great with wet abs. He quickly shakes that thought away. That’s dangerous territory. He’s already treading lightly with having Victor more than half naked in front of him. He cannot pop a boner on international TV. Mari would never let him live it down, and neither would Phichit. 

“Hmm, I wonder if you could carry me,” Victor muses, and it sounds more as if he’s thinking out loud then actually asking, so Yuuri doesn't answer. Victor’s eyes keep trailing over Yuuri’s tattoos, and Yuuri’s wondering if he should say something about them, or wait to see if Victor asks. “Did you like the song I did?” Victor asks instead, and Yuuri almost wants to laugh. He has yet to find a song Victor has sung that he doesn’t like, even if he has his favourites. 

“Yes,” he says, and he looks down to lock eyes with Victor’s gorgeous blue gaze. It sends a shiver through his body. “I liked it a lot.”

“I’m glad. I- I really want you to enjoy what I make,” Victor says, and Yuuri has to smile then, holding back a snort. 

“I think all of these tattoos are a testament that I do,” Yuuri says, and Victor blushes, biting his lower lip. 

“Will you tell me about them? Not now... just, some day?” Victor asks. He looks so vulnerable, as if Yuuri denying him this might hurt him. Yuuri could never, so he smiles and nods, wishing he could bend down to caress Victor’s cheek without risking them tipping over. 

“Of course,” Yuuri promises instead, and Victor beams.

[The camera is filming Yuuri and Victor from behind as they make their way back to the mansion from the beach, walking close without touching. In the distance Mila and Sara are visible as they walk in front of the pair. Victor turns to Yuuri, but they continue walking. 

Victor: What are you doing now?

Yuuri turns to him, and then looks back at the camera, before turning his gaze back to the grass path.

Yuuri: Oh, I have to fix something for tonight.

Victor turns to him with furrowed brows. 

Victor: Tonight?

Yuuri: Yeah I… you’ll see later.

Victor: Keeping secrets, Yuuri?

Yuuri laughs and bumps his shoulder against Victor’s, which causes him to grin and bump back.

Yuuri: I thought you liked surprises?

Victor looks at him fondly, something Yuuri doesn’t seem to notice since he’s turned towards the path towards the house.

Victor: Yeah… yeah I do.]

[The original version of  _ No One’s Watching _ plays as the singers move towards the lakehouse. The sun is setting slowly, and the greenery surrounds them as they make their way down towards the stone house where fire pits have been lit. Ji, Sara and Yuuri walk in the front of the group, talking as they come closer to the house. Ji looks excited, while Yuuri looks slightly nervous but smiling. He’s in a black t-shirt, showing off his tattooed arms. A pair of form-fitting jeans cling to his legs. His hair is as always, slicked back, and he has no glasses on his nose. Sara’s in a red sundress, long black hair swinging as she walks. Ji’s wearing his  _ Boys with Emotions _ shirt, white with red text across his chest. Behind them, Minako and Celestino walk arm in arm. They’re both casually dressed, Minako in a high-necked blouse and black slacks. Celestino’s hair is up in a ponytail and he’s in a new concert tee and jeans. Victor and Chris walk in the back. Victor’s wearing a light blue shirt with rolled up sleeves and dark blue slacks, while Chris is in a hot pink army jacket and black jeans.    
Sara opens the door, and Yuuri pulls out Ji’s chair and bows which makes the singer laugh as he sits

Ji: Thank you all so much for today, both for lunch and for surfing. It’s been a great day and I hope that you will enjoy this evening as well.

Celestino: Cheers to that!

They all raise their glasses to toast, and as they all start eating Chris starts up the conversation.

Chris: Is it true that the third album was written in like three weeks?

Ji chuckles, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

Ji: Yes. It wasn’t made in three weeks, but I wrote the lyrics during that time, inside a tour bus as we toured the second album.

Minako: That’s crazy. You must have been very inspired.

Ji: I was. There was so much going on with  _ Boys with Emotions _ , and I had so many feelings about it, so the words just flowed out of me. 

Yuuri: I love when that happens.

Ji: Yeah. It was really great. 

Mila: How did you feel afterwards? I tend to get very drained when I create a lot in fast succession and then have to have almost like an emotional recovery period. 

Ji: I don’t remember needing that. I showed them to the producers and we started making soundtracks for them as we toured. Some I had an idea for, others were more of a collaboration of what I wanted and finding a sound that fitted. 

Chris: How do you feel about that music now?

Ji: I still very much love it, and I really feel every song very personally. Still, there’s a difference between them and for example the first EP, where things were more raw and unprocessed. 

A knife taps against a glass and the camera zooms in on Minako who is holding her knife up, giving a smile. 

Minako: Speaking of the first record...

Ji: Oh yes! I’m so excited about this!

Minako: Yes. I’ve decided to do  _ Every Single Day _

Ji’s eyes grow wide, a hand coming up to cover his heart. Minako nods, and several of the other singers seem to look equally surprised. 

Ji: Oh Minako. I can’t wait.]

_ Every Single Day _ is a very emotional song, and Yuuri can feel that it’s going to be a great version as soon as it starts. Minako has added an intro to it that wasn’t there before, soft violins accompanying the piano. She looks sad as she brings the mic up to start singing, and as the song progresses and she performs, Yuuri can’t help but think about their conversation yesterday morning. He thinks of missed opportunities, and of Victor who’s sitting just across from him to the right. He doesn’t want to leave here with any regrets. Maybe risking the surely mind-numbing pain of losing Victor by exposing too much, beats the void that would come from giving too little and always wondering what could have been. Yuuri would truly go mad then. 

_ I'm so sorry for calling you at this time _

_ I'm watching this video that reminded me _

_ Of the movies we used to see _

_ The people we used to be _

_ I'm wondering how are your mum and dad _

_ 'Cause my, mine keep on asking whatever happened to _

_ The boy that I used to see _

_ How happy I used to be _

_ Do you ever think of me? _

_ Ever since you left _

_ I can't get out of bed _

_ It's true _

_ What's a heart supposed to do _

_ With a hole the size of you? _

_ Wish I could undo the pain _

_ But my heart can't catch a break _

_ I think about you every single day _

_ I kept all of the pictures you used to draw _

_ I still drink from the cup you stole from the bar and I _

_ I swear I can taste your lips _

_ Every morning with every sip _

_ I hope you don't see me when I go out _

_ I don't think you'd approve of who I am right now _

_ I'm not who I used to be _

_ That's the truth baby truthfully _

_ Do you ever think of me? _

_ Ever since you left I can't get out of bed _

_ It's true _

_ What's a heart supposed to do _

_ With a hole the size of you? _

_ Wish I could undo the pain _

_ But my heart can't catch a break _

_ I think about you every single day _

_ I get in my car and drive through the dark _

_ I speed past the exit that leads to your house _

_ And wonder what you're doing now _

_ Are you thinking 'bout me? _

_ What's a heart supposed to do _

_ With a hole the size of you? _

_ Wish I could undo the pain _

_ But my heart can't catch a break _

_ I think about you every single day _

Minako finishes with closed eyes, and the hand not holding the mic comes up to press against her chest, right above her heart. Yuuri’s standing to clap before he can even think, and the others seem to have the same idea. Sara wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, and Yuuri can see Victor blinking rapidly, eyes wet. He wishes he could reach over and take his hand, bring it to his lips and press a kiss there. Soon... soon he’ll have gathered the courage, he hopes. 

“Minako, that was beautiful,” Ji says as he embraces her. Minako shakes her head, but she’s still visibly shaken. 

“You wrote it,” she jokes, and Ji laughs, hugging her again. They return to their seats, and Yuuri can see Celestino lace his and MInako’s fingers together under the table, before Celestino leans over to press his lips to her temple. It’s soft and sweet, and she turns to smile at him softly. 

“It was very emotional,” he says, and Minako nods in agreement, turning back to Ji at the head of the table. 

“I’m so glad you released it. It’s a very timeless feeling in it, that deep despair of losing someone you didn’t want to lose, feeling lost,” she says, and Ji nods in agreement. 

“Yes, exactly. I- I won’t go into detail too much about what happened, but I’m glad those feelings came through for you, because that’s exactly how I felt writing it,” Ji says with a nod.

“Is this one of the songs that led to  _ Boys with Emotions _ ?” Victor asks.

“Yeah. I got a lot of hate on social media after the EP about being too sensitive, both in my lyrics and on SNS. I got fed up with it, so me and Leo sat down and started writing those emotions down. When it was released it got so much attention, I would never have expected it. I’m glad we did it together though. I don’t think I could have managed to handle it all on my own. I know I was sort of the face of it, but Leo was with me and supported me all through it,” Ji says with a smile. Well, Yuuri’s not going to get a better in than that. He picks up his knife and Ji turns to him so fast Yuuri worries about his neck.

“I knew it,” Ji says with a grin. “I knew you were going to do  _ Boys with Emotions _ .” Yuuri laughs, and then he shakes his head only to see Ji’s face fall. “What? Really?”

“Yeah I’m not,” Yuuri admits. “I probably would have chosen it, but it wasn’t up to me.”

“What does that mean?” Ji asks, and Yuuri grins and shakes his head again. 

“I think I’ll let the music explain it to you,” he says and Ji groans but nods, looking at him quizzically. 

“You’re up to something Yuuri Katsuki,” he says as he stands. “Don’t think there won’t be payback.”

Yuuri laughs and they part, Ji to do his interview and Yuuri to check in with the band to make sure all is in order before he accepts his guitar. He catches Victor’s eye as he sits down on the stone wall separating the band from the stage, but makes sure to leave room next to him. 

“Is the surprise in the song?” Victor asks with a grin, and Yuuri smiles back. He really hopes he gets to kiss him later. 

“Yes, definitely,” Yuuri admits, and Victor hums. “He’ll love it,” Yuuri says, nodding towards Ji’s empty chair. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing it then. I’m sure it’ll be beautiful. You always are,” Victor says, and now he’s making Yuuri all breathless again. He takes a long deep breath, letting the feeling fill him. It’ll be good to let the emotion of Victor’s attention consume him. It fits the song perfectly. Ji comes back, and Victor sits back properly in his chair, eyes still on Yuuri. Yuuri starts plucking the strings of the guitar, and he sees how Ji recognizes it, smiling softly. Yuuri knows how much this song means to him, and he can’t help but smile, just like he can’t stop himself looking over at Victor either.

_ You're so you're so precious when you smile _

_ Hit it from the back and drive you wild _

_ Boy, I lose myself up in those eyes _

Yuuri sings the first three lines alone, just him and the guitar. It’s such a lovely, love-filled song, and he lets all he’s feeling for Victor fill up his chest as he performs, conveying the feeling he’s carrying in his heart. 

_ I just had to let you know you're mine _

Yuuri sees Ji still as another voice joins the singing. Does he recognize it? Yuuri guesses that he does, with how his eyes widening, looking curiously around the room as Yurui and the other voice continues to sing the chorus.

_ Hands on your body, I don't wanna waste no time _

_ Feels like forever even if forever's tonight _

_ Just lay with me, waste this night away with me _

_ You're mine, I can't look away, I just gotta say _

Yuuri looks up just as Leo steps out from behind the wall he’s been playing and singing behind, watching how Ji’s face goes from shocked to delighted. Yuuri smiles, and he looks over at Leo who sits down next to him with his guitar. Yuuri quiets as Leo sings the next verse himself, and Yuuri gets to see tears spring up in Ji’s eyes as his boyfriend sings the song he wrote for him. 

_ I'm so I'm so happy you're alive _

_ Swear to God, I'm down if you're down all you gotta say is right _

_ Boy anything I can do just to make you feel alright _

_ Oh, I just had to let you know you're fine _

_ Running circles 'round my mind _

_ Even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine _

_ You on fire, you a star just like Mariah _

_ Man this feel incredible, I'll turn you into a bride, you're mine _

They sing the final chorus together, and Yuuri watches Victor the entire time. Watches him smile, soft sweet and heart shaped. There’s that gorgeous blush covering his slender nose and high cheekbones. He’s so pretty, and so sweet and goofy, and so real. 

_ Hands on your body, I don't wanna waste no time _

_ Feels like forever even if forever's tonight _

_ Just lay with me, waste this night away with me _

_ You're mine, _

_ I can't look away, I just gotta say _

“Hi babe,” Leo says when the music quiets, eyes solely on Ji. “Happy anniversary.” 

“Oh my god,” Ji says, and he rushes out of his chair. Yuuri barely has time to take the guitar from Leo before Ji throws himself into his arms, kissing him passionately. Yuuri smiles, and soon the production assistant comes up to grab first Leo’s and then Yuuri’s guitar. Ji looks at him from where he has his face pressed against Leo’s chest, happy tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” he says, pushing off to give Yuuri a quick hug. “For the song but mostly for him.”

“You shouldn’t be apart on your anniversary. I’m just happy I could do something to get him here,” Yuuri says. 

He had reached out to Leo as soon as he had decided to participate in the show, partly because he wanted to do something together with the other artist, and partly because he knew how hard they both found being apart. The fact that Ji’s day was on their anniversary was just a coincidence really, but Yuuri’s still so happy it turned out this way. The show had loved the idea from the start, and promised that Leo could stay over that night so he wouldn’t have to leave right away. 

“Such a good friend,” Leo adds, hugging Yuuri too. After that it’s an array of greetings and introductions, before Ji promptly sits Leo down in his chair and flops down on his lap. They talk a little about Leo’s week on the show, and the night is starting to late when Chris taps his glass, looking over at the couple with a smirk.

“You want to dance a little?” he says. “Because I think we’ve heard enough about this song about boys having emotions to not hear it.”

“YES!” Ji cheers, and Leo claps. “Give it to us Chris!”

“My pleasure,” Chris grins. 

_ What's wrong with boys that _

_ We can't admit _

_ It's okay to talk, you _

_ Don't need your fists _

_ It's alright to feel things _

_ But that's something we don't permit, yeah _

_ If you need a hug, then _

_ I'll give you it _

_ When we're young, they say to keep it all inside, all inside _

_ When the boys are blowing up, we wonder why _

_ Yeah, we wonder, yeah, we wonder why _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Leave it unspoken _

_ We're all a little bit broken _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Keeping it in, don't wanna admit _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

_ Forget what your dad said _

_ Put it out of your head _

_ It's okay to cry and _

_ It's okay to vent _

_ If you don't let it out _

_ The monster will eat you instead, yeah _

_ The hurt that you're holding _

_ Let it out of your chest _

_ When we're young, they say to keep it all inside, all inside _

_ When the boys are blowing up, we wonder why _

_ Yeah, we wonder, yeah, we wonder why _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Leave it unspoken _

_ We're all a little bit broken _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Keeping it in, don't wanna admit _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

_ You can be strong and _

_ Still need somebody else _

_ You can be tall and _

_ Feel like you're small as hell _

_ We're all afraid, but _

_ Everyone needs some help _

_ We'll change the world if _

_ We can only change ourselves _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Leave it unspoken _

_ We're all a little bit broken _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Trying not to show it _

_ Keeping it in, don't wanna admit _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ Boys with emotions _

_ We're all boys with emotions _

The song prompts them to dance, and the entire table stands, giving Chris loud cheers as it, and the episode recording, ends. 

“Let’s head inside okay?” Mila says as they pack up the cameras for the night. “I want to grill Leo on if it’s true he can eat his weight in french fries.” 

Leo laughs, and he fits easily into the gang, talking to Chris, Victor and Mila as they move towards the house. Ji walks up to Yuuri instead, shoulder bumping him with a small smile. “I’m really so grateful,” he says, and Yuuri nods because he knows he is. 

“We had so much fun making it. He chose the song, because it’s so important to both of you,” Yuuri says with a shrug. 

“Still. I really appreciate it,” Ji says. They’ve made it to the mansion, and the rest have started walking inside when Ji pulls him into another hug. “You staying down with us tonight? Or are you and Victor sneaking off again?”

“I think I can stay,” Yuuri says, following Ji to the salon. It seems Minako and Celestino have decided to call it a night, and after Minako’s emotional performance Yuuri’s not surprised. He’s sure they have a lot to talk about. 

They settle down on the couches, Ji in Leo’s lap, Mila and Sara pressed close, Victor and Yuuri thigh to thigh. Chris makes them drinks in the kitchen before he settles in an armchair, calling for a toast. Ji hooks his phone up to the speakers in the room with ease, a soft melody filling the space. Conversation flows easy, and Yuuri feels himself relaxing back into the couch, Victor’s arm slung around the backrest behind him. He feels torn. On one hand he’s having fun, reminiscing with Ji and Leo, listening to the others babble about this and that. On the other hand, he really wants to kiss Victor, hard, on the mouth. 

He doesn’t notice he’s been staring at Victor’s lips until he hears his name called, Victor turning towards him with a smile and raised eyebrow, and Yuuri shakes himself to break his concentration, looking over at Leo who had called him. 

“Sorry, what?”

“Do you remember how many birthdays we’ve performed for Phichit?” Leo asks, referring to the annual celebration Phichit holds on his birthday. It’s always a large party, and for the last three years he’s only asked for one thing.

“Three years,” Yuuri answers, and Leo nods. “April was the third time we had to…” Yuuri trails off, because he doesn’t want to continue. Unfortunately, both Chris and Victor seem to pick up on it. 

“Had to?” Victor presses, and Yuuri looks up at his blue eyes, almost drowning in them.

“Nothing, it’s hard to explain,” Yuuri says, even though it’s really not. 

“We could show them?” Ji suggests, and Yuuri rips his gaze from Victor to look back at him in shock. Ji and Leo are looking at each other in that way that means they got lost in each other, and Ji tucks his hair behind his ear. 

“We should,” Leo agrees.

“No, no no, we should not!” Yuuri protests. 

“Oh, you should!” Chris says, clearly intrigued by Yuuri’s reaction. “I really want to see this now.”

“Me too,” Victor agrees, and there’s the slightest caress from his fingers down Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri shivers, and he has to bite back a whimper. Victor leans closer, whispering into Yuuri’s ear. “Please Yuuri, would you show me?” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri agrees, without really realizing what he’s agreed to until the word has left his lips. Fuck. Victor beams proudly, and Yuuri looks around at the others, clearly amused by his lack of self-control around Victor. Yuuri can only be happy no one recorded it.

“YAY!” Ji cheers, jumping out of Leo’s lap to pull him up. “Which one should we do?”

“We should let someone else decide, I’m good with either,” Leo says, turning to Chris. “Pick a number between one and three.” 

_ Not one, not one, not one, _ Yuuri thinks as he stands. 

“Hm, three,” Chirs says, and Yuuri lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh thank god,” he says and Chris snaps his head at him, and then back to Leo and Ji.

“Nooo, what did I miss? Which should I have picked?” he asks in a panic. Ji and Leo both laugh, and Yuuri can’t help but giggle at Chris despair too. 

“One, you should definitely have picked one,” Ji says, patting Yuuri on his shoulder as he’s come to stand next to him.

“I changed my mind!” Chris protests, causing the room to laugh. “I want number one!”

“No take-backs! Three it is,” Yuuri says determinately, and Chris groans and pouts. “Nope you picked, you have to deal with your choices.”

“I was misinformed,” Chris proclaims.

“Found it!” Ji cheers, showing Leo and Yuuri the instrumental playback they used just this past April when performing for Phichit on his phone. Okay, so this is really happening. It’s not that Yuuri minds performing for Phichit every year, it’s usually really fun. Still, he had not planned to share this part of himself with Victor today, or maybe ever. But Ji looks so excited, and who is Yuuri to deny him?

They clear a small area in the salon to make sure they have enough room, and Yuuri tries to get into the zone, remembering the choreography and lyrics. 

“Ready?” Ji asks when they’re finished, looking over at the other two. 

“Yeah, Yuuri agrees with a smile, and Leo grins widely. “Let’s do it.”

Yuuri takes a deep breath and places himself in the middle, Leo on his left side as Ji walks over to Sara, telling her to start the song when they’re in position. She giggles as she sees the name of the song, and hides it from Mila who pouts.

“This is going to be amazing,” she proclaims, and Yuuri can’t help but glance over at Victor, who’s leaning forward on the couch, eyes fixed on Yuuri. Okay. Yuuri has to make the best of this. He needs to do this the best he can, so Victor doesn’t find him horribly embarrassing. 

Ji joins them, standing on Yuuri’s right side. 

“Ready?” he asks, and Yuuri and Leo both agree, before lowering their heads. The music starts, and Yuuri can’t help but smile, before scolding his face into a confident smirk. It’s sort of needed to pull this off. He can hear the cheers and Chris’ whispered ‘ _ oh my god’ _ as their audience realise what song it is. It's very well-known after all. Phichit’s always been weak for boybands. Yuuri raises his head slowly, locking eyes with Victor as he starts to sing. 

_ You might been hurt, babe _

_ That ain't no lie _

_ You've seen them all come and go, oh _

_ I remember you told me _

_ That it made you believe in _

_ No man, no cry _

_ Maybe that's why _

Victor looks a mix of delighted and amazed as Yuuri sings. He stays completely still, but as the chorus starts Leo and Ji raise their heads. They perform a series of fast paced dance steps as they sing through the chorus, and the audience cheers, wolf-whistles filling the air.

_ Every little thing I do _

_ Never seems enough for you _

_ You don't want to lose it again _

_ But I'm not like them _

_ Baby, when you finally _

_ Get to love somebody _

_ Guess what _

_ It's gonna be me _

Ji takes over for the second verse, but Yuuri and Leo continue to dance behind him, easy movements but still coordinated. Ji joins in on the occasional step, but he’s more grounded into singing in this part. 

_ You've got no choice, babe _

_ But to move on, and you know _

_ There ain't no time to waste _

_ You're just too blind, to see _

_ But in the end, ya know it's gonna be me _

_ You can't deny _

_ So just tell me why _

They come together for the chorus again, the same dance steps though Ji stands in front. Yuuri keeps looking at Victor, and he can’t help but put more attitude into the performance as he sees his thrilled expression, eyes glittering and lower lip between his teeth as his gaze follows every movement Yuuri makes. 

_ Every little thing I do _

_ Never seems enough for you _

_ You don't want to lose it again _

_ But I'm not like them _

_ Baby, when you finally _

_ Get to love somebody (somebody) _

_ Guess what (guess what) _

_ It's gonna be me _

_ It's gonna be me _

_ Ooh, yeah yeah _

They all still, and Leo sing the bridge alone while Ji and Yuuri look down at the floor. Yuuri’s heart is racing, but he’s having fun. He glances up at Ji who looks back under his bangs, grinning widely.

_ There comes a day _

_ When I'll be the one, you'll see _

_ It's gonna gonna gonna gonna _

_ It's gonna be me _

They pick up the dance steps again, and for the rest of the song they alternate between singing alone and together, dance steps looping. The other singers keep cheering, and at the end of it, Yuuri’s laughing. 

_ All that I do, is not enough for you _

_ I don't want to lose it _

_ But I'm not like that _

_ When finally (finally) _

_ You get to love _

_ Guess what? (guess what?) _

_ Every little thing I do _

_ Never seems enough for you (for you babe) _

_ You don't want to lose it again (don't want to lose it) _

_ But I'm not like them _

_ Baby, when you finally _

_ Get to love somebody (love) _

_ Guess what (guess what) _

_ It's gonna be me _

_ Every little thing I do _

_ Never seems enough for you _

_ You don't want to lose it again (don't want to lose it) _

_ But I'm not like them _

_ Baby, when you finally (baby when you finally) _

_ Get to love somebody _

_ Guess what (guess what) _

_ It's gonna be me _

Loud cheers break out as the song finishes, and Yuuri only holds his position for a second before he looks up, out of breath and so happy. He hugs Leo and Ji first, and then they all bow. They’re swarmed by the others, receiving hugs and laughter. When Victor reaches him he presses close, and in the swarm of people he presses his lips to Yuuri’s cheek, hard and quick, before he presses against his side, tight. 

“That was so hot,” he whispers, and a shiver runs down Yuuri’s spine.

“I’m glad you think so,” he answers breathlessly. Yuuri doesn’t want to be here anymore. He wants to take Victor’s hand and rush up the stairs, push him into his bed and kiss him senseless. He’s just about to suggest this, when Chris barrels into them, arms slung around both of their shoulders.   
“Why are there no cute boys for me?” he whines, and Victor pulls him off Yuuri, holding onto Yuuri tight.

“You can’t have this one, I’ve called dibs,” Victor proclaims, and Yuuri looks at him fondly, because that is so cute. How is he so cute?

“I know, you did that like a year ago,” Chris says with a sigh, and Yuuri’s world screeches to a halt. He turns in Victor’s grip to look at Chris with wide eyes, and then back up at Victor. 

“A year?” he asks in shock, and Victor bites his lip in that nervous way again. Yuuri’s about to ask more, but Chris bats at his arm, causing Yuuri to look over at him. 

“Stop making everything about you, Yuuri. What about me?” he whines, and Yuuri laughs, still feeling his mind spin about the dibs calling. He lets it go for now, since Chris seems to be persistent about this matter. He also remembers the promise he made to his best friend on the first day here.

“I know someone,” he says, and Chris gasps. 

“You do?” 

“Ah, yes,” Yuuri says, pulling up his phone from his pocket. It doesn’t take long to find a photo of Phichit, laying on the floor of the studio and smiling. Chris looks closely at the photo, and he has a very serious expression on his face as he looks back up at Yuuri.

“That is not a cute boy, that is an angel,” Chris states, and Yuuri laughs and shakes his head, thinking about all the shit Phichit has made him go through over the years. All with love of course. 

“He said to give you his number if you were lonely, so,” Yuuri shrugs, and Chris beams and makes grabby hands. “Wait, you can use mine,” Yuuri says, and with a few easy taps he calls Phichit. Chris accepts the phone and presses it to his ear. He’s smiling, but as Phichit picks up it turns to a wolfish grin. Yuuri’s so going to pay for this.

“Oh darling, at least ask me out first before you sing my own lyrics to me,” Chris says, and then laughs. Victor still has his arms wrapped around Yuuri’s waist, and he too beams, clearly remembering their conversation about Phichit having  _ Sexy and I Know It _ as Yuuri’s personal ringtone. 

“I’ve missed kissing you today,” Victor whispers into his ear, and Yuuri shivers, turning to look at him. “You want to head up? Or do you want to wait for your phone?”

“I want to head up,” Yuuri says, glancing over at Chris. His fingers dance along Victor’s shirt across his back. “Hey Chris, can I have my phone?” Chris makes sure to give his number to Phichit, and it only takes a few seconds after they’ve hung up for Chris’ phone to ring. They say goodnight to the others, and Yuuri tries very hard to ignore the knowing looks they shoot them. 

They’re halfway up the first set of stairs when Victor laces their fingers together, and Yuuri can’t contain himself longer than halfway down the hallway before he tugs Victor close to crash their mouth together. 

It feels like coming home.

He’s longed too much today, feeling almost empty without Victor’s touch. Victor lets out a hum of contentment, and it travels to Yuuri’s core, building a home there. It sparks a hope, that maybe this could be more than just this. Maybe, this could last.

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight too?” Victor asks, and Yuuri nods as he continues to pull Victor down the hall, fingers laced and lips locked together, like teenagers who can’t stand a single second apart. “Good. I don’t know if I would have survived otherwise.” 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE IT WAS ALL PHICHIT'S FAULT!
> 
> Next week: The first part of Yuuri's week! AAAH. Are you prepared? I am not.  
> Want to read it now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	8. Feels Like I'm Selling My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's day, Yuuri's day, Yuuri's daaaay! (Or at least part one of it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter which gives some answers into Yuuri's life as an artist. Try to forgive Minami will you? 
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0mWOJ9pKuX0voNVF7NFP0J?si=N7x7OT7MTUq0HRYpayv3MA)
> 
> Push Play - Miriam Bryant  
> Satelite - Miriam Bryant  
> Finders, Keepers - Miriam Bryant  
> Find You - Miriam Bryant, Zedd  
> Serendipity - Miriam Bryant
> 
> Beta read by the amazing [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi)

Yuuri’s startled awake by a sharp knock on the door to his room. He blinks, face pressed into Victor's chest. He’s warm, snuggled up in Victor’s embrace. He doesn’t want to get up, doesn’t want to leave. There’s another sharp knock. Did he fall back asleep? Yuuri grumbles and presses even closer into Victor. There’s a rumbling chuckle from deep within Victor’s chest, and Yuuri presses back enough so he can blink up at him. They seem to have forgotten to pull the curtains closed yesterday, and the sun shines in on Victor’s hair, creating a halo around his beautiful face. How can someone look so lovely in the morning? It’s a mystery, truly. Yuuri always looks like a crow has built a nest in his hair in the morning, and it’s not even that long.

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” Victor says, and Yuuri has to lick and smack his lips just to be able to form words. He’s so tired, he can’t cope with this type of sweetness this early.

“Pretty,” he says instead of acknowledging Victor’s compliment, pushing up to press his lips against Victor’s, rolling him down to his back. He can feel Victor smile into the kiss, and Yuuri’s pretty sure he’s never woken up to something so lovely before in his life. There’s another sharp knock, and Yuuri sighs. Victor frowns and looks towards the door.

“You want me to get it?” he asks, pushing the hair from Yuuri’s forehead. It seems to have broken from its gelled-back style during the night, and maybe Yuuri should feel self-conscious about it, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care, not with how tenderly Victor is looking at him and how sleepy he feels. He tightens his grip and kisses Victor’s neck, just because the skin there looks so soft. 

“No, don’t leave,” Yuuri protests, and Victor gasps as Yuuri’s lips meets his skin. Yuuri feels him roll his hips into Yuuri’s. It seems almost involuntary, but Yuuri still feels his half-hardness pressing into his hip. Oh. He looks up at Victor with wide eyes. His cheeks are flushed, and he’s biting his lip nervously. 

“If you keep doing that I might have a problem,” he whispers, and Yuuri’s stomach flips harder than it ever has in his entire life. He suddenly feels bold, and he shifts, rolling his own hips into Victor’s, pressing his rapidly filling erection into Victor’s groin. Victor gasps, and Yuuri swallows heavily, waiting. 

“I don’t see a problem,” Yuuri says, kissing that spot on Victor’s throat again, a broken moan coming from Victor’s lips at the contact. “Unless you don’t want to?” Yuuri looks up at him again, because even if his mind is still a bit sleep slow and now lustfilled, he needs to make sure they’re on the same page if they’re doing this. Victor’s expression has turned dark when their eyes meet. His grip on Yuuri’s neck tightens, and he rolls his hips again, making Yuuri press back. The friction feels amazing, and Yuuri moans, Victor leaning down to claim his lips. Yuuri feels like his blood is rushing in his veins, and he wants so much, longs to run his fingers all over Victor’s body. His hands caress the exposed skin of Victor’s hips where his sleep-shirt has ridden up, and then up across his back. He’s so warm and smooth. Yuuri wants to kiss every part of him too, find which spots make him gasp, which spots make him giggle, what makes him scream in pleasure.

There’s another knock, and this time a voice calls Yuuri’s name as well. Victor pulls back, and Yuuri chases. He doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to let go yet. 

“Yuuri!” the voice calls again, and Yuuri lets out an irritated sigh. Victor seems equally frustrated and sighs too, dropping his head to kiss behind Yuuri’s ear. 

“You should probably get that,” Victor says, and Yuuri shivers. “It doesn’t seem like they’ll go away.”

“Crap,” Yuuri mumbles, before pressing a last lingering kiss to Victor’s lips, a lot less heated, and pushes himself off the bed. He tries to push down the growing hardness between his legs, but as he opens the door he makes sure to angle himself so it's only his upper body that’s visible. Outside is one of the production assistants, a blond boy with a bright red streak in his hair. He’s holding a tablet pressed to his chest, and he looks up at Yuuri with wide eyes, blinking. His cheeks turn red, and he sputters. 

“H-Hi Yuuri! I’m sorry if I woke you! I just wanted to check how you’re doing because I wanted to look into what we’re doing for filming the introduction of you today, since it’s your day! I’m so excited about that- I mean we’re so excited- I mean we are excited about all the artists of course but you know, you’re great so that’s just how I feel,” he rambles, and Yuuri has a very, very hard time keeping up with what he’s saying and what he wants. 

“What?” he asks, because he’s still sort of tired, and his mind is definitely ten steps back in the room, in the bed, on Victor’s skin. 

“Oh! Sorry! I tend to talk too fast!” The boy says, without slowing down at all. “We want to shoot something with you today during the morning, it can be anything really. It’s just for the viewers to get to know you better. So a morning routine thing? I know you told Ji one morning you do yoga, so maybe that? I think I would- I mean we would- I mean the viewers would appreciate that. Everyone would, clearly.” 

Yuuri has to fight very, very hard to not sigh. “Yeah sure,” he agrees. “Maybe in-”

“Ten minutes? Fifteen?” He angles his tablet down and starts pressing it. “The camera crew will be here then. Good?” 

It’s not good. Yuuri would like to go back and finish what he almost started with Victor much more than he feels like doing yoga right now, especially in front of a camera crew, but he can’t really tell this boy that.

“Sure,” he says. “Fifteen minutes.”   
“Perfect!” The boy cheers, and taps a few more times on the tablet. “They’ll be here soon then! Thank you Yuuri!” The boy turns, and Yuuri pushes the door closed, resting his forehead against it for a moment with a deep sigh, before he turns back to bed. Victor’s resting on his side when Yuuri comes back, an amused grin on his face. 

“He has such a crush on you,” Victor says, and Yuuri blinks, before crawling back into bed. Victor rolls over onto his back, and Yuuri settles on top of him, hands on either side of his face, legs to the side. He doesn't dare settle fully between Victor’s thighs, because there’s a great risk the camera crew will pick up some not so G-rated audio. 

“Who?” he asks, leaning down to press his lips against Victor’s lips, because the temptation is just too great. It’s just a soft peck, but Yuuri’s growing addicted, and has to continue to kiss his cheek and his jaw.

“Kenjirou, the production assistant,” Victor says, hands coming to caress lazy patterns on Yuuri’s back. “You haven’t noticed?”

“No one has a crush on me,” Yuuri scoffs, and Victor’s movements still. His hands move to Yuuri’s face instead, pulling him up so they can lock eyes. 

“What did you just say?” Victor asks, and he looks so utterly shocked, Yuuri has to think back to what he did just say. Was it something strange?

“No one has a-” Yuuri starts, but he’s cut off by Victor rolling them over quickly, Yuuri letting out a startled yelp as he ends up with his back on the mattress with Victor on top of him. Their legs tangle, and Yuuri lets out a breath, trying to make sense of the amazed and slightly confused expression on Victor’s face. 

“How are you like this?” he asks, and Yuuri would think it was something bad, if Victor didn’t look so tenderly at him, leaning down to kiss him again. “How can you not see it?”

“See what?” Yuuri asks, gripping Victor’s sides. Victor shook his head, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“How gorgeous you are,” a kiss on Yuuri’s nose. “How wonderfully you express yourself through music,” a kiss on Yuuri’s cheek. “How moving your lyrics are,” a kiss on Yuuri’s jaw. “How utterly breathless you make anyone who comes across you,” a kiss to Yuuri’s throat. “How incredibly sexy you are.” Victor kisses further down his throat, and Yuuri’s mind starts spinning, both from Victor’s actions and his words. He doesn’t know what to say, he feels dizzy, out of breath and heart expanding to double its size.    
“Victor,” he pushes out on a gasp. Victor rises again, pressing his lips harder onto Yuuri’s own.

A sharp knock echoes through the room.

* * *

[The sun shines in from the large windows of the salon, the floor of which has been cleared. Yuuri stands in the middle of the room on top of a yoga mat, in workout tights and an oversized t-shirt. His hair is unstyled, and he’s without his glasses. He’s shifting from foot to foot, expression pinched. Also in the room stands all of the other participants, except Celestino. Leo is also there, and all of them are in workout clothes. The camera zooms in on Yuuri, whose gaze flickers from the camera to the other singers. 

Yuuri: So I usually start the day with yoga. It helps me calm my mind and focus it on what I’m doing that day. (he shifts, looking around the room again). So we’re doing it together today, apparently? Since word got out. 

Voice from off camera: but this isn’t something you planned for, the other just wanted to join.

Yuuri nods, frowning slightly.

Yuuri: Yeah. I guess word got out. So let’s do it then? (Yuuri turns to the group of singers) I’ve never held lessons or anything like that so I’m not really sure how to do this… If you have a routine you usually do you can do that, or you can follow me? Okay?

There’s an array of agreement from the other singers, and Yuuri nods. He turns back, leaving Victor and Chris right behind him. Leo and Ji are standing to his left, and Mila, Sara and Minako to his right. 

Yuuri: Okay so I start by taking a deep breath (takes a deep breath) and reaching up (reaches up) and then slowly roll down.

Yuuri presses his chin to his chest and rolls his spine all the way down, until he can place both hands flat on the ground beside his feet. A deep blush blooms on Victor’s cheeks, and Chris whistles low. 

Chris: bless the production assistant. ]

* * *

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

[A photo of Yuuri, around five years old with round cheeks and wide eyes, fills the screen. He’s sitting by a piano wearing a small tuxedo, fingers on the keys. The song  _ Push Play _ plays, and then the photo changes to one of Yuuri as an adult, wearing a dark, long-sleeve t-shirt with rolled up sleeves that clings to his torso as he sits by a piano on stage. His hair is slicked back, tattoos on his forearms on display. He’s singing, dark eyes intense. 

Female voice over: Yuuri Katsuki has become a fast rising star in the music world, with singles such as  _ Push Play, Find You _ and _ Finders Keepers _ . He’s known for his deep and melancholy lyrics, as well as his intricate melodic arrangements. Yuuri is the only artist currently signed to the DRAGON record label, which he founded with his manager Phichit Chulanont (photo changing to one of Yuuri and Phichit, making peace signs at the camera, standing behind a stage). Yuuri Katsuki has a devoted fan base all over the globe, and even without major promotion he’s been recognised by many international artists, having toured with people such as JJ Leroy, Seung Gil Lee, and Ketty Abelashvili (a series of photos of Yuuri onstage with the named artists, ending in another photo of just Yuuri, this time standing alone in the middle of a stage in a black leather jacket with red lining and tight black pants. He holds a microphone in his hand towards his mouth, but tilted slightly up. His other arm is raised slightly above the other, but still bent at the elbow. His expression is pained). With hits like  _ Dragon  _ and  _ Serendipity  _ he’s enchanting the world.]

* * *

After yoga Yuuri sees Leo off, giving his friend a hug and a thank you. Leo seems to have enjoyed himself, and he only kisses Ji five times before he closes the visor on his helmet and drives his bike out from the mansion premises. Ji sighs deeply as he watches him go, but he smiles when he looks back at Yuuri. 

“Thank you. That meant so much to the both of us,” he says, and Yuuri shrugs, looking towards the gate Leo just drove through. 

“I’m glad you both enjoyed it,” he says, and Ji smiles and nods. He leaves to get ready, and Yuuri tracks up to his room to do the same. 

He stands too long in the shower and tries to get in the right mindspace to get through the day. As nervous as he’s been before almost every performance this week, this is much worse. This requires more of Yuuri, things he’s not used to giving, things he’s not sure he’s comfortable with either. It’s not so much the group, in truth he’s grown very comfortable with and fond of all of them. Except Ji and Minako he hadn’t met any of the other singers before, and he’s realized he enjoys spending time with all of them. He enjoys Chris’ over-flirtiness which he now realises is more just banter, hiding a deep kindness Yuuri never knew was there from the gossip he’s heard about the man. Yuuri has fun with Sara and Mila, both of them having the ability to make anyone feel included, even though they themselves are so close. Celestino is a much warmer person than Yuuri ever thought, and the way he cares for Minako prompts Yuuri to enjoy his company as well, even if he might be the one Yuuri has the least in common with. 

And then there’s Victor. 

Yuuri tilts his head up into the warm spray, letting the warmth of it seep into his skin as thoughts of Victor wash over him. Victor, someone Yuuri’s always watched from a distance; in a crowd in front of a lone man and his guitar Someone Yuuri’s fantasied about. What goes on in a mind as brilliant as Victor’s? Someone who can write songs that millions feel moved by. Who is Victor Nikiforov, and what is it about him that Yuuri is so drawn to?

He’s been asked the question before, of course. You never get under the needle without the artist asking why you’re getting your skin permanently stained. When they see the others, questions about Yuuri’s interest in the artist have always come up.  _ Obsession _ , some have called it. Yuuri’s not sure. He wouldn’t call anything about the admiration he’s felt for Victor obsessive. He’s been a fan for sure, but he’s never expected anything from his idol.

Yuuri loved music before Victor. Listening to him simply heightened it. 

Now… Now Yuuri knows Victor. At least, he feels like he does. It’s been a week since they stepped into this house, and Victor sang for Yuuri and Yuuri only for the first time. Since then the image Yuuri’s had of Victor has shifted. He still admires his musicality, his lyrical ability to capture emotion, the way he enraptures the entire room as he sings, but there’s so much more to him now. Victor is sweet, lonely, touchy, and silly. With each slip of his mask, with each step he’s taken to come closer to Yuuri, he’s become more human, more real. The more Yuuri sees, the more he falls. 

He falls and falls and falls, and still he’s not scared. Why isn’t he scared? He’s worried, in a sense, that he’s not going to be enough, that Victor will grow tired of him; that as brilliant as Victor is Yuuri is ordinary. Part of Yuuri knows this is his anxiety talking, pushing doubting thoughts into his mind, but he’s not afraid. There’s something in the way Victor looks at him that Yuuri feels deep in his chest. Yuuri doesn’t think he would hurt him if he could help it, and it’s a liberating feeling. 

Yuuri wants this. He wants him. Perhaps he should tell him properly. Yuuri smiles and turns off the shower. After today maybe, when the anxiety of the day has relented. Then he’ll tell him. 

He dries off, puts his contact lenses back in and slicks back his hair, before he walks out to pick out his clothes. Phichit’s left instructions in a notebook on what Yuuri can wear together with what, and Yuuri’s grateful. He lives in his sweatpants and t-shirts or hoodies on normal days. They’ve always decided Yuuri’s stage clothing together, and they’ve put together all the outfits for this week as well. He pulls on a pair of jeans, and then a loose fitting  henley . He’s just pulled it over his head when there’s a knock on the door. He pads over the hardwood floor to the door with bare feet. He looks quickly in the full body mirror as he passes, deeming himself presentable (unlike how he was that morning). 

Victor stands outside, and as soon as Yuuri opens, he bites his lip. “Can I come in?” he asks, and Yuuri nods, feeling his heart flip in his chest. He moves aside to let Victor step into the room, letting the door fall shut behind them.

“How was practice?” Yuuri asks, more to make conversation than actually wanting an answer. Just thinking about Victor singing to him makes his entire body fill with jitters. Victor turns and smiles, but it falls fast. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, and Yuuri realises he’s started wringing his hands in front of himself, anxiety making their way into his motions. Yuuri shakes his hands, but the nerves in his system are still there. 

“Yeah I- just nervous I guess,” Yuuri says with a shrug, trying to play it off. Victor frowns, and Yuuri shifts on his feet. 

“Can I do something to help?” he asks, and Yuuri’s about to protest but Victor continues before he has a chance. “You helped me a lot when I was nervous before my day.” 

Oh, right. Yuuri didn’t feel he did much. He mostly listened, and that had been a privilege of its own. For Victor to share with him so openly, showing himself so vulnerably it had been beautiful. Yuuri is usually really bad at handling things like this though. This is when Yuuri usually recoils. This is where he runs, hides, avoids. Victor stands still and waits, and instead of fleeing, Yuuri takes a step towards him. Victor’s smile softens, and he opens his arms for Yuuri, who steps into them easily. Victor’s embrace is warm and comfortable, and Yuuri presses his face into Victor’s neck to just breathe. It feels comfortable, as Victor’s fingers dance over his back, up to his neck, and he begins to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. Yuuri simply breathes him in, over and over, and waits for the anxiety storm to pick up or pass. 

“Talk about it or distraction?” Victor asks, and Yuuri’s hands fist in the back of his sweater. “Or just stay like this?”

“Distraction,” says Yuuri, and Victor kisses his hair tenderly. Yuuri would really like to stay here, but he doesn’t want to cling to Victor like this. Perhaps it’s not what Victor wants. Victor hums, fingers continuing to make patterns on his back. “More  _ Heart and Soul _ ? Or do you want to get out of the house?” 

Yuuri smiles into his neck, the tight feeling in his stomach easing a little. “ _ Heart and Soul _ sounds nice,” he says, squeezing Victor one more selfish time before he starts to pull back. Victor’s smiling widely, raising a hand to tip Yuuri’s chin up just slightly. He places a soft kiss at the corner of Yuuri’s mouth, and it’s so filled with emotion, even if it’s just a soft lingering caress, Yuuri’s heart is warmed by it. 

“ _ Heart and Soul _ for the prettiest boy it is,” Victor says, lacing their fingers together to lead Yuuri out the piano.

* * *

[ _ Satellite _ plays as the group of singers move from the mansion towards the lakehouse for lunch. Yuuri’s walking in front, arm in arm with Minako. Yuuri’s in a loose t-shirt - his tattoos on his arms on display - tight dark jeans and sneakers on his feet. Minako’s wearing a green flowy dress that moves as she walks. Behind them Chris, Ji and Victor follow, all casually dressed in jeans and t-shirts or sweaters. According to their outfits it doesn't look like they’ll be performing during lunch. In the back Celestino seems deep in conversation with Sara and Mila. He’s in a button up shirt and slacks, hair loose over his shoulders. Mila and Sara smile, walking hand in hand. Mila’s in a jean jacket, white top underneath, and high waisted jeans. Sara’s in a white dress, a matching jean jacket covering her shoulders. Yuuri opens the door to the lakehouse, and they all take a seat, wide smiles on their faces as they look down at the food. 

Yuuri: So, I have a soft spot for french fries, so here’s something I think all of us have eaten when touring (gestures to the burger and fries on his own plate). I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Ji: I  _ love _ you Yuuri.

The others laugh, and a soft blush spreads on Yuuri’s face as he ducks his head.]

* * *

It’s much stranger to see your career shown through someone else's eyes than Yuuri thought. They start by showing a photo of Yuuri’s first piano recital, and Yuuri hears Victor gasp. When he looks over he sees Minako looking nostalgically at the small boy pressing the keys of the large piano down. His continues to gaze to his left, eyes landing on Victor. His eyes are wide, and his hand is pressed to his chest. Minako turns to pat him on his shoulder and he looks at her as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Something warm pools in Yuuri’s stomach, and he has to focus back on the screen so as not to think too much about it. 

The picture changes to a video of a performance in college, a clip Yuuri knows must be from Phichit. Yuuri’s standing in the middle of the stage. He’s in a white shirt, the second tattoo he had done visible on his left arm. He’s singing  _ Autumn Leaves _ and Yuuri flushes, looking down into the table for a moment. It’s not as if Victor didn't stare at the starry sky tattoo dedicated to this song yesterday when they were at the beach, it’s not like he doesn’t know how much of a fan Yuuri is. Still, it’s so obvious like this, Yuuri singing his words on a stage very unlike this one. He doesn’t really dare look up at Victor, but a warm hand lands on his thigh under the table and squeezes once, and then stays there. Yuuri dares to look up, and Victor smiles in a way that punches the breath out of Yuuri’s chest. 

The clip on screen changes, and Yuuri looks back to the screen to see himself in his early teens, in tight ballet clothes in a dance studio, the video shaky; falling in and out of focus. It’s short, and is followed by a clip of Yuuri showing the followers of his social media account around their small dingy studio, filmed by Phichit. After that there’s several clips of Yuuri on larger stages, singing his own songs. It’s strange to see it from an outsider's perspective. He very rarely looks at footage of himself performing, so all he has from those events are the memories of his emotions. The array of clips ends with Yuuri just a few months ago, a photo of him laying on the floor of the studio, smiling up at the camera. He recognises it from his social media accounts, the ones Phichit runs. It had been the day he learned that Victor was coming to  _ So Much Better _ as well. Yuuri had felt so overwhelmed that he had to lay down on the floor, and for a brief moment all was quiet and Yuuri had smiled, a feeling of excitement rising at the thought of meeting Victor, seeing him perform, and maybe even getting to know him a little. Phichit had laughed and taken a picture, just before Yuuri’s anxiety kicked him in the gut. 

The screen is pushed aside by the production assistant - Kenjirou apparently - who had prompted everyone to join Yuuri for yoga that morning. It wasn’t as relaxing as it usually was for him, but it was fun to do things with the group so Yuuri didn’t mind too much. Victor had looked amazing in his running tights, and Yuuri had almost lost his balance when he turned and got a very close look at his perk ass. Yuuri shakes his head, and he looks at Victor again, who smiles at him after he squeezes his thigh again, the warmth of his hand disappearing since he has to remove his hand to eat. 

“So Yuuri, ballet,” Sara says, and Yuuri nods as he reaches for a french fry. 

“He could have been a danseur if he hadn’t gone into music,” Minako says, her expression proud. “You saw him pole dancing, he’s marvelous.” 

“Minako,” he breathes, hoping for her to stop. He never knows what to say in moments like this. It’s sweet that she thinks that, but Yuuri would never have been good enough to become a professional dancer. He still enjoys it though. 

“Do you still dance?” Mila asks, and Yuuri is very grateful to be able to focus his attention on something other than Minako trying to embarrass him. 

“Yes, I do ballet and pole a few times a week. It’s good for me to get out of the studio, to be forced to focus on something other than music. I have a tendency to lock myself in there, and since I’m the only one recording at DRAGONS no one comes to kick me out. If I didn’t have other things to focus on I’d just live there I think,” Yuuri says, laughing a little at the end. It’s true. Phichit’s kicked him out a few times when he’s forgotten to do anything but sit by the piano and write. Yuuko’s been good at that too, pulling him out to see the small town. 

“It must be nice though,” Celestino muses. “Having your own studio? Not having to abide by the rules of a corporation?”    
“But at the same time it must be so hard,” Sara pipes up. “To not have any support? I wouldn’t know what to do, how to do things… especially in the beginning.“

“I don’t think I could have produced music on a big label, at least not in the way MLG wanted me to. We clashed so fast, and it truly burned me,” Yuuri admits, heart racing in his chest. Few know about him being signed with them at all. He’s never spoken publicly about it until now. 

“Wait, you were signed with them?” Chris asks with a frown and Yuuri nods. “I never heard anything about that.”

“It lasted about six months. They had a talent scout at one of our college performances. I performed one of my own songs and they really enjoyed it. After some fast negotiations they signed me, and I thought it was because they wanted me as I was, the song as it was but…,” Yuuri worries his lower lip between his teeth, choosing his words carefully. “It didn’t work out. In the end I broke the contract. I lost the song because of it, but I got out without any financial damage.” Yuuri sighs. It still hurts, thinking about  _ Raised in Rain _ . He doesn’t want to cause headlines though, so he decides not to dwell on it any deeper. “It hurt then, but in the end it was much better for me as a person and an artist.”

“So what happened after that?” Victor asks. “How did you build the studio?”

“Phichit and I really wanted to work with music. Phichit… he’s my manager and best friend. We met in college as he studied musical production. We roomed together and became friends. I think we both had a lot of faith in each other’s abilities and through that found the courage to put all the money the both of us had into buying an old run-down studio in a city neither of us had ever heard of.” Yuuri laughs, and the whole table joins in. It’s not a humorous laugh, more a fond warm chuckle going around, and Yuuri lets out a slow breath as he looks around the table, feeling like he’s surrounded by friends. 

“I still can’t believe you did that,” Minako mutters. “Almost gave me a heart attack.” 

There’s a clink of glass, and Yuuri’s stomach drops as he turns towards his right, seeing Celestino holding up his knife. Yuuri’s not ready, and yet he has to be. Celestino smiles, one of those warm and comforting ones, and Yuuri nods. 

“Yuuri,” he starts, clearing his throat. “I must admit that before the announcement of the artists for this show I had never heard of you other than Minako mentioning ‘her’ Yuuri, and I had never listened to your music.”

“Understandable,” Yuuri says. He hadn’t expected any of them to know who he was, except Ji and Minako since they knew him personally. In comparison to the other artists here, Yuuri is a nobody. 

“Still,” Celestino says. “Your lyrics moved me deeply. I must admit that even if they are not what I usually listen to I found myself putting on your music to listen to even after I had chosen a song, especially your first EP. It has moved me deeply, and I want to say thank you for that.”

Yuuri blinks, feeling taken aback by the emotional declaration. He’s not really sure what to say, and he squirms slightly as he tries to find the words. 

“I’m glad. I… It was of course personal, the lyrics on it,” he settles for, and Celestino chuckles.

“It shows. Anyway, one of them spoke to me more than others, so I’ve decided to do  _ Finders Keepers _ ,” Celestino says, and Yuuri can’t help but let out a soft laugh. 

“It was the first one I wrote after the broken record deal,” Yuuri admits.

“After hearing your story I guessed it was. For me, it spoke of letting something go that’s bringing you down, that doesn't bring you joy anymore. It’s something we’ve all faced, in different contexts, and I really wanted to perform it,” Celstino says, and Yuuri smiles, feeling worry drumming in his veins. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing what you make of it,” he says. 

After that he’s brought out to the front of the house, camera crew filming close. It’s Takeshi holding the camera, and Yuuri tries again to look into the camera instead of at him. 

“How do you feel about Celestino doing Finders Keepers?” Takeshi asks. Yuuri’s not sure. He’d rather answer afterwards, because then he might know how he actually feels. Or maybe that’s worse…

“I’m sure it’ll be great. He’s really good at making songs his own and I’m sure this will be too,” Yuuri says.

“This must be a personal song for you, what with it being the first one you wrote after deciding to record songs on your own. How do you feel about someone else doing it?” Takeshi asks. 

“All my songs are personal in some way, this is no different,” Yuuri says, feeling himself start to fidget. 

They seem to be happy with that, and Yuuri’s glad they are because he doesn’t really know what more to say. He wants to get inside and hear the song. He settles down in his seat, and Celestino smiles widely at him, the electric guitar starting to play a rocked up version of his previously much more low key arrangement. It’s a good beat, and Yuuri finds himself nodding along almost immediately. 

_ Finders keepers ooh, Listen, this is getting old _

_ Being braver than you, Feels like I'm selling my soul _

_ Name me then shame me, Take my pride ooh _

_ You'll never win me over, I'm on my own side _

Yuuri remembers sitting down at the piano, angry, hurt. He remembers the feeling of losing, the feeling of defeat. How he felt like the world was too heavy on his shoulders and how Phichit pulled him out. How he sat down at the piano at the studio, the melody coming first, the lyrics second. He didn’t want them, the business and the record companies, and he had to pay a price for that. Still, Yuuri had walked away, and he was better for it, no matter how much it hurt. 

_ Breaking ways, changing names, Crashing crystal ashtrays _

_ I'm over today, I'm over you, I'm over yesterday _

_ Even if tomorrow comes too soon _

He had sung it over and over, stopping to scribble it down, starting again. He sat an entire night and by morning he had recorded a rough version of it. It was the second song he recorded since pulling himself out of the hole he had fallen into. When Phichit came in that morning balancing a large cups of coffee and tea, he had smiled wider than Yuuri had seen him do since they bought the studio. 

_ Baby break me yeah yeah, Take me, leave me, I don't care _

_ You can't underestimate me, If only I could make you see _

_ Spin my carousel for us, Take a look inside here _

_ This is my personal circus, If only I could see this clear _

This is Yuuri’s angriest song. Filled with the pain of failure and broken promises. Of not being enough, of being who he is. At the same time it’s a promise to himself as well. To not bend, to not give in. To stay true. It was a liberating song, a small victory in the land of loss. 

_ Breaking ways, changing names. Crashing crystal ashtrays _

_ I'm over today, I'm over you, I'm over yesterday _

_ Even if tomorrow comes too soon _

_ Finders keepers yeah yeah oh _

_ Breaking ways, changing names, Crashing crystal ashtrays _

_ I'm over today, I'm over you, I'm over yesterday _

_ Even if tomorrow comes too soon. _

Celestino smiles when he finishes and Yuuri finds that it was almost relieving hearing and seeing someone else perform his work, seeing it from another point of view than behind the piano. He rises and goes to meet Celestino, realising he forgot to even applaud. He feels himself flush, but Celestino doesn’t seem to mind, wrapping him in a warm hug. 

“That was great. You made it into such a  _ you _ version,” Yuuri says, and Celestino pats his shoulder, a little too hard, before he laughs. 

“Yeah, well, it’s what I do,” he jokes, and Yuuri smiles back. “It was an honour.” 

Yuuri feels the blood rise to his cheeks, and he tries to push it down as he sits. He has no idea how to respond to that. Luckily the rest of the table starts giving Celestino their praise, and Yuuri gets a moment to breathe. Victor’s hand finds his under the table, and they lace their fingers together.

* * *

[The camera shows the lunch table, the singers’ focus clearly on Celestino, praising his performance and the song. They all seem to be turned towards him, but the camera shifts to the end of the table, focusing on Yuuri and Victor instead. The pair seems to be disconnected from the conversation, both of them turned towards each other instead. Neither speak, but there’s a long moment of eye contact. After a minute, Yuuri’s shoulders drop, a breath slowly escaping his lips. Victor tilts his head, a soft smile on his face. Yuuri smiles softly too, and his gaze drops. 

Mila: Yuuri, why did you make an EP first and not a full album?   
Yuuri looks up, and he seems more relaxed now, composed and comfortable.]

Lunch progresses, and Yuuri is very happy he chose comfort food since it really does comfort him to eat salty greasy things when he has to talk about himself. It’s not that hard he finds, to talk about Phichit and the studio, his day to day life. It’s not very exciting after all.Talking about himself and how he’s feeling, that’s much harder. 

Mila and Sara are the ones to break the conversation, both of them smiling as Sara taps her knife against her glass. Yuuri’s stomach flips again, and he shifts, thankful for Victor’s hand still resting in his. 

“Hi Yuuri,” Sara says, glancing over at Mila before she looks back at Yuuri. “So, I must admit that I’ve been a fan for a while. Ketty Abelashvili sent me your EP like a week after it was released and I have no idea how many hours I’ve spent listening to it.”

“It’s true, it was almost our tour soundtrack for a while. She barely wanted to listen to anything else,” Mila says with a soft laugh. 

“I didn’t know that,” Yuuri says, unsure of what to say. It’s such a big difference between sitting by his piano or with his guitar, making something, to someone actually listening and singing along. The first time Yuuri stepped up on a stage and the crowd sang along he almost dropped the lyrics, so surprised that they knew them. Logically he knows people listen to his albums and songs, but it’s different to be faced with it. 

“So when I found out you were coming here I was so excited, and to be honest being able to hear all of your versions have been amazing. You doing our  _ Brightside _ , a song that’s so important to us,” Sara says, looking over at Mila before she continues. “Was more than I could have ever hoped for.”

“We only hope you’ll enjoy this version of  _ Find You _ half as much,” Mila finishes for her, and Yuuri lets out a breath.  _ Find You _ is a mix of feelings and moments for Yuuri, and because of that it’s emotional, and yet easy to step away from and watch from afar, the memories of creating the song scrambled and mixed.

“I wrote much of that when I was sixteen, seventeen,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “About how I felt different, alone. The music was composed much later though, so in the end it became my older self reaching out to the younger version of me. Saying that even though I could see how things were hard and painful, I had his back. I would catch him in the future.” Victor’s hand squeezes his, and Yuuri glances at him, his expression is so open. It’s not sympathy, but more understanding maybe. Yuuri’s not sure.

“That’s beautiful Yuuri,” Ji says, and Yuuri feels his brows knit together for a moment as he turns to him. 

“It is,” Sara agrees. “You have this ability to create songs that at one can project their own situation and feelings on. It’s what makes them so emotional, at least for me.” 

“Okay, are we going to sing now?” Mila asks, and Yuuri is so thankful for it, because he has no idea how to respond to that. 

“Yes, I’m very excited to hear it,” Yuuri says. He is.  _ Find You _ did better than he ever expected, and he had in a way guessed that someone would pick it, since it’s his most famous song, at least from the EP. He tells Takeshi as much when he’s out being interviewed, but he also presses that he’s very thankful for all the praise the other artists gave him, and that he has a hard time processing performers as good as them thinking so highly of his music. 

When he comes back he reaches for Victor’s hand under the table, and Victor smiles so widely it sets off fireworks in Yuuri’s system. He lets out a shaky breath, and then he focuses on Mila and Sara who’re each sitting on a stool in the stage area. He smiles at them, and the music starts to play, Sara being the first to sing. They take turns singing, and Yuuri’s mind is a jumble of memories, old and new, mixing with their version of the song. 

_ Silent love is calling faith, To shatter me through your hallways _

_ Into echoes you can feel, And rehearse the way you heal _

_ Make them dance, Just like you _

_ 'Cause you make me move _

_ Yeah you always make me go _

_ I'll run away with your footsteps, I'll build a city that dreams for two _

_ And if you lose yourself, I will find you _

_ High on words, We almost used _

_ We're fireworks with a wet fuse _

_ Flying planes with paper wheels, To the same Achilles heels _

_ Make them dance, Just like you _

_ 'Cause you make me move _

_ Yeah you always make me go _

_ I'll run away with your footsteps, I'll build a city that dreams for two _

_ And if you lose yourself, I will find you _

_ Open up your skies, Turn up your night _

_ To the speed of life, Turn up your night _

_ Put your love in lights, Turn up your night _

_ I will find you _

_ Make them dance, Just like you _

_ 'Cause you make me move _

_ Yeah you always make me go _

_ I'll run away with your footsteps, I'll build a city that dreams for two _

_ And if you lose yourself, I will find you _

At the end Sara smiles so widely Yuuri can’t help but smile back, standing to meet them next to the stage.

“Thank you so much,” Sara says as she embraces him, and Yuuri laughs. 

“I’m the one who’s supposed to say that,” he says and she grins, stepping back to let Mila embrace him next. 

“It was truly our pleasure. She’s been so nervous about this,” Mila says, grabbing Sara’s hand for just a moment, and the look they exchange is fond. “Maybe now she’ll be able to relax.” 

“Let’s hope,” Sara says, returning to her seat. Yuuri does too, still having a hard time processing what they just said. Sara, who has performed in front of thousands, nervous to sing for Yuuri? 

“It was really good. I’m glad to have someone else pick it up and transform it,” Yuui says as he sits. Victor’s hand is there to hold his, and Yuuri has to hold himself back from kissing him. They haven’t discussed anything about this, how they feel, what they are. Kissing on international TV is very different from kissing in private. Yuuri would like to though. It’s hard to resist, when Victor’s right there, expression so open as opposed to how it was just a few days ago at this very table. 

“So, this was part of your first full album? After the EP?” Chris asks, but Victor answers before Yuuri has a chance to. 

“No, it was part of the EP,” he says, and Yuuri cannot come to terms with the fact that Victor knows things like this. This is a very strange day. 

“Yeah, the EP has songs reflecting partly on the past, but a few of them are very situation focused, like  _ Finders Keepers _ . The songs reflecting the past I had been writing for decades even. Some of the songs on the first album are like that too, but they’re more of a here and now,” Yuuri answers. 

“I can relate to that,” Ji says. “I feel like there’s always a difference to the first album one makes, because you have so much you take into it, as opposed to the ones coming after.”

“At the same time you grow as you make more music,” Celestino says. “The songs become more personal because you dare to open up more.”

“I think that depends on why you’re writing in the first place,” Victor points out. “Are you writing something you feel, something you have to get out - or are you writing a hit, something people will enjoy.” 

“I guess that’s fair,” Celestion agrees with a chuckle. “It might be different writing with others too.” 

“I would agree with that,” Mila says. “Even if we’re open with each other, it’s easier to let all my emotions bleed out when I’m writing alone than with Sara. It doesn't mean the songs become better or not, it’s just how it feels.”

Minako taps her glass and Yuuri’s gaze falls on her, seeing her smirk. He’s not sure he knows what to feel about this. She’s taught him so much, and he’s played, danced, sung so many things she’s created. From what he remembers, she’s never performed anything he’s done before. 

“Yuuri,” she starts. “The son I never had, the baby I’ve nurtured as my own.”

“Oh my god,” Yuuri sighs as he rolls his eyes playfully, and the rest of the table laughs. Minako does too. “Can you just go up there.”

“I want to hear about the song first,” she says. “ _ Serendipity _ .” 

“Oh, really?” he asks. 

“This lunch is really an EP tribute,” Victor says and Yuuri’s stomach flips again because how can he be so cute. One of the first things Victor had said to him was that he was a fan. Yuuri’s almost starting to believe him now. 

“Tell me about it,” Minako prompts. “What made you write it?”

“It was also something I had a lot of lyrics to from earlier, mostly from college, but high school too. Bits and pieces scribbled in notebooks I kept. It’s mostly about having someone you care for leave, without you feeling that you can stop them. I can’t say the song is about one single event or person, more like bits and pieces of a feeling,” Yuuri tries to explain. “I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“It does I think,” Minako says. “It’s very… melancholic.” 

“Yes, that would be my trademark,” Yuuri jokes, and the rest of the table laughs. “Phichit always calls me dramatic.”

“Phichit calls you dramatic?” Ji says with a laugh. “That’s rich.” 

“Don’t diss him when he’s not here,” Yuuri laughs and Ji raises his hands in defeat. 

“I’ll be sure to tell him next time then,” Ji promises, and Yuuri nods in agreement. He’s sure to be hearing about this if it airs. He looks back at Minako instead. 

“Ready?” she asks, and Yuuri nods. 

The interview is fast, mostly questions about how he feels about someone he knows so well singing for him. When back in his seat he looks at Minako, and the music starts. The usual tempo is heightened, and Minako snaps her hips from side to side as she sings, raspy voice flowing across the table. She keeps eye contact with Yuuri throughout the entire song, and Yuuri nods along to the rhythm. It’s still strange, to hear his words sung by someone else, in another style, but it’s very her, and he’s always loved her songs. 

_ Everything I have done with you when we were young _

_ Your eyes in summer sun like bullets from a gun _

_ Through my heart and in my dreams,  _

_ I'm counting all the ways that you could leave _

_ Safe inside in my mind, I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ You called it serendipity _

_ Take me back to the place you were gone without a trace _

_ It is hard to believe tell me this is just a dream _

_ Hide your secrets in the sand _

_ Before all this falls out of hand _

_ Falling two ways in kind _

_ I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ You called it serendipity _

_ I call it the death of me _

_ Fading to grey do you wanna be _

_ Left out or circled in _

_ I know we'll go down _

_ Hide your secrets in the sand _

_ And I will never understand _

_ How this became my state of mind _

_ I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ I'll make a memory, memories don't lie _

_ You called it serendipity _

* * *

[Yuuri’s standing in front of the group, a set of double doors behind him. They’re still in the mansion, and they’re all in comfortable wear. Yuuri’s squirming a little in place before he starts speaking. 

Yuuri: So, they asked us to choose something that represents us, and something we enjoy. I’ve already told you about dancing, and it’s pretty obvious that I also enjoy music. (There’s scattered laughter, and Yuuri squirms again.) I’ve had another interest for a long time, something I do just for fun, and I thought I’d share that with you. So, we’re not doing anything very spectacular. I’ve invited a friend who makes amazing pastries and deserts, and set up my favorite video games. 

Ji: YES!    
They all laugh, and even if Minako, Celestino and Chris look slightly sceptical, Mila and Sara cheer too. Victor simply looks smitten. 

Yuuri turns towards the double doors and pulls them open, revealing the contents of the room. There’s a large screen displaying a racing video game, controllers laying on the floor. There are soft couches pulled up in front of it, and there’s bean bags, pillows and blankets on the floor. In the back there’s a large counter with pastries, as well as drinks such as tea and coffee. There’s a woman standing behind the counter, brown hair in a ponytail, wide smile on her face. Next to her stands a black haired man with grey eyes and a wide smile. Yuuri pauses when he sees them, and he points to the man with a frown. 

Yuuri: You’re not supposed to be here!

Phichit: SURPRISE!]

* * *

Yuuri had not invited Phichit, not because he doesn’t love him, just because he knows he tends to overshare things about Yuuri, which is a horrible thing to do in front of cameras and your idol-celebrity-real-life-crush. Yuuko had been invited because Yuuri thought it could be good for her business, and truly if he wanted to make sure people got good treats there was no question to who to invite. 

He had a hard time deciding what to do for the activity. He had briefly considered bringing tattoo artists in to have the singers get tattoos, if they wanted to, but had then decided against it. It was hard though. Yuuri lived a simple life. On the rare occasions he did something other than write music or dance, it was video games. The production had been confused by this, but Yuuri had felt it was a good activity. Those who wanted to play could, and the others could eat cake and cheer. 

The afternoon progresses nicely he feels, and even if he was very surprised to see Phichit, it had soon passed. His best friend doesn’t seem to be there to embarrass him as much as flirt with Chris, which Yuuri sees little fault in. They would be a good match, he’s realised after getting to know Chris. From the brief conversation he had with Phichit before having to start playing, the two had been texting non-stop since exchanging numbers the day before. Yuuri plays games, eats cake, and sits a little too close to Victor on the couch as he watches Takeshi the cameraman making heart eyes at Yuuko, betting with Victor how long it takes before he asks her out. It’s a sweet afternoon, and Yuuri finds himself relaxing. It’s a good way to not think about the dinner, and how in just a few hours Victor’s going to sing for him.

* * *

[The camera shows Mila, Sara, Yuuri and Ji sitting down on the floor in front of the large screen. They’re each holding a controller, all of them deep in concentration as they make their figures race on the track, all bright colors and playful music. On the couches sits Chris, Minako and Celestino. Chris is cheering them on, shouting words of encouragement from the sidelines. Minako and Celestino seem to be more focussed on each other, Celestino’s arm around her shoulders as they talk. 

The camera moves away from the players, moving to the pastry counter. Yuuko’s nowhere to be seen, but Phichit and Victor are standing next to it, turned towards the players. Victor smiles widely, and Phichit studies him for a while before he speaks. 

Phichit: I wasn’t expecting it. 

Victor frowns as he turns from looking at the other singers playing to look at Phichit. 

Victor: Expecting what?

Phichit glances back at the group, a soft expression crossing his face before he looks back at Victor.

Phichit: He has a tendency to enchant those around him. He doesn’t see it himself. I never expected him to let you in though. He doesn’t do that easily. 

Victor: We’re talking about Yuuri, yes?

Phichit hums, and he picks up the cup on the counter, taking a sip. He looks down into it, frowning, as if conflicted about how to continue. He looks up at Victor, opening and closing his mouth once before he seems to find the words.

Phichit: You look at him differently then the others do. Like you mean it.

Victor: I do.

Phichit: Mean what? Just so I don’t get things mixed up.

Victor frowns, and he looks over at the group on the floor before he answers. 

Victor: I don’t mean to be rude, I know you’re his best friend, but is it really your business, what I feel for him?

Phichit: Ah, so you haven’t told him yet. 

Victor drops his gaze, and something fond crosses Phichit’s expression. He seems to consider for a moment, taking another sip of his coffee.

Phichit: I’ll give you a tip. Be honest with him. He won’t believe it otherwise. He might suspect, but he won’t ever be sure, if you don’t tell him.

Victor: So honesty?

Phichit: It’s the best policy.

Victor snorts, and Phichit grins and then giggles. Victor looks back at the group, who seem to have just finished their game, Ji is cheering, while the others are groaning in disappointment. Yuuri falls back onto the floor, demanding a rematch.

Victor: He’s magnificent. 

Phichit nods, and a very genuine smile brightens his features.

Phichit: I’m so happy you think so.]

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **COCKBLOCKER MINAMI KAPOW**
> 
> Next week: Yuuri's day continues, Victor reveals things he's been playing close to his chest, Yuuri freaks out and it all comes to an orgasmic peak.   
> Want to read it now? check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20).
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	9. Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, fuck,” Yuuri breathes, because that’s too much. Never had he thought Victor would choose that one, the one that…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IIIIH - continuation of Yuuri's day here it comes!
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6O90PBcMLwHPEIRCd3d2sf?si=gZCFIwkwQAC-WLWyiyDIxw)
> 
> Adrenaline - Miriam Bryant  
> Dragon - Miriam Bryant  
> Weak Heart - Miriam Bryant  
> The Only One - Miriam Bryant
> 
> Beta read by the truly WONDERFUL [Zuzuhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzuhi).

Phichit insists on seeing Yuuri’s room, which Yuuri doesn’t really have a problem with, since he hopes having Phichit around as a distraction as he gets ready will stop him from spiraling into an anxious ball of emotions. Victor didn’t perform during lunch, which means he’s definitely going to do it during dinner. It’s a bit strange that such a simple fact makes Yuuri’s nerves spike. He had known, waking up this morning, that sometime during the day Victor would perform one of Yuuri’s songs. It was a fact. Still, during lunch there was that sense of it could be now or it could be later that sort of calmed Yuuri. Now he knows. The minutes are ticking down to it. Which song has he picked? Why has he picked it? Did he find it hard, or was it easy; did he know right away? Yuuri’s mind spins as fast as it always does when left unattended, and it’s therefore great that Phichit wants to see Yuuri’s room, even though he knows it’s going to come with a question. Yuuri has only sporadically answered Phichit’s texts, and hasn’t answered a phone call since the first day. He’s avoiding this conversation, because he doesn’t want to have it, not yet.

Yuuko seems to have taken a liking to Takeshi , and they therefore leave her with him on the bottom floor, making their way upstairs. Phichit is his usual bubbly self, asking questions about this and that as they walk up the stairs and down the hallway. Chris follows them on their way up, and Yuuri pretends he doesn't notice how close they’re walking, or the flirtatious comments they throw at each other. He does however suggest that Phichit should hang out with Chris for a while instead. They see each other almost everyday after all, and in about four days they'll be back together. Yuuri doesn’t need to hog him. Phichit insists he wants to hang out with Yuuri though, which Yuuri knows is code for ‘I know shit and we’re talking about it’ which terrifies Yuuri slightly, but not more than being alone with his own thoughts does. 

“It’s very pretty!” Phichit says after he’s kicked off his shoes and walked a lap around Yuuri’s room, before flopping down into an armchair, He looks expectantly at the other one. Yuuri rolls his eyes but sits down into it, relaxing into the soft cushion. “How is it here? Like you expected?”

“No,” Yuuri admits, and he can’t help but smile as he turns to his friend. This experience has been nothing like Yuuri expected, and in a sense, all the unexpectedness has been really good. “It’s been very different from what I thought it would be.”

“Which part?” Phichit asks, tilting his head to the side. Yuuri considers. The first thing that comes to mind is Victor, how he himself is very different from what Yuuri thought, but mostly how different their relationship is from what he thought it might progress into during the week and a half spent on the show. Yuuri had hoped that maybe they could share a few conversations, not share a bed. Not that he’s complaining, not at all. Still, he can’t start off with that because Phichit will latch on and never let go, so instead he starts at another end. 

“I didn’t expect Minako to hook up with Celestino,” he admits with a grin, and Phichit starts laughing, bright and bubbly. 

“Right? What’s up with that?” he says, eyes glittering. “I can’t believe them. Like teenagers with him sitting with his arm around her shoulder. Very cute though.”

“Yes, they’re actually really sweet. It started out almost immediately, apparently they have lots of history,” Yuuri explains.

“Did you know that?” Phichit asks, and Yuuri shakes his head. “Huh. I’m glad they’ve worked it out then. Do you think they'll stay together after this? Or is it just a fling?”

“I don’t think it’s a fling. Minako talked a lot about missed opportunities and things like that when she came by the other day, so I think she wants it to last,” Yuuri answers. 

“Why would she come here talking about that?” Phichit asks, eyes sharp. He’s far too perceptive. He always manages to find the cracks in Yuuri's stories. Yuuri looks down into his lap, wringing his hands. He doesn’t know what to say, where to start. 

“I don’t know, maybe she felt I could relate… or wanted to warn me about not ending up in the same situation,” Yuuri answers truthfully, looking back over at his friend.    
“Because of Victor,” Phichit says. It’s not a question, not really. Yuuri hums in agreement, looking back down at his hands. It’s so different when Victor’s there, near him. Doubts seep in much easier when they’re apart, when Yuuri can’t see his smile and can’t feel the warmth of his skin under his hands. Did Victor really smile as tenderly as he thought he did this morning, or was Yuuri just imagining it? Had his hands truly caressed Yuuri’s skin earlier in bed, soft and worshipping, or had it all been a dream? “Have you kissed?” 

“Yes,” Yuuri admits, a smile curling on his lips unprompted. They've kissed so many times now, wonderful and breathtaking. Yuuri’s adored each and every one. 

“Have you done more than kiss?” Phichit asks, and Yuuri looks back at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Define more then kissed,” he says, and Phichit gasps, placing a hand over his heart. 

“Yuuri!” he says, grinning widely. “No wonder he looks so smitten. Did you rock his world?”

“Oh my god!” Yuuri says, hiding his face in his hands. “We haven’t had sex, Phichit.”

“But you want to?” Phichit asks, seriousness seeping into his tone. Yuuri takes a deep breath, and without removing his hands he nods. A thoughtful hum comes from his best friend, and he drops his hand to look at him. “That’s not really important though. You’ve wanted to do that since you were a teenager.” 

“Phichit,” Yuuri groans and Phichit snickers. “It’s not like that.”

“What’s it like then?” his best friend asks. “Are you in love with him? The real him, not Victor Nikiforov the huge star who you have posters of at the studio?”

Yuuri lets that sink in. He’s fairly sure he knows Victor... no, he’s sure. He’s seen that mask, and the cracks in it; how Victor looks and acts when he’s not wearing it. Is he in love with him though? Yuuri lets his eyes fall shut, mind full of images of Victor - unguarded and free, giggling, someone to lean on when Yuuri’s been nervous, pouty and teasing, sweet and soft. He feels his heart race in his chest, and it’s impossible to stop the smile curling his lips up. “Yeah,” he answers breathlessly. “Yes, I’m in love with him.”

“Good,” Phichit says, and Yuuri’s eyes snap to him. “Because I’m almost a hundred percent sure he’s in love with you too.” That makes everything spin. It’s one thing to admit to his own feelings. For Victor to feel the same... It seems too big to handle. “I know you won’t believe me, but I truly think so. I’ve never seen a man so smitten.”

“Phichit,” Yuuri starts, but Phichit simply shakes his head. 

“I know your mind is going to race away with you about this, and it’s not my intention. I just want to tell you what I’ve seen. Like Minako, I don’t want you to leave here with regrets. Think about it okay? And if you want to, tell him how you feel,” Phichit says calmly, his grey eyes warm. 

Yuuri takes a shaky breath. They’ve had countless conversations like this, about Yuuri going after something he wants. They had it about the studio, about the EP, they had it when Yuuri suggested they ask if he could use Victor’s  _ Kiss Me _ as a tour cover. None of them have ever been about another person before. If there’s anyone Yuuri trusts, it’s Phichit, and he knows he wouldn't lie about this. He wouldn't say this if he didn’t truly think Victor feels the same. 

“Okay,” Yuuri agrees. “I’ll think about it.” He had thought about talking about his feelings with Victor later anyway, even if he knows he probably would have chickened out. Phichit smiles, and then he jumps up from his chair. 

“Good! Now, let's go see if Yuuko’s gotten herself a boyfriend before we have to leave!” he says, and Yuuri smiles, standing to join him. Phichit pulls him into a hug, and Yuuri hugs him back, hoping tonight won't prove too much to handle. 

[ _ Adrenaline _ plays, and the group of artists walk down the well-known path towards the lakehouse. Yuuri is in front wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He’s in a deep blue vest, which hugs his form. His slacks match the vest, and his hands are tucked into his pants pockets. His gaze is trained forward, while Chris, Ji and Sara walk next to him, talking. Chris, is surprisingly casually dressed for a performance in a soft looking creme polo shirt and tan pants. Ji’s in all white, wearing oversized pants, a large white t-shirt and an open white button up. It’s a stark contrast to his pink hair. 

In the back, Minako’s walking between Celestino and Victor. Celestino’s in his usual concert tee and jeans, while Minako’s in slacks and a black flowy blouse. Victor’s in a grey two piece suit, white button up with a few buttons opened, the jacket open. He’s laughing at something Minako says. Ji opens the door, and the artists step up behind their chairs, Yuuri taking the head of the table. 

Yuuri: Welcome to dinner. I hope you all enjoyed this afternoon. I know I did. Thank you for indulging me. If anyone was offended by anything Phichit said I take no responsibility. 

The other artists laugh, and Yuuri smiles, even if he still looks a bit nervous. 

Chris: The only offence I took was when he left.

Mila whistles low, and Chris wiggles his eyebrows. 

Yuuri: Okay, so let's sit (pulls out his chair and sits down, the others follow suit). This is something my sister used to make me when we were home alone. It’s a type of stuffed omelette called omurice. I hope you enjoy it.

Ji: This is so good

Minako: I didn’t know Mari could cook.

Yuuri: She can cook three things. This, chocolate pudding, and the dish we’re having as the main course.

Minako smiles knowingly, and Ji nods. Victor frowns as he looks between the three of them.

Victor: What? Is it obvious what the main course is going to be?

Ji: If you know Yuuri well, then yes.

Victor: (turns to Yuuri with a pout) I don’t know! I don’t know you well enough to know your favourite food Yuuri?

Yuuri laughs, a little breathless and with a pink blush on his cheeks. Victor pouts even more. 

Yuuri: You’ll know soon! (laughs)

Mila: This is delicious. You said your sister used to make it?

Yuuri looks down at the food as he nods, picking up his silverware to start eating. 

Yuuri: Yes. She’s a few years older than me - six to be exact. She babysat me a lot before she went to college, and when she did she always cooked this, and stuffed it with whatever leftovers there were in the fridge. 

Chris: Are you close?

Yuuri: Fairly. I’m bad at calling, but she usually sends me photos of dogs she meets because she knows I appreciate that, and I send her photos of junk food I eat, with the stray ‘hi how are you’ in between.

Celestino: Sounds like how I am with my siblings. You don’t talk much but you know that if you need them they’re there. 

Sara: Oh yeah... that’s not my relationship with my brother at all. 

Mila snorts.]

Yuuri feels like dinner is going pretty well. Conversation is less heavy so far than during lunch, and his worries for the night are slowly ebbing away. His stomach still fills with butterflies every time he looks over at Victor, but since they’re not seated next to each other this time he’s not in Yuuri’s line of vision. Not that it matters much. Yuuri’s gaze has a tendency to gravitate towards Victor always, seeking him out. The few times they’ve locked eyes the butterflies in Yuuri’s stomach have done summersaults, and Victor has smiled each time. Could Phichit be right? 

Yuuri’s just finished his omurice when he hears a knife tapping against a glass. He looks up, and meets Ji’s wide smile. Yuuri smiles back. This is good, he feels much more calm about Ji doing one of his songs. They’ve spent a good amount of time together in the studio, both to record things and to practice for Phichit’s birthday each year.

“Yuuri,” Ji starts. “I feel a bit bad, because I’ve chosen the only one of your songs that I know you didn’t write yourself.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri breathes, instantly knowing which song it is. “ _ Dragon _ .”

“Yes, I’m doing  _ Dragon _ ,” Ji confirms, Yuuri nods, overwhelmed for an entirely different reason than before. He had perhaps thought it would get picked, but not by Ji who knows the story behind it. Somehow it feels so much bigger a gesture because of it. 

“You didn’t write it?” Sara asks, and Yuuri shakes his head, lacing his fingers together in his lap.

“No, Phichit wrote it,” Yuuri admits. “It’s the one tattoo I have that's dedicated to one of my own songs. Phichit has a matching one. On the back of our necks it says ‘I AM DRAGON’. We got them after I recorded this song.”

“It’s on the full album right?” Chris asks, and Yuuri nods. 

“It was the first song recorded in the DRAGON studio. I didn’t want to release it until we made the album though. It was recorded with the EP, but it was so personal that I wanted to hold onto it for myself for a little while longer,” Yuuri admits. 

“Why did he write it for you?” Mila asks, and Yuuri squirms. He’s not entirely sure how to go about telling this story without revealing more about himself then he’s really willing to. 

“I spiralled pretty bad after I broke the contract with MLG. Phichit and I had moved to the middle of nowhere, used all our money. The pressure was getting to me, and the more I thought about it, the harder it got to carry. I barely left the apartment. I didn’t feel like I could create anything, I just felt beaten,” Yuuri says, looking at Ji. It feels easier, since he already knows this story. 

“And then there was an email, if I’m not mistaken?” Ji says, and Yuuri laughs. It’s easy to do now, to think back to the comical part of sinking into despair, only to be saved by an email. If Yuuri was a wittier songwriter he would have written a hit about it. 

“Yes, Phichit sent me an email with a link. It was him singing Dragon,” Yuuri laughs, and Ji does too, because he knows what Yuuri’s about to say. “And for those who don’t know… Phichit really can't carry a tune to save his life.” Ji giggles, and Yuuri does too.

“Was it bad?” Sara asks, and Yuuri shakes his head. 

“No, not really. I mean the singing wasn’t good, but the lyrics were. It’s almost exactly the same lyrics that ended up on the song when I recorded it,” Yuuri explains. 

“Is there a reason for the dragons?” Minako asks. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked.”

“Yeah, we used to joke about it in college. I don’t remember how it started now, just that we would say ‘we're going to slay exams like dragons’, and so on. It became an inside joke, and with this song it became something beautiful too.”

“It truly is beautiful. I hope you enjoy what I’ve done with it,” Ji says as he stands. 

[Yuuri’s standing with the lakehouse behind him, looking into the camera. It’s growing dark around him as the sun sets. 

Voice off camera: How do you feel about Ji performing  _ Dragon _ ?

Yuuri: I’m very happy he was the one who picked it. Not that I don’t think that the others can’t do it justice, but Ji knows both me and Phichit, and I think he has a deeper understanding for the song because of it.

Voice off camera: How do you think Phichit would feel about it?

Yuuri: Oh, I’m sure he’ll demand Ji perform it next time he sees him.]

Ji smiles at Yuuri as he sits back down into his chair, giving a thumbs up. Yuuri returns it, and then a familiar piano melody starts, mixed with synths. It’s a faster beat, but not by much. Yuuri knows this song by heart, he notices every change in it. Ji smiles as he starts, and Yuuri smiles back. He feels happiness fill him as Ji starts to sing, much like this song usually does. 

[_I will be your dragon_](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204) [_indoors, Take you outside these four walls_](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704)

[ _ You can be my heaven and sky, Apple of the corner of my eye _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-7240950)

_ You're nine as I and you told me to fly, I don't know how we are close to the sky _

_ Wondering why I am light in the dark, Like you said _

Yuuri still remembers how he felt when he started the song, the music coming through the speakers of his tangled headphones. The sound of Phichit’s voice had made him start crying, and then had proceeded to do so for the entire ten times he listened to it. He then had to stop, just so he could catch his breath and sit up. He had dried his face, pushed off his bed and hurried to the studio.

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

Phichit’s friendship has meant so much to him, more than he can explain. He’s pulled Yuuri out of his mind and into the light so many times. He always believes in Yuuri. More than Minako, more than anyone really. When Yuuri’s been heartbroken he’s been there to support him. When Yuuri’s had victories he’s been there to cheer him on. Ji knows and as he dances and sings he smiles. Yuuri smiles too. 

[ _ Take a look at what we could have here, All the things we dream and fear _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-7240950)

[ _ Could you be my shoulder a while, Apple of the corner of my eye _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-7240950)

_ You're nine as I and you told me to fly, I don't know how we are close to the sky _

_ Wondering why I am light in the dark, Like you said _

Yuuri’s started dancing in his seat, and Ji points to him and smiles as he continues to perform. Yuuri’s starting to fill with a bubbly feeling. He can see the others around the table dancing too. 

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _. Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

_ Stand up Yuuri! Sing it with me! _

Ji motions for him to stand, and Yuuri does, leaning forward with his hands on the table. He sings too, loud and joyous as Ji sings the final chorus back to him. 

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ I'll be your dragon tonight _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5098204)

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

[ _ You will never see me on the street _ ](https://genius.com/Miriam-bryant-dragon-lyrics#note-5104704) _ , Tears are records on repeat _

The song ends, and Yuuri laughs, flopping down into his chair again to catch his breath. Ji smiles, and Yuuri hurries to push himself up from the chair so he can go thank him.

“That was amazing!” Yuuri says as they embrace. Ji bounces up and down as they separate. 

“That was so much fun!” he says. “I’m so glad I got to do it.” 

“I hope you play it again, many more times,” Yuuri says as he sits down again. 

“That was amazing,” Mila says and Ji beams. “You two sang well together too!”

“It’s not like it’s the first time,” Ji points out just as the servers walk in with the main course. Yuuri smiles as he takes a deep breath of the well-known smell. He looks up at the table, and then he catches Victor’s eye. He’s looking curiously at Yuuri, before glancing down at the dish.    
“This is katsudon,” Yuuri announces. “The food of the gods.”    


[Yuuri has just put down his chopsticks when Chris taps his dessert spoon against his glass, calling attention to himself. Yuuri shifts in his seat, gaze shifting to Victor and then to Chris.    
Chris: So, I guess it’s my turn now, after that delicious course. 

Yuuri: I told you it was amazing. 

Chris: (chuckles) That you did. I actually had another song that I picked first, but someone else took it before me.

Yuuri: Really? Who?

Chris glances over at Victor and smiles widely, before turning back to Yuuri.    
Chris: It hasn’t been performed yet.    
Yuuri’s gaze flickers back to Victor too, who has a light blush on his cheeks.    
Victor: I guess you’ll have to wait and find out.

Yuuri: Oh- okay. 

Chris: So I had to go back and do another listen. You have so many songs that are on the more emotional side than I usually perform, but one of them really stuck with me. I think I could recognize myself in the lyrics.

Yuuri: Now I’m intrigued.

Chris: (Chuckles) Yeah. I’m a bit nervous, because it feels very personal. But I hope you’ll enjoy hearing my version of  _ Weak Heart _ . 

Yuuri: Oh Chris. 

Chris: Yeah, so I… I got out of a long relationship a while back, and afterwards, I felt very much like the way you've written this song. How you feel hollow with all the knowledge you have of that person, but you’re still stronger without them. 

Yuuri shifts in his seat, brows furrowed as he glances down. He looks up at Chris and nods.

Yuuri: Yeah. It’s what the song is about… Just when I got signed, I met someone. He was charming, and I got swept into a whirlwind romance with him. One that ended as soon as I broke the contract with MLG. 

Sara: What?    
Chris: What happened?   
Yuuri: I think he was more interested in the prospect of me becoming famous than anything else, and was looking to ride that high. He told me that he wasn’t looking to be stuck with some nobody out in nowhere when I told him about mine and Phichit’s plans with the studio.

Minako: Yuuri…   
Yuuri: It’s fine. In a way it helped that he was so… clear. I couldn't really blame myself, since he had let me know that there wasn’t anything I could do. 

Chris: So the song, it’s about him? It’s on the EP, but from what I’ve been able to look up about it you’ve never performed it.    
Yuuri: Yeah. Leo and Ji came over for a week about three weeks before we released the EP. I was still carrying the feelings from the breakup, and after we had stayed up to talk about it one evening I sat down to write it. I just needed to get it out of my system. The next morning I played it for them, and we recorded it that day. Leo and I playing, Ji singing. Phichit handled the recording. It’s Leo who can be heard in the beginning and end of the song talking. 

Ji: It was such an experience recording it. It felt cathartic, even for me. 

Yuuri: It was such a relief getting it all out. But I haven’t played it since.

Mila: Why? It’s a great song, powerful and real.

Yuuri bites his lip as he considers, leaning forward on his forearms on the table. The rest of the table is quiet. 

Yuuri: I think I felt like I didn’t need to. I had gotten it all out, and in a way I felt like he wasn’t worth it. He was a jerk, and now that I had released it, I released him too. 

Minako: You have such a wonderful view of music Yuuri

Yuuri shrinks in on himself, leaning back as he shrugs.    
Yuuri: I don’t know about that. I do want to hear Chris’ version now though.

Chris grins widely, throwing a wink towards Yuuri.

Chris: Well since you asked so nicely darling.]

Chris stands in the middle of the stage, and he takes a shaky breath as the song starts. The musical arrangement is more polished, with drums and violins. It makes sense. Yuuri’s verison is just two guitars and three voices. This sounds more like a real song. Chris grips the mic tight and raises it to start singing.

Yuuri has barely listened to this song since he recorded it. It’s a moment frozen in time, an exact memory of how he felt then. He got over Brant fast enough, especially with how completely music consumed him. If he remembers correctly, Victor released an album a few weeks later and Yuuri felt much better after that. 

_ There is an, empty heart inside of me, Where your stories, they used to be _

_ And like a knife they cut me deep, Your stories, now truthfully _

_ The worst lies, as I know,I know, I know,  _

_ Yeah I feel this is real _

_ And I need you no longer, no longer, And I need you no longer, longer _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

_ You see I, never thought I would be, crawling at your feet _

_ And you just let me fall out of your hands, And we fall, despite it all _

_ And I thought you should know _

_ That I, feel I feel, I feel _

_ You should know, you should know _

_ And I need you no longer, no longer, And I need you no longer, longer _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

_ This madness is taking me over, over _

_ You decided to screw me over, over and over _

_ This madness is taking me over _

_ But I feel, this is real _

_ I need you no longer, longer _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

_ Your weak heart makes me stronger, Your weak heart makes me stronger _

Chris lets out a sigh of relief, and Yuuri stands to clap. It had been obvious through the performance that Chris was affected by it, and this is as emotional as Yuuri’s seen him since they first met. The hug is brief but tight, and Chris seems back to his usual antics when they part, pinching Yuuri’s ass when he pulls back. 

Dessert comes in soon after that, and they all munch on the sweet mochi, flavoured with strawberries and matcha. Yuuri can barely stomach one even though they’re his favourites. He keeps glancing at Victor, heart thundering in his chest. Which song has he picked? Why has he picked it? Victor keeps glancing back, and Yuuri’s getting restless with it. He keeps sipping his tea, waiting. 

Victor doesn't even need to tap his glass. Yuuri’s eyes are already on him, and he sees him pick up the spoon and tap it softly, the clinking echoing in Yuuri’s mind.Victor smiles sweetly, even if he fiddles slightly with his spoon between his fingers.

“Yuuri,” he starts, and it’s like Yuuri’s entire body is oversensitive. He feels everything too much, nerves on end. “A little over two years ago a request came into the label for an artist to do one of my songs. It was for performances and not recording, which is rare. Yakov left it up to me, and I did a quick google search and found almost nothing about the artist. There was one shaky YouTube clip of a young man on a stage, voice clear. I saw no reason to turn it down, so I agreed that  _ Kiss Me _ could be used by this artist on tour.”   
Yuuri’s heart still pounds in his chest. “I never realised you made the decision.” 

Victor shrugs, smile crooked. “They're my songs. They give me full ownership over them. Anyway, maybe that was why I recognized your name a year later when we were both playing the same festival. I was supposed to play later in the evening and we came in late, but I decided to walk over to hear you play.” Yuuri remembers the festival, it was Way Out West, the same one he’s scheduled to perform at in just a few days. He had been in the audience for Victor’s performance. He never thought he might have seen Yuuri’s.

“I didn't know,” Yuuri says, and Victor nods. 

“I tried to mask myself as well as I can, to be able to watch undisturbed. I reached the stage area when you were about halfway through your set. You were in the middle of  _ Finders Keepers _ , and you just… you knocked the air right out of my lungs,” Victor says, gaze locked on Yuuri. It feels like the world is shrinking around them, like Victor has once again become his one focal point. “You’re such an amazing performer, so there in the moment, in the music. I felt everything you sang that night.” Victor smiles, sweet and nostalgic. “You had already done  _ Kiss Me _ , which I thought was a shame because I would have loved to have seen it. Still, you ended the show with the song that I’m going to do now.”

“Oh, fuck,” Yuuri breathes, because that’s too much. Never had he thought Victor would choose that one, the one that…

“You were so sensual up there Yuuri; flirty in a way your other songs weren’t. I was completely mesmerized. I only hope I can do it justice for you,” Victor says, and Yuuri’s mind is spinning too fast. He’s going to need air. He’s going to need a drink. He’s going to need something to stop the hysterical laughter pushing up his throat. 

“ _ Only One _ ,” Yuuri says, even though he feels as if he has no air in his lungs. Victor smiles and nods. His expression turns serious, but still soft. 

“Please know I mean every word.” 

Oh. Oh shit oh fuck oh shit. 

[Yuuri’s fidgeting, walking back and forth in front of the camera as he wrings his hands. He’s muttering to himself. 

Voice off camera: Are you okay?

Yuuri stops to look at them, eyes wide in shock, as if just realizing they’re there. He looks down, and pulls his phone out of his pocket, and when he answers he seems to be talking to himself, not the camera. 

Yuuri: I need to call Phichit

Voice off camera: Phichit?

Yuuri: Yes.

He taps his phone and the camera shows the call starting.

Voice off camera: Can you put him on speaker?

Yuuri doesn’t answer, but he doesn't raise the phone to his ear. Instead he taps the speaker function, and the camera picks up one signal going through, then two, before someone picks up.

_ Phichit: Yuuri? Are you okay? _ _   
_ Yuuri: He’s doing  _ Only One _ . 

The line goes quiet, and then a loud boisterous laugh echoes through the speakers.]

Yuuri’s written exactly one song about Victor Nikiforov. For all his fanboying, he’s been able to focus his own songs more on his mental state, on the relationships he has in his everyday life that doesn’t involve his idol. There are bits and pieces about Victor scattered through his songs, but there isn’t an array of musical hits being played on the radio dedicated to Yuuri’s love for Victor’s musicality. There could be, if Yuuri hadn’t paced himself. He’d written one - and named it  _ Only One _ .

Victor looks amazing in his buttoned up shirt with the two buttons open, teasing Yuuri with the sliver of skin across his collarbones. The suit jacket hangs perfectly over his shoulders, also open. For once he’s not holding his guitar. Much like when Yuuri sang for Victor, there’s only a mic stand in front of him. 

Yuuri’s too warm, and too cold, and his heart is racing. It feels like horses’ hooves pounding against his ribcage. The song starts, and Yuuri can tell right away that there isn’t much changed about it. It’s still that dancey beat, the one Yuuri created after a few glasses of wine one night, the melody almost haunting him, demanded to be written. 

He had sat down at the piano, gotten the melody out of his system, and then the words had flowed out without much thought, the only person on his mind Victor.

_ No surprise I fall in love with demons _

_ And you've showed me alot, I’ll be honest _

_ Too much motion feeds the earth _

_ But you got me _

Victor smiles, smirking flirty at Yuuri as he moves his hips to the beat, biting his lip. His gaze is locked to Yuuri’s, both hands on the mic. Yuuri’s fallen so hard for him, and he continues to do so. Where will he end up, if they carry on like this?

_ And now I want you to say, that I'm the only one _

_ You lived your life before we've even begun _

_ And like a shot in the back, hear all the whispers turn _

_ Baby, see what I got, I am the only one _

Victor had said he meant every word. Yuuri means them too. Victor has been the only one in so many ways for Yuuri, but to hear them sung back to him by the very person Yuuri wrote about feels surreal. Does Victor know this song is about him? That every time Yuuri performs it he pretends to put on a show for Victor?

_ Don't try and make me feel _

**_You’re already enough_ **

_ I'd still throw me at wars for you _

_ You got me, you got me, you got me _

Yuuri hears the change in lyrics, where he sang ‘ _ I once had enough’ _ , Victor has deliberately changed it to ‘ _ you’re already enough’ _ . It’s Yuuri? Surely that must be what he means? Victor winks, hips swaying sinfully sexily. Yuuri feels the overwhelming need to touch him he’s had all day grow. 

_ And now I want you to say, that I'm the only one _

_ You lived your life before we've even begun _

_ And like a shot in the back, hear all the whispers turn _

_ Baby, see what I got, I am the only one _

_ Oh You _

_ I’d still throw me at wars for you _

_ You _

_ You _

_ Baby, see what I got, I am the only one _

Victor ends with a grin, standing right infront of him as he looks straight at Yuuri from the other side of the table. There’s a ringing in Yuuri’s ears. He needs to move. Needs to feel Victor’s skin under his hands. Press his lips to every part he’ll be allowed to. Tell him... Tell him… how he feels. Yuuri stands, and distantly he hears his chair crash to the floor. 

[Victor looks slightly out of breath as he finishes, but he smiles widely, heart shaped. The camera shifts to Yuuri, who rises so fast his chair falls backwards to the floor. The other singers snap their attention to him, but Yuuri doesn’t seem to care. He takes hurried steps around the table and Victor has just managed to place the mic back in the stand and step away from it when Yuuri reaches him. Victor’s about to say something, but Yuuri’s hands grab the lapels of his suit jacket, and with one sharp tug crashes their lips together.]

Urgency is rushing through Yuuri’s veins, and he’s not sure why. The end of the shoot had passed in a blur. After the kiss, all Yuuri really had cared about was getting Victor alone. He’s not sure if they’re going to use the kiss in the show. Maybe Victor doesn't want them to? They haven't talked about it after all. Maybe he’d be embarrassed by being with Yuuri. They should have talked about it first, Yuuri should have asked Victor if it was okay to kiss him on camera. He had just been so overwhelmed with everything, and he’s feeling so much. Victor’s making him feel things he hasn't felt before, and it makes him reckless and impulsive. 

They rush up the steps until they reach Yuuri’s room, and as soon as the door falls shut behind them, Yuuri finds himself pressed back against itr. Victor’s hands are warm and demanding as they grab his hips and push him back against the wood, pressing against him. Their lips meet; wet, open mouthed kisses all-consuming. Okay. Maybe Victor hadn't been embarrassed. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri,” he chants between kisses, and Yuuri chases his lips, addicted to the way they feel against his own. 

“I wrote it about you,” Yuuri admits. “That song is about you.” 

Victor stills, tipping his forehead against Yuuri’s as he lets out a slow breath. Yuuri can feel his heart race under the palm of his hand. 

“I can’t believe that. I can’t believe you wrote something about me,” Victor says, and Yuuri can’t help but laugh, letting his hands slide down from Victor’s chest to his abdomen and then caressing his hands up to his forearms.

“You realise I’ve spent countless hours under a needle because your music has inspired me so much, right? It’s a miracle it's just one song,” he admits, and Victor grins as his hands grip Yuuri’s hips tighter, tugging him off the door as he starts walking backwards, pulling Yuuri with him further into the room.

“Can I see them?” Victor asks, and his eyes drop down Yuuri’s body, as if he could see the tattoos through his clothes. Yuuri laughs and lets his hands drop from Victor's forearms.

“You've already seen them,” he points out, but his hands still move to the buttons of his vest to start taking it off. Victor’s hands lifts from his hips and they stop.   
“Oh no, you’ve removed your clothes in front of me far too many times already. It’s my turn,” he says, and Yuuri giggles, his joy too much to hold in. 

“It was one time,” he points out, but can’t help but let his own hands move up Victor’s arms to stop at his biceps, letting Victor undress him. He feels the buttons of the vest open and he drops his arms to let Victor slide it off his shoulders.    
“Do you know how incredibly sexy it was? I had to sit there and watch the hottest man on earth get undressed in front of me, singing to me, revealing more and more skin that’s inked with my words,” Victor says, eyes dark as he throws the vest onto an armchair. “I was going insane not touching you.”

Yuuri lets out a shuddering breath, before pushing Victor’s suit jacket off his shoulders. It lands on the floor with a thump, but Yuuri barely hears it over the blood rushing in his ears. As soon as the jacket falls Victor reaches for Yuuri’s wrist. His fingers work to open the buttons of his shirtsleeve, bringing Yuuri’s hand up. He places a kiss on Yuuri’s palm, then the heel of his hand, then his wrist, just as the last button opens. It tickles, but in a way that sends heat pooling in Yuuri’s gut. 

“I wanted you to touch me,” Yuuri admits, as Victor moves to the other sleeve, bringing it up to give that hand and wrist the same treatment. Yuuri feels like he’s dizzy with everything about Victor; his heart is racing, his mind heavy with want. He wants so much. “I didn’t think you would. This feels unreal.” 

“What about it feels unreal?” Victor asks, kissing the corner of Yuuri’s mouth while his fingers move down Yuuri’s chest, opening buttons in their wake. Yuuri can feel his fingers brush against his skin as they do, and it makes him ache for more.

“The way you look at me, the way you let me be me, that you want to be with me like this,” Yuuri admits. Victor’s reaches the final button, and his hands move up Yuuri’s chest, warm against his skin. Yuuri can feel the calloused tips of Victor’s fingers, where his guitar strings have bitten into them. It makes this feel more real, like it’s truly happening. 

“Yuuri, I’m so in love with you,” Victor breathes, and Yuuri’s chest is so full. Victor pushes his shirt off, and as soon as it leaves Yuuri’s shoulders he wraps his arms around Victor’s neck, pressing up to crash their mouths together. His heart races, ears ringing because Victor just said…

“I’m in love with you too,” Yuuri says, pulling back enough to simply breathe the words against Victor’s lips before he kisses him again. Victor whimpers against Yuuri’s lips, a desperate, needy sound. “Can I take your shirt off too?”

“Please.”

Victor’s lips are demanding, and Yuuri fumbles with the buttons of Victor’s shirt. It’s too distracting, having Victor’s tongue swipe across his lower lip, making blood rush down to his groin, to focus fully on buttons. He’s growing hard so fast, the low-level heat that has been buzzing in him ever since Victor’s performance igniting into a full flame. He’s almost tempted to rip off the last button, but finally he manages to get it open so he can push the garment off. He can feel Victor’s erection press into his hip, and it makes Yuuri want. 

“Can you-,” Victor pants, placing a kiss at the corner of Yuuri’s mouth, his cheek, his jaw. “Can we move to the bed?” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri breathes, stepping away from Victor to follow the request. Victor follows, like a magnet. His hands never leave Yuuri’s body, but his focus doesn't seem to be on Yuuri’s skin at the moment. He’s watching Yuuri’s face, eyes darting to his lips and then back up. His gaze is dark, and Yuuri shivers. 

The mattress hits the back of his knees, and Yuuri sits down, kicking off his shoes. He scoots back to give Victor room to follow, anticipation so evident he can almost taste it on his tongue. He lays down, eyes never leaving Victor, who crawls up on the bed after him, stopping when he’s straddling Yuuri’s hips. Only then does his gaze drop to Yuuri’s bare torso, roaming over exposed skin. Yuuri watches his eyes graze over the ink he’s marked himself with, sees them focus, stopping on the side of his neck. 

“From  _ Kiss Me _ ?” Victor asks, fingers presumably skimming over the lipstick mark tattoo there. Yuuri shivers and nods. “ _ Your lips pressed to my neck, I’ve fallen for your eyes... _ ” Victor quotes, leaning down to press his own lips to the mark. It’s warm, and it spreads like fire down Yuuri’s skin. “Seems accurate.” 

“Victor,” Yuuri breathes, hands chasing him, wanting to hold on, to ground himself in the moment. 

“Tell me about them,” Victor probes, kissing down Yuuri’s shoulder, down to his upper arm where the polaroid photos of Hasetsu decorate his skin. “What are these?”

“From  _ Photograph _ ,” Yuuri says, even though Victor already knows. “It’s Hasetsu, my home town. My parents and sister. Vicchan, my dog.” 

“Beautiful,” Victor says, caressing down as he watches. “Parents and sister?” he asks.

“Yeah, they’re still there. In Hasetsu,” Yuuri explains. Victor hums, thumb stopping to stroking over the lowest one. 

“A poodle?” he asks, eyes crinkling up to a smile.

“Yes,” Yuuri confirms, looking down at the mirror of the image he himself took all those years ago, heart aching dully. Even if it’s been years, it still hurts. “My parents had him before they had kids. He passed away almost ten years ago.”

Victor looks up at him with wide eyes, pain evident in his gaze. “Oh, Yuuri, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright,” Yuuri promises, caressing the fringe away from Victor’s face. “He was a great dog. I miss him.”

“I can’t imagine losing Makka,” Victor admits, and Yuuri leans up to kiss his lips softly, followed by a kiss to the bridge of his nose. 

“She seems like such a good dog,” Yuuri says, having seen her on Victor’s social media, and in magazine spreads. Victor’s even showed some photos of her since they came here. Yuuri’s absolutely smitten. Almost more than he is with Victor. Almost. 

“The best dog,” Victor corrects, and Yuuri laughs, kissing him again. Victor’s lips feel right against his own, his weight perfect as it presses Yuuri into the bed. Victor hums against his lips as the kiss grows heated, Yuuri grabbing his neck tightly to press them tighter together. He does so until he’s breathless, Victor rocking in his lap. 

“You’re so good at that,” Victor breathes when they break apart, breathless and flushed.

“What?” Yuuri asks, and Victor giggles, eyes dropping to his torso. His thumb caresses the skin across Yuuri’s ribs, right under where his heart is racing. 

“Everything,” Victor says, and Yuuri snorts out a laughter, chasing his lips again. Victor’s hands grab onto his ribs on both sides, kissing him deeply, hands moving to caress up to Yuuri’s nipples, making him gasp into Victor’s mouth. 

It goes like that. Victor goes over each and every tattoo, speaking out the lyrics that had inspired Yuuri to make permanent marks on his skin, rolling his hips into Yuuri’s groin, thumbs caressing over Yuuri’s sensitive nubs every so often to tease him. He reaches the birds that spread from low down on Yuuri’s hip up towards his ribs, and Victor leans down and chases them with his tongue, making Yuuri suck in a breath. Need rushes in his veins, only heightened as Victor looks up at him, tongue dipping in underneath the hem of Yuuri’s pants, teasingly close to where Yuuri is achingly hard. 

“Victor,” Yuuri breathes, and Victor looks up at him through silver lashes. He’s so hot, kneeling between Yuuri’s legs, eyes dark and mouth deliciously red from all the kissing. “Fuck.”

“Can I take these off?” Victor asks, hands already moving to the fastening of Yuuri’s pants. His hand caresses slowly, teasingly, up Yuuri’s straining erection, sending sparks of pleasure through Yuuri’s system. 

“Aah-,” Yuuri gasps, hips bucking up involuntarily to chase the sensation. “Please.” 

It’s quick work, and soon Victor’s pulling off Yuuri’s pants and underwear, leaving him bare on the plush bed. Victor’s eyes burn as they roam down his skin, hands caressing torturously slow up his thighs. 

“You’re so pretty Yuuri,” Victor says, leaning down to kiss the inside of Yuuri’s left knee, before moving up, the following kisses feather light. “I’ve thought about this so much.” He punctuates this with a hard suck, sure to leave a mark. He’s so close to Yuuri’s groin, to where Yuuri’s cock is laying untouched and hard against his stomach. 

“Me too,” Yuuri admits, unable to stop himself from moving his hands down. One wraps around the base of his cock, stroking up slowly, and the other caresses Victor’s fringe away. Victor looks up at him with dark eyes, and then they drop down to where Yuuri’s stroking himself. A moan comes from inside his chest, and Yuuri’s arousal is fuelled by it, his strokes becoming firmer, more sure. 

“What did you think about, Yuuri? Did you fantasise about me?” Victor asks, nuzzling into Yuuri’s groin, right next to where Yuuri’s hand is working up and down on his cock. “I have.” He leans down to lick down the dip of his hip towards the base of his cock, and Yuuri gasps, the movement of his hand losing its rhythm. 

“Can you take me in your mouth?” Yuuri asks, heat all but consuming him. Victor smirks, as if Yuuri just suggested what he’s been longing for. 

“Please,” Victor says, and it makes Yuuri shiver. He lets go of his cock, but his hand is soon replaced by Victor’s instead, wrapping around the base to hold it in place. Victor’s tongue is warm as it licks the underside of Yuuri’s erection from root to tip, lapping at the head with kittenish licks. His tongue flicks at the slit, where precome has started beading from Yuuri’s arousal. 

“Delicious,” Victor says, and Yuuri thinks this night is going to be the death of him. That is, until Victor takes his cock into his mouth and slowly sinks down, and then it’s pure bliss. Heat envelops him, and Yuuri has to fist his free hand into the sheet of the bed so as not to thrust into Victor’s mouth to chase the feeling. His other hand is holding onto Victor's hair, grounding himself without tugging. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck Victooor-” Yuuri moans, overwhelmed as Victor starts bobbing his head. Pleasure is rolling through Yuuri’s body, like waves crashing onto the shore. His grip in Victor’s hair tightens, but it only seems to spur him on, makes him moan so deeply it sends sparks down into Yuuri’s groin. 

“So good, so goo-  _ aaah _ ,” Yuuri moans, unable to stop himself from thrusting up shallowly into Victor’s mouth. His lips are stretched around Yuuri’s girth, and every now and then he looks up, blue eyes dark, filled with lust. Yuuri wants him closer, wants more. “Wait, aah-, wait,” he gasps, and Victor pulls off, continuing to stroke him slowly. For a moment, a trail of saliva connects his mouth to Yuuri’s cock, and it’s the most lewd thing Yuuri’s ever seen. Some saliva has slipped from his mouth down his chin, and Yuuri moves his hand to swipe it away. As he does, Victor sucks his thumb into his mouth, making Yuuri groan. Victor smiles proudly.

“Do you want to stop?” Victor asks, and Yuuri shakes his head, but still sits up slightly so he can pull Victor up into a kiss. Victor follows so easily, eagerly, hand still stroking Yuuri’s cock. 

“No I-, I wan’t you to fuck me,” Yuuri admits, pressing his desire into Victor’s lips. Victor gasps, hand tightening around Yuuri’s cock. He nods into the kiss, and Yuuri nips at his lower lip. 

“I want that too. I want it so much,” he breathes. Yuuri nods, excitement building in his chest. Then he realises something. He pulls back, frowning. 

“I don’t have anything with me,” he says. “I wasn’t expecting-”

“Hold that thought,” Victor says, and after one lingering kiss he pushes off the bed, leaving Yuuri naked and wanting as he hurries out of the room. Yuuri sighs and flops down onto the tangled sheets, missing Victor’s body heat already. He doesn't get much time to start second guessing though, because soon the door opens again, Victor coming back into the room holding a pharmacy bag. Yuuri can’t help but smile, rolling to his side as he looks at him. 

“Did you bring that?” he asks, and a pretty blush stains Victor’s cheeks as he places the bag on the bed. Yuuri sits up, letting his legs fall down the edge of the bed before he grabs Victor’s belt loops to tug him closer.

“I might have gone out to buy it today,” Victor admits, leaning down to kiss Yuuri sweetly. “Since you were so incredibly sexy this morning, I wanted to be prepared.” 

“So hot,” Yuuri says, smiling into the kiss. His hands move to where Victor’s cock is straining against his slacks, feeling the press of it against the fabric. Victor’s breath hitches, and Yuuri kisses him deeper, licking into his mouth. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” Victor breathes, and Yuuri wastes no time in opening the belt first before he moves to the buttons. Victor’s whimpering into his mouth, and it’s a delicious sound. He pushes Victor’s pants and underwear down, and Victor kicks them off fully, leaving him bare too. Victor is all smooth alabaster skin, but his cock is flushed red, hard and leaking where it’s standing. Yuuri can’t stop himself. He leans down, hand wrapping around the delicious sight, and wraps his lips around the tip. 

“Yuuri mmmh-,” Victor moans, his hands finding Yuuri’s hair to tangle in the pushed back style that’s slowly falling apart. Yuuri hums, and Victor gasps, which urges Yuuri to sink down. He bobs his head slowly, sinking further and further down on Victor's cock, loving the way it fills his mouth and bumps against the back of his throat, how it stretches his lips. He can’t wait to have it fill him. 

He pulls off after just a few moments, swiping his thumb over the sensitive head. When he looks back up he sees Victor has tipped back his head, mouth slightly open, a blush spilling all the way down his chest. Yuuri’s never seen anything so pretty. “Gorgeous,” he says, because he can’t stop himself. Victor’s eyes flutter open, and he looks ruined as he looks down at Yuuri, chest heaving. “Come here.”

Yuuri laces their fingers together, and Victor follows easily, one knee at a time, before they shuffle back into position. Victor grabs the bag and pulls out the lube, eyeing Yuuri carefully.

“You’re not allergic to anything are you? Lube-wise? Because I might have bought a few kinds just in case,” he bites his lip in that nervous way again, and Yuuri is so in love with him it’s silly. 

“I’m not,” Yuuri reassures him, sitting up so he can kiss him properly. “Now, stretch me for that delicious cock of yours.” 

“Yuuri,” Victor whines needily, following Yuuri down so they can continue to kiss. The lube is opened, and Victor pulls back to coat his fingers while Yuuri spreads his legs. “So alluring Yuuri, I can’t look away for a second.” 

“Don’t,” Yuuri teases, just as he feels Victor’s slick finger circle his rim. “Look at me always.” 

There’s a shift, something soft crossing Victor’s expression. He leans down to kiss Yuuri’s forehead, lacing their fingers together with his free hand. Yuuri suddenly feels breathless. He hadn’t intended it quite like that, but he realises he means it. Victor kisses his mouth next, then his jaw, and then sucks a mark on to his neck, another underneath his ear. 

“I will,” he whispers. “As long as you let me, I’ll look only at you.”

Yuuri gasps, clutching Victor’s hand as his finger pushes into him slowly, carefully. Yuuri loves the stretch, the slight burn and the slick slide of Victor’s finger moving in and out of him, working him open.

“You’re so tight Yuuri, I can’t wait to be inside you,” Victor presses into his skin, and Yuuri tangles his free hand in the silver strands of hair at the back of his neck, gasps continuing to fall from his lips. A second finger presses in. 

“I want that, aaah-, Victor I- hnng- I want it so much,” Yuuri admits. Victor curls his fingers, pumping in and out of him a few times to change the angle and then does it again, until he finds that spot that causes Yuuri to arch off the bed with a loud moan of Victor’s name. He can feel Victor smile against his skin, and he would scold him if he could form a coherent thought about more than how good this feels. 

“Read for one more?” Victor asks. He’s started slowly rutting against Yuuri’s thigh, his cock sliding along Yuuri’s skin as he works him open. 

“Yes, plea-ease I-,” Yuuri moans, and Victor retracts his fingers to add one more. He sucks another mark into his neck. Yuuri relaxes under his fingers, and soon Victor’s own movements quicken against his thigh. 

“In me,” Yuuri gasps. “Victor I need-”

“Yes, fuck Yuuri, yes,” Victor agrees. He pushes back, pulling his fingers out of Yuuri’s prepared hole. He looks disheveled and lovely, reaching for a condom and pulling it on, before slicking his cock up with more lube. Yuuri holds his legs open, bites his lower lip and locks their gazes together. 

“Come ruin me,” he asks, and Victor groans, arranging himself between Yuuri’s legs until the blunt head of his cock press against Yuuri’s hole. Yuuri takes a deep breath, and Victor pushes in so slowly, stretching him perfectly as he does. 

“Oh yes-,” Yuuri gasps, head thrown back by the feeling of Victor filling him so well. Victor’s hands grip his hips and he pushes in until he’s fully seated inside Yuuri, the stretch perfect. 

“I need to move, can I move?” Victor asks on a breath, and Yuuri nods jerkily, hands grabbing Victor’s wrists. Victor pulls out slowly, the friction heavenly. He snaps his hips back in, and Yuuri gasps, toes curling at the sensation. 

“Yes- Victor yes-,” Yuuri moans, hands releasing the grip he has on Victor to find the headboard above him so he has something to grab onto harder. Victor is winding him up like a guitar string, and with every thrust into him, against that spot, he’s closer and closer to snapping. 

“So good Yuuri,” Victor moans. “So tight and good and _ fuck _ .” His grip on Yuuri’s hips tightens, and Yuuri feels like he’s strung up by his touch, pinned onto the bed with Victor pounding into him. He’s so close, his entire body is trembling with the pleasure rushing through himy. “Yuuri, Yuuri I’m gonna come,” Victor gasps, and Yuuri nods, one hand letting go of the vice-like grip he has on the headboard to reach for his cock where it’s bouncing against his stomach. He grips around the base, and he all but shouts at the double sensation of Victor pounding into him and the heat of his hand. Victor’s hips lose rhythm, frantically seeking pleasure from Yuuri’s body, giving pleasure equally in return. He’s so sexy, so incredibly hot as he bites into his lip, surely hard enough to leave marks. His arms tremble and then he jerks, a loud groan of Yuuri’s name pushing its way out of his chest. Yuuri feels him come, feels his cock pulsate inside him. Yuuri’s been teetering on the edge for so long, and it’s the final straw hearing Victor’s pleasure, seeing him come, that finally pushes Yuuri over too. 

It feels like a whip cracks down his spine, and he snaps, orgasm rushing through his body as he trembles. Come spurts onto his stomach and up to his chin, his body going limp as the grip he’s had on the headboard loosens. He’s floating in orgasm euphoric bliss, warm all over. Victor’s looking down at him with such tenderness, and Yuuri has to kiss him, preferably would already be doing so. 

“Come here,” Yuuri says, pressing up as much as he can with his body still boneless. Victor collapses on top of him, pressing his lips to Yuuri in a messy, slow and lovely kiss. Yuuri smiles into it, his heart so full. 

“Beautiful boy, “ Victor praises. “I can’t believe I got this lucky.”

“I’m all yours,” Yuuri admits. “As much as you'd want of me, you can have.”

“All of you,” Victor says, still kissing him, fingers tangling in Yuuri’s hair. “Every lovely part of you, even the ones you don’t find lovely yourself.” 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Victor is a smitten boy send help (or don't he's probably pretty content where his is)._
> 
> **Next week:Minako's day! A duet! Old wounds get opened! The B word gets thrown around.**
> 
> Want to read it now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	10. Walk With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MINAKOS DAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!   
> I loved all your reactions to the boys finally not being disturbed ;) I Hope you like this chapter as well. Getting close to the end now. Only two more chapters after this. 
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2kHVEeBDYBcRf2XdyvElnc?si=oLbNP6iHStK2iYcVlS5qAg)  
> Walk With Me - Måns Zelmerlöw, Dotter  
> Baby I'm A Fool - Melody Gardot  
> Mercy - Duffy  
> Turn Me On - Norah Jones  
> Sweet About Me - Gabriella Cilmi  
> Come Away With Me - Norah Jones  
> Don't Know Why - Norah Jones
> 
> Betaed by the amazing [raedear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raedear/pseuds/raedear)

[The camera shows a living room that has not been shown before. It has two couches and a couple of armchairs, and the room is nicely decorated but not as much as the salon in Ericsberg Castle. It’s evening, the room lit by several lamps, but the light is still dim. The camera shuffles a little, as if handheld. 

A group of people are sitting on the couches, unknown to the audience. The camera pans over them, and stops on a man in his twenties, with dark hair and brown eyes and a wide smile.Text comes up at the bottom of the screen that states his name is Takeshi and that he’s a cameraman. The camera pans to a man sitting next to him, he has a shaved head and wears red rimmed glasses. The text at the bottom of the screen reads ‘Joseph, Producer’. On another couch there is another man, in his forties, with black hair and brown eyes. The text introduces him as Morooka, also a producer. A few others are introduced as camera and soundcrew. They’re laughing as they gather around the table, the camera moving to Takeshi as he pulls a piece of paper from his pocket.

Takeshi: Okay, I had day four in the evening so I lost.

Morooka: That was a good bet though. 

Takeshi looks over at him with a wide grin.

Takeshi: I won unofficially.

They all laugh, and the camera pans over the group as Takeshi looks back down at the paper. 

Takeshi: Joseph had day six during the surfing so he was closer, but Morooka had Yuuri’s day in the evening, so he hit the head on the nail.

The camera moves to Morooka, grinning widely.

Morooka: What can I say - it was obvious! Pay up!

Takeshi: Oh boo, don’t be a gloating winner. Just yesterday we were all complaining about the risk that it would never happen. 

Joseph: We knew it had happened, we just didn’t have it on camera. I must admit I didn’t think we’d get it. I thought they would continue to hide it. 

Takeshi: I’m happy they didn’t though. They seem happy.

A sniffle can be heard, and the camera moves to Minami who’s sitting in the corner, lower lip wobbling slightly. 

Morooka off camera: You okay Minami?

Minami: Yuuri deserves better!]

* * *

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

[ _ Warwick Avenue _ plays as a photo of Minako in her late teens is shown. She’s standing on a stage with a mic in her hand, long dark hair spilling down her shoulders. She’s in a dark dress that reaches down to her feet, and behind her there’s a band. The photo changes to an album cover, Minako walking down a cobblestone street between narrow buildings, the photo in black and white. 

Female voiceover: Minako Okukawa was discovered in her teens by a talent scout. Through her almost 30 year long career she’s released nine albums of jazz music. She’s had great success with songs we can all sing along with, such as  _ Mercy  _ and  _ Come Away With Me. _ (The photo changes to one of Minako and Yuuri. They’re both about five years younger than they are now). She’s also been a mentor to Yuuri Katsuki, and has three songs written by him on her two most recent albums. (The photo changes again, this time to one of Minako in a long white gown decorated with pearls and sequins, standing on stage in a large concert hall). She’s received several awards worldwide, and has been invited to perform at the Nobel Banquet twice. Her music is popular amongst all ages, her unique sound bridging the gap between generations.]

Yuuri wakes to a cold gust of wind coming from the covers being raised. He shudders, trying to snuggle further down into the bed, clinging to its warmth. He’s barely conscious when something ice cold presses against his shin, sneaking in between his legs. Yuuri hisses, his eyes snapping open to look at the monster torturing him this early in the morning. Victor smiles, devious and knowing. Yuuri squints at him, wrapping the covers closer around himself. 

“Why are you cold?” he grumbles, and Victor giggles, pressing closer again. His feet are still like ice, and Yuuri shudders even as he lets Victor cuddle close. Victor, whose chest had been blissfully bare when they fell asleep is now wearing a thick hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. “And why are you wearing clothes?” Yuuri slides his hands underneath Victor’s shirt, his skin is warm there. He seems to have developed an addiction to Victor’s skin, and how it feels under his hands. 

“Are they in the way for you?” Victor asks, voice low with a hint of amusement. He leans down and swipes his lips against Yuuri’s, soft and teasing, not kissing him fully. “Would you like them better off, Yuuri?”

“Yes,” Yuuri agrees, pressing up to claim Victor’s mouth, hands moving to pull down his pants and underwear. There’s a shuffle, but soon they manage to get Victor’s clothes off, lying skin to skin under the covers as their kisses deepen. Yuuri’s already hard, rolling his hips shamelessly into Victor, feeling him hardening in return under his hip. It’s addictive, feeling Victor react to him like this, to feel him wanting as much as Yuuri. Victor has been Yuuri’s drug for so long, teetering on the edge. Now that he’s fallen in fully he’s sure he’ll never get out. He’ll never be the same after this week. 

“Can I,” Yuuri starts between wet kisses, unable to stop kissing Victor long enough to get the sentence out. Want rushes in his veins, hot and desperate. “Can I- mmh-, stroke both of us?”

“Fuck yes,” Victor breathes, hips rolling even harder against Yuuri. Yuuri lets out a desperate moan, and then he shifts, lining their erections up. He looks at Victor as he wraps his hand around them both, and gets the gorgeous view of him throwing his head back, a loud moan rising from his chest. The column of his neck is pale and unmarked. It’s almost teasing, with how many marks he left on Yuuri last night. Yuuri leans forward, placing his lips at the hollow of his throat. He continues to stroke them, the feeling of Victor’s cock lined up with his so erotic it sends arousal rushing though Yuuri’s body. He presses sloppy kisses to Victor’s neck and chest, sucking marks as his hand speeds up, swiping his thumb over thier cockheads, loving the way Victor's hips twitch. Victor’s hands are buried in Yuuri’s hair, pressing him firmer into his skin as if he wants to be claimed by Yuuri’s mouth.

“Yuuri, fuck Yuuri don’t- don-t stop,” he gasps, and Yuuri tilts his head up so he can slot their lips together in an open-mouthed kiss. It’s all breath and teeth and barely a kiss at all. Yuuri is so close now, wrist twisting just so to increase the pleasure.

“Victor I’m- I’m gonna come- aah-,” he moans and Victor nods, pressing his lips firmer into Yuuri’s.

“Yes do it I- mmh- me too- aah,” Victor gasps, hips snapping into Yuuri’s fist, adding to the friction on his own cock. “Yuuri, Yuuri.”

“Victoooruu,” Yuuri moans as he comes, spurting come onto both of their cocks as he continues to stroke them. Victor groans, and he sucks Yuuri’s lower lip into his mouth as he comes just moments after, releasing Yuuri’s lip to gasp sharply. They simply lay there for a moment, slowly regaining the ability to breathe normally. Yuuri smiles, silly happy in this moment of orgasmic bliss, with his heart so full of love. The vise-like grip Victor had on his hair loosens, and they kiss slowly and sweetly, until the stickiness under the covers gets to be too much. Victor slips off the bed, and comes back with a washcloth for Yuuri to clean up, already having cleaned himself in the bathroom. He slides under the covers again, and Yuuri presses close, still smiling. 

“What makes you smile so prettily Yuuri?” Victor asks, pushing the hair back from Yuuri’s forehead, continuing to caress down to his neck as it flops forward again. It must look like a mess after what they did yesterday and again this morning, as well as having slept on it. Yuuri doesn’t care at all. Victor doesn’t seem to recoil from his hair not being pushed back, and it’s nice to be able to be himself. 

“You,” Yuuri answers truthfully, and Victor lets out a soft squeal, pressing his smile against Yuuri’s. “You make me very happy.”

“You make me happy too Yuuri, so very happy,” Victor admits. Yuuri’s heart is so full. He has to change the subject, because if they continue this conversation he’s going to combust from happiness. 

“What time is it? What were you doing up?” he asks, thinking that maybe they slept in a bit too long. Yuuri has a late slot with the band again today, so he’s not too worried about over-sleeping. The sun seems high in the sky, casting sunrays into the room. Victor’s cheeks turn pink, his fingers dancing down Yuuri’s back in soft patterns. He pulls his lower lip in between his teeth, and for a moment he doesn’t look at Yuuri, seemingly focusing on the marks on Yuuri’s chest as he gathers his thoughts. Yuuri lets him take his time. If Victor wants to tell him he’ll gladly listen, but he doesn’t want to push. He caresses up and down Victor’s back instead, trying to transfer some feeling of safety, some calm. Victor seems to make up his mind, because he takes a deep breath, still not looking up.

“I wrote something,” he starts slowly, only looking up into Yuuri’s eyes after he’s said it. “I woke this morning and I had to get up to write it down, and to play it.”

“A new song?” Yuuri asks. He’s well accustomed to the feeling of needing to get something out of his system, the melody playing as if on repeat in his mind, but a worry that if he doesn’t get it down to paper it’ll disappear forever. Lyrics running over and over until they’re written, visible for the eye to see. He’s been feeling it a lot lately too, a new half-written song typed into his phone growing and growing in the last few days. 

“Yeah, I haven’t written one in a long time,” Victor says. “Not since before the collaborations. This morning I just woke up and felt inspired.” 

There’s joy dancing in Victor’s eyes; relief and giddy happiness. Yuuri smiles back, feeling it wrap around his heart. It’s too much to think about Victor feeling inspired this morning, after spending the week with Yuuri, the past nights in Yuuri’s bed; yesterday evening with Yuuri’s lips pressed against his while still filming - all for the world to see. 

“Oh, so you just needed to get laid?” Yuuri teases, pressing his lips to one of the marks he left on Victor’s skin just a few minutes ago. Victor laughs, slightly breathless. He pulls Yuuri away from his neck shifts until they’re level on the pillows. He looks at Yuuri then, tipping his forehead forward so it rests against Yuuri’s. 

“Yuuuuuri,” he sighs, but he sounds happy, a soft giggle leaving his lips as he rubs their noses against each other. 

“Whaaat?” Yuuri teases back, exaggerating innocence. Victor wrinkles his nose adorably, leaning forward to leave a sweet chaste kiss on his lips. 

“I needed to get the right lay,” Victor says much more seriously, but with so much warmth. It makes Yuuri’s entire body flood with happiness. Can they stay here, under the warm covers, stuck in an almost confession? Yuuri’s not sure he could handle it shattering, after it coming so close to something real, something tangible and lasting.

“Victor,” Yuuri says, breathless and overwhelmed in a lovely way. What would happen if he disclosed everything that’s in his heart? Would Victor accept it? Would he say he feels the same? In this moment, Yuuri can almost convince himself that he does. Victor takes another breath and the soft patterns on Yuuri’s back start up again. Victor looks at him, biting his lip again. 

“You know tomorrow is the free day?” he asks, and Yuuri nods. He knows, but he hasn’t thought much about it. He’s had his hands full, just trying to live in this rollercoaster of a life the show has given him. Tomorrow is the free day, and the day after that they leave. Yuuri’s stomach twists uncomfortably. He doesn’t want to think about it, not yet. “I was thinking you could perform it with me? The song I wrote?”

“Really? You sure?” Yuuri asks, feeling warm and nervous and excited all at once. Victor nods and smiles, leaning forward and kissing the corner of Yuuri’s mouth. 

“Yes,” he says, still smiling as he pulls back. “I’m a bit nervous, but I’d like for us to do it together, since I wrote it about you.”

“Oh,” Yuuri breathes, and he has no other words to give. His mind seems to have stopped, cloudy and hazy. Victor Nikiforov, writing a song about him. Phichit was right, Yuuri is living a teen romance novel. Victor is still looking at him nervously, and Yuuri kisses him again. “I’d love to,” he agrees when they pull apart. “Would you play it for me?”

They climb out of bed after a few more kisses, and Victor picks up his comfortable-looking hoodie. Yuuri grumbles about hiding all of Phichit’s favourite meme t-shirts when he gets home since he wouldn't let Yuuri bring any of his favourite hoodies. Victor smiles, and immediately offers Yuuri his. It makes Yuuri’s stomach flip, pulling it over his head. It’s a little too big, but it’s soft and comfortable. It smells like Victor too, and Yuuri buries his nose into the collar as he retrieves his glasses, before following after Victor. 

They settle on the piano stool together, thigh to thigh. Yuuri’s bare leg pressing against Victor’s clothed one, Victor’s bare chest covered only by Yuuri’s hickeys. A notebook Yuuri doesn’t recognize rests on the rack holder, a worn and well-used leather journal. There’s a score written on it, with words scribbled under. Victor smiles, fretting slightly. Yuuri feels nervous too. They’ve sung to each other before, and used each other's words to show their feelings. This feels more personal. This is something Victor feels for him, honest and true. Yuuri’s not sure he’s ready.

“Okay, I was thinking that, if you want to, I could sing the first verse and chorus, and then you sing the second verse, and then we sing the rest together,” Victor says, still shifting slightly, as if nervous energy is making it hard for him to stay in place. 

“Sounds good,” Yuuri agrees. “Where would you like me to start?” 

“There,” Victor says pointing to the neat handwriting on the paper. “At the ‘and even though’.”

“Okay, I’ll do my best,” Yuuri says, and Victor shifts again, breathless laughter coming from his lips.

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Victor says, turning to look at Yuuri. He looks so scared, and Yuuri wishes he wasn’t. He leans forward to kiss him, soft and sweet, lingering. 

“Play it for me,” Yuuri asks, because he feels it’s the only way they’ll get over this hump, for Victor to get it out. Yuuri always feels better after singing it out. 

“Yes,” Victor agrees, and he straightens, placing his fingers on the piano keys. It feels strange to sit here and not play, but Yuuri wants to hear what Victor has to say. The melody starts, Victor pressing the keys down, and Yuuri follows in the notebook, reading the music and words Victor had left their bed to write. 

_ Sick of sleeping with the light on _

_ Chasing shadows with the brokenhearted _

_ Running out of fools to hide from _

Victor sounds nervous, but it gets better as he sings, voice growing steadier. Yuuri sees him turn to look at him, eyes so warm but searching, as if scared of Yuuri’s reaction. 

_ But you always see the truth _

_ Yours is the hand that I hold _

_ You're all I need _

It hits Yuuri right in the chest, the declaration of Yuuri being what Victor  _ needs _ . Yuuri feels it too. He’s not sure how he could leave this house, this floor that has become theirs, and not feel as though his heart was being left behind, if Victor didn’t come with him. 

_ Ooh, walk with me _

_ I'm a million miles away from who I wanna be _

_ Don't give up on me _

_ I know I've made mistakes, just promise that you'll stay _

_ Walk with me _

_ And tell me that I'm never alone, never alone _

_ Tell me, 'cause I'm tired of walking alone _

Yuuri’s heart is so full. He would walk next to Victor forever, stand by him for as long as he would have him. For Victor to want that too, Yuuri never thought it would happen. He takes a deep breath, singing the next verse back to Victor.

_ And even though the road is so long _

_ I know you'll take me back to where it started _

_ It seems as though I only go wrong _

_ But you always see the truth _

_ Yours is the hand that I hold  _

_ You're all I need _

Yuuri lets his hand rest on Victor’s thigh as they sing the chorus together, heart so full. He can’t help but smile, so warm and happy and in love. 

_ Ooh, walk with me _

_ I'm a million miles away from who I wanna be _

_ Don't give up on me _

_ I know I've made mistakes, just promise that you'll stay _

_ Walk with me _

_ And tell me that I'm never alone, never alone _

_ Tell me, 'cause I'm tired of walking alone _

_ Ooh, I will never bridge the storm without you _

_ I will never ever face this world alone _

_ You're the only one that keeps me grounded _

_ Promise me you'll never let me walk alone, alone _

Victor stays steady through the song, even though Yuuri misses a few words here and there, the melody not known to him yet. He continues to smile though. Victor wants him close. Victor wants them together. Yuuri wants it too. 

_ Ooh, walk with me _

_ I'm a million miles away from who I wanna be _

_ Don't give up on me _

_ I know I've made mistakes, just promise that you'll stay _

_ Walk with me _

_ And tell me that I'm never alone, never alone _

_ Tell me, 'cause I'm tired of walking alone _

The notes ring out, and Yuuri’s gaze falls on Victor’s fingers, trembling on the keys. He follows the line of his arms up to his face, still smiling. Victor swallows hard, breaths shaky.

“Will you?” he asks, and Yuuri’s not sure if he’s asking about performing the song or about the contents of it; it’s the same answer anyway. 

“Yes,” Yuuri says, pressing forward to kiss him again, because it's been too long. “I’ll walk with you, stay by you, sing this with you.” Victor shivers under his hands. “Want to practice it again?”

* * *

[The camera shows Minako sitting on the counter in the kitchen. She’s in a light blue blouse and slacks, feet dangling. In front of her by the kitchen island Celestino is chopping fruit, hand-feeding her strawberries and other fruit as he prepares it. Minako accepts them with a smile, eating them directly from his fingers. He’s in a concert t-shirt and jeans, hair up in a ponytail. The camera angle changes, showing Chris walking into the kitchen with a wide smile. He’s in an almost completely open robe and pyjama pants, round glasses on his nose and hair unstyled. 

Chris: Good morning! My, aren’t you getting spoiled?

MInako: It’s my day so I should be (laughter).

Celestino: She should!

Chris laughs too, walking up to give her a kiss on each cheek, greeting Celestion the same way before heading to the coffee pot. 

Chris: Are they up yet?

Minako: Haven’t seen them. You just missed Sara and Mila, they had an early slot with the band. I think Ji had the first one though. 

Chris hums, bringing the cup of coffee up to his lips to take a sip as he leans back against the counter.

Chris: I think we should all be happy they gave them a separate floor, otherwise I don’t think anyone would have gotten any sleep.

Celstino:What happens on the top floor… (laughter).

Minako swats him on the arm, a slap ringing through the air. Celsetino hisses, frowning up at her. 

Minako: Don’t be crude!

Celestino: Chris started it! 

Minako rolls her eyes, but her gaze softens as he offers her another strawberry. The camera angle changes again, this time showing Ji rushing into the kitchen, smiling wide and clearly winded. 

Ji: They’re coming now! I heard them coming down the stairs. 

He settles next to Minako, stealing a strawberry from the plate where Celestino has been placing the ones he isn’t feeding Minako before he jumps up to sit on the counter. Chris grins widely, wiggling his eyebrows at the other singers.

Chris: Five bucks one of them can barely walk.

He grins towards Celestino, who shakes his head, pointing the knife at Chris.

Celestino: Five bucks they pretend as if nothing happened at all. 

Ji: Five bucks they don’t even hold hands

Minako: Five bucks you are all wrong. Except maybe Chris. 

The camera switches again and shows Yuuri and Victor walking into the kitchen, wide smiles on their faces. Yuuri’s hair is unstyled, and he has blue rimmed glasses on his nose. He’s in a hoodie that’s too big for him, black with a red and white stripe across his chest. He’s otherwise in jeans, and he’s holding Victor’s hand, fingers laced together. Up his neck there’s a scatter of hickeys, around the lip mark tattoo on his throat and on his collar bones, visible from the too big hoodie hanging a bit low. Victor’s in a black t-shirt and jeans, marks visible on his neck too. He’s smiling widely, heart shaped and a little crooked. He looks only at Yuuri. 

Yuuri: Good morning!

The camera angle changes, showing the other singers in different states of shock. Chris’ eyes are wide, and he’s gripping his cup tightly. Celestino and Ji are both gaping, while Minako starts laughing. 

Yuuri: What's funny?

He walks towards the kettle, pouring himself and Victor each a cup of tea, before leaning against the counter

Victor: Thank you.

Victor settles by his side, slowly leaning in. Yuuri pecks his lips with a smile. A squeal can be heard, and the camera cuts back to the other singers, Ji having clamped his hand over his mouth. He has his phone up, clearly taking photos or filming. 

Minako: You are both terrible.

Yuuri: What?

Chris: Victor, did it taste good?

Victor’s eyes grow wide, face turning scarlet pink and Chris laughs loudly.

Chris: I meant the tea of course!

Victor groans, and then presses his face into the crook of Yuuri’s neck, hiding. 

Victor: Yuuri! He’s teasing meee!

Yuuri smiles fondly, nuzzling into his hair before he kisses it, arm wrapped around Victor’s waist.

Minako: Okay, you all lost, pay up!]

* * *

[The artists walk from the mansion towards the lakehouse. Minako has her arm hooked in Celestino's. They’re in the same clothes as they were earlier in the kitchen. Chris has pulled on a white shirt but rolled up his sleeves, and he wears dark blue slacks and brown shoes. He and Yuuri are walking next to each other. Yuuri’s hair is styled back, and he’s without his glasses again. He’s in a tight black shirt, showing off his tattoos and dark jeans, smiling as they talk. In the back are Victor, Ji, Mila and Sara. None of them look like they’re dressed for a performance, all in casual jeans and tops. The group seems relaxed as they enter the lakehouse. 

Minako: Welcome to my day. I’m so happy to be here, on the second to last full day of this show. I’m very excited to see what you’ve made and to hear your thoughts and questions about my anciently long career (laughter).] 

Yuuri has a hard time concentrating as Minako explains how she wrote  _ I’m a Fool _ to Chris before he performs it, since Victor keeps playing footsie with him under the table. It’s so incredibly cute Yuuri has to hold back from reaching over the table to tug him into a kiss. Seriously. He’s like a teenager, feelings rushing too fast in his body, making his mind zero in on Victor and his all-too-knowing grin as he caresses his foot up Yuuri’s calf, nodding along to Minako’s story. It’s the same all through the song, and Victor only stops to applaud Chris’ performance, which was sultry and had a much more clubby beat then the original soft jazz. Minako hugs him tightly in thanks, and then they sit back down. It doesn’t take long until Celestino taps his glass, and Minako glances over at him nervously. 

“This feels like it’s come full circle, doesn’t it?” he says, and she laughs softly, nodding her head. “I can’t say my performance will be quite as captivating as yours was, but I’m looking forward to performing it.”

“What have you picked, Celestino?” she asks softly, tilting her head slightly to the side. “I’ve had a hard time guessing.” 

“I should remind you that I picked this before we came here, and that things have changed a lot since then,” Celestino says, and something soft and painful crosses both of their faces. Yuuri thinks again of the years they spent separated, on different pages of the same book, never reaching over the pages to fully connect. “So I’ve picked  _ Mercy _ .”

“Oh,” Minako breathes. “Oh yeah that… I hope that it’s not a reflection on how you feel now.”

Celesitno shakes his head, and Yuuri feels all the things unsaid hanging over them, tension thick in the room. “No. I’m not sure if it’s truly how I felt then either, but it’s what I picked.”

“Okay, let's hear it!” Minako says, forcing a smile on her face. Yuuri feels his heart clench. They've come so far together, much like how Victor and Yuuri are in very different places now then they were a little over a week ago. She stands, heading out to be interviewed. 

“It’s going to be alright Celestino,” Mila says as Celestino gets ready, electric guitar over his shoulder. He nods, but he still looks nervous. “She knows it’s different now. She won’t run away.” 

“You’re a very kind soul Mila,” he says as he connects the guitar to the amplifier. “I’ll keep it in mind. Thank you.” He looks up at the door, and Yuuri follows his eyes, seeing Minako come back in. She still looks slightly tense as she sits down in the chair facing the stage. 

“You ready bella?” he asks, and some of the tension seems to drain from Minako’s shoulders with the pet-name, and a soft smile spreads on her lips. 

“As I’ll ever be,” she agrees. “Show me those hip moves the magazines raved so much about in the 80’s.” Celestino laughs, and then he starts counting in, the band joining him as he starts playing. 

_ I love you, but I gotta stay true _

_ My morals got me on my knees, I'm beggin' please _

_ Stop playin' games _

_ I don't know what this is, but you got me good _

_ Just like you knew you would _

_ I don't know what you do, but you do it well _

_ I'm under your spell. _

It’s a rock version, a harder sound with heavier drums and guitar. It feels like a classic 80’s rock song, with synths joining in to heighten the feeling. Celestino's voice is rough as he sings, and he’s watching Minako who’s nodding along to the song. 

_ You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me _

_ You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me _

_ I said release me _

_ Now you think that I, will be somethin' on the side _

_ But you got to understand _

_ That I need you to take my hand _

_ Yes I do _

_ I don't know what this is, but you got me good _

_ Just like you knew you would _

_ I don't know what you do, but you do it well _

_ I'm under your spell _

_ You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me _

_ You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me _

_ I said you better release me _

_ I'm beggin' you for mercy, just why won't you release me _

_ I'm beggin' you for mercy _

_ You got me beggin', you got me beggin', you got me beggin' _

The tension seems to drain from both of the singers as the song continues, and Yuuri and the others clap along with the music as Minako sways in time with the beat. Celestino smiles as he snaps his hips from side to side, and Minako laughs then, head thrown back. Celestino smiles too.

_ Mercy _

_ Why won't you release me _

_ I'm beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me _

_ You got me beggin' you for mercy _

_ I'm beggin' you for mercy, I'm beggin' you for mercy _

_ I'm beggin' you for mercy, I'm beggin' you for mercy _

_ Why won't you release me _

_ Mercy _

_ Begging you for mercy,  _

_ You got me begging down on my knees, I said, you got me begging _

_ Begging you for mercy, you got me begging _

_ Begging you for mercy _

They all stand to clap when it’s done, and Yuuri can see that everyone’s smiling, Minako and Celestino wearing the widest grins of them all. Minami takes the guitar from Celestino, and as Minako reaches Celestino she goes up on her toes, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. Wolf-whistles erupt around the table, causing Minako to laugh again. Yuuri’s never seen her happy like this. He’s never seen her as emotional as she’s seen this week either. 

“That was fun,” she says as they sit down, the thick atmosphere that laid over the table before the performance completely gone. “Thank you. I didn’t know you still had those moves in you.”

“I might need a hip replacement,” Celestino teases, causing the table to start laughing. “It was worth it though, for a kiss that sweet.”

“Oh stop,” Minako says, waving her hand dismissively. Yuuri knows that gesture well. She did it all the time when Yuuri complimented her as a child. Her smile turns sweet again just a second later though. “You were wonderful. Thank you again.”

* * *

[The camera shows Yuuri tapping his glass, conversation dying around the table as Minako looks at him with a wide grin. 

Minako: Well well, this will be interesting.

Yuuri: Like you haven’t heard me perform half of your songs already.

Minako: Yes, but this is different, it’s not like you’re twelve anymore. 

Yuuri: If you say so. What do you think I’ve picked?

Minako: I’m guessing you haven’t chosen one that you’ve written (Yuuri nods in agreement). Hm, so since you’re all grown up now, I’m guessing something from the  _ Come Away with Me _ album.

Yuuri: You’re right.

Minako rolls her eyes but smiles. 

Minako: So predictable. So what is it?

Yuuri:  _ Turn Me On _ .

A choking noise is heard, and then the camera shifts to Chris smiling widely as he pats Victor’s back as he coughs, quickly putting down the glass of water he’s holding.]

* * *

[Yuuri’s sitting at the piano, positioned half turned towards the table. The band has not picked up their instruments, it seems Yuuri will play the song alone. Yuuri flexes his fingers and rolls his shoulders, and then places his fingers on the keys. 

Yuuri (singing):  _ Like a flower waiting to bloom, like a light bulb in a dark room _

_ I'm just sittin' here waiting for you, to come on home and turn me on _

He looks up at the table, gaze dark, punctuating each word as he plays the soft melody, swaying along to the music. He closes his eyes, and sings the next part without looking. 

Yuuri (singing):  _ Like the desert waiting for the rain, like a school kid waiting for the spring _

_ I'm just sittin' here waiting for you, to come on home and turn me on _

He opens his eyes, looking over the table with a hooded gaze. The camera shows the table, Minako swaying along to the music with a serious expression, even though she looks proud. Victor, who’s sitting next to her, has his lower lip between his teeth, eyes focused forward. There’s a soft blush on his cheeks. 

Yuuri (singing) _ :My poor heart, it's been so dark, since you've been gone _

_ After all, you're the one who turns me off _

_ But you're the only one who can turn me back on _

Yuuri tips his head back slowly, showing off all the marks on his neck, body still moving with the music. His voice is low and smooth, and it accompanies the music well. 

Yuuri (singing):  _ My hi-fi is waiting for a new tune, my glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes _

_ I'm just sittin' here waiting for you, to come on home and turn me on, turn me on _

The notes of the song ring out between the stone walls, and the camera cuts to Minako, who stands up and claps. Yuuri smiles and steps away from the piano, walking around the table to meet her as she approaches. The sultriness that was just so evident is completely gone from his expression. 

Minako: Well done. That was wonderful. I've never heard you play that one before. 

Yuuri shrugs, one of the camera crew comes to put his mic back on. 

Yuuri: I wanted to do something different. 

Minako: It was, if you don’t count you saying you wanted to be bitten like you sang about on Chris day. 

Yuuri’s cheeks colour red in a second. 

Yuuri: Minako!

Minako grins sharply.

Minako: What! It happened, didn't it? You got what you sang for.

The table laughs, and Yuuri flops down into his chair, hiding his face in his hands. Victor looks very proud.

Minao: Now, I want to thank you all for this lunch. It’s been emotional and lovely, like I expected. Next we’re going dancing, so you can put on some good everyday clothes and some good shoes and we’ll head out in about 30 minutes.

Celestino: I’m going to guess it’s not more pole dancing, is it?

Minako: (laughs) no! This is much more classical.]

* * *

Even though Minako mostly insisted on Yuuri learning the basics of ballet, he also knows the basics of a few pair dances, since it never hurts to learn, and Yuuri enjoys dancing. It’s a joy to watch Victor’s face go from surprised to delighted as Yuuri leads him across the dancefloor while the dance teacher claps the rhythm, counting as they go. 

“Is there anything you can’t do Yuuri?” he asks, and Yuuri shakes his head because that’s so silly. Of course there are so many things he can’t do, this however, is something he’s decent at. “You’re sweeping me off my feet here.”

Yuuri feels bold, with Victor in his arms and his attention so rapt on Yuuri. He dips him slowly, enjoying the excited squeal he lets out as Yuuri pulls him back up. It’s almost impossible now, to imagine doing things like this with Victor wearing that mask he did the first couple of days. To see him like this, more carefree and relaxed might be what Yuuri will carry with him most from this experience. 

“My turn,” Minako says, approaching them. They’ve been changing partners every now and then, and now after almost two hours dancing they’ve started to wind down. Ji and Celestino have already sat down, while Mila and Chris are still moving across the floor. Minako looks pointedly at Victor. “Sara needs a partner.” Victor pouts, but releases Yuuri slowly, walking over to Sara instead. Minako steps into Yuuri’s arms naturally; they’ve done this before after all.

“You look very happy,” she says with a smile, and Yuuri gets the sudden urge to stick his tongue out at her like when he was a child. He doesn't however. He does turn her a bit too quickly though, making her speed up her footing. “Yuuri!”

“You look happy too,” he says, glancing over at Celestino. One camera is still recording the dancers, but it’s from a bit of a distance. The others have moved to film Ji and Celestino on the benches talking. “I’m sorry about lunch. I saw it was rough on both of you.”

“Yeah, there’s still a lot to work though, old miscommunications and beliefs. I think we both need to try to let go of what was our reality then and meet at some middle ground, but it’s hard,” she says as they continue to move with the music. The dancing teacher has stopped now, probably tired out from them keeping at it for so long. 

“I hope you can work it out,” Yuuri says and Minako nods. “You seem much more relaxed with him.”

“I do?” she asks, softness crossing her expression. “I suppose. It’s good, to let some of that pain go and just be together.” 

“I’m glad,” Yuuri says. “Have you talked about what you’re doing after this?” 

“We live in the same city, so it shouldn't be too difficult to keep seeing each other on a regular basis,” she says with a smile. “What about you and Victor? Have you discussed it?”

“No,” Yuuri admits, nerves rolling in his stomach. He thinks again about the song in his phone, a few new lines written down on their way to the dance studio. It’s almost finished now. Does he dare to play it for Victor though? “I’m scared. I can’t really relocate that easily, and I’m not sure I want to either. And it’s not as if I can invite him out to us.”

“Why?” she asks, before Yuuri twirls her out and then back in. 

“I don’t think he’d like the middle of nowhere,” Yuuri says, a bitter laugh making its way up his throat. Minako raises her eyebrows, and Yuuri tries to push down the insecurities his anxiety loves pushing up into the light. He sighs and she does too, shaking her head. 

“You’ll never know if you don’t talk about it. You don’t have to ask him to move in with you if you don’t want to, but you should at least talk about what happens after tomorrow.” 

“I know,” Yuuri says. He does know, even if it terrifies him. He looks over at Victor, who’s leading Sara around the room, Mila and Chris having given up now too. “I’ll do my best.”

“Yeah yeah, let’s give these kids a real show now, shall we?” she asks, getting that competitive glint in her eyes that Yuuri so rarely sees but always enjoys. He smiles and nods, letting her go so she can tell the dance teacher to change the song. 

* * *

[Minako: Cheers!

The singers are sitting around the table in the lakehouse, glasses raised. Minako’s wearing a deep purple dress, lips painted red and her eyeliner sharply winged. Next to her sits Chris in a dark red suit jacket and a black button up. On the other side sits Yuuri, wearing a deep blue suit jacket and light blue shirt. Mila and Sara sit facing each other beside Yuuri and Chris, both in black dresses. Celestino, Victor and Ji are at the end of the table, also wearing suits. Celestino and Ji are wearing black and white ensembles, while Victor's in grey. 

The others: Cheers!

They all take a sip of whatever's in their glass, and Minako smiles at them before she puts her glass down. 

Minako: I’m so impressed to see you all so dressed up. I feel like I’m at the Nobel banquet again (laughter). 

Sara: How was it? Singing there, I mean.

The rest of the table starts eating what’s in front of them, the camera focuses on a plate of scallops and pea purée. 

Minako: It was overwhelming the first time. I was very nervous and felt a lot of pressure, moreso for the dinner than the actual performance. I was confident in my ability to sing, not so much in conversing with scientists, but it was better than expected. I had a good time. 

Chris: And the second time?

Minako: I enjoyed it more that time. I felt more relaxed and didn’t worry as much. There was still pressure of course, but I think it’s noticeable in my performance that I was more in my element.]

* * *

Ji sings a sassy and fun version of  _ Sweet about Me _ after the first course, all of them dancing in their seats. They’re served a tender steak with greens and oven-fried potato cake as a main course, and just as Minako puts her fork down after swiping up the last of the mushroom sauce, Victor taps his glass. Minako smiles and leans forward towards him.

“Minako,” Victor starts. “You have such a treasure chest of songs spanning over a long time, dipping into political issues across the years, heartbreaking love songs, and tender love declarations. It was hard choosing, not because there wasn’t something I wanted to do, but because of the opposite.” 

“I feel so old when you all do this,” she says teasingly, looking around the table, and the singers laugh. She smiles, and looks back to Victor. “Did you narrow it down?”

“Yes, I did manage to pick eventually. I’m going to perform  _ Come Away With Me _ ,” Victor announces, and a wider grin spreads on Minako’s lips. 

“If I had a dollar for every time someone played this at a wedding I would be rich,” she says teasingly. “It’s a very tender song, as you said. I wrote it… almost fifteen years ago I think.” 

“It’s a lovely song,” Victor says. “I fully understand why many want to use it in their weddings.” 

“Thank you,” Minako says with a nod. “Now get up there!” 

[Minako is standing outside of the lakehouse, posture perfectly straight. It’s dark outside, and the only lights are the fires still burning and the lights from the lakehouse windows. There’s a black shawl wrapped around her shoulders that wasn’t there before. 

Voice off camera: How do you feel about Victor doing  _ Come Away With Me _ ?

Minako: I expected someone to do it. It’s such a popular song. I might have expected Yuuri to do it, but he does have a tendency to flip and do something I don’t expect. I think Victor will do it wonderfully though. It’ll fit his style. 

Voice off camera: You said many use this for their weddings, was that the inspiration for it when you wrote it?

Minako: (shakes her head) No, I had no such thoughts when I wrote it. The melody was written first and the lyrics were inspired by that. It works well since it’s a triple time song, so you can waltz to it. 

Voice off camera: Do you think Victor will keep it like that?   
Minako: I guess we should head in and see!]

Victor smiles sweetly at Yuuri as he wraps the guitar strap over his shoulders, adjusting it until it fits as he likes it. Yuuri always has a bit of a fanboy moment when Victor puts his guitar on. It reminds him of all the concerts he has been to, seeing Victor pull it on, fingers seeking the strings immediately, just like Yuuri’s fingers seek piano keys. Minako comes back just as Victor’s adjusted the mic-stand, and he nods towards her. She gestures with her hands, as if to say that the stage is his, and Victor grins, winking at Yuuri before he starts plucking the strings. 

_ Come away with me in the night _

_ Come away with me, and I will write you a song _

_ Come away with me on a bus _

_ Come away where they can't tempt us, with their lies _

It feels a bit strange to hear it on guitar instead of piano like Yuuri’s so used to, but it’s intriguing more than anything. It’s still slow, but Victor’s voice makes it less smooth, the guitars adding another dimension to it. 

_ And I want to walk with you, on a cloudy day _

_ In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high _

_ So won't you try to come _

_ Come away with me and we'll kiss, on a mountaintop _

_ Come away with me _

_ And I'll never stop loving you _

Victor smiles softly as he looks over at Yuuri, swaying as he plucks the strings to the song, taking a few steps back and forward on the stage. He’s so pretty. Yuuri looks over at Minako, who’s swaying slowly too, smiling. They all seem to be moving to the melody, Yuuri notices as he looks around. He guesses this is a song many have fond memories of. He has played it himself, on his parents’ wedding anniversary a few years back. 

_ And I want to wake up with the rain _

_ Falling on a tin roof _

_ While I'm safe there in your arms _

_ So all I ask is for you _

_ To come away with me in the night _

_ Come away with me _

Victor ends with a smile, and Yuuri smiles back, watching as he gives away the guitar to a production assistant who seems to be glaring at him. Strange. Yuuri must be imagining it. Minako makes her way over, and they embrace, before she pats his cheek as if he was five. 

“It was lovely. I enjoyed the guitar. It made it feel a bit newer,” she says as she sits down. 

“The lyrics are very timeless, so it was easy to work with, the guitar is where I feel most comfortable too, so it was an easy choice,” Victor says, having gotten his mic put back on before he sat down. Servers step up to place a meringue dessert in front of each of them. Yuuri’s seen it before, and he smiles, already feeling his mouth water. 

“This is meringue with lemon curd and ice cream!” Minako declares, picking up her spoon as soon as it’s placed in front of her. “I hope you all like it.” 

Sara and Mila announce that they’re singing  _ Don’t Know Why _ , and they settle in on stools facing the table while Minako goes out for her interview. Yuuri considers them for a moment. They often share secret smiles and always seem to be attuned, but they never really seem to touch. If they’re a couple, why hide it? Or are they all reading too much into it? Minako had made it sound like she was sure, but Yuuri still hasn't seen anything that leaves him convinced. They would make a cute couple though. Minako comes back, and the girls share quick words with the band, turning back just before the music starts. There’s an electric bass added, and a more traditional drumbeat than in the original. Mila raises her mic first, looking out over the table. 

  
_ I waited 'til I saw the sun, don't know why I didn't come _

_ I left you by the house of fun, don't know why I didn't come _

_ I don't know why I didn't come _

_ When I saw the break of day, wished that I could fly away _

_ Instead of kneeling in the sand, catching teardrops in my hand _

Sara sings the chorus, Mila looking over at her. Sara’s eyes seem drawn to her, and sings the second verse towards her. They look sad, and Yuuri’s not sure if it’s because of the song, or if it holds significance for them personally. 

_ My heart is drenched in wine, but you'll be on my mind _

_ Forever _

_ Out across the endless sea, I would die in ecstasy _

_ But I'll be a bag of bones, driving down the road alone _

Mila sings the next chorus and verse, turned towards Sara too. Her hand seems to twitch where it’s resting on her thigh, as if wanting to reach out. She doesn’t. 

_ My heart is drenched in wine, but you'll be on my mind _

_ Forever _

_ Something has to make you run, I don't know why I didn't come _

_ I feel as empty as a drum, I don't know why I didn't come _

They keep eye contact, and they finish the song together, singing the last line in unison.

_ I don't know why I didn't come _

Something settles uncomfortably in Yuuri’s chest as they finish, Sara turning away to look at them while Mila’s eyes linger on her, opening her mouth as if to say something. She never gets the chance, since Minako comes up to them to hug them and shower them with praise. The sad look stays in Mila’s eyes, even though she smiles and thanks Minako. Urgency fills Yuuri again. Maybe it’s not his place, but it feels wrong to do nothing. 

* * *

Yuuri makes sure to end up beside Mila as they start making their way back to the house. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to catch her alone otherwise. He doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he also doesn’t want her to be sad and for no one to bring it up. 

“Are you alright?” Yuuri asks, letting his feet drag slightly to separate them from the group. He can see Victor glancing back at them from the corner of his eye, but chooses to ignore it for now. Mila gives him a quizzical look, but slows her steps as well. The group continues walking, and Yuuri is glad for the privacy.

“Why do you ask?” 

Yuuri worries his lip between his teeth. He doesn’t want to overstep, but then again he’s already started to, hasn’t he?

“You looked sad, performing today and I… It didn’t feel like it let up?” he tries to explain, feeling like he’s rambling. Mila nods, coming to a full stop as she looks after the group. Yuuri stops too, watching her as she takes a deep breath. 

“I love her,” she says in explanation. “I love her so much.” 

Yuuri nods, even if he’s not sure he fully understands. It could mean so many things. Does this mean Sara doesn’t feel the same, or has Mila never told her?

“Does she know?” he asks, and Mila looks over at him, smiling softly as she nods, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“Yeah, we’ve been together for about two years,” she says. “She’s the best thing I have in my life.”

“Why hide it?” Yuuri asks, because that must be it then, that must be why she’s sad. “Does Sara not...?”

“No, it’s been me,” Mila admits, sighing deeply. “I’m the one who’s been holding us back and I… I don’t know how to get us out of it.”

“Do you want to tell me?” he asks. Yuuri is a mess of a person, but he can offer support. Mila looks at him for a long moment, and then she nods again. 

“In the beginning, when we started performing, everyone assumed we were a couple. We weren't then, so we denied it. It wasn't until much later that we found out that we both had feelings for each other. Sara wanted to tell the world right away but I,” Mila takes another deep breath, looking at Yuuri with furrowed eyebrows. “I was scared. I was scared it wasn’t going to last and I feared that our music would only be about our relationship… and worst case what if it ended it completely. What if the media circus would target us and pull us apart?” 

Yuuri nods along, those are all very valid fears he feels, and it’s not like he can blame Mila for feeling like it was easier to hide. Yuuri hides from his problems all the time. 

“And now?” he asks. Mila sighs again.

“I don’t want her to think I’m ashamed of her, or us. I think she does now,” Mila says. “I just don’t know how to say it. Everytime I start the words get stuck in my throat.” Yuuri feels a plan forming even before she stops talking, and he can’t help but smile. Mila looks quizzically at him again, and Yuuri hurries to explain. 

“You want me to help? I might have an idea.” 

A spark lights in her eyes, and she too smiles, stepping closer.

“What did you have in mind?”

Yuuri hears the piano before he comes up to the third floor, the melody of  _ Walk With Me _ keeping him company as he walks up the stairs. Victor’s not singing, but he’s sitting by the piano, pressing the keys down. Yuuri smiles as Victor comes into view, only in his shirtsleeves, silver fringe spilling over his face. Yuuri can’t help but sing to him, much like Victor did that first day they met. 

_ Walk with me _

_ And tell me that I'm never alone, never alone _

_ Tell me, 'cause I'm tired of walking alone _

Victor smiles, and after Yuuri finishes the chorus he lets his hands fall from the keys, smiling towards him. “Here I feared that I was going to have to sleep in my own bed tonight,” he says, leaning up when Yuuri reaches him, tilting his face up for a kiss. Yuuri leans down to place a soft lingering one on his lips, and then a quick one on his nose. 

“That sounds awful,” Yuuri agrees. “You could have laid down in mine. I like sleeping together.” 

“Me too,” Victor agrees, wrapping his arms around Yuuri and nuzzling his nose into Yuuri’s stomach. Yuuri caresses his hair back, and continues to pet it. It’s so silky and soft. Victor lets out a content hum. “What did you talk to Mila about?”

“Secret,” Yuuri says, and Victor gasps, eyes wide as he looks up at him. Yuuri laughs. “You’ll know tomorrow.”

“Awful!” Victor complains. “For my own boyf-”

He cuts himself off, mouth snapping shut with a click. Yuuri feels his heart race in his chest, his hands fall still in Victor’s hair. He shouldn't ask. He shouldn't.

“Finish that sentence?” he asks, breathless and aching because surely… surely Yuuri must have imagined it. 

“For my boyfriend to keep secrets from me,” Victor says slowly, liking his lips nervously. “I’m sorry I-”

“You want that?” Yuuri asks, still trying to not get his hopes up too high. Victor pouts. 

“For you to keep secrets? I think not!” he smiles teasingly then, as if he knows exactly what he’s doing. Yuuri pokes his cheek, too scared to speak. “For you to be my boyfriend? Yeah. Isn’t that obvious?” Victor continues. 

“Not to me,” Yuuri says, because it’s the truth. Victor’s words catch up to him slowly, and then a smile spreads on his lips, wide and untamed. “I want that too.”

“You do?” Victor asks, leaning up for another kiss. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri says with a smile as he leans down, stopping just before their lips meet. Maybe tomorrow, he’ll be able to summon the courage to play the song. “Isn’t that obvious?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The B- word was boyfriend!
> 
> Next week: Supper sappy kitchen scene, duets! Yuuri putting his foot down!   
>  Want to read it now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	11. Cause we'll be together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains some of the sappiest things I've ever written. I hope you love it. 
> 
> [ Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4AMZUF9YfpodKdFbomdLk6?si=PpZzqM8CQRGSQbP53MhGPA)  
> Come What May - Moulin Roughe  
> We Got That Cool - Yves V, Afrojack, Icona Pop  
> Cheek to Cheek - Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga  
> Walk With Me - Måns Zelmerlöw, Dotter  
> Så Mycket Bättre- Vinjett  
> The Look - Roxette  
> Songbird - Fleetwood Mac  
> How did I find you - NEIKED, Miriam Bryant
> 
> Hugs  
> Lina
> 
> Beta read by the amazing [raedear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raedear/pseuds/raedear)

[The camera shows the singers in the kitchen making breakfast. Mila’s stirring a pot of something, Chris and Ji are making sandwiches at the kitchen island. Celestino is chopping fruit on the other side of it, Minako standing next to him with a cup of coffee in her hand. Sara’s sitting on the kitchen counter at the far back, while Yuuri and Victor rest against it to the side, cups of tea in their hands. There are scattered conversations, before the camera zooms in on Ji who’s started humming. Sara, who is closest to him except for Celestino, seems to pick up on it, a smile spreading on her face in recognition. She hums a few notes too, and then she starts singing. 

Sara (singing):  _ Seasons may change, winter to spring, but I love you until the end of time _

Ji smiles too as she starts to sing, putting down what he has in his hands to join in.    
Ji and Sara (singing):  _ Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day _

The camera pans out, showing the other participants smiling as they look at the two of them. Yuuri shifts, looking over at Victor as he sings with Sara and Ji as well, hand on Victor’s chest, Victor’s arm wrapped around his waist.    
Ji, Sara and Yuuri (singing):  _ Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves around you _

Victor smiles, wide and joyous as he looks at Yuuri. The camera cuts to Mila, who starts singing too. The camera cuts again and again to show all of them, both in close ups and as a group, all of them singing along.    
All of the participants (singing):  _ And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide. Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide _

Celestino (singing):  _ But I love you _

Minakko (singing): _I love you_

Celestino (singing):  _ Until the end of time _

All of the participants (singing):  _ Come what may, come what may, I will love you.  _ _ Oh, come what may, come what may, I will love you, Oh I will love you _

Victor (singing):  _ Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place _

All of the participants (singing): _Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day._

They all fall into laughter afterwards, and applause can be heard from off camera, presumably by the camera crew. Victor pulls Yuuri closer so he can kiss him. Minako and Celestino kiss too, and Chris and Mila chuckle while Ji and Sara fist bump.

Ji: That was the coolest thing ever!

Sara: (laughing) I know right?

Celestino: My entire reputation as a rocker will be ruined now. 

The rest of the participants laugh, all of them returning to what they were doing before they started singing.]

* * *

[A song starts, upbeat and with swirling maracas. Two women holding hands can be seen from behind as they stand on a rocky cliff, looking out over the ocean. There’s a soft bassline as the camera backs up, showing the backs of eight people, the two women in the middle of the group. They’re all in varying clothes and different sizes, three are women and five men.

The shot cuts to them all sitting together, singing along to the song being played, some holding instruments, others simply singing. A black haired woman with purple eyes leans on a man with blond curls and a dark undercut as they sing together, the red haired woman she was holding hands with before playing the maracas next to a man with pink hair and a nose ring. Next to them sits two people who are a bit older. The woman sings, dark hair blowing in the wind as the man plays his guitar, his ponytail moving as he sways his head. 

There’s a series of fast cuts of the group in different constellations singing, laughing and playing. They all seem relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

_ So much better _

_ When we are together _

_ So much better for all of us _

_ So much better _

_ For us, us, us _

There’s a cut again to two men standing facing each other, smiling. One has dark hair slicked back, and his deep brown eyes are bright, cheeks flushed delicately. The other man’s silver hair falls perfectly down his forehead, gaze fond as they sing towards each other. They’re both smiling, as if having trouble holding back laughter.

It cuts back to the group overlooking the ocean again, and then a text slides in to cover the frame, announcing the name of the show in green letters -  _ So Much Better _ \- before the screen goes black.]

* * *

“That was amazing,” Morooka says, having entered the kitchen with Joseph at some point during the acapella singing. Yuuri looks away from Victor’s far too beautiful eyes to look at the producers, unable to hold back his smile as he looks around the room. They’ve had so much fun this past week and a half, he’s going to miss them all after they have to part tomorrow. Yuuri never enjoyed the atmosphere at MLG, but he’s liked it here, to be with others who seem to be unable to not play music, who also have a need to express themselves in lyrics and melodies. It’s been nice. Yuuri loves his and Phichit’s little studio in the middle of nowhere, but it’s easy to feel like you’re alone in the world there. This feels less lonely. “Maybe you can all apply for the big stage after this.”

“Nah, we’ll put up our own musical,” Chris says with a wide grin. Around them, the camera men put down the equipment and walk out of the kitchen, leaving them unwatched. Yuuri lets his head fall to Victor’s shoulder. It’s not that he minds as much anymore, and he doesn’t feel like he has to hide either, now that it feels they’re more on the same page. Still, some things are nice to keep more to themselves, even if it’s just leaning a little more on his boyfriend. Victor’s hand on his hip makes lazy circles, and Yuuri feels warm. 

“‘So Much Better The Musical’,” Ji chirps in, and they all laugh, Morooka and Joseph as well. “We’ll be rich, clearly.” 

“Don’t let us stop you,” Joseph says with a nod, looking down at the tablet Morooka has placed on the kitchen island in front of them. “We’ve just come to go over today's schedule with you all, since it differs from your previous ones. “

“Yes, so, today is a freer day,” Morooka says, looking out across the room at them. “We will record the intro for the show between lunch and dinner, and you should choose something stylewise you feel fits you and your music for it. We have an outline that’s similar to the ones we’ve had before. There will be group shots and a few pair shots and you all singing the theme song, and that’s about it. We estimate it’ll take one to two hours depending on the weather.” 

“During lunch and dinner you can perform with who you want and do what you want. Unlike the other songs it won’t be recorded for streaming sites, but it’s a fun way to branch out. Have any of you planned anything for today?”

“Me and Minako have a number we want to do,” Chris says, and Minako nods in agreement. 

“Yes, and me and Celestino as well,” Minako says. 

“My, aren't you all popular,” Celestino says teasingly, and Minako sticks out her tongue at him as she pokes him in the stomach. 

“Alright, so Minako you have two songs, so it would be good to have one during lunch and one dinner. Any preferences?”

“We can do lunch,” Chris suggests, looking over at the pair. Minako and Celestino nod.

“Yeah lunch is fine by me,” Minako agrees. Morooka writes it down on his tablet as he hums.

“Anyone else?” Joseph asks. 

“I have a song, but Yuuri will be playing it,” Mila says, looking over at Yuuri with a grin. Yuuri smiles back. She looks less nervous now then last night, but Yuuri can still see the tension in her shoulders. “And then me and Sara have a performance with Ji.” 

“Okay good,” Joseph answers, looking over at Yuuri. “Do you have any other performances Yuuri?”

“Me and Victor have a duet we want to do,” Yuuri says, straightening so he can look at Victor who smiles tenderly at Yuuri before he turns towards the producers. 

“We can take lunch, so Mila and Yuuri can have the dinner slot. How do you feel Mila?” Victor asks. 

“I think it would be better to have you two during dinner,” Morooka cuts in, motioning towards Yuuri and Victor. Yuuri frowns, looking from Victor to the producers and then back, before looking over at Mila. 

“Why?” he asks, looking back over at the producers again. He sees Morooka squirm. “Why does it matter?”

“They’re probably thinking that ending with the two lovebirds of the season will be a better way to end the show,” Minako says, tone flat. A shiver runs down Yuuri’s spine. He tenses, and Victor seems to feel it, pulling him slightly closer. 

“Is that it?” he asks, and Morooka and Joseph look at each other for a moment, before looking back over at them. 

“Yuuri, it’s as simple as that,” Morooka says, and Yuuri frowns at them. “You are both popular artists and it would work well to round up the show to have a performance from the two of you.”

“The others are just as popular though, all of them more so than me,” Yuuri argues. “I don’t really see the need for something like that. Why didn’t it matter for Minako?” 

“How about this, you and Mila can take the first slot of the evening, and you and Victor the last, with Minako and Celestino in the middle?” Joseph says, and Yuuri wants to argue more because that’s not the pont.

“How about Yuuri and I do the lunch, as well as Mila, Sara and Ji, and then Mila and Yuuri are free for a performance during dinner?” Victor says calmly, and Yuuri wants to kiss him right there, because he’s so grateful for his support. This is really ridiculous. 

“How do you feel Mila?” Yuuri asks, because that’s the most important part. Mila smiles at him, and it makes him feel slightly better. 

“It’s fine by me. I’d prefer dinner,” she agrees with a smile and Yuuri nods in agreement, turning back to the producers who don't really look happy, but they’re not arguing either. Yuuri clenches his jaw. They’ve been very respectful so far, and it’s not that Yuuri’s uncomfortable showing his relationship with Victor, but he doesn’t appreciate being used as a plot device. This show isn’t about that, or at least it’s not supposed to be. 

“Great, let's do that then,” Yuuri says with a grin, even if it’s completely forced. Victor’s grip on him tightens even more. 

“Fine,” Morooka sighs. “Anyone else?” They all look around the room, but no one volunteers any more performances. “Great, you’ll go first then,” Morooka says, pointing to Mila, Sara and Ji. “And then we’ll have Chris and Minako, followed by Victor and Yuuri. During dinner we’ll do Minako and Celestino and then Mila and Yuuri. Is it okay to practice with the band in that order too?” 

“Neither of the performances with me need time with the band, since I will be playing for Mila, and Victor plays our song,” Yuuri says. Morooka types that down as well and after that they wrap the meeting up. Yuuri’s still annoyed by the producers’ behavior, feeling like it’s chafing at him, an itch to scratch. He tries to let it go in favour of sitting down to practise with Mila, but it still pulls at him. He feels like he needs to do something, he’s just not sure what. He leaves it for later, he wants the performance with Mila to be perfect after all, for it to feel right for her, and for her to feel safe as she sings. He’s well aware of how nerve-wracking love confessions through song on that small stage are after all. 

* * *

[Mila, Sara and Ji enter the lakehouse, giving each other puzzled glances as they look at the table. They are all wearing tops in different shades of pink and high waisted black jeans. They look very matching. 

Ji: who’s sitting at the edge? 

Sara: I don’t know? (laughter) it feels weird not to know! 

Minako, Chris and Yuuri step in after them, looking at the table too. Minako’s in a long form-fitting black dress, hair loose around her shoulders. Chris is in a black suit, white shirt slightly unbuttoned and white bowtie open. They too look like they match, unlike Yuuri who’s in a pair of dark jeans and a dark blue sweater, sleeves rolled up. 

Yuuri: Not it! 

He walks over to the side of the table, making room for Celestino and Victor to get in. Celestino has jeans and a concert tee as usual, Victor is in jeans and a long sleeve white henley. 

Chris: Maybe Celestino? Since it’s been so long since he sat there?

Mila: Perfect!]

* * *

They eat a light lunch of a greek salad, which is delicious. They’ve all just finished when Sara bounces up out of her chair to announce that they’re going to perform a new version of her and Mila’s song  _ We Got That Cool _ . Ji beams, Mila snickers, and Yuuri can’t help but smile at their energy. It takes very little time getting ready, since no one needs to do interviews and with how many times they’ve all changed mics over the course of their stay here. Yuuri’s familiar with the song, but he hasn’t listened to it really since he had chosen his song for their day without listening through their catalogue. Ji looks happy, standing between the two singers, and Yuuri knows that they’re all going to be dancing by the end of the performance. Ji starts, but they trade often, dancing, singing, jumping, Yuuri most definitely dances in his seat though most of the song, smiling as widely as the performers. 

_ I wear something sweet, and it's not slimmin' my body _

_ It's just the beat of somethin' gettin' me higher _

_ I got grapes and trees, now I'm up in my zone _

_ 'Cause this is what I came for _

_ Yeah I got what came for _

_ Four drinks down free, wait for things to get blurry _

_ We gon' go real deep, but we're not in a hurry _

_ Let's keep this real, cause we out here alone _

_ This is what I came for _

_ Yeah I got what came for _

_ Do you feel it in your body, When I say your name _

_ I can give it how you want it, Drive you insane _

_ 'Cause I feel it in my body, Down through my legs _

_ You can give it how I want it _

_ Oh, boy we got that cool, We got that cool _

_ Oh, boy we got that cool, Oh, boy we ain't do nothin' wrong _

_ We got that cool _

_ Oh, boy we ain't do nothin' wrong, Oh, boy we got that cool _

_ We got that cool _

_ Oh, boy we got that, Oh, boy we got that _

_ Oh, boy we got that, Oh, boy we got that _

_ Oh, boy we ain't do nothin' wrong _

_ Oh, boy we got that cool _

They all stand and cheer and clap as the song ends, and all three of the singers bow, stepping to the side to gesture to the band. They all clap even louder then. They’re a good group, professional and fun. Yuuri’s enjoyed working with them too, even if he doesn’t really feel like he’s gotten to know them. They smile and bow as well, the guitarist high fiving Ji as he offers up his hand. 

“You think we can keep the energy up?” Minako asks Chris as soon as the trio sits, and Chris smiles widely and stands. There is no rush really, but they don’t have to adjust to having conversations and meals between the performances now as they have the other days. It’s nice, that even if the cameras are watching this is more in their hands. Chris and Minako make a very dashing pair for the stage, and Yuuri almost feels as if he’s been transported into one of those jazz bars she used to take him too when he was in his early teens. The song starts out slow, Minako drawing out the notes as the bass plays. 

_ Heaven, I'm in heaven,  _

_ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak _

_ And I seem to find the happiness I seek _

_ When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek _

The music picks up and Chris grins wolfishly, Minako swaying her shoulders as he turns to sing to her. She smiles too, looking coy in a way Yuuri knows she is not. Chris sings the next part, circling Minako on stage. 

_ Heaven, I'm in heaven,  _

_ And the cares that hang around me through the week _

_ Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak _

_ When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek _

Minako sings the next verse, turning away from Chris to wink at the table, earning her wolf-whistles from the other singers. Chris looks crestfallen, but not for long.

_ I love to climb a mountain,  _

_ And to reach the highest peak, _

_ But it doesn't thrill me half as much _

_ As dancing cheek to cheek _

Chris continues after she falls quiet, turning out towards the table as he does. He sways his hips, and Mila and Sara egg him on with shouts of encouragement. 

_ and I’d love to go out fishing  _

_ In a river or a creek, _

_ But I don't enjoy it half as much _

_ As dancing cheek to cheek _

They both sing the next part of the song together, turning toward each other and reaching out to almost touch, but stopping just before they reach each other. 

_ Dance with me _

_ I want my arm about you _

_ The charm about you _

_ Will carry me through to heaven _

Minako turns away again, and Chris plays at being crestfallen once more, singing out to her as she slowly turns back to him, stepping closer again. 

_ I'm in heaven  _

_ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak  _

_ And I seem to find the happiness I seek _

_ When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek _

They sing the final part together, stepping close enough to place their cheeks against each other, swaying slightly to the music. 

_ Dance with me _

_ I want my arm about you _

_ The charm about you _

_ Will carry me through to heaven _ _   
_ _ I'm in heaven  _

_ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak  _

_ And I seem to find the happiness I seek _

_ When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek _

Chris pulls back just enough to kiss her cheek. Minako gasps and pulls back, smiling as Chris grins. He bows then, and she curtsies, before they both start to laugh as the rest of the table stands to applaud them. Yuuri feels so happy to see her perform something so her. They complimented each other well, and he’s sure they’ll try to record it in the future. It’s something he never would have expected from Chris, but it really works. 

“Amazing,” Celsetino says as they come back to sit. “Although I’m keeping my eye on you,” he says, pointing a finger at Chris while squinting, laughing the next second. They’re served tea next, and they fall into conversation about what they have planned for the summer, and Yuuri finds out he’s going to be performing with several of them at different festivals. It makes something warm coil in his gut, to know he’ll see them again soon. Without him really noticing they’ve become his friends, and he’s going to miss seeing them. He feels Victor’s eyes on him, and when he looks over at him his gaze is warm and loving and Yuuri smiles, nodding once. 

“Okay, so, maybe it’s our turn now,” Victor says as the conversation lulls for a moment. “I’ve written a new song, and I really wanted to perform it for you all, with Yuuri.” 

“Oh, a new original?” Mila says with a smile, and Victor nods. “Wow, that’s amazing.”

“I hope so,” Victor says with a laugh. 

“It is,” Yuuri cuts in. He may be biased, but he loves it so much. “Shall we?”

Victor beams, and stands, offering Yuuri his hand so they can play  _ Walk With Me _ together for the world. “Let’s.” 

* * *

The production team brings them out to the rocky paths that lead to the shore, placing them on top of the highest one overlooking the ocean. There’s a soft wind, and it swirls the girls' hair around, and even Victor’s fringe lifts with it. 

“Okay, so we’re going to have all of you lined up here,” Joseph starts, taking a few steps to show where they’ll be standing. “We were thinking Mila and Sara in the middle, and then we’ll place the rest of you out.”

“Okay,” Sara agrees, and she and Mila stand on the designated spot. Sara takes her hand immediately, and Yuuri feels a shiver run down his arms. He hopes tonight will go well. It has to. 

Next they grab Yuuri and Ji, placing them on each side of the girls, followed by Minako and Victor, Minako on Yuur’s side and Victor on Ji’s. Lastly they place Celestino and Chris at the far ends. They’re instructed to stand still, and they do as told till they’re allowed to move again. 

Yuuri’s placed in different constellations with artists, the intro song playing for them to sing along to. He does one with Minako sitting on a blanket and then another with Ji where they’re sitting back to back on the rocky cliff. Lastly they place him standing, facing Victor. They’re instructed to sing the song, and they try, but Yuuri can’t stop laughing at how Victor’s exaggerating the lyrics, curling in on himself as he giggles. Victor looks endlessly proud, even if he’s laughing too. To think they’ve gotten here, from that first meeting by the piano, Yuuri trembling with his fingers on the keys, scared to show the ink on his body for fear of Victor thinking him ridiculous. He had never expected this, could never have foreseen Victor’s eyes shining with adoration and curiosity as he looks at them now, trailing his fingers softly over the patterns. Yuuri loves him. He should let him know. 

* * *

They’ve taken refuge in Yuuri’s room, curled up in bed. Or rather, Yuuri is curled up while Victor rests against the headboard, notebook in his lap. He’s scribbling down sentences that Yuuri can’t see from his current position, but his left hand is curled into Yuuri’s hair, occasionally he runs his fingers through it. It’s beyond lovely. 

“Thank you for today,” Victor says, and Yuuri has to try to fight up to the surface from where he’s almost fallen asleep, blinking up at Victor who’s looking down at him tenderly. “I know you were uncomfortable with how they acted this morning, the producers. I’m glad you wanted to sing with me anyway.”

“Has it always been like that for you? Your relationships on display like that?” Yuuri asks, trying to rub sleep from his eyes. Victor shrugs.

“It comes with the job. It’s one of the reasons nothing’s gotten serious. The world wants to know about us, spin tales about what the lyrics are about…,” he sighs, and shrugs. “Will it bother you?” he asks, and he looks so vulnerable, as if he’s afraid of something.

“It bothers me that you feel like you have no say in what they choose to show,” Yuuri answers, grabbing Victor’s wrist so he can pull it down and kiss his palm. Victor shivers, and Yuuri does it again.

“So it doesn’t make you… it’s not too much for you, to be with me even though there will be things like that?” Victor whispers, as if he’s afraid to say it. Oh.  _ Oh _ . 

“Never,” Yuuri answers immediately. Something like that would never make Yuuri pull back from Victor’s affection. He might enjoy the solitude of his studio in the middle of nowhere and the quiet of being able to create music away from prying eyes, but he enjoys being with Victor so much more. All that becomes secondary to the possibility of having just a little more of him, to have him in Yuuri’s everyday life. “Please don’t think that of me.”

“I won’t then,” Victor says, smiling as Yuuri kisses the pads of his string-calloused fingers. “Would you record the song with me, after this?”

“I would be happy to,” Yuuri answers with a smile. “You think they’ll allow me to come to your fancy record company?”

“I don’t have one currently,” Victor says with a laugh, and Yuuri raises his eyebrows in question. “I finished my contract with the last album.”

“You don’t think you’ll sign with them again?” Yuuri asks. Victor’s been signed with the same company ever since he started. Yakov seems to be more like family than a manager, but then again, Victor hasn’t been happy in a long while, since long before he came on the show. 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Victor says with a shrug. “I still really want us to record it though.”

“We’ll work it out. I have a record company after all,” Yuuri promises. “I might have fantasised about it a few times, singing with you, making things together.” 

“You have?” Victor asks, hand resuming its petting. Yuuri hums, feeling like a spoiled cat. “What would we sing?”

“I don’t think I ever imagined you writing something about me,” Yuuri says, feeling heat bloom on his cheeks. “That part still feels a bit like a dream.” Victor hums, looking from Yuuri’s face to the pages, writing something else down. “I have thought of us performing  _ Kiss Me _ together though.” 

“We should then,” Victor says. His eyes fall from the pages to Yuuri’s face again, closing the notebook before placing it on the nightstand. He scoots down until they’re level, taking Yuuri’s hands into his before placing them on top of his heart. “I want to make all your fantasies come true. The fun and the silly and the sexy.” 

“Sexy?” Yuuri laughs, breathless as arousal pools in his gut. He leans forward to claim Victor’s lips in an almost possessive kiss. Victor whimpers into his lips and Yuuri grabs him tighter, one hand curling around his hip and the other fisting in his shirt above his heart.

“Yes,” Victor says breathlessly as Yuuri pulls back to kiss his jaw, moving down to his neck, sucking another mark into Victor’s throat. “Tell me Yuuri, have you had any sexy fantasies about me?” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri admits. There’s so many that’ve played in his mind through the years. He distinctly remembers a magazine cover of Victor shirtless a few years ago that Yuuri has thought about more than he would ever admit. “Many.”

“Tell me one,” Victor asks, hand moving to the fastening of Yuuri’s pants. It doesn't take him long to get it open, sliding his hand into Yuuri’s pants and underwear, the other curled behind his neck. Yuuri’s cock is filling fast, and he gasps into Victor’s skin, grazing his teeth against him as he moans. Some of his fantasies have already come true, others… 

“I have one where you ride me,” he admits, the only things making him able to admit to it is the fact that he can’t see Victor’s face from his position, and the lust rushing in his veins. Victor moans as Yuuri says it, and it sends more arousal rushing through Yuuri’s body, making his hips rock into Victor’s fist which tightens. “You’d like that?”

“So much Yuuri,” Victor agrees, the hand on Yuuri’s neck tilting his head up so he can claim Yuuri’s lips again. The kiss is wet and demanding, tongues sliding against each other as they trade breaths. Victor is an amazing kisser. Yuuri’s never felt consumed by kisses before but this, this is something else. He could spend his entire life here, with Victor's lips on his own; tongue in his mouth, hands on his skin. “I have a fantasy too,” Victor breathes when they break apart. Victor rolls him to his back, and then slowly starts to peel Yuuri out of his pants and underwear. Yuuri shifts his hips to help him, loving the way Victor’s eyes hungrily fall on his cock as it springs free. 

“You have?” Yuuri asks as Victor throws the garments off the bed. Victor nods, reaching for the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head, throwing it away to join Yuuri’s clothes on the floor. “About me?”

“I’ve had so many about you,” Victor says, voice dark as he leans down to kiss Yuuri again. Yuuri’s so hard, so achingly wanting. He curls his hands into Victor’s hair at the nape of his neck, kissing him thoroughly. 

“About this too?” Yuuri asks when Victor pulls back, resting on his knees between Yuuri’s spread legs. 

“Yeah,” Victor agrees as he starts removing his pants, Yuuri pulling his own shirt over his head and throwing it away too. “I’ve thought a lot about you opening me up too.”

“Fuck,“ Yuuri gasps, hand curling around his own cock becuase the temptation is too great. Victor looks too sexy, standing up to fully shimmy out of his pants and underwear. Victor smirks. “You’re so hot.”   
“He says as if he isn’t Eros himself,” Victor says, kicking his pants fully off before he drops to the bed again. He leans over Yuuri once more, kissing him breathless as he caresses his fingers teasingly over the head of Yuuri’s cock, even as Yuuri’s still stroking. “Will you do it Yuuri? Will you use your fingers to prepare me for this pretty, thick cock of yours?”

“Yes, yes fuck,” Yuuri agrees, and he can feel Victor smile against his mouth. Victor pecks his lips once more before pulling away to rearrange himself. Yuuri reaches over to the nightstand,while Victor pushes Yuuri’s legs together so he can straddle Yuuri’s thighs, leaning himself down so he can push his ass up. Yuuri whimpers as he looks back, bottle of lube in hand. Victor looks gorgeous like this, waiting for him to come take him. How did Yuuri get here? To be so lucky as to see this. He shuffles back too, so he can sit up for a better angle. He spreads his legs just a little, so Victor can rest his head against the bedding. This pushes his ass up even further, and Yuuri can’t help but lean down to kiss each cheek, before he bites into the left one playfully. Victor yelps and looks over his shoulder, wiggling his butt cutely. 

“Don’t be cruel Yuuri,” he says, and Yuuri glances down to where his cock is hanging heavy between his legs, hard and flushed. “Touch me.” 

“Sorry,” Yuuri says, even if they both know he’s not sorry at all. He kisses the bite mark softly, opening the bottle of lube to coat his fingers. He lets his index finger circle Victor’s rim once, twice, loving the way he sounds as Yuuri teases him. He pushes just the tip in, before pulling back, listening to how Victor gasps, rocking his hips back to chase Yuuri’s finger. Yuuri pushes his finger in again, and Victor keens, gripping the sheets tightly as Yuuri’s finger fills him. He’s tight, and Yuuri’s cock twitches at the thought of soon pushing into it, feeling Victor warm and perfect around him. 

“You okay?” Yuuri asks when he has his finger fully in him. Victor whimpers and nods, looking back at Yuuri over his shoulder. 

“So good Yuuri, give me more,” he asks. His cheeks are flushed red, and he looks gorgeous, aroused and wanting Yuuri so much. Yuuri wants him too, but he will have to wait. He moves his finger in and out slowly, Victor’s hole relaxing around it. 

“Yuuri, mmh Yuuri so good,” Victor moans as Yuuri adds a second finger. Yuuri loves it, feels secure and safe here with Victor in bed, giving him pleasure while pumping his fingers in and out of him. 

“You’re so hot,” Yuuri says as he adds a third finger after he feels Victor is ready. “Fuck, look at you, so perfect.”

“Yuuri it feels so good, so good,” Victor says, and Yuuri preens under the compliment. He wants him to feel good. He wants him to feel amazing. Yuuri curls his fingers, pumping in and out between doing so, until Victor all but screams, pushing back on Yuuri's fingers. 

“There?” Yuuri asks, just to be sure, curling his fingers again. Victor moans loudly, followed by a whimper, nodding into the sheets. “Good. So good Victor.”

“Yuuri please, please let me ride you now,” he asks, as if Yuuri would ever say no. 

“Of course,” Yuuri agrees, pulling his fingers out. Victor pants into the sheets for a moment, Yuuri caressing reassuringly over his spine. He’s so hard, and he wants so much, but he gives Victor a moment to collect himself. It doesn’t take long, and soon Victor pushes off the bed, kneeling over Yuuri’s legs as he looks over his shoulder at him, eyes half lidded and dark. 

“Do you want me to face you?” he asks, lowering his hips until the cleft of his ass caresses over Yuuri’s cock, teasing friction. Yuuri gasps, grabbing Victor’s hips tightly. “Or like this?”

Yuuri had most definitely planned for them to be facing each other, but right now, with Victor moving slowly up and down over his cock this seems like a much better idea. “Like this,” he agrees, watching as Victor smiles. “Fuck, you’re teasing me so good.” 

Victor rises, leaning over on just one hand, spreading himself open with the other. He bites his lip, and he looks so lewd Yuuri almost comes at the sight. His fantasies were nothing compared to this. “Fill me up then,” Victor says. Yuuri scrambles for a condom, hurrying to roll it on and then to slick it up with lube. He hisses at the contact, but ignores how good it feels. Something much better is still to come after all. He grabs Victor’s hip, the other hand holding his own cock to hold it steady. Victor sinks down slowly, holding all the power over how he takes Yuuri in. Yuuri’s head falls back against the headboard, the tightness too deliciously good. His hands grip tightly at Victor’s hips, sure to leave marks. He has to hold on to ground himself, because it feels so incredibly good. 

“Oh Yuuri,” Victor breathes as he sinks down, and Yuuri gets to see it, gets to see Victor’s body taking his cock in inch by inch, the lewd sight overwhelmingly arousing. “You’re so thick. Mmh- I love it.”

“So tight, fuck,” Yuuri gasps as Victor comes to be fully seated over him. “God you’re perfect.” 

“You too,” Victor says, and then he starts to move. The sensation is pure bliss, and Yuuri moves his hands to give Victor more pleasure too, even if he’s moaning and gasping as he rises and sinks. One of Yuuri’s hands wraps around his body to caress his right nipple, circling it before he pinches. Victor has an amazing chest, and luckily it seems he enjoys Yuuri’s hands on it as much as Yuuri wants to touch, gasping Yuuri’s name as he rocks down hard.  _ Oh that’s sooo good _ . Yuuri’s other hand, still wet with lube, comes to wrap around Victor’s cock.

“Aaah, Yuuri, “ Victor moans, hips speeding up. He’s so sexy, bouncing up and down on Yuuri’s cock, rim stretched around its girth, reacting to each of Yuuri’s touches. Yuuri leans forward to kiss over his freckled shoulders, to lick and suck and bite as Victor’s pace increases. Yuuri’s so close, so very close. 

“I- I’m going to mmh- come,” Yuuri moans, and Victor drops down harder, making Yuuri’s orgasm approach faster. 

“Do it, aah-, do it Yuuri, fill me up,” Victor says, and Yuuri increases the pace of his hand, wanting Victor to come too. It surprises him, since he’s so close, when Victor suddenly jerks, cock spurting all over Yuuri’s hand. His hole clenches rhythmically over Yuuri's cock, and Yuuri can’t hold back then, orgasm shooting out of him with a loud moan. His grip around Victor tightens, and he presses his forehead to his back, between his shoulder blades as he tries to catch his breath. 

“Kiss me,” Victor asks, and together they rearrange, Yuuri pulling off the condom and tying it together before letting it drop to the floor. He’ll clean it up later. Right now, Victor pressing against his chest is far more important. They kiss, long and sweet. Yuuri truly loves him. He will have to tell him. Yuuri can’t be without this. Just thinking about separating after their time together feels like torture.

* * *

[The singers are walking from the mansion towards the lakehouse for the final time. Yuuri and Victor are walking in front, Yuuri in his blue suit and light blue shirt, while Victor’s in his grey suit with a white shirt. They’re holding hands, swinging them between themselves. Behind them Celestino has Minako on his arm. He’s in a deep red dress shirt with rolled up sleeves and jeans, while Minako’s in a black dress and Yuuri’s leather jacket. Chris walks next to Mila, wearing a white dress shirt and black slacks. Mila’s wearing a long deep green dress with lace on the bodice. In the far back are Sara and Ji, Sara in a white short dress while Ji’s in a patterned dark blue button up. 

They enter the lakehouse, and after some shuffling Sara ends up in the end chair overlooking the stage. Yuuri looks very happy about this. The others find their seats too, Mila and Minako next to Sara, followed by Ji beside Mila, Celestino beside Minako. Yuuri sits between Celestino and Victor, while Chris sits down next to Ji. They all pick up their already filled glasses in a toast.

Sara: Happy last night. Let's make it memorable, alright?]

Despite the day being a free day, it feels oddly like the previous ones in a way. The big difference is that the conversations flow easier now that the focus isn’t just one of them, but can be shared. Experiences flow more freely, both good and bad, and in no time at all it seems the first course is done, leaving Minako and Celestino to get ready for their performance. Celestino looks proud when he pulls the electric guitar strap over his head, strumming the strings as soon as it’s on. Minako laughs, accepting the handheld microphone from the band. 

“So many years ago I wrote a song for a girl I was helplessly in love with, but I told no one it was about her. I thought of her each time I played it, no matter how heartbroken or upset I might have been. And today I get to perform it with her,” Celestino says into his own mic on the mic stand, looking over at Minako who smiles. “We hope you’ll like it.” 

The music starts, and the table erupts into cheers as they all know which song it is instantly. Minako laughs, and Celestino smirks. Celestino sings most of the song, with Minako adding in a couple of phrases while she dances. His attention turns more and more towards her, until at the end of the song they’re fully facing each other, sides to the table. They both look so happy, and the table dances as they perform, singing along loudly. 

_ One, two, three, four walking like a man, hitting like a hammer _

_ She's a juvenile scam, never was a quitter _

_ Tasty like a raindrop, she's got the look _

_ Heavenly bound, cause heaven's got a number _

_ When she's spinning me around, kissing is a color _

_ Her loving is a wild dog, she's got the look _

_ She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look) _

_ What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue _

_ When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you _

_ And I go la la la la la she's got the look _

_ Fire in the ice, naked to the t-bone _

_ Is a lover's disguise, banging on the head drum _

_ Shaking like a mad bull, she's got the look _

_ Swaying to the band, moving like a hammer _

_ She's a miracle man, loving is the ocean _

_ Kissing is the wet sand, she's got the look _

_ She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look) _

_ What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue _

_ When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you _

_ And I go la la la la la she's got the look _

_ Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer _

_ She's a juvenile scam, never was a quitter _

_ Tasty like a raindrop, she's got the look _

_ She goes (na na na na na na) _

_ She's got the look _

_ She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look) _

_ What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue _

_ When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you _

_ And I go la la la la la she's got the look _

_ What in the world can make you so blue _

_ When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you _

_ And I go la la la la la (na na na na na na) _

_ She's got the look _

_ She goes (na na na na na na) _

_ She's got the look, she's got the look _

_ She goes (na na na na na na) _

_ She's got the look, she's got the look _

_ She goes (na na na na na na) _

Minako sings till the last note, and then leans forward to kiss Celestino even with the guitar smashed between them. Yuuri looks away, because it feels a bit too intimate, but that's truly the theme of this week isn’t it? He glances over at Mila, and he can see that she’s started tensing up again as Minako and Celestino come back to the table. They have to get through the next course and dessert before it’s time to perform, being the final one of the night. He hopes it’ll pass quickly. 

* * *

[The dessert plates have been emptied, only smudges of chocolate left on the plates. The singers are holding different cups, some of coffee and others tea, while Chris and Ji tell a story of a festival they played at a few years ago where everything that could have gone wrong did. A soft clinking of glass can be heard, and the singers all turn towards the sound, Mila waving her spoon in the air. 

Mila: I guess it’s time.

Ji: I’m not ready!

Chris: Yeah I can’t believe this will be the final one.

Mila: Yes, I know, but if I don’t get up now I’m going to die from nerves.

Sara: What are you nervous about?

Mila takes a deep breath and looks at her, grabbing her hand that rests on the table. She brings it up to her mouth, kissing the knuckles softly. A gasp falls from Sara’s lips as her cheeks colour. Mila puts her hand back down on the table, her own visibly shaking. 

Mila: I hope you like it. It’s for you.

Sara looks like a deer caught in headlights as Mila and Yuuri get up on the stage. Yuuri helps carry the piano up, Mila exchanging her mic for one on a stand. She turns back to Yuuri who gives her a hard hug, before sitting down on the piano stool. Mila takes a deep breath, her red hair stark in the lights from above the stage, her blue eyes intense as they look straight ahead at Sara. Yuuri starts playing, and he’s only gotten a few notes in when the camera angle shifts back to Sara, her eyes filling with tears. The camera cuts back to Mila again, who starts to sing. 

Mila (singing): _ For you, there'll be no more crying. _

_ For you, the sun will be shining. _

_ And I feel that when I'm with you, _

_ It's alright, I know it's right. _

_ To you, I'll give the world. _

_ To you, I'll never be cold. _

Milas eyes are wet too, hands on the mic trembling as she keeps her focus forward. Yuuri looks sure where he sits, focusing on the keys as he plays while Mila sings.

Mila (singing):  _ 'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, _

_ It's alright, I know it's right. _

_ And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score. _

_ And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before. _

Tears spill down Sara’s cheeks, and her hands have come up to over her mouth, fingers trembling. Mila on the other hand looks more sure now, even if her eyes are still glossed over with tears. 

Mila (singing): _ And I wish you all the love in the world. _

_ But most of all, I wish it from myself. _

_ And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score _

_ And I love you, I love you, I love you _

_ Like never before, like never before, like never before. _

The song ends, and Sara’s out of her seat immediately, rushing up to the stage. The tones of the piano quiets, and all that can be heard are muffled words as Sara presses her lips to Mila’s brusingly. 

Sara: I love you too. So much. Thank you.]

* * *

Yuuri can see they’ve started packing up the cameras as Mila and Sara move off the stage, the volume of the room rising as chatter breaks out among the artists and camera crew. This is perfect, Yuuri thinks. The producers think they can dictate their narrative. Yuuri’s not going to let them, but he still wants to show the world their love - that he chose Victor and by some miracle Victor chose him back. Victor turns to him, and Yuuri summons all the courage he has.

“Can I play you something?” he asks. Victor’s brows shoot up in surprise and he looks around the room. 

“Here? Or upstairs?” he asks when he looks back at Yuuri. Yuuri smiles, shrugging with one shoulder as he feigns a confidence he doesn’t really have. 

“I was thinking here, but you can decide,” Yuuri says, fingers starting to press down the keys. Nerves turn his stomach. This song is so much; a true statement. There will be no questions about its meaning and inspiration. Still, Yuuri wants to show Victor how much he means that he wants to walk beside him. He wants to show the world too. 

“Yeah,” Victor agrees, a bit breathlessly. “What song is it? Have I heard it?”

“It’s a bit of a draft,” Yuuri admits, fingers settling in on the melody, playing the intro over and over. “I wrote it about you. About us.” 

“You did?” Victor asks, and his cheeks spill with pink, even onto his nose. If Yuuri were closer he would kiss it. “Does this mean you’ll have written two songs about me? Are you trying to one up me Yuuri?” he smiles teasingly, and Yuuri laughs, some of the nerves easing. 

“I’m trying to show you how I feel,” Yuuri admits, and Victor’s blush deepens. “Will you let me?”

“Please,” Victor says, almost inaudibly. In the corner of his eye Yuuri sees that Takeshi has paused, the rest of the crew halfway out the door. Yuuri smirks. Good. Let them scramble. He sits back straighter, and with added volume he plays the intro of the song, starting to sing. He knows it's still slightly rough, but maybe it’ll be more real this way. As he starts, he looks only at Victor. He’s the one that matters in this, after all. 

_ We will be a work of art, a monument in every park _

_ You'll love me forever, at least another thousand years _

_ Millenniums without a tear, 'cause we'll be together _

_ How did I find you? _

Victor’s eyes grow wide, biting his lip in that way that drives Yuuri mad. He hopes for this, for forever and ever. He’s never felt like he does for Victor for anyone. This feels right. Yuuri might be scared of a lot of things, but he’s not going to let those fears bleed into Victor’s fears of him being too much. He’s just enough; perfect for Yuuri. 

_ You're upside down, I'm inside out _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

_ You're out of sight, I fall behind _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

_ You'll go down in history, no one else made sense of me _

_ You know me by heart, legends for the rest of time _

_ Your name resting next to mine _

_ Never apart _

_ How did I find you? _

Yuuri’s heart races, but mostly because Victor’s smile is so wide, eyes shining with tears. Yuuri loves him so much, more than he thought he would love someone. Is it strange? Is it too fast? Does it matter? To Yuuri it doesn’t. He just hopes Victor feels the same. 

_ You're upside down, I'm inside out _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

_ You're out of sight, I fall behind _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

_ How did I find you? How did I find you? _

_ How did I find you? How did I find you? _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

_ We're opposite, crazy but we just make sense _

When the song is done Yuuri can see all the cameras have been set up again in the back, and there’s one cameraman sitting on his knees on the floor closer to the stage with a handheld camera directed at them too. 

“Yuuri,” Victor says, and Yuuri’s gaze falls back on him. A tear falls from his eyes, and for a moment Yuuri’s astonished by it, how someone can look so pretty even when crying, and how Yuuri could have brought him to tears twice since they first met.

“I just wanted you to know,” Yuuri says, nerves wrapping around his heart again. Words are so much easier when they’re sung than when they’re spoken. “That I do. That I love you. That I’m scared of us being apart.” 

Victor pushes off his chair and takes the two steps to Yuuri, falling to his knees by the piano stool as he cups Yuuri’s cheeks. Yuuri leans down, pressing his lips against Victor’s as he tries to calm his racing heart. 

“I love you too,” Victor says against his lips, smiling so widely it’s almost impossible to kiss at all. “So much. How was I so lucky to find someone like you?” 

* * *

Yuuri wakes up warm, wrapped in covers with Victor pressed against his back. He’s naked, last night's explorations with hands and mouths finally wringing them out until they fell asleep in a tangled cuddle pile. They had pressed the words into each other's skin, lips mouthing them over and over until Yuuri was full of them, cherished, adored,  _ loved _ . It’s still with him as he wakes, Victor’s hand on his lower abdomen, the other caressing up his chest. He’s pressing kisses to Yuuri’s shoulder, soft and sweet, while his touches are more teasing. Maybe it just feels that way, since arousal is already filling Yuuri’s body and mind, cock half hard as he wakes. He can feel Victor’s own erection press against his bare cheeks, but he’s completely still, save for the way his hands and lips wander, his tender touches. Yuuri rolls his hips back.

“Mmh,” Victor moans, morning voice low with arousal. “Good morning Yuuri.”

“Victor,” Yuuri says, more of a moan than a greeting. He’s still sleepy, but he wants so much, mind sleep-hazy but sure. He rolls his hips again. “In me.” 

“Mmh, I want to so much. You’re so sexy Yuuri, laying here all night pressing this gorgeous ass against me,” Victor says, reaching over Yuuri to grab for the lube and a condom on the nightstand. “It’s been driving me crazy all morning.”   
“You should have woken me earlier then,” Yuuri says, rolling his hips back again to tease more. Victor moans, nipping at his earlobe before he pulls back. Yuuri giggles happily, feeling Victor’s lube soaked fingers press into him. He’s still slightly relaxed from last night, and opening up under Victor’s fingers doesn’t take long at all. It’s good, because Yuuri’s inpatient and wants to be filled so much. 

“Ready?” Victor asks after he’s spent far too long teasing just by Yuuri’s prostate, not quite touching, driving Yuuri crazy with want. 

“Please Victor,” Yuuri begs, his hand having come up to tangle in Victor’s hair. Victor sucks his earlobe into his mouth, teeth grazing the soft skin as he pushes in. Yuuri arches back onto his cock, wanting more, wanting all of it now. 

“Yuuri, Yuu- aaah-, “ Victor moans, his hips snapping in the final bit so he fills Yuuri just like he wants. Yuuri smiles. He hasn’t even opened his eyes fully yet, lost in the sensation of Victor’s touches and voice. Victor’s hand on his lower abdomen circles his cock, the fingers on the other coming up to circle his nipple, caressing it till it’s hard before moving to the next, fucking into Yuuri as he does. Victor’s hand moves lazy up and down his cock too, and it’s a lovely sensation, this slow hazy love making in the morning. Yuuri would love to get used to it. 

Soon he starts rocking back too, unable to stop himself chasing pleasure. The pace picks up, but it never becomes frantic. They roll their hips together, meeting in gasps and moans and Victor presses sweet words into Yuuri’s skin, saying how beautiful he is, how much he loves Yuuri’s tattoos and music. How much he loves  _ him _ . It’s all scrambled between moans and gasps, and Yuuri soaks in it, feels it embedding in his chest like the most wonderful warmth he’s ever known. He feels Victor’s hips stutter, his grip on Yuuri’s cock tightening as he orgasms. Yuuri follows soon after, soaking Victor's hand, his own stomach and the sheets with his own come. They’re sweaty, dirty and almost too warm. For a long time they simply lay there, until Victor has fully softened and he pulls out. Yuuri turns then, not caring about the mess they’ve made. They can shower later. His lips find Victor’s without him having to open his eyes. He doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t want to let go.

“Good morning love,” Yuuri says, before his mind fully catches up to him. 

“Good morning darling,” Victor says softly, and Yuuri opens his eyes slowly. Their eyes meet, and Yuuri’s heart races. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did, you?” Yuuri answers, pecking his lips again. How long until they can do this again? Weeks? Months? Just a day feels like an eternity now. 

“I did. I had wonderful company,” Victor says, and Yuuri rolls his eyes but answers each and every kiss Victor leans down to kiss onto his lips. “I don’t want to leave today.” 

“I don’t either,” Yuuri agress, letting his head fall to Victor’s shoulder. “You’re going to Dotcher right away?” They’ve gone over their summer schedules, and not a single one coincides. 

“I’ll stop by and get Makka first,” Victor says. “I can bring her with me there, and I’ve missed her.” 

“That’s good. I’m sure she’ll be so glad to see you,” Yuuri says, tightening his grip on Victor’s waist. “I wish I could come with you.”

“I do too,” Victor agrees with a sigh, leaving a kiss on Yuuri’s hair. “I have something I want to do today before we leave.” Yuuri pushes back just enough so he can look at him, blinking in the light of the room. Victor’s eyes are a determined storm, and a shiver runs down his spine that Yuuri feels under his fingers. 

“What is it?” Yuuri asks, and a smile spreads on Victor’s lips. He caresses Yuuri’s cheek, down his jaw, down his side. 

“Will you come with me?” he asks finally, and Yuuri wouldn’t deny him anything. 

“Yes.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no cliffhanger - don't kill me pls!  
> Next week: Victor POV - and the final chapter of this fic. How will the boys deal with the separation? What was it Victor wanted to do on their final day? What does the world think of the show?
> 
> Want to read the final chapter now? Check out this [twitter post](https://twitter.com/mjaoue/status/1217362304045649920?s=20)  
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	12. The Best Part of Me is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the final chapter. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6qUsxuBoyfWUFFyHLgbgQf?si=kM7lej4oQKmUUuqwk_Cnpw)  
> Perfect - Ed Sheeran  
> Thinking out Loud - Ed Sheeran  
> Best Part of Me is You - Ed Sheehan, Yebba  
> Alone Isn't Lonely - Miriam Bryant  
> Raised in Rain - Miriam Bryant  
> How did I find you - NEIKED, Miriam Bryant
> 
> So, lets hear what Victor has to say?
> 
> Beta read by the amazing [raedear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raedear/pseuds/raedear)

Relief has never before been such a tangible feeling for Victor as he rushes off the stage. He hands his guitar over to the stage manager, smiling in thanks as he hurries to his lounge. Makka stands and comes to greet him as soon as he’s in there, and he kneels down to pet her as he tries to catch his breath. He needs to calm down. He needs to…

He reaches over for his phone resting on the counter, fingers shaking. He can’t wait. He can’t. It’s quick work, getting into his favorites list and pressing the only contact listed on it. One ring, then another, then a click. 

_“Hello?”_

Yuuri’s voice is balm on his soul, and Victor falls back to sit on the floor, Makka cuddling up into his lap immediately. She’s such a good dog. The best dog. Yuuri’s going to love her. 

“Hi love,” Victor breathes, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. It’s silly really. They talked just a few hours ago. Yuuri sent him the cutest video of a dog he met when grocery shopping and Victor had cooed at it for a good five minutes before showing Makka. It seems like a lovely place, the small town Yuuri lives in. Victor hopes to call it home. “How are you?”

 _“I’m alright,”_ Yuuri says, that longing that Victor feels in his entire being echoed in the tone of his voice. _“It’s… you know.”_ Victor does know. He feels it all the time too, this void by his side, the emptiness of not having Yuuri there. It’s not as bad as it was before _So Much Better_ , but it still hurts. Luckly, he’s about to make it better.

“I’m done,” he says, hoping Yuuri will understand. It’s quiet on the other side for a moment, the only thing coming through the receiver being Yuuri’s slow intake of breath. Victor’s impatient, and misses him so much. “I was thinking I’d drive over tonight.”

 _“Tonight?”_ Yuuri asks, voice rushed now, a sharp intake of breath in contrast to the one just before. “ _How long would that take?_ ”

“Five hours,” Victor answers immediately. He’s looked it up several times, planned which route would be best, fastest. 

_“It would be almost three am before you got here,”_ Yuuri says slowly, and Victor nods even if Yuuri can’t see him. _“I- Are you sure?”_

“I miss you so much Yuuri,” he says, feeling tears spring to his eyes. It might seem stupid. He could just wait. He could go to the overpriced hotel the event organisers booked for him and drive to Yuuri tomorrow like they had planned, but he really _can’t wait_ , not unless Yuuri tells him he can’t come. 

_“Victor,”_ Yuuri breathes, and the ache is so pliable. Victor wishes he could hold him, kiss him. It’s been months of this and even just another eight hours of sleep and then the drive seems like an eternity. Yuuri takes a deep breath, and Victor bites the inside of his cheek as he waits. 

_“Okay. Yes I’d love that… Just- If you get too tired please stop on the way.”_ Victor lets out a wet chuckle and cuddles Makka tighter, kissing her fur on top of her head in place of kissing Yuuri’s lovely face. 

“Promise,” he says. Giddiness fills him. Five hours. Only five hours. That’s nothing. “See you soon then.”

 _“Oh my god,”_ Yuuri breathes, and he sounds happy. Victor loves when he’s happy. _“Okay, Okay I’ll see you soon. Drive safe.”_

“I love you,” Victor says, because he hasn’t said it yet today and Yuuri should know. Yuuri giggles, low and sweet. 

_“I love you too. Now come here so I can kiss you.”_

* * *

[A studio is shown, white with purple details. A woman with long blond hair in a red dress stands in front of a large white screen, looking into the camera with a smile. A banner at the bottom introduces her as Kaycee Johnsson, celebrity expert. She’s smiling widely, gesturing with her arms as she talks.

Kaycee: Next on _Celebrity Scoping_ we have everyone’s favorite: Victor Nikiforov. Now, as most of you know, Victor spent the first weeks of this summer on Goodland Island with seven other artists recording the show _So Much Better,_ which is set to start airing at the end of September. Since then, Victor has been hard at work touring like many artists do during the summer. This is nothing strange in itself, he has done this several summers, no - the strange thing is what was revealed during his last performance last night.

(the screen behind her shows several magazine covers of Victor, shirtless)

Kaycee continues: Victor has done several shirtless spreads through the years , displaying his gorgeous chest. We’ve seen it, we know it, and it has not a single tattoo (the image changes to one of Victor in a henley, buttons open, mid-performance. He’s leaning forward, and the shadow of a tattoo can be seen on his left pectoral muscle). This photo was taken by a fan last night and posted on social media. The photo soon went viral, speculations running high around what the tattoo could be. We’ve tried to reach Victor at his hotel but was informed he never checked in! No one seems to know where he’s gone! Victor is currently unsigned, his contract with ARIA fulfilled by his last album. This leaves room for many speculations of course, but today's buzz seems to be mainly about Victor getting inked. It’s almost impossible not to draw parallels to Yuuri Katsuki (the image changes to Yuuri at a red carpet event, shirtsleeves rolled up slightly, tattoos peeking out underneath his collar and on his arms), who is also on this year’s season of _So Much Better_ , and who cleary has a love of covering his body in ink. Have Victor been inspired by this tattooed hottie? Did the two become friends while recording the show? And where has Victor Nikiforov gone? If anyone spots the mega-star singer, please let us know!]

* * *

“How does anyone breathe in these?” Yuuri complains, tugging on his shirt collar for what must be the hundredth time since buttoning it. He looks devastatingly handsome in his tuxedo, shirt and jacket hugging his waist perfectly. His slacks cling to his legs too, and he’s just so gorgeous. Victor is a lucky man. He’s taken so many photos he’s used up the storage on his phone - totally worth it. The bowtie around Yuuri’s neck ties the outfit together perfectly, although this seems to be what’s bothering Yuuri the most, what with the way he keeps pulling at it. Victor guesses it’s something else entirely.

“Don't you think,” Victor starts as he walks up to Yuuri to slide his hands under his jacket, pressing his lips to Yuuri’s jaw, trailing kisses down slowly. He feels Yuuri’s skin prickle under the contact, hand coming up to wrap around Victor’s shoulders, also covered in a tuxedo jacket. They match. Victor is incredibly pleased. “That you’re more nervous than actually hating the bowtie?” 

“Aren’t people generally nervous before this sort of thing?” Yuuri mumbles, even if Victor can feel him relax in his arms, melting under the kisses. Victor wishes they had more time, so he could remove some of Yuuri’s clothes and touch him more. It’ll have to wait till later tonight, when they’re alone in the suite Victor booked for them. He guesses the buttons of Yuuri’s shirt won’t survive once they make it up there. “I mean, it’s a big deal. What if I mess it up? There’s only one chance at this.”

“You won’t,” Victor promises, and punctuates it by sucking a mark into Yuuri’s skin. Yuuri yelps and pushes him back, his eyes wide.

“Victor! That will be so visible!” he exclaims, but joy dances in his eyes. Victor smiles proudly, because that was the point. He leans down again, but this time to claim Yuuri’s lips, sighing happily into the kiss. Yuuri smiles against his mouth, and it's wonderful to know that he can calm some of Yuuri’s nerves by simply being there. It makes warmth bloom in Victor’s chest every time. 

There’s a knock on the door, and Victor turns as it opens, not letting Yuuri go just yet. Phichit peeks in through it, and as he spots them he grins. He too looks very handsome in his suit, dark red shirt under a black jacket. The last month and a half Victor’s been getting to know Yuuri’s best friend, and he can now say that they are friends too. There’s been several double dates that have helped with that too. That’s what happens when your boyfriend’s best friend and your best friend get together, Victor supposes. As if on cue, Chris peeks in from beside Phichit, curling an arm around his waist. He smirks knowingly as he looks between Yuuri and Victor.

“Can’t save it until after the ceremony?” he jokes, and Victor can see Yuuri roll his eyes. His arms slide off Victor's shoulders and instead he laces their fingers together. His hand is clammy; Victor holds on tighter. “Let’s go. They’re waiting.”

Victor can feel Yuuri tense up next to him again, and Victor squeezes his hand in quiet reassurance. Yuuri looks over at him, and he looks nervous still, but not as panicked as before. “Okay,” Yuuri says as he breathes out. “I’m ready.”

* * *

[A studio in warm tones, showing a man in his twenties. He’s sitting on an auburn couch with a stack of notes in his hands, smiling into the camera. The yellow banner at the bottom introduces him as Jared Herson.

Jared: Good morning viewers! On this lovely Sunday morning I come bearing some wonderfully sweet news. There has been a wedding in the celebrity world - and a surprise one at that! Last night, co-owner of the record label DRAGON, Phichit Chulanont, posted four photos on his instagram, showing off the happy event. Who has gotten hitched then you ask? Well - apparently sparks must have been flying this summer during _So Much Better_ because legendary singers Minako Okukawa and Celestino Cialdini are now man and wife. Phichit’s photos showed one image of the couple at the altar (the screen fills with an image of Minako in a long white sequined dress, hair curled and smile wide. Celestino is facing her, in a tuxedo, hair pulled back into a ponytail. He has tears in his eyes as he smiles), both of them look overwhelmed with love. The next image shows all of the participants of this season of _So Much Better_ in a group shot, smiling into the camera (The photo changes to the one of the singers, the men all in tuxedos, the girls in dresses, all lined up in a neat row with Minako and Celestino in the middle). For them all to have been invited is something we can only guess means they grew very close. This is also the first photo we’ve gotten of Victor Nikiforov since he went AWOL a little over a month ago. (The image changes again, this time to one of Minako holding out her hand, ring on display as the other singers - minus Celestino - fawn over it). The final image is one of Yuuri Katsuki, who is the other co-owner of DRAGON and who’s mother is best friends with Minako, playing piano for the couple (the image changes again, to one of Yuuri at the ceremony, sitting at a piano playing). What was played was not stated but we assume it was beautiful. The show starts airing next week, and we are all so excited to see this romance unfold and the friendships build, as well as hearing the new music.]

* * *

It’s far too warm and comfortable resting against Yuuri’s chest for Victor to consider moving at all tonight. They’ve started the second episode of _So Much Better_ , and after Yuuri had tickled Victor the second time for saying something silly on camera Makka had abandoned them for her favorite spot on the floor next to the radiator. 

Her favorite spot. 

In Yuuri’s apartment.

In _their_ apartment.

It’s been almost two months since Victor drove half the night from his last summer performance to Yuuri’s home, car filled with only his most important belongings: his guitar,Makka’s dog bed, and a bag of clothes. He had hoped - wished - that they would come to this, that Yuuri would have longed for him just as much as Victor had ached for him through the months apart. Makka had loved him instantly of course, and Yuuri had opened his arms and home to them both. It barely took a week before Victor dared to hint at staying, and for Yuuri to get that fiercely determined look in his eyes and ask if Victor and Makka wanted to move in. Yuuri’s sparse apartment had filled with Victor’s things, a moving truck coming with the belongings Victor had left behind. They knew that soon the media would start looking for them, with how Victor had fallen off the face of the earth since his last performance and with what was about to unfold on the show. They’ve tried to savour this in-between until someone figures it out. Victor has sold his old apartment, written half an album, and signed a new record deal with DRAGON records. Not that anyone knew that yet. It felt like a fresh start, like he had been filled with new inspiration and life, just from loving Yuuri, and being loved in return. It was wonderful. Next week he would release a new single and everyone would know, but for tonight it was just them.

Yuuri’s hand cards through his hair, the other resting low on Victor’s stomach. A blanket is draped over them, and Yuuri’s lips have just dropped down to his neck as his performance of _Brightside_ comes to an end on screen. Victor tilts his head to give him more room, humming encouragingly as Yuuri’s hand dips lower, caressing under his waistband. Yuuri has this ability to make touches go from comforting and sweet to burning, making arousal rush through Victor’s body. Victor tilts his hips to make Yuuri’s hand slide further down, gasping when it caresses along his filling cock, sparks tickling his entire body at the contact. Yuuri’s mouth sucks a mark into the column of his neck, making more blood rush down to fill Victor’s cock. 

“Yuuri,” he gasps, and Yuuri hums, wrapping his hand around the base, stroking up slowly. “That’s so mmh- so good.”

“Yeah?” Yuuri asks, voice far too knowing for such an innocent question. As if he doesn’t know that Victor is melting in his arms. “Would you pull down your pants for me then?”

“Y-yeah,” Victor agrees, because that’s a great idea. Yuuri is so smart. He shuffles, trying not to move too much so as not to disturb Yuuri’s hand from continuing to give him pleasure, pushing his pants down to mid thigh, taking the blanket with them. He raises his hands then, tangling them in Yuuri’s hair. 

“Beautiful,” Yuuri hums into his ear, grazing his teeth against Victor’s earlobe. Victor gasps, turning his head so he can claim Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri moans, his hand around Victor’s cock tightening, giving added friction. 

“Yuuri, aaah, Yuuri,” Victor moans, hips starting to move, wanting more, needing more. “Please, please I aah-.”

“Fuck into my fist Victor,” Yuuri breathes, his other hand pushing Victor’s shirt up so he can lay it flat over his own name imprinted into Victor’s skin, right over his heart. “Do it baby, take your pleasure.”

“Fuck Yuuri mmh-,” Victor moans, snapping his hips faster into Yuuri’s hand. It feels amazing, to be held there in his grip, the still hand on his chest a reminder of their love. “Yours Yuuri I’m- fuccck, I’m only aaa- yours.”

“You’re gorgeous, and I’m yours and I love you,” Yuuri breathes into his ear kissing right behind it. Victor shudders. “Look at you, you look perfect like this.”

“Yuuuri,” Victor moans, hands tightening in Yuuri’s hair. “Tighter plea-ease.”

“Anything you need,” Yuuri agrees, his fist tightening slightly, making Victor’s hips move in overdrive. He’s so close, pleasure pooling in his gut. “Use it as you’d like, I’m yours to use.”

“Fuck,” Victor gasps, hips stuttering as he comes all over Yuuri’s fist and his own stomach. Yuuri holds him through it, an endless string of _I love you_ and _you’re perfect_ falling from Yuuri’s lips. Victor takes a moment to catch his breath before he turns his head fully so he can kiss him again. Yuuri smells like home, like love, and Victor never wants this to end.

* * *

[A table is shown, three people are around it, all sitting in a half circle turned towards the camera. There are two women, one with dark hair and green eyes, the other with frizzy black curls and deep brown eyes. The audience know them as Gina and Anna respectively. There’s a man too, with dark hair and blue eyes, known to the audience as Georgi. 

Anna: Hi guys! Today we’re going to be talking about the third episode of _So Much Better_ \- Victor Nikiforov’s day. There will be spoilers so you have been warned!

Gina: Yes, and turn this off right now if you don’t want them because I’m about to scream about it because _hot daaaaamn Yuuri Katsuki what is going on?_

Anna and Georgi laugh, the camera flicking between them before stopping on Gina again who’s fanning herself.

Gina: Seriously, he sang so good and then he started taking his clothes off and I thought I was going to pass out. This will definitely be one of those performances that will be remembered for years to come. 

Anna: I agree, it was clearly a statement. 

Georgi: What do you mean by that Anna?

Anna: I mean, it’s pretty obvious we thought this season was going to be about the love story of Celestino and Minako because of the wedding, and we’ve gotten some of that, but seriously - Yuuri and Victor are making such heart eyes I feel like I’m watching a romantic drama unfold! I’ve never seen two people look more in love!

Gina: I disagree. 

Anna: What?

Gina: Yeah! I mean, it’s obvious they have grown close, maybe more so then we had recognized before last night's episode, but I wouldn't say they’re in love.

Georgi: They basically kissed though.

Gina: There was no kiss! There was a hug and then they cut the cameras. 

Anna: Are you saying you think they didn’t kiss after that?

Gina: I’m just saying I don’t think we should add more to it then it is. They’re clearly friends, but I don’t see them as a couple. 

Georgi: I’m sorry Gina but they’re clearly so in love. 

Anna: Yes! Did you see the figure skating? And the hug last episode after Victor’s performance on Mila and Sara’s day? And then Yuuri, who has been so quiet and has hardly said anything during the meals, goes up there to slowly strip himself out of his suit jacket and shirt only to reveal countless tattoos that all seem to be inspired by Victor’s music? How can that only be friendship?

Gina: Yeah he does seem to have an admiration for Victor’s music, but how many are walking around with a Victor Nikiforov tattoo these days? So many! 

Georgi: Do they have like fifteen though?

Anna: And there was that photo of Victor during his last performance this summer, of the alleged tattoo on his chest!

Gina: He could have gotten a tattoo any time, that does not prove anything. Yuuri Katsuki, while looking insanely hot in them, does not own the rights to tattoos.

Anna: But-!

Georgi: Okay, I don’t think we’ll get much further in this, even if I think Gina is wrong. What I want to talk about is the two new singles Victor has released in the past _week_. 

Anna: And that’s it too! They’ve been so full of love declarations, much more than we have ever seen from Victor before. Sure, he’s released love songs but they've always been ambiguous - a hint of sadness or pain - these are just love.

Gina: I do agree that these are new take for him, and both _Perfect_ and _Thinking Out Loud_ are true love declarations, but I wouldn’t say it proves anything about his relationship with Yuuri in a romantic way. 

Georgi: He did change labels to Yuuri’s label though, and the songs are about a _‘him’_ and _‘when I saw you in that suit_ ’ and so on.

Anna: Georgi you really get me. 

Gina: Now you two are just ganging up on me !(laughter) 

Georgi (holding up his arms): Fine, fine. So, dropping the subject for now, what were your favorite performances of the night? I think Yuuri’s was on a whole other level, but I also enjoyed _Hearts Don’t Break Around Here_ with Ji. I think he did a lovely version of it, and you both know I’m so weak for his and Leo’s relationship. 

Gina: I agree that Yuuri was the best of the night, and while I did enjoy Ji’s performance too, I’m always so gay for Minako. She did an amazing version of _I See Fire_ that I’ve been listening to all morning since they released it on Spotify. 

Anna: I think there were many high quality contributions last night. It really shows what a good songwriter Victor is, as well as a performer. I enjoyed Chris’ version of _Shape of You_. I also really like seeing how they’re all growing closer. It’s a joy every season but after the news about Minako and Celestino’s wedding right before the show started we knew this season was going to be special, and so far I feel it delivers.

Georgi: I agree. I love to see how supportive Ji is of Victor and Yuuri’s (he looks over at Gina) _alleged_ relationship, but also how they all seem to be interacting and enjoying getting to know each other. 

Anna: Yes, it’s been wonderful to see them come together and support each other. I’m really so excited about Chris’ day next week.

Gina: Yes! About that… ]

* * *

Victor’s been sitting on the couch with Makkachin curled up around his feet for almost an hour when Yuuri makes it into the studio. He pushes his rain speckled hood off his head with a deep sigh before starting to pull it off completely. He looks exhausted, and Victor squirms uncomfortably. He’s not sure what to say. They’ve been walking separately to the studio for two weeks now to try to ward off the onslaught of reporters, and the distress of them being there is tearing on them both. 

At first, it worked. After releasing his first solo single in years and on a new label, as well as being AWOL for months, they knew it was coming. From one day to the other the studio was surrounded by reporters wanting to speak to Victor about changing labels, his new songs, and about his and Yuuri’s relationship. It had worn on Yuuri instantly, and Victor had suggested he come to the studio first, so as to meet the reporters and handle them the way he had been schooled to do, and that way spare Yuuri what he had come to this small town to avoid. It had worked fine at first, but after Victor had answered all their questions he was not as interesting as before. Instead they turned their focus on Yuuri, making it harder and harder for him to avoid them as he came to what used to be a safe haven for him. Phichit kept insisting it would pass. Victor worried if Yuuri would tire of the whole mess before then and break up with him. A part of him knew it was silly. Yuuri loved him, he told him daily. Still, he couldn't help but feel responsible for bringing this on him. 

Yuuri falls into the couch beside him with a sigh, raindrops still clinging to his glasses. He leans back against the backrest, eyes closed as he breathes slowly. Victor says nothing as worry twists in his stomach, plucking the glasses carefully from Yuuri’s nose to dry them.

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, still keeping his eyes closed. Makka seems to sense his trouble, moving from Victor’s feet to sit by Yuuri, laying her head on his lap. Yuuri still doesn’t look up, but his hands start trailing though her fur, making her tail thump on the floor. He seems to relax slowly, and it makes Victor feel slightly better, even if the uncomfortable feeling still rests in his chest. “I wish they would leave.”

It hurts to hear it, not because of what Yuuri says but because what if he means Victor too? What if he’s changed his mind? Victor feels the overwhelming sadness of the prospect of losing Yuuri, of losing this all enveloping love he feels when they’re together. He has to ask, even if the words almost choke him as he pushes them out, tears so close to spilling.

“Do you want _me_ to leave?” 

Yuuri’s head snaps to the side, eyes wide. He looks at Victor, and his expression goes from shocked to pained and then guilty in a second. He pulls his knees up, ignoring Makka’s complaints as he reaches out to cup Victor’s cheek in his hand, turning fully towards him. He shakes his head violently, his other hand coming up to cup Victor's other cheek too.

“No, no no never Victor,” he says, hands on Victor’s face trembling. Yuuri leans forwards slowly, leaning his forehead against Victor’s as he breathes. “I know it’s not your fault.”  
“Isn’t it though? If it wasn’t for me they wouldn’t have come here,” Victor protests. Yuuri shakes his head, leaning back slightly so he can wrap his arms around him instead. Victor moves too, and soon he has his lap full of Yuuri, a grounding weight as he tries to gather his composure. 

“If I hadn't stripped on international TV they wouldn't have come here. If I hadn’t kissed you for the world to see, they wouldn't have come here,” Yuuri says, and Victor clings tighter, scared to ask the next question as well. 

“Do you regret doing it?” 

“Not for a second,” Yuuri says fiercely. “I love you. You give me so much purpose in life, so much love. I can’t imagine- I’m sorry Victor I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” Victor asks, caressing down his back. Yuuri kisses his cheek, his jaw, his nose, before sitting back slightly so they can look at each while still holding on. 

“I should be stronger. I see how it drains you, how you pull that mask on. I should stand by you, I want to be there with you,” Yuuri says, and that determination is there again. The same Victor saw when Yuuri sang _Give Me Love_ , when he pole-danced, when he performed _How Did I Find You_ , when he asked him to move in. Victor loves that look.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Victor starts, but Yuuri shakes his head, and Victor falls quiet, simply continuing to caress up and down his back. 

“I will be, but I want us to be able to support each other,” Yuuri says, voice soft and sweet. “This will be a part of our lives, not like this all the time, but sometimes. I want to stand next to you, and I want you to stand next to me. Are you okay with that?”

Victor feels so warm, and so in love, and so adored. How was he so lucky to find someone as amazing as Yuuri?

“I am. I’m so okay with that,” Victor agrees, leaning forward to kiss him sweetly. 

* * *

[A table of three is shown, all sitting in a half circle turned towards the camera. There are two women, one with dark hair and green eyes, the other with frizzy black curls and deep brown eyes. The audience know them as Gina and Anna respectively. There’s one man too, dark hair and blue eyes, known to the audience as Georgi. 

Georgi: Okay Gina, after seeing all of the episodes of this season of _So Much Better_ , what do you have to say for yourself?

Gina: I take it all back. They are _so in love_ ! They should just rename the show because _oh my god_! I’ve never seen two people more in love - and that’s saying a lot because everyone fell in love on that show (laughter)!

Anna: Yes I must admit it’s almost crazy, especially since Christophé Giacometti confirmed he and Phichit Chulanont, the co-owner of the label that Yuuri, and now Victor as well, are signed to are a couple as well. Phichit did a small visit to the house and apparently sparks must have been flying because the photo Chris posted on instagram of the two of them kissing was simply adorable. 

Gina: Yes, what with how we got to see Mila and Sara declare their love, Minako and Celestino got married and Ji already being in a relationship with Leo de la Iglesia - who was part of the show a few seasons ago - one has to wonder what’s in the water over there?

Geogri: (laughter) Yes, I should go there! To try to sort out my own messy love life.

Anna: Maybe we should all go. See if we can catch some of that Victuuri love magic because wow. I don’t think I've ever wanted two people to get together more and then to get to see it unfold was amazing!

Gina: I agree. I can’t wait to see what comes from this couple in the future. We’ve already gotten some great music from the show, as well as _Walk With Me_ that they released the same day the final episode aired. I’m sure we’ll be blessed with so much content from them.]

* * *

“Cheers!” 

Victor smiles as he raises his glass alongside the others, catching Yuuri’s eye across the table. Yuuri smiles too, and then he tips his wineglass to his mouth, sipping on the white wine. They’re all seated around the large dining room table at Sara and Mila’s, celebrating one year since the final episode of their season of _So Much Better_ aired. The show just wrapped up another season, and no one had even flirted with each other. The media had found it dreadfully dull. 

It had been the best decision of Victor’s life, accepting to come on last season of _So Much Better_. They asked him every season, sent him the finalized list of artists and wondered if he was interested. It hadn’t even taken a minute after he had seen Yuuri’s name on the list for him to accept. Yuuri had sparked inspiration in him that night of the festival, and brought so much emotion to him in the year that followed with his music. How could Victor resist meeting him? There was something about Yuuri, a pull that made Victor rush towards him head first. How lucky he was that Yuuri felt the same. 

They’ve all made sure to take time out of their busy schedules to be here, and Victor’s so happy they have. They’re still close, having a group chat that someone posts something in almost daily. He feels safe with them, even more so here away from the prying eyes of the cameras that were often present on the show. The group has expanded slightly, Leo and Phichit having been extended invitations due to them both coming on the show, as well as their boyfriends being part of the core gang. Victor wouldn’t want it any other way, and he knows Yuuri whole-heartedly agrees. 

Yuuri’s cheeks have started to flush from the wine, this being his third glass. They’ve eaten, only scraps of the apple pie Ji and Leo had brought with them left. The mood has been high, and they’ve joked about how strange it is that they all came out with a partner. Even Takeshi the cameraman did. Victor now meets him almost every time he goes to pick up coffee at Yuuko’s coffee place, the barista now round with pregnancy - triplets! - Yuuri had dropped his coffee cup straight into the floor when she told them, and Victor had let out a hysterical giggle he knew was neither fitting or appropriate. Lucky both Takeshi and Yuuko had laughed warmly, admitting to having similar reactions when they found out. The group around the dinner table at Mila and Sara’s has laughed good-naturedly at it, as well as cheered for the fact that Mila and Sara are finally engaged, with their wedding planned for the summer. They are all invited of course, and Yuuri with his talented fingers have been asked to play for the ceremony. 

“Stop looking at him all the time, one could think you’re a couple,” Chris jokes beside Victor with a chuckle. Victor pries his eyes away from Yuuri to look at his friend who smirks, loving to tease him about the non-victuuri believers from when the show first aired. 

“He’s just so lovely Chris, how am I supposed to resist?” Victor asks, unable to stop his eyes from wandering back. Yuuri’s deep in conversation with Minako and Leo, one on each side of him. Victor loves to see him this relaxed, comfortable, surrounded by good friends. 

“It feels weird that no one’s performing!” Sara says suddenly, a little too loudly. She’s had the most wine, and she’s cuddled under Mila’s arm, laughing. “I feel like we should sing!”

“We have a new song!” Yuuri says, and Victor can’t help but smile as Yuuri looks over at him with a smirk, Victor’s heart racing in his chest. 

“You do!?” Sara gasps, looking between them with wide eyes. “Could you play it for us?”

“What do you say Victor?” Yuuri asks, leaning forward and biting his lower lip in the left side in that way that drives Victor crazy. He’s still not sure if Yuuri knows he’s doing it, or if he’s just unconsciously amazing at ruining him. Either way, Victor would give anything to Yuuri when he gives him that look. He would give anything to Yuuri giving him any look.

“Whatever you want love,” he agrees, and loud cheers erupt around the table. Mila finds them a guitar, and they move from the dining room to the sofas, the rest of the dinner guests cuddling down in them as Victor and Yuuri sit down on stools that usually stand next to the kitchen island, sitting close together, turned towards each other. Yuuri sways in time with Victor playing, smiling softly as Victor starts to sing. They wrote this together, after a silly fight over who loved the other the most, and everytime they play it Victor’s heart swells. To have found someone as lovely as Yuuri, who loves him for who he is, loves him despite all his faults, loves him bone deep and breathtakingly, just as much as Victor loves him back. It’s the thing of fairytales. 

Victor starts singing, plucking the strings as he looks right at Yuuri. Looking at anyone else while singing this song feels wrong, no matter if they have an audience. 

_My lungs are black, my heart is pure_

_My hands are scarred from nights before_

_And my hair is thin and fallin' out of all the wrong places_

_I am a little insecure_

_My eyes are crossed, but they're still blue_

_I bite my nails and tell the truth_

Yuuri cuts in to sing the last two lines before the chorus, Victor singing the first one on his own as Yuuri falls quiet. As he sings about Yuuri loving him, Yuuri leans forward to cup his cheek so tenderly, sending shivers down Victor’s spine. 

_I go from thin to overweight day-to-day it fluctuates_

_My skin is inked, but faded, too_

_But he loves me, he loves me_

_Why the hell he love me_

_When he could have anyone else?_

_Oh, you love me, you love me_

_Why the hell d'you love me?_

_'Cause I don't even love myself_

_Baby, the best part of me is you_

_Lately, everything's makin' sense, too_

_Oh, baby, I'm so in love with you_

Yuuri sings the next verse, voice clearer as he looks straight into Victor’s eyes. Usually the guitar is exchanged for piano mid chorus, a mix of their two instruments, their comfort zones. This time they’ll have to make do with just the guitar, and Victor finds he misses it, like the song doesn’t seem completely whole without it. Yuuri doesn’t seem to mind though, looking so sincere as he sings his part, Victor joining him in the chorus. 

_I overthink and still forgive_

_I lose my phone and place my bets_

_And I never catch the train on time, always thirty minutes behind_

_Your worries ain't seen nothin' yet_

_But you love me, you love me_

_Why the hell you love me so_

_When you could have anyone else?_

_Yeah, yeah_

_He loves me, he loves me_

_And I bet he never lets me go_

_And shows me how to love myself_

_'Cause, baby, the best part of me is you_

_Whoa, lately, everything's makin' sense, too_

_Baby, I'm so in love with you_

_With you_

_Baby, the best part of me is you_

_Whoa, lately, everything's making sense, too_

_Oh, baby, I'm so in love with you, oh_

_Baby, I'm so in love with you, yeah, yeah_

_Oh, baby, I'm so in love with you_

Cheers erupt from the room, and Yuuri smiles, standing to press his lips against Victor’s as soon as the guitar falls quiet. 

They’ve booked a hotel room, since they can’t all crowd into Mila and Sara’s apartment. As soon as the door falls closed behind them Yuuri presses Victor back against it. Yuuri goes up on his toes, tilting Victor’s head just as he wants it and then kisses him until Victor can’t think. Victor’s hands curl around his hips, bringing him flush against his chest, bodies pressing together. He can feel Yuuri’s erection press into his groin, where Victor too is growing hard rapidly. Yuuri’s mouth is demanding, and he licks into Victor’s, fueling the arousal that has started pooling in Victor’s gut. Yuuri rolls his hips, and just as soon as Victor’s hard enough in his pants that it starts feeling amazing, a moan falling off his lips, Yuuri pulls back.

Victor chases him with his hands, but Yuuri puts one on his chest to stop him, stepping away with swaying hips. He pulls the shirt over his head first, then the t-shirt. He’s so hot, Victor wants to run his hands all over the expanse of exposed skin, trail his fingers over each and every inked letter marked into his torso and arms, kiss the letters that form his own name over Yuuri’s heart. He whines, and Yuuri smirks, kicking off his shoes. 

“Yuuri,” Victor breathes. “You look gorgeous, love.”

“Do you want to touch me Victor?” Yuuri asks, taking another step away from him as he starts unbuttoning his pants. 

“Yes,” Victor agrees as Yuuri sways his hips, pushing his jeans down his delicious thighs, dropping them to the floor. He steps out of them, and now he’s only in his boxers, his cock straining against the black fabric. The alcohol has left a lovely flush on his cheeks, more splotchy and red than Yuuri usually sports. Victor wants to feel it under his fingers, kiss it, chase it down his chest. “You’re so beautiful Yuuri, with my words on your body, with my name on your heart.”

“Mmh-,” Yuuri moans, his hand dipping into his underwear. “Tell me more.” Victor can see his hand curl around his cock, even if he can’t actually see the action, hidden by fabric. The tip of Yuuri’s cock peaks out from under the hem, and it’s such an teasingly erotic display that Victor can’t hold himself back anymore. 

“You’re so pretty like this, hard and wanting. I can’t look away for a second. I never can,” Victor tells him as he pushes off the door to walk closer, kicking off his own shoes on the way. Yuuri’s eyes are half lidded, pupils blown. God he’s gorgeous. Victor lowers his voice as he comes near, stopping as close as he can without touching. “You drive me crazy Yuuri. All I want it to touch you, to taste you, to fuck you.” 

“Fuck,” Yuuri moans, head falling back, hand speading up. Victor licks his lips as he looks down at Yuuri’s hand moving up and down, feeling his own cock ache in its confined space. “I want that too. I want to ride you until all you can think of is me.”

“Oh Yuuri,” Victor breathes, hooking his fingers into the hem of his underwear to push them down, leaving Yuuri fully bare. “You’re all I ever think about.” 

“Ooh-,” Yuuri moans, sending a shiver down Victor’s spine. Yuuri lets his head fall forward, his hand slowing it’s movements but not stopping. “Will you mm- undress for me?” 

“Gladly,” Victor agrees, starting with his shirt buttons right away. It falls to the floor, and then he moves to his pants, only for Yuuri to swat his hand away. 

“Too slow,” Yuuri explains when Victor looks at him quizzically. Victor smirks as Yuuri works his belt and buttons open, unable to stop himself from caressing his fingers lightly over Yuuri’s hard cock, standing and waiting after Yuuri let it go. Yuuri gasps and his hands move faster, pushing Victor’s underwear and pants down in one go. Victor happily kicks them off too, wrapping his hand fully around Yuuri as soon as they’re off.

“Yeesss, “ Yuuri moans, hands coming up to grab Victor’s forearms tightly. “So good Victor so- mmh-.” 

“I love everything about you Yuuri,” Victor says, slowly starting to walk them to the bed, stroking Yuuri as he does. “I love your voice, your laugh, the way you tease me with this lovely mouth of yours.” Victor lets the thumb of his free hand swipe over Yuuri’s lower lip, the other man sucking it into his mouth lewdly. Victor groans. He’s still so hard, still untouched, and the action makes more blood rush down to his cock. “I love taking you apart too, how you gasp and writhe when I fuck you. Just as much as I love it when you make me come four times before you come yourself.”

Yuuri smiles proudly, and Victor dips down to kiss him, stopping their movements as he feels the back of Yuuri’s legs hit the bed. “That was one time,” Yuuri says, but he still looks so pleased. He should be. Victor was incredibly pleased and wrung out after the whole ordeal. “I love it too. I love you too.” 

Victor hums, kissing him again as he swipes his thumb over the head of Yuuri’s cock, making Yuuri bite down on his lower lip on a moan. Yuuri pulls back then, and turns them so he can softly push Victor onto the bed. Victor laughs, and scoots back, getting to see Yuuri crawl onto the bed after him. “You going to ride me Yuuri?” he asks, feeling anticipation grow in his veins. God he would love that, to have Yuuri rock on top of him, being able to kiss and touch each part of him. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri agrees, stopping to dip down to where Victor’s cock is resting against his stomach, flushed and hard. “I think I want a taste first though.” Victor’s hands clench in the sheets even before he’s been touched, Yuuri leaning down to lick from the base of his cock all the way up to the tip. 

“Ahh-,” Victor moans, head falling back as Yuuri leaves kittenish licks across the head, his hand curling around the base of Victor’s cock, keeping it in place. Yuuri hums, as if it’s the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted, and Victor dares looks down, seeing the love of his life on his knees between his legs, sucking the head of his cock into his mouth. Yuuri’s lips spread around his girth, and for a moment he just keeps it there, the warmth of his mouth seeping into Victor’s skin, the sight so incredibly arousing. Victor has to fight hard not to fuck into Yuuri’s mouth as he wants to, as his body screams for him to do. He’s been hard for so long, and he aches for friction, for pleasure. Yuuri knows, the gleam in his eyes all Victor needs to know he’s fully aware of how much Victor needs. He flutters those long pretty eyelashes against his cheeks and then slowly sinks. 

“Aaah- Yuuri mmmh,” Victor moans, hands moving from the sheets to the back of Yuuri’s head to take a grip of his hair. Yuuri hums, and it’s wonderful, delicious and it sends vibrations through Victor’s entire core. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Yuuri hums again, and then he bobs slowly, up and down until Victor’s almost mad with it, asking for more, faster, harder. Instead Yuuri pulls off, crawling the last expanse up Victor’s body to claim his lips. Victor can taste the musk and salt of himself on Yuuri’s tongue, feel his own cock, wet from Yuuri’s mouth, rest on his stomach, Yuuri’s own erection poking at his hip. 

“Open me up?” Yuuri asks, pulling back just a breath. 

“My pleasure,” Victor agrees, and reaches for the nightstand where he placed the lube earlier, from when they did a quickie before going out. Yuuri cards his fingers through Victor’s hair at the back of his neck as Victor pours lube on his fingers, kissing Victor breathlessly as Victor’s fingers trail down to his hole. Yuuri’s still slightly open, and it doesn’t take long until they’re both panting, Victor’s three fingers moving in and out of Yuuri as Yuuri ruts against his hip, kisses sloppy and wet. 

“Please, please Victor,” Yuuri moans, and Victor nods against his lips, pulling his fingers out. Yuuri shuffles closer, and then grabs the base of Victor’s cock, lining it up to his hole. Victor barely has time to grab his hips before he starts sinking down, punching the air from his lungs. Yuuri is so tight, and wet, and he envelops him perfectly as he takes his entire length in one smooth movement. 

“Y-Yuuri oooh-,” Victor moans, and Yuuri gasps, starting to rock as soon as he’s seated. It’s heaven, having Yuuri roll his hips into his groin, his cock bouncing with each movement. Victor pushes up until he’s seated too, one hand curling around Yuuri’s neck so he can kiss him, the other around his cock, letting Yuuri fuck into his fist was he starts boucing in Victor’s lap.

“Oh- S-so good Yuuri,” Victor moans, and Yuuri nods against his lips moving faster and faster as his moans grow louder and louder. “I love you, I l-love mmh-.”

“Me too, aah V-Victor I-,” Yuuri gasps, pace becoming erratic. He’s close, Victor can feel it in the way his thighs tremble and his precome has started leaking onto his hand. It’s good. Victor’s so close too. 

“Yes yes Yuuri, fuck, please come,” Victor asks, and Yuuri nods, slamming down harder and harder until Victor can’t hold back anymore. Pleasure cracks like whip down his spine into his groin, filling his entire body as he comes, filling Yuuri with his load. Yuuri moans, high pitched and loud, as he wrings Victor out fully, spilling his own come over Victor’s hand not long after. They cling to each other as they fall back into the bed, and even though they should get up and clean themselves, the orgasmic bliss and wine catches up to them and Victor only has energy to pull the covers over them before they fall asleep. 

* * *

The studio smells like a mix of coffee and tea, the door to the kitchen open to admit the smells from this morning’s brewings. Victor’s resting back against the armrest on the couch in the recording room, watching Yuuri play the piano. There’s no particular song but rather strings of melodies Victor recognizes Yuuri’s played before. He does this sometimes, trying things out till he settles on one. It’s a lovely quirk of his. Victor smiles as he looks into his notebook, strings of yet another song scribbled down. He’s gone through nine of these since _So Much Better,_ as opposed to the one he clung to for years before that, nothing feeling right, nothing feeling as if it fit. Now he wakes up in the middle of the night having to write down a line stuck in his brain, notes to a melody begging to be made into a song. He looks at Yuuri playing with Makka and he feels so filled with love he can hardly contain it, has to create something out of it. His life seems filled with moments like this now, and Victor adores it. Yuuri smiles softly as he plays, and Victor forgoes his notebook as he watches him, sipping his tea. 

The door to the studio opens, and Victor hears Phichit come in, whistling happily as he pours himself coffee. He coos at Makka who’s resting out in the kitchen, before he steps into the room

“Morning boys!” Phichit chirps as he looks between them, tablet under his arm. Yuuri stops playing, which is a shame, but Victor guesses he’ll live.

“Morning Phichit,” Victor answers. “Chris left without saying goodbye?”

“Yeah, we might have drawn things a bit too long this morning,” Phichit says with a grin. “He had a meeting at ARIA. He’ll be back at the end of the week.”

“That’s good,” Yuuri says and Phichit nods, settling the tablet on top of the piano. Chris is still signed with ARIA, but comes down to DRAGON records as much as he can. Phichit leaves to go see him sometimes too. They’re working on a collaboration contract between the two labels, to make it easier with collaborations and for Chris to spend more time here rather than there. Hopefully it'll get settled soon.   
“Yeah, I just wanted to savour him as long as I could,” Phichit says with a wink, and Victor gets to see Yuuri roll his eyes but smile, just before he picks up his notebook again to leave the two to their business. “Now, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit AWOL the last few days but I was thinking we could go through the order for the new album today.”

“Oh yeah that would be good,” Yuuri agrees, and Victor can see him turning, sitting sideways on the piano stool as he looks at Phichit. Victor feels his stomach flip. Does this mean…?

Phichit hums in contemplation, opening the tablet and leaning on the piano. He scrolls a little, and Victor tries not to vibrate out of his skin out of anticipation. “I was thinking we’d start with _Alone isn’t lonely_ , then _Raised in rain_ . _How did I find you_ last? Or _Best part of me_?”

Victor has to bite the inside of his cheek so tightly, because he can’t believe it finally went through, that it’s finally done. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Yuuri has gone completely still, Phichit looking at him with eyebrows raised. 

“What did you say?” Yuuri asks, sounding breathless in disbelief. 

“Hm?” Phichit asks, and even Victor can tell it’s all a charade now. “If you want to do _How Did I Find You_ or _Best Part of Me_ last on the album?”

“Phichit,” Yuuri says, and Victor looks over fully then to see his boyfriends wide eyed stare, his trembling hands. “Don’t toy with me.”

Phichit lets out a breath, and his gaze turns sweet rather than teasing. “I am not,” he promises, sliding the tablet closer to Yuuri who takes it. “Here’s all the rights to it, signed to DRAGON records. I received it late last night.” 

“What?” Yuuri asks, and Victor can see his eyes trail over the screen, breath shallow. He looks up, hands trembling even more now. “How?”

“Why don’t you ask Victor,” Phichit says, and Yuuri’s eyes shift from Phichit to Victor in an instant. Victor’s not sure what to say, and for a moment they simply look at each other. 

“What did you do?” Yuuri asks, still soundling in disbelief. “I- How?”

“Oh, you know, those petty label owners at MLG didn’t realize that if they sold the song to someone, the buyer could sell it to whoever they wanted,” Victor explains. It had been easy to transfer the money to his friend at another label, and for them to sign it over to DRAGON records as soon as they had it all finalized. It had cost a hefty sum, with how popular Yuuri had become after the show, but it was worth every cent. Yuuri stares for a moment longer, and then he rushes off the stool, crawling into Victor’s lap. Victor grabs him tightly as he buries his face in Victor’s neck. Sobs wreck through him, and Victor holds on tight, letting it all crash over him as Victor and Phichit share a long look, before Phichit nods with a smile. Victor knows how much this has torn on Yuuri, how much he has ached and longed for his song, and now it’s truly his again. Yuuri pushes back, and even though his eyes are red and tears are still streaming down his face he looks so happy. Victor plucks his smudged glasses off his nose, and Yuuri grabs his cheeks, looking straight into his eyes. 

“I love you,” Yuuri laughs, wet and joyous. “You’re so silly, I love you so much.” He presses his lips to Victor’s lips, his cheeks his nose and forehead and then his lips again, his breath shaky. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

“Anything for you,” Victor answers, and it’s true. Yuuri’s given him much more than he could ever have dreamt of it being possible to have. He’s given him back his inspiration, he’s given him a home, a place to be himself, and he gives him more love then he ever thought someone would give him. He wants forever here. There really aren’t any alternatives. 

_Soon._ He thinks, wiping the tears from Yuuri’s cheeks, even if they still spill from his eyes. _Soon I’ll ask him._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this story:   
> [iruutciv](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/616436070900432896/so-much-better-a-victuuri-musicreality-tv-show)  
> [Cookie](https://littledancer8-writes.tumblr.com/image/614034394635763712)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, kudos and commented on this. It's always bittersweet to leave a story. I love giving them a happy ending but I hate to let them go. This story lived in my mind for a long time before I sat down to write it, mapping out who was going to be in the show, which songs, plot lines and ships. The final scene in chapter five (Victor's day) was truly the driving force in this story, and it was something I thought of often when I wanted to get back into this verse.  
> I'm so happy that so many has enjoyed this, and I just want to send you all so many hugs and good vibes. I hope you are all well out there. 
> 
> Next to update from me will be the next part of regency week, and if that's something you enjoy I hope you check it out. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


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